and yet i learn nothing⚘ arlo

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

The nights weren't easy, no, they were hell. He didn't want to sleep, not with all of the voices in his head driving him mad. Gaze upon sun bleeding into the sky like a morbid painting as it fell into the cradle of the earth, his ears would flatten as he took a deep breath to prepare himself for the voices. He couldn't see them - he didn't need to - he knew they were there, souls and spirits alike moaning and groaning about him, cursing him for their misfortune. They had come to the grim when he had first awoken so many years ago here within the Beyond - and he'd hated it since. At one time he'd been able to ignore the voices and feelings but as soon as he'd joined with others, they came in droves and packs to torment him.

He wasn't their killer, but he couldn't guide them either. He was without his reaper - he could only herd them and that made them angrier. Paws slipping over his ears, the tom would level his weight on his hindlegs as he grit his teeth, the darkness bringing with it the madness that filled his head like a buzzing sound that wouldn't end. It was then that he caught a familiar scent, his ears twitching under his paws as he mindlessly followed the scent of alcohol. He didn't know how much time had passed but the pounding buzzing had faded and he was left with a hollow chest, drunk on liquor he knew would sicken him in the morning.

He had little care for the consequences, he just wanted a restful night's sleep. Padding back towards camp under the beautiful skies of night and star, he would catch sight of meteorites falling, a longing within his chest to be so free. If only ... if only he could be free from this, from the mindless day-to-day existence of struggling to find himself and a purpose here. He was supposed to serve a master, a higher being, it had been his purpose for so long, he hadn't heard an order in years. He missed what he shouldn't but it had been his life, he didn't know what to do without that drive, the best he could do was try to provide for the group he stayed with.

He often wondered - did they care about him? Would they notice if he packed up and left? He was a new face - they couldn't miss him much, right? What if he went out searching for materials and never returned, would anybody worry over him or his safety? Gaze falling to his paws, he felt the sudden drops of his tears, a garbled and confusing sound ripping from his throat though it cost him so much pain. Throwing his head back to cry his pain to the stars, the loneliness so overwhelming, blood orchids and daffodils bursting into full bloom upon his shoulders, small pink camelia blossoms joining the floral display as he screamed his pain to the cold burning balls of gas so far away.

blood orchid - overwhelming loneliness
daffodils - why/questioning
pink camelia - i miss you(could be for anything, its sort of everything for him atm)

space

✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[ARLO M.]

[align=center]

ARLO MAXIMUS

[div style="max-width: 600px; height: 24px; background: #b0a089; padding: 5px; line-height: 15px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; color: #943c3d;"][align=center] — [b]DRACONIC FELINE - GOLDEN EYE - VANGUARD - TAGS —

Screaming.

It wasn't blood curdling, it wasn't something sharp and pitch corrected. No, it was wavering, tearing through the air like a jagged bow knife. It caused his eyes to slowly crack open, no leap to his paws, no out of his den in a flash. Slowly, he picked his head up. The darkness didn't bother him, no, peering across the cavern. There it was again, but it caused the hairs on his back to stand up for a different reason. Arlo's paws pressed into the stone, cold beneath him, before he rose, lumbering out of the cave.

Slowly, the male beat his wings, before jumping up and tearing off into the sky. It was brutally cold, causing a breath to tear from his lungs, eyes opening straight open. The nights weren't easy. He remembered their cries, the way the flames rolled and struggled, lashing out at the oxygen filled air. The way his wing had tugged the boy close, whispered into his ear. But it wasn't long before he was wrenching his mind away from those thoughts. They didn't belong here. This was a new start.

His eyes searched for the source of the cries, and he wasn't surprised to know it was Aesior- but he was surprised to see what he dragged near him, smell what he did in the air. Arlo flew over, landing, his wings settling against his side. Arlo blinked, genuine in his expression as he slowly approached, his words soft and cautious- he didn't want to step on anyone's toes. "Aesior? Are you alright? It's the middle of the night.." His paw was outstretched, inches away from Aesior's pelt.

"speech"

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

He would come to feel some sort of guilt in later hours for the screaming, the noises he couldn't perfect or pronounce, his severely damaged voice box already causing him so much pain. Perhaps if his head was more clear, he'd feel bad for awakening Arlo and any others who might be near to the vanguard. He could care less what time it was, he just wanted a little bit of silence in his head and the screaming worked in some small way, as if it shocked them that he could make a sound.

Sob wrenching from his throat as his voice shattered and ripped itself further apart, dimly aware of vines wrapping themselves up his forelegs, his tears splashing to the ground below. He felt so hollow and so scared. What was he doing? What was his purpose? He was scared that he was losing himself, that he was lost in some dim passageway of trying to understand himself. The alcohol didn't feel like it was working but he'd drained the bottle nearly to the last drop, a decision he would regret later he was sure.

The presence of Arlo was a surprise to him, he hadn't heard him, though the tear-filled gaze that found the red eyes of the vanguard was without shame or fear. A raspy breath leaving him, sniffling as he tried to quiet his sobs. He felt bad that it was nighttime, but the pain was not something he could deal with, not right now at the very least. He couldn't feel or see the paw but the other was close and the momentary silence of the voices in his head caused him to draw near to the other tom in a fashion of trying to bury his muzzle into his shoulder fur. Should he be unable, the gray tabby would merely shuffle closer to Arlo as he shivered and trembled, paws shaking too bad to pull out his notebook. He needed someone in that moment, someone to ground himself in the present with. The past was a pair of dark jaws waiting to swallow him and the loneliness and loss of physical touch with any was beginning to truly get to him. When had he become so touch-starved?

space

✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[ARLO M.]

[align=center]

ARLO MAXIMUS

[div style="max-width: 600px; height: 24px; background: #b0a089; padding: 5px; line-height: 15px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; color: #943c3d;"][align=center] — [b]DRACONIC FELINE - GOLDEN EYE - VANGUARD - TAGS —

The tears streaking down his face, the way he shuddered, the stink of alcohol- those tight vines on his legs. Arlo's eyes winced at his state. He couldn't help but feel pity for him. What did he go through to riddle him so badly? What was it that was tearing him apart from the inside out, causing him to scream his heart to the sky? Arlo's ears lowered gently, watching as the male looked towards him. He wasn't afraid of Arlo, but something in the way that he looked at him.. those sad, tilted eyes..

And then he was shuffling, Aes pressing his nose in against his shoulder. Arlo's breath might have caught, he couldn't remember. Almost instinctively, his wings shuffled, unfurling and widening, stretching for a long moment. His heart pounded, the voice in his head casually reminding him he was just a clanmate, he was just helping. Arlo exhaled softly, those warm wings stretching forward, wrapping around Aesior tightly, his own head turning and laying across the back of his neck.

"You.. When's the last time you ate or slept?" Arlo spoke quietly, his immediate concern making sure that the intoxicated feline wouldn't pass out on him, or get sick in the morning. Of course it was the physical health- there wasn't much he could do for the mental, considering that he couldn't speak. Arlo's eyes had closed, his words soft and uttered like a gentle warm rain. "We should get you inside."

"speech"

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

the comfort of the other's presence was a well-needed thing. he could collapse against him, the physical touch of another after so long enough to bring on more tears. eyes closing as he was allowed the touch, moving to close the distance and nestle his head against his shoulder. faint came the sobs, muffled by warm fur as wings wrapped around him and arlo's head found his shoulder. he wasn't crying from fear of him, no, if anything he was crying because it felt so good to be held. it didn't matter to him if the touch was meant as a clanmate, or anything more, he just needed it. he'd love to tell him of everything ripping him up inside, hells, he knew he would, but there was one small thing in the way of that. his voice.

giving a soft sound, one he didn't know if it would make it past his tattered voicebox, he attempted to nuzzle his head and face further against him, taking in the comfort provided. sniffing as he was asked questions, he would shake his head faintly, he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten or had a proper amount of sleep. perhaps it was the alcohol speaking for him, but he only wanted to remain here. inside... inside sounded good, if it was anywhere as close to as warm as arlo was. his own eyes falling closed, he could only calm the screaming inside of his chest, his breathing ragged and upset from his screaming, chest heaving as he allowed and welcomed the comfort. he didn't want to leave this place, not where he was so warm and close to another, even with the cold outside and around them. the warmth that arlo bore ... brought more comfort than it should, and he could feel the slow fear creeping over him. his heart was fluttering, calming from it's squeezing and racing, a feeling he hadn't felt in years, a feeling he felt afraid of. was he allowed to feel light? was he allowed to linger over this feeling again?

space

✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[ARLO M.]

[align=center]

ARLO MAXIMUS

[div style="max-width: 600px; height: 24px; background: #b0a089; padding: 5px; line-height: 15px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; color: #943c3d;"][align=center] — [b]DRACONIC FELINE - GOLDEN EYE - VANGUARD - TAGS —

His wings shuffled gently as Aesior fell into him even more, his red eyes squeezing shut for a moment. The scent of alcohol was thick in the air, his ears still gently ringing from the screaming. Was it really okay, like this? In the middle of the night, holding a clanmate? Arlo's eyes opened gently as Aesior shook his head. A soft sigh left his muzzle, and gently he tugged his head back. The embrace was nice, for sure, but there were more important things right now. Aesior's health.

Gently, he stepped back, his wing still around Aesior's side. He started to walk back towards the cavern silently, using his wing to support the other feline as needed. His brain was filled with fog. It felt like summer rain against windows, the sound of metal chinking as the rain dripped onto it from the gutter above. Leaves rustling after a mid-day rain, the sun peeking through and the smell of a cool breeze rushing past. Light and shadow working together to paint a picture, something that Arlo wished he could see more often.

That's what it felt like.

It wasn't long before their paws met rocky, flat ground, and soon wound their way up the wall of the cavern and into Arlo's den. This is where Arlo led them, past the vine curtain that he used for privacy, and into the small nook in the cavern's walls. It wasn't small in the sense it was cramped, but comfy. There was a small wooden desk with shelves, containing some possession's of Arlos. There was a bowl where he kept moss and another with dried fruits and meats.

Arlo led Aesior to the opposite side of the den from that desk, slowly tugging his wing away and giving him a small smile as he let Aesior go. "Go ahead and take a seat. I'll get you something."

"speech"

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

The other was a warmth he didn't know he'd needed, his warmth more than physical alone. It was like holding a ray of sunshine, feeling the sun on the hair, napping in a pool of sunlight. Arlo was that and more, things his mind couldn't accept in his drunken state. He followed this warmth, mindless until they moved and he was a quiet presence following the touch and presence of his sunlight.

He did not want to be without that strong wind, that press of fur against his and the comfort it brought with him. His stomach might growl and his throat might ache like nothing else, but he would be fine if he could just stay there with the sunlight. He didn't want to fall into the waiting darkness that crept closer every time that Arlo moved in a direction he had to scramble to keep up with.

Pushing into his den, he was met by the comforting scent of Arlo, his eyes slowly circuiting the room as the alcohol began to do its work even more. The slow tug of the wing caused a frantic sound to escape the gray tom, trying to lean into the wing with a frantic gasp, trembling as he stared at Arlo as if begging him not to step away even for a short time. Short were the seconds but to him they felt as if years, eyes locked onto the one who was his sunlight, a distressed and raspy mewl making its way past his voicebox without any words, though he sat still and shivered. His paws were kneading where he sat helplessly, gaze locked onto Arlo with desperation. He didn't want to be left even for a moment and Arlo was the sun in a terrifying night.

space

✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.