surrendering to gravity | ...

[Ivan]

Ivan never felt truly comfortable here. It was not because he hated the swamp, or the houses, or the people who lived here. He just was not comfortable here. From his first breath, the schism opened and the war for his heart began. Back then, it had been more playful and it seemed harmless. But nearing his sixth month, Ivan thought he would surely lose his mind. He was a cat, and longed to be human.

He was very quiet after his incident at the lake and his stomach constantly growled though he felt no urge to eat. Ivan shoved his face into the ground and tried to love it, to love the earth, and to love himself. It was becoming quite hopeless, until he had a certain revelation. A revelation in two parts! There was someone who understood him. Someone who understood he didn’t belong here.

There was no body to be found. Every track ended in stumps. It was a little known fact that he had been suffering from a neurological illness, but obscurity clouds all judgment. There was, however, a book. That was a fact. Apparently it had been sitting out for a while. Not a little one, that would be quite the understatement. It was The Brothers Karamazov, his namesake. Ivan had once put his paws over it and shifted through the pages. He had only read bits and pieces.

A curious piece of paper stuck out at an odd angle from the pages. It was a note, carefully crafted. It must have been a final draft of something he had been painstakingly working on for a while. It read:

There are things beyond my mind that I cannot comprehend
I may never find out what they are and I may never know peace
I’m trapped in something that just isn’t capable of holding such a truth
If there is a God, I should like to meet him
I shall sit down and ask why his kingdom is built on the tears of innocents
It’s a mystery I cannot comprehend, but that is just the point
I read that faith the size of a mustard seed can command a mountain to move
As of writing this, I have not decided to try to move the mountain or not
You may know my choice, if you are reading this

Then, small and nearly unreadable …

And goodbye to you, Ivan Fyodorovich
Perhaps I got the better stick in life

Cryptic as it was, as it should be, written by the left paw of a sad young boy. Ivan never wrote a single sentence of prose in his life until now. Writing was difficult. But maybe this short thing would express the amount of confusion and torments his mind went through in his short feline life, and then, maybe some sort of conciliation. He thought he would be recognized as something great. Ivan dreamed of the day when he could break past the surface. It never came. At least, not here. He was not sure why. Was it some shortening due to himself? Was it the society that raised him?

Yes, Ivan had cried a little. When? It did not matter. There were people dear to him. Most of them were gone or dead. A young boy’s heart — no, any sort of heart can only take so much. But there were a few special ones still left.

This world will go on without him. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe it even gives him peace of mind. Ivan didn’t have much left, after all. He’d be strong for Bloodhound. He hopes they know. If he has an immortal soul, he'll remember Asvini, and his family.

Unlike his book character, he loved the figure of a father.

[BLOODHOUND.]

They had not seen Ivan around for a few days now, and it worried them. The little one was clearly suffering, and they couldn't begin to verbalize how much they understood, how they wanted to help and support him. They find themself in front of a home that smelled of him, scratching at the door.

They recieve no response, so they push in anyways, calling out. "Ivan? Are you well?" They know he isn't .They know that they aren't, either, but perhaps they could share in that misery.

What they find is an empty house. They wonder, if he has found a nice warm spot to lay, if he was called away by one of the remaining members. The population within Tanglewood had seemed to only dwindle more, as the days and weeks stretched on. Had they lost hope? Was the loss of Leroy too great? Were their souls too full of grief to remain?

It felt so. They could feel it themself, settling deep in their bones. The collie's death had rattled them. The loss of Caustic and Octane had ached, familiarity gone. Selby and Alaric, Leroy, and then Snarl, and sure, Aurum had returned, but. It was not enough to stave off the loss.

They feared Ivan was next.

And they felt that fear, as they wandered the empty home, the faint scent of Selby, long gone. Of Ivan, recent but... not recent enough to settle the dread in the wolf's belly. And then- they find a book, a piece of paper sticking out of it. There was a slight layer of dust on the cover, and they carefully nudge it open, with a paw. Within, they find a note. Their eyes fall over it, skimming first. It must be important to the little one, for it to be out like this. They consider putting it back, averting their gaze and stepping out to resume their search, but they decide, ultimately, to read it in full.

Every line seemed mournful, confused. Aching. And it pulled at Bloodhound's heart until they found themself unravelling, trembling as they couldn't tear their eyes from it, reading every line until... it was done, and over. And they don't know what to do, or how to feel, numb and yet full of pain all at once. They carefully close the book, shaking their head, discarding their mask and desperately trying to catch his scent.

They chase after every lead, they cry out for him, from swamp to forest to junkyard, to farm, and crater, all over town and through the graveyard, their voice breaking as they find dead ends upon dead ends. No matter where they look, or what scent they follow, they cannot find Ivan. And it breaks them, with every lost trail they feel their heart break just a little more.

And they can feel the panic rising, the sobs rattling their chest, hot tears over their cheeks as their paws finally bring them back to that shore, where the fresh water meets the ocean. Where they had snatched that boy and pulled him to safety, where they had met again recently, in mourning.

And they sob. They can feel their legs give out beneath them, and they allow themself a moment, to curl up on the rocks and sand, their chest heaving.

Bloodhound is still there, when the tide comes in, feeling the cold water over their legs. Mourning. Aching. And very, very alone.

THE TRUE TEST IS BEFORE THE ALLFATHER.

[VIGENERE CIPHER.]

[glow=white,1,400]EVERY FEELING IN MY BONES TELLS ME TO LASH OUT AND TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Was Vigenere comfortable here? If you asked him, he'd probably give a small laugh and say that he was, even if that answer didn't seem entirely right. He was content here, at least, and he was happy to be here and to lead the clan that allowed him to join. But was he comfortable? Truthfully, Vigenere could not answer that - there was a different in being happy where you were than being comfortable in where you where. He could probably relate to Ivan's struggles if the kid talked to him; but at the same time, Vigenere knew how hard it was to talk to people about your problems... Especially if they were supposed to be an authority figure.

A lot of the well-known members had left Tanglewood and it was rather concerning, to say the least. The mere fact of this caused a pit to form in the savannah's stomach, and he almost felt it was as if they were against him. Of course, he wouldn't hold any grudges against them - he couldn't find the strength to do so, not to mention there really wasn't a reason to hate them for leaving - but it was still stressful and alarming to know that respected members of Tanglewood are gone.

Was it bad that Vigenere hadn't initially noticed that Ivan was gone? Perhaps, but maybe not when one considered that he had a lot on his mind and a lot to take care of, especially with no other high position to help at the moment. Although Bloodhound and Aurum certainly helped out with everything, and he was grateful for their help. Hell, that was actually the reason Vigenere was looking for Ivan - he wanted to offer the kid the chance to rise up in the ranks. But just as he started to look for Ivan, it seemed like Bloodhound was doing so already. Vigenere felt satisfaction in this fact and decided to let the wolf do the investigating, while he had other matters to attend to - that is, preparing for the next meeting.

But when Bloodhound never came back with the young feline, Vigenere was starting to worry. After asking around if NPCs knew where the arctic wolf had run off to, the savannah made his way towards the bay. Bloodhound lay on the ground, water starting to lap around them. Vigenere picked up the pace, afraid something had happened to his companion, preparing himself mentally in case this was meant to be some sort of surprise attack - or if a murderer was still lurking on the scene, looking for a chase to get another victim. But as Vigenere drew closer, his worries settled slightly as he heard Bloodhound's sobs - they were alive.

"Bloodhound?" Vigenere called to them, frowning. He carefully made his way towards Bloodhound, concern on his features. "Are you alright? Were you able to find Ivan?"[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[wormwood.]

It seemed that, unfortunately for all those involved, that the Roux family was destined to tell a story that ended entirely in tragedy. At least, the Roux family that resided within Tanglewood, anyways. At first, it had seemed as though everything was alright. That everything was going to be great, in fact. Moth and Selby had gotten together, and Aurum couldn't have been more happy for them. Sure, he had been somewhat worried about Selby somehow hurting his sister, but overall, she had been happy, and that was all that ultimately mattered to the angel. He just wanted his sister to be happy, and safe. For a while, it had seemed as though nothing could stop the happiness from growing with Tanglewood, especially concerning Moth and Selby's little family. Moth was pregnant, kits were on the way, and then they had been born healthy, even after the hardships Moth had faced from the Pitt. Sure, Alice had some issues, but at least she was alive. At least they were together. For a brief time, everything had been well. Aurum had nieces and nephews to dote on, and a sister he could always visit, and a group he loved more than anything. Then... the tremors had happened. The meteor had struck the Typhoon, and the very foundation of the earth had been shaken. Lives had been snatched away, and Moth's children, lover, and brother had lost one of the people they cared about the most. The family had split. Fights had happened. Darkness had settled not only over the entirety of the family, but the entirety of Tanglewood as well.

The angel could not claim to have known Ivan well. Of course he had known of the boy, and he had cared for him, just as he cared for all of his nieces and nephews. Hell, he had even taken an interest in their shared appreciation for literature, even if Ivan had preferences he felt he could never truly understand. However, to know Ivan, on a level more than just skin deep? It was never something that Aurum had managed to accomplish. Not when he had been running from his own problems, and hiding away from his grief. Now he found that he wished, desperately, that he had taken the time to seek his nephew out, as Bloodhound had. He knew it was good that Ivan had someone like Bloodhound to turn to in times of need, but the lion couldn't help that wish he could've had such a good relationship with his nephew. However, he also knew that would've taken time that they had never had, and considering his strained relationship with his own children as of late, it probably would've been more than a little difficult to cultivate such a connection.

Despite this, Aurum had definitely taken notice of his absence. Taken notice of the fact that Ivan's scent no longer lingered around camp, and he no longer heard his nephew's voice making some snide – but also vaguely humorous – comment in response to something that was going on. The absence had made a sense of dread settle in his heart for days now, and he had even made some attempts to seek out Ivan himself, but they had all come up unfortunately blank. He had figured it wouldn't be long before Bloodhound would try and find the young feline, and honestly he was grateful for it. After all, who better to find young Ivan than a canine who seemed to be an expert tracker? It seemed as though things had finally proceeded as he expected... except with one fatal flaw. The lion could feel his heart sinking down, down, down as he approached the shore, the sound of Bloodhound's sobs carrying on the wind. Coming to a stop beside Vigenere, the lion hesitated for a long moment before he spoke, his voice quiet, and strained, "Bloodhound? Ivan, he's...." He clenched his jaw for a moment, his entire body seeming to rattle as he sucked in a pained breath before continuing, "...He's gone, isn't he? You couldn't find him." Another family member, gone. Another face, lost to the winds of time. Aurum's legs felt weak, and his heart grew heavier.

[glow=black,2,300]— ✘ —[/glow]

[DELILAH.]

DELILAH EVERGARDEN

"The Gods have forsaken us."

Family was a complicated thing. To suffer at the loss of a parental figure, one long gone or one long forgotten. Never forgiven. Delilah could relate, her parents abandoned her the moment they found out she wouldn't be like her siblings. She wouldn't be perfect.

The sound of panic and soft sympathy caught the dragoness' attention, the woman walking to catch up with the gathering crowd. To stay afloat, to not panic. Questions. So many questions went unanswered.

"What's going on? Are you alright, Bloodhound?"

Cluelessness. Delilah made a momentary glance to Aurum before her tail gently nudged his side in an attempt at comfort- was it comfort? She didn't know.

And then it clicked.

"Ivan.."

He wasn't here.

tags - penned by [member=1260]ryuu-tan[/member]

template by orion

[BLOODHOUND.]

They feel frozen in place, anchored to this location, to the memory of dark fur bobbing over the waves, trying to stay afloat. Tied to a force of will greater than their own, bound to lay here and simply mourn. It was foolish, all of it was, to pin hope upon a suffering child, to expect something more than loss.

To lay there like a corpse, found only by those who remained.

It is Vigenere that they hear first, startled to know that they can determine his footsteps at this point, that something in this swamp would remain familiar. And even as comfort feels distant now, as every bleak feeling of helplessness weighs them down, they turn to face him, his voice breaking the silence, punctuated by them desperately trying to catch their breath and wipe away tears. Not for him, of course, not that they were afraid of being caught like this, but because they knew at some point, they would have to wipe them off anyways.

"No." They have to force themself to speak, their voice raw. "He left a note. I do not know where he was heading. I do not think he was meant to be found."

Their abilities had failed them before. It wasn't devastating, it was easy to lose track of someone. But this... here and now, after reaching out to the boy, after being left behind, the death of their crow.... everything had all crashed down on them, the more the searched, the harder they pushed their body, even as their lungs screamed and they followed the same scent paths over and over until their own overpowered Ivan's. How strange and weaving and aborted his trails were, they felt they were going insane.

Perhaps, that was how Ivan had felt, too.

Aurum approaches soon after, large paws sinking into the gravel and sand. He speaks, and the sound of his voice matched the endless waves that washed over their legs, matched the bleeding red sunset that burned their eyes. Their eyes land on him, large and soft and full of tears, and all they can do is shake their head.

And deep in their heart, they know they would not ever find him.

Another approaches, Delilah. Bloodhound remembers her from that day. How she had watched them pull the little one from the waves. Her presence in the recent meeting. They do not know her. And as it happens, they do not need to speak, for her to put the pieces together.

They lay there in silence for some time, before deciding to stand on aching legs, overworked and tired. Slowly, they compose themself, shaking off the sand and grit and water. There were many trials one must face throughout their journey to valhalla's end. This was one of theirs.

They would be strong, as Ivan was.

"I am touched, that you came searching." They say to those that have gathered.

At it's core, Tanglewood was a force of kindness, they were sure.

THE TRUE TEST IS BEFORE THE ALLFATHER.

[VIGENERE CIPHER.]

[glow=white,1,400]EVERY FEELING IN MY BONES TELLS ME TO LASH OUT AND TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

It seems like Vigenere wasn't the only one searching for Bloodhound and Ivan; Aurum and Delilah came soon after him, and one of the General's ears swivel back to show he heard them approaching, but his concern was mostly on Bloodhound at the moment. Bloodhound revealed they had found a note and weren't sure were Ivan had gone; worry flared up in Vigenere's chest but if Bloodhound of all people couldn't find Ivan, would anyone else be able to?

"Of course we came for you," Vigenere responded, stepping back as Bloodhound got up and shook themselves to get the water and dirt out of their fur. "Tanglewood is one unit, we are family. When one of us goes missing, we will try out hardest to find them." And that was a promise. "We're all here for one another." Or at least, Vigenere knew he was. He always would be, that's for sure. "And I promise you we will continue to search for Ivan in any way possible." Would he have just left like that? Ivan was a kid, after all; maybe he thought it was better to sneak off than face judgement for leaving.[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]