pure motives // storage

[raiden]

[align=center][div style="width: 45%; border-top: 0px; border-left: 2px dashed; border-right: 0px; border-bottom: 0px; font-family: arial; line-height:95%; font-size: 9pt; text-align: justify;letter-spacing:-0.5px;padding:5px;"]Cav desperately not wanted to be alone. He enjoyed solitude, but even he grew lonely after a while. He yearned for interaction with another that doesn't spark conflict. He merely wanted to speak. About what you may ask? Anything. He wanted to know how their day went. Did they sleep well the previous night? Did they have any dreams? Are they eating properly and taking care of themselves? He wanted to speak on equal terms and talk until their lids grew heavy. The setting sun or the rising moon had no say in when their conversation would end. Cav and this individual would share their thoughts on various matters and get into heated arguments only to forgive and forget later; their affections for one another too strong of a force to keep them separated. He would be grateful and respect any insight they were to give him and they would feel the same for him. Their dynamic would be built on trust and support with good communication and kindness. It all sounded like a dream, meeting someone so precious. A frightening, but welcoming dream. Of course, the lynx would have to met an individual like this first then ultimately keep them at a distance.

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He longed for a relationship like the one previously described, but he knew he wasn't worth it. Why would he be? An individual who is kind and caring would be wasted on someone like Cav. He's a monster. He grew up covered in the blood of innocent people. The feeling of bones snapping in his mouth and under his paws were lullabies to his clouded mind. Pleas and screams were grand symphonies playing in the background of every conquest. He found his footing in dominating others; he only knew how to take control. He'd laugh as disheveled creatures crawled away from his looming form in attempt to flee. He found amusement only in battle. He didn't deserve anyone's affection. It was only recently did he realize everything he's been taught, everything he's done was wrong. Only recently did he realize how sick he really is. Only recently did he realize how hazy his view on the world is. Eat or be eaten, he was taught. Every man for themselves, they shouted. They will bow at our feet, they chanted. I will be the sword and shield. They will tremble before my might, he thought to himself, a small smile parting his lips as he gazed over the tattered and torn, newly claimed land. The thought of what he has done, what he has become make him sick to his stomach. Everything that his family- no. He no loner wished to call them his family. His tribe, his mother and father... Uncle and siblings too- they're no longer important. Their relevance to him faded along with the life from their eyes. Their perverted, distorted teachings will die with them. Locking it away in his heart, Cav decided to try and start over. He has no intentions of forgetting what he's done nor does he wish for forgiveness. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. Being forgiven doesn't right the wrongs- it doesn't bring those who died back to life. He didn't deserve anything.

He didn't deserve to be alive.

The teachings of his tribe still lived on within him rendering him unable to bond with others. He was fearful of treating them horribly as he was taught to. As long as he roamed, his tribe still remains.

As much as the thought hurt him, Cav knew he needed to prove them wrong. That their teaching may make his life harder, but it isn't going to dictate what he does and doesn't do. He will never be free, he knew that much. But he needed to start somewhere.

His cloudy vision and distracted thoughts rendered him vulnerable to attackers. They'd manage to get the first hit, but they better aim well. The first strike would need to immobilize, knock him unconscious or kill him because once he snaps out of his trance, he's not going to be happy. Cav could have walked another couple hours with Argus following close behind and not realize her presence. It was only when she spoke did he jump to the side - an immediate response. Lips drawn back in a snarl and claws extended, Cav's pointed ears flattened against his skull as he lowered himself to the ground as he prepared to fight. Was he in any shape to fight? Physically, yes. Mentally, no. Dark red orbs blinked a few times in attempt to clear his vision as well as a shake of his head. Once his attention returned to the ghostly figure, he watched as she stepped into better light. A white winged wolf with red eyes and a hole in her chest. Odd. She didn't appear to be hostile nor did she sound malicious as he recollected her first words. It was clear he had overreacted but it wasn't like he could help it. He was taught everyone was an enemy. Everyone wanted him dead. Now he was busy thinking about his life up until now. He hadn't taken into consideration speaking with another this soon.

Forcing himself to relax, Cav stood upright once more though kept his claws unsheathed. He didn't know who this individual is and because of that, he was weary. Hostile or not. As she continued, the bulky feline hesitated for a moment, growing stiff before narrowing his eyes. Was he that easy to read? No, he did have a defeated expression and was aimlessly wandering about. The next question was, who is she? He remained silent for a moment, wondering how he should respond. Wondering if he should respond. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." He replied with an edge to his voice, not enjoying how a total stranger seemed to pinpoint how he was feeling.