THAT BOY WENT STONE COLD CRAZY ☆ bottle

[wormwood.]

i was born, on the highway, in a train wreck

with a heart, that was beating, out of my chest

Death had taken a toll on everyone throughout Tanglewood, not only the death of their proxy, but also the deaths of many beloved ncps who had been casualties during the raid against the Pitt. All the remorse and mourning hung over the town like a dark cloud, and Aurum could feel its oppressive nature even when he was trying his best not to focus on it. And he had definitely been trying as hard as fucking possible to not focus on it, because he knew if he did, then he was going to finally just break down, and he couldn't afford to do that right now. So instead, he had dedicated himself to doing various tasks around the group, organizing patrols, checking the borders, redoing the markers, helping with battle training... pretty much anything you could think of, he had been doing it, just so that he wouldn't have to linger on what had happened in the library, or afterwards. Of course, because of all the work he had been doing, he hadn't been staying at his home very much anymore, only ever really returning when it got late, or when Roy needed him around. And whenever he was at his home, he was always tucked inside, either speaking to his son or doing some other activity that could keep his mind occupied. Because of this, the only time his attention had been focused on the outside of his home had been when he had been planting his garden, and even then, his attention had been on the flower patches out front, not on his actual porch. Which was why he had missed something tucked away to the left side of his porch, looking rather innocent: a glass bottle.

When Aurum emerged from his house for another day of frantic and busy activities, he found himself glancing to the side, startled when the morning sun reflected off the surface of the bottle. Slowly moving over, he was surprised to see that it was a bottle of scotch, and a familiar one at that, albeit more empty than the last time he had seen it. It was the bottle of scotch that he had given to Leroy when he had given gifts to everyone, with a rather plain label that said "drink me" on one side, and Leroy's name on the other. At the time it had been a reference to Alice in Wonderland, both a little joke about how Leroy couldn't actually read the tale, and also because the grumpy door knob in the story reminded the guardsman of the former proxy, being tired and vaguely irritated. It was pretty obvious that the bottle had been entirely drunk by the recipient in question, and then had been left on Aurum's porch. From the look of the dust and leaves surrounding it, it had been sitting there for a while, evidently since a few days before Leroy's death. The realization hit like a punch to the gut – Leroy had given him back his gift as a memory for after his death. It was pretty obvious Leroy hadn't known he was going to die several days later, but it still hit like a truck to think about.

Taking in a shaky breath of morning air, Aurum pulled the empty scotch bottle closer to himself, giving the label one last read before pressing his forehead against the cool glass. He swallowed thickly, determined not to cry – he had promised himself he wouldn't, after all of the times Leroy had scolded him over being too emotional about death. It was a pretty odd sight, the winged guardsman just sitting out on his deck, clinging to an empty bottle as if it was his only lifeline in the entire world, but he didn't particularly care. If this was all that he would have left to remember the canine now that he was gone, Aurum was going to fucking care about it, even something as odd and insignificant as a bottle. Perhaps Snarl was right when she had spoken about him – he was too soft, too emotional, too worried... but still, he highly preferred that to not being able to mourn for those that he – and everyone else – had lost.

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[spacexual]

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE IT [align=right]BUT YOU CAN'T KNOW WHY    —    tags 

Slowly but surely, the boy is recalling things. Far too grand for his young mind to entirely process on its own, he has acknowledged this, and has stopped trying to ignore it, along with keeping it all to himself to figure it out by himself. Neither methods were working thus far. And now, he has someone he trusts enough to hold onto some memories, some thoughts, some emotions, too. Just as he would talk through most things with his brother, let them try to understand it all together, rather than holding everything for themselves. It hurt less. And, if nothing else, it was not so lonely, not so scary. He had someone else that could at least try to listen, try to understand with him, help him work things out through his own means. And now, the flames that had licked at his fur remain subsided, static is quiet, voices have nothing to say. Besides in his dreams. Sleep was never as kind as consciousness. But, that was a reality he has long since gotten used to.

But maybe, one day, if he was lucky, he could learn to move past that, too.

For now, it is all confusing, and terrifying.
But, he'll figure it out. He isn't alone anymore.

To be a weapon is to be soulless, mindless, let go of any morals. He was meant to be such a way, but the doctor messed up. And now they've all experienced death, at least once. For some reason, however, he's been given the second chance. Perhaps it was because he died last. He held onto life the longest. Even in his last few moments, he clung to it. It was all he had. If he didn't, then everything Bo and him went through, Bo's sacrifice...it would have all been for nothing. It couldn't have been for nothing. Maybe that's why he was still alive, even if different, in another world, in a different body, within a strange new society. The experiment had been let out of his chains by something. Before, he'd no concepts of afterlives, Gods, and higher beings. No one did, really, as far as he had been taught. But, this universe seemed so full of it. Those ideas of greater powers. Maybe it was true. He still didn't really know, though. There were too many possibilities to know for sure, and, in the end, he is not so sure it is important. It never was before. All he can really know, is that he cannot waste this life anymore.

He only knows of many Tanglewood members. It has been a slow journey trying to settle in to this place he should learn to call home. There is too much to account for, too much to learn, to take the time to really go out and introduce himself. It is scary, too. What if they did not like him? What if he was not a good friend? What if they got hurt? He did not want to lose control. He did not want to hurt anyone. He never did. Because of this, he only knew of Leroy. He spoke to the canine once before, if he recalls correctly (which, to be fair, may not be the most reliable source), and it wasn't really a conversation, more of an offer of help. So, the death of him would hit him with mostly indifference. He is upset to hear someone die. It is not a good thing. But, it isn't something he's taken much time to think over, and his father has not brought it up so much around him either, so he'd not much reason to consider it. All he could say for certain was that it was sad, and that he was sorry to hear it happen, and the dog would be missed. Painfully plain.

He'd little idea that the death hurt his own father so much, but he did know that he so badly wanted the male to slow down. He worked too much, too hard. And, he has tried to voice this, at least a few times now. But, in the end, he could not control him. The tiger had not slept much the night before, and such a state has likely become quite clearly obvious towards his dad by now. There's not much that could be done about it. There was a much more safe feeling, being by the lion's side, but it could only go so far in the end. By the time he's noticed the male has stepped out, the boy could feel the morning cold bite at his body. He stretches out, looking around quietly with his orange eyes, as he does every morning, before taking into account that his father must have already headed out. He is not so sure he wishes to go out today. He has been trying, the past few days, but he needs a break, he thinks. He will, at the very least, go to their porch, and look to his surroundings, to the sky. He will do that always. The world is too beautiful to remain inside.

The boy has seemed to have caught his father, though, before he has headed out. To see his head pressed up against such an object, however, would cause the boy to freeze. He'd no idea of the sentimentality behind the bottle, but he did know of the effects...those awful reactions to it. He frowns shakily. He's certain his father has not drank any of it, just from the look of the thing, but seeing it still, he cannot help but feel an all too familiar fear settle in. "What...What's that?" he would almost whisper the question, trying to get a hold on himself. It was clear, Aurum was upset over something. He couldn't bring himself to move closer to it, though.

[wormwood.]

i was born, on the highway, in a train wreck

with a heart, that was beating, out of my chest

It isn't exactly entirely surprising that Roy didn't end up getting to know Leroy very well before the other had ended up meeting his unfortunate fate. After all, Roy had been missing for a while there as a result of the Pitt and their evil ways, and even if he had been in Tanglewood the whole time, he probably wouldn't have had many chances to get closer to Leroy anyways. After the former proxy had found out about his diagnosis, the canine had retreated from the rest of the group, first to his own hiding places, and then to the home of Crow and Selby. Aurum supposed he could understand now why the male had done this, considering what had happened at the scene of Leroy's death. It was pretty obvious that Crow and Leroy had been involved, and Aurum knew that he would want to spend as much time as possible with those that he loved before he left the mortal coil – even if he wasn't sure that he could leave it, given his angelic status. Still, Aurum had found himself wishing many a time that Leroy hadn't become such a shut-in during his last few weeks, just so that he and the others could perhaps make the proxy's last bit of time happy. Although, if he had just been spending his time with Crow in his last few days, then perhaps he already could've been as happy as happy could be. Perhaps they had ended up drinking the whiskey together, or perhaps Leroy had decided to drink it all on his own, just as one final "fuck it" before he shuffled off to go meet the grim reaper. Either way, the guardsman found himself wishing that Roy could've properly met the canine, if only because Aurum had ended up respecting him so much.

Aurum knew full well that as of late, Roy had begun to become worried about him and his habit of working himself to near death for others, usually as a method of combatting against his emotions. Truly, the angel knew that he ended up doing it anyways, and it wasn't like it was something that surprised him, but the thought of stopping scared him more than the realization of his habits had. After all, if he stopped, he would have to actually confront his feelings head on, and the thought was so horrifying that it was about enough to make his wings curl back down into his body. Still, it seemed as though despite his best efforts, he had still ended up getting caught in a moment of weakness and quiet contemplation, thanks to this damn bottle showing up on his porch. Part of him wanted to cuss Leroy out in the afterlife, perhaps give the male a damn good laugh wherever the hell he was now, but a larger part of him was just too grieving and exhausted to actually go through with it. The feeling made him just want to turn around and go back inside, and curl up in his bed to sleep the day away. Hell, he even knew that he probably wouldn't even face that much resistance from Roy. The boy would just probably come inside with him, curling up at his father's side and keeping him company as he finally slept off the hours upon hours he had thrown himself into the last few days. The strange relief of the mental image made a faint huff of air leave Aurum, followed by tears slowly rolling down his cheeks, gently staining the surface of the glass bottle.

Aurum almost didn't even realize that Roy had come out onto the porch with him, until he saw the small shadow beside his, darkening another portion of the wood. He was so lost in his emotions that he nearly didn't look up, but then he heard the tiger's concerned voice, and his head jerked up, a paw quickly moving to wipe away the thick tears that had graced his face. A soft laugh left the guardsman when he heard Roy's tone, recognizing it as one of caution and faint apprehension, more than likely because of the purpose of the bottle that his father was holding. The only reason Aurum was able to laugh about it was because Roy thinking he had perhaps drank it was possibly one of the things farthest from the truth at the moment. Still, he shook off his faint amusement after only a moment or so, pushing the bottle to one side and letting his gaze fall on the wood planks beneath him, trying to hide the sorrow in his one eye, "Ah, Roy... I didn't realize you were up..." Part of him wanted to dodge the question, and just attempt to get on with a somewhat normal morning where he could just get on with his day, but he knew that Roy was smarter than to just let him do that, and after a moment he was clearing his throat, "That... that is a bottle of whiskey... well, it was a bottle of whiskey. It's just a bottle now. I gave it to a friend of mine – Leroy – a couple of months ago... I guess he brought it back before he passed..." He wasn't sure how to explain the emotional significance that it held to him despite what it was, so he could only really hope that his shaky barely held together speech was enough to get his feelings across.

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[spacexual]

IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE IT [align=right]BUT YOU CAN'T KNOW WHY    —    tags 

His eyes trail towards the bottle, following it as it is shoved to the side, his ears twitching as his father speaks up once more. A slight sense of relief washes over him, seeing it simply out of the grasp and attention of anyone. But, he only feels his frown deepen. They all had their problems to work through, and his own were threatening to blow over. He couldn't let them though. He tenses his body, trying to shift his focus away from the object as much as possible. It wasn't supposed to be about him, and it wasn't even really supposed to be about the possession. It was about his father, and his father's reaction to it, and how it should be addressed. He should be able to open up, and be listened to, just as the boy could to work out his flames. This morning, he would need to push his own aside. He just needed to...needed to focus. No bad memories had a place here. There was no reason for them. No one, even if they wanted to, could get a drop from that bottle. It was just a bottle. It couldn't hurt them.

It was just a bottle.

But, no, still, it was hurting the lion. Perhaps not in the way one would think, but it has brought up feelings, brought up memories, that the male did not wish to experience. However, it couldn't hurt Roy. It couldn't hurt him. His fears need to be shoved aside. The tiger closes his eyes, wordlessly moving closer to his father, brushing against the male's side. His head presses into Aurum's shoulder, his eyes still closed. It is almost funny, as if the male needed to explain to his son the feeling of tremendous loss. It was the very thing that had brought them together. It was the very thing that brought him into existence at all. War. And more war. And death. So much death. And it never really went away. And it still didn't feel any better. It's too fresh.

At least, now, they aren't alone.

"Bet...Bet he was happy," the boy would slowly say, voice soft as it works through the words. "To get a gift, and thank you for it." He didn't like the idea of speaking for others. In fact, Roy would venture to say he hates it. However, it was clear by the actions that the...the present had been used and appreciated. Otherwise, it wouldn't be empty. Otherwise, it wouldn't be sitting here today. And, really, there is not so much one can say. Death was uncontrollable. And, when he had nothing to say to his brother, or his brother had nothing to say to him, they would simply feel it together. They would be at each other's sides. And, sometimes that is all they could do. And, sometimes that was all they needed to keep going.

So, he remains at his father's side, and he would feel it with him.

[wormwood.]

i was born, on the highway, in a train wreck

with a heart, that was beating, out of my chest

Aurum faintly noticed the way that Roy seemed to struggle against the impression that the bottle gave, certainly as a result of some old and unpleasant memory. Someday Aurum would have to speak at his son more at length about what his life from before had been like, beyond just what had brought him to his current state, and the fact that he had lost his beloved brother, but this was not that day. Aurum was far too distraught, and the angel was also fairly sure that Roy still hadn't worked through all of that yet, especially if the reaction to the empty bottle was anything to go by. Still, because of the adverse reaction that the boy exhibited, it only meant more when Roy pushed through it, moving closer to his father and pressing comfortingly into his shoulder. Aurum can still remember the state that Roy was in when the boy first returned from the Pitt, sobbing and on fire and struggling against his own warring emotions over loss and new revelations. He could only imagine that it was similar to how the guardsman felt now, only with less flames thanks to the very positive fact that Aurum had a bit more control over his powers. It was a bit sad to think about, the fact that father and son had bonded so much so fast over loss and specifically the loss of family, but it was also sort of comforting. After all, everyone eventually had to face loss in some way, and at least the two of them had each other to help them through it, no matter what happened. The thought made a soft chuff leave Aurum, even if it was slightly strained by the quiver in his voice, brought on by the lump that still remained lodged in his chest.

When Roy spoke, Aurum couldn't help the soft smile that came to his face, the lion's nose gently touching the top of his son's head as he relaxed, one of his wings drooping down over the boy. Even if Roy didn't like speaking for others, Aurum had a strong feeling that the other was right about the fact that Leroy had enjoyed his gift. Even if the whiskey had been drunk in a time of weakness, when Leroy had been coping with the news of his cancer – which Aurum didn't know for sure if it had been or not – it would've provided a welcome reprieve for the proxy, and even if that was all he could provide, Aurum was glad to have contributed that, at the very least. A soft sigh left the guardsman as he thought about it, mumbling to the younger male as he closed his eyes, taking several long breaths to begin breaking up the emotional mass that had crammed itself near his heart, tangled messily around his ribcage, "I'm sure that you're right, Roy... and I'm... im glad. That I have something to remember him by, even if it's something like this. It's nice to know that he wanted to say thank you and goodbye, before he went..." He then fell silent once again, just enjoying the company of his son and relishing in remembering Leroy and the life the other had lived. Truly, Aurum had been pushing himself so hard recently in order to not have to think about Leroy or process his emotions, but with Roy by his side...? The thought of processing what he was feeling didn't seem like such a daunting task anymore. He didn't know of much about the relationship that Roy and his brother had in the past yet, besides the fact that they had obviously cared about and loved each other as family, but if he had known that this is what the two of them had done when the two of them needed to just feel something together, he would've felt touched that Roy was now trying to help hin in the same way.

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