A LEAF ON THE WIND ☆ o, grief

[RHINESTONE.]

LEADER ❝ RHINE ❞ PALMCLAN

Rhinestone was tired. He was tired, and he was sick, and he was angry, and he was grieving. He had been holding back on mourning Medusa for a little while now, as if shoving his emotions down would somehow dull the pain, but he could tell that it wasn't working. Every day that passed just made him feel worse, as if his feelings were somehow draining the energy from his body, weakening it and making the sickness grip him faster. He had become used to worried glances being thrown his way, and he had even heard whispers amongst the gossips of the group, wondering if he would perhaps lose his first life. It was an awful thing to gossip about, but he couldn't say that he was terribly surprised. Everyone was eager to latch onto something especially given their recent situation with the storm and the unexpectedly harsh winter. Tanglewood's prey had helped somewhat, but it couldn't melt all of the snow, nor could it cure all the illness, or fight back the general unease following Medusa's death.

However, the talk of his first possible death did get him thinking. Thinking about Starclan, and whether they were still even watching over Palmclan in any capacity. These thoughts had eventually led to the leader leaving the nest of furs within his den, and making the long trek towards Connection Cave. Even with the cold wins and the illness weighing heavily on him, he didn't give up, eventually making it to the large cavern, along with the glittering structure of stone that rested inside. He hesitated for a moment, just staring up at the Starshell, before he pressed forward, his nose pressed up against the smooth surface of it. He closed his eyes, muttering desperately into the air, "Please, Starclan... please, tell me that Medusa is up there with you, somewhere. Please tell me that you haven't just forsaken us..." Of course, the tom was soon left with nothing but empty air. No feeling of the spirits around him, no voices in his head, no visions suddenly gripping him. Nothing but a cold, empty cave, and the feeling of his face pressed up against an uncaring rock.

It took a minute before Rhinestone pulled back, staring up at the Starshell with pale eyes glimmering with unshed tears. After a moment if merely staring, the ruddy feline felt rage beginning to bubble in his chest, an angered scream ripping from his lungs as he charged forward. He slammed into the Starshell, front limbs coming up, claws out, to drag down against the stone, producing scratches and unpleasant screeching sounds. He continued to shout, finally venting his frustrations into the air as tears rolled down his face, "FUCK! Fuck you, Starclan! Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you say anything? Tell me if she's up there! Tell me if we're gonna be okay! Why have you just left?" Gradually, his rage began to fade away, tears still flowing freely as he slumped down against the floor of the cave. He stared uselessly up at the Starshell, voice growing small as he pondered aloud, "Why'd you have to take her? Am I really such a bad leader...? You... you should've taken me."

NEVER OPENED MYSELF THIS WAY
LIFE IS OURS, WE LIVE IT OUR WAY

— Reggan