A THOUSAND MILES AWAY | Lessa

[lessa]

✯ — The marten drifted in the depths of unconsciousness, drifting in-between darkness and restless dreams.  She had thought they wanted her to walk but they carried her.  Perhaps later she'd be irked at her useless body.  Instead she floated.  It'd been moons since she slept properly.  Truth be told she had avoided it.  Had been for some time.  Before, there were others to fight her, insist on trying to rest, though she rarely heeded their words.  Before... But that had been some time ago now.

Now the marten was frail, all skin and bones with only a fading determination - and an obnoxious hawk - to push her onward.  More than once she considered stopping.  Sometimes it seemed more reasonable but she had made her choice.  Lessa had never been the kind to back down when her mind was made.  Even so, the world seemed firmly against her.  By the time she had collapsed, she had wondered, once more, if she was getting anywhere.  That little inkling of hope, telling her maybe, just maybe she could find them if she went out there, had pulled her away from everyone else.  Friends.  Family.

It was friends and family she sought, though at this point it seemed all for nothing.  There was not a sign anywhere.

There was only one she could truly follow, letting the invisible thread tug her along.  If she could just catch up... She'd find him. 

But not the others.  Perhaps never the others.  Whose fault is that?  Maybe if she had done more... Never stopped searching, asking, looking for any clues.  No.  She had waited... Until the cycle repeated, over and over again.  Truly... She was just tired.  It was her heart that refused to give up above all else, while her mind and body faltered and argued.  She had given too much of that heart to too many who left.  She'd broken it time and time again when she just could not save them.

Smile for me. Smile.  Why had she told them to smile when she could not even manage that anymore? The marten still remembered Anakin himself - Vader then - telling her to keep smiling.  It was not worth it anymore.  Not like anyone here cared about whether or not she smiled.  It'd never been for her in the first place, always for them.  Because maybe, if she kept smiling, they'd smile too.  Then she could save them too.

Or maybe she really was stupid and naïve.  No matter what I do, something always happens.  It wouldn't be any different here... She should leave... Where's here again? As Lessa drifted away from the clutches of sleep, her brows sharply creased.  Her eyes, still heavy, remained closed.  Maybe she shouldn't even bother getting up.  The familiar smell of herbs sent a sharp pang through her heart.  Maybe they have enough poppy...

"..." Something hurt.  Something not like the rest of her body's aches.  The sore muscles, and hunger-pained stomach.  She grit her teeth, then her eyes snapped open as the pieces in her mind clicked.

"..."

"Shine… Y-you nerf!" Her dry voice cracked, unused to yelling.  No, those were not tears in her eye, she was angry.  She was... Furious… Bitter... Bruised... And some part of her relieved, that was outweighed by the fact he said a week.  It was more than a week.  It was weeks, turning into moons... Turning into a season.

She ignored anything wet trailing down her cheeks, even through the flowers that had overtaken the left half, her metal paws wobbling dangerously as she rose up.  There was not a lot of thought involved when she moved, only to express all of her feelings outwardly, aiming to practically headbutt him in the shoulder. It'd do neither of them any good; Lessa was already dizzy, but maybe it'd throw his claws off, and of course, get her message across as well.  Sort of.  Well, not in a decent way.  Not in a Lessa way.

Of course, the marten would stumble, chest heaving with the outburst, her good eye blurry.  "Wh-what's... A-a week to you... Shine?" He'd done it before.  It hadn't been willing, he'd told her that himself after the fact, but she remembered the rain of that day.  Remembered the pain and confusion.  "… W-why does ev-everyone leave me?" Her voice hitched.  Everyone.  "… Why?" Why couldn't he have been the one to stay? He told he he'd stay with her, hadn't he?  They had promised each other.  Of course, that was Christmas... Did he change his mind? Or didn't he know...?  "D-didn't you know... I woul-would've come... With you?"

She'd go to hell and back.  She still would.  She always would.  Even if her heart was broken.  Even if she pushed herself to her very limits.  She couldn't let go of the one who promised.  The one she loved as much as the stars themselves.  He had to know that.  "I-I'd go anywhere... Why?"

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