ALL YOU GIVE ME IS A HEARTBEAT && cav

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

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[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] [member=1221]CAVALRYCHOIR[/member]

She knew that she needed to explain a lot of things to Cavalrychoir. Even if he.. Denied being her friend in front of others, she knew it was best. Despite the male nearly eating her when they first met, she still trusted him. She trusted the lynx with her life, as unusual as it was. But of course, she'd never verbally admit such things. It was disgraceful to rely on someone else to save you. That was how she was raised, after all.

Everyone had left, leaving the two alone to themselves. Some may say that was a good thing in some cute, romantic ways, but to Delilah, it was torture to be alone. She wasn't exactly alone in this situation, though. She had Cav. Still, her brain came up with split second scenarios, making her tail twitch in pure anxiety as she began to fidget in place. How would she explain this to him?

She was still pressed so closely to him, it was her decision. Touch always seemed to soothe her, to calm her down. How unusual. "I tried to drown myself, Cavalrychoir. I.. Remember everything about my past. Everything." She confessed in a soft tone of voice, a pained crack being the only flaw in such a beautiful song-like tongue. She was a mess, truly. A complete, utter mess. Should she have bathed beforehand? Probably. She was disgusting.

Well, she was always disgusting. She was disgraceful. Terrible.

[W]isker

[cavalrychoir]

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As much as Cav wanted to call her his friend, he knew he couldn't. He wasn't prepared for the mental struggle that came with having friends or anyone in his life that remotely cared about his well-being. To better keep her safe until he was able to trust himself once more, he distanced himself from her and everyone else. He wanted to be someone worthy of their friendship and as things stand now, he wasn't. Cav was doing his best to be, however. It was going to a long journey but he was prepared for it. Probably. At the moment, he was just as nervous as Delilah and it shown in the way he continuously flexed his sharp claws. He'd prefer if one of the others stayed back with them so that way if push comes to shove, it would be two against one. Not only that, but with a spectator, Cav would be less likely to lash out due to another's eyes being on him. Then again, he also would prefer to be alone with her so he could relax a bit and talk freely. But not too freely, of course. He didn't want to carelessly say anything and ruin the relationship blooming between them. To distract himself, he studied a single petal that was perched on his large paws as well as her sweet scent that seemed to envelop him like a blanket. He wasn't used to gentle touches like this and it took him all of his strength not to flinch away or put distance between them.

After what seemed to feel like an eternity, Delilah spoke. As soon as she finished, he felt his heart sink in his chest and dark optics shifting to look at her. "De..lilah..." He breathed softly, deep voice dripping with emotion. Inhaling a shaky breath, he turned his head to touch her ear with his nose. If her past made her try to kill herself, Cav had a feeling she's been through a lot. The demon could relate. Instead of killing himself, he thought many times of locking himself away somewhere. After everything he's done... He didn't deserve to be alive. But Delilah? The world needed her more than she realized. It was too early to say, Cav knew that much, but he felt like she had a personality that the world needed more of: soft, compassionate, understanding, kind, optimistic... The list goes on. "I'm... I'm glad you're still here," he murmured, doing his best not to let his voice tremble. "Please don't do something like that again. Your life is so much more valuable than you think." He wanted to wrap his paw around her but held back. Again, he wasn't used to things like that and had no idea where to go from there should he do it.

"Would you... Like to talk about it?" He asked softly, the question rolling off his tongue slowly and carefully. He didn't want to force her to recollect any painful memories and instead wanted her to feel as though she can talk to him about anything that's on her mind. He had questions... He was curious... But he cared a lot more about her than himself. And because of that, he couldn't help but voice his thoughts on her messy fur. "Shall we get you cleaned up? I can carry you if you'd like?" Came his gentle offer as he nudged her shoulder tenderly with his muzzle. He didn't care if she was covered in mud, but taking a bath might help lift her spirits.

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

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[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"]Her breath was soft, coming out in slow pants as she let light wash over her dirtied pelt, but nothing was more prevalent than the cherry blossoms that increased in amounts, piling around her steadily. Anxiousness, fear, depression. Negative emotions usually caused such petals to increase, to surround her dusty pelt in grand rigor. But, Delilah merely kept her glossy eyes on Cavalrychoir, before she heard him speak up, making her ears twitch.

Did she want to talk about it? Well, that question was a tough one. After all, Cav said he wasn't her friend, so.. Shouldn't she wait until they were friends? "No, I'll be fine.. Malphas gave me anti-depressants to help." She meowed dismissively, her tone gentle yet distant in a way. But, she couldn't help but give a tired smile when he suggested carrying her for a bath. "Are you sure? I can't swim, and I'm.. Heavy." She meowed, disbelieving of the fact that she really wasn't heavy at all, in reality. She was extremely light, and pretty small for a Maine Coon.

//this is rushed kill me agk

[W]isker

[cavalrychoir]

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Cav watched in silence as she grew more anxious, though he pretended not to notice. He didn't want her to grow self-conscious and if they were alike when it came to this, mentally shut down. He could also tell from her body language and the way her gentle words rolled off her tongue she was holding back; the distance between them much larger than the demon anticipated. Permanent snake-like pupils took in her frail form, the bright orange around his pupil melted into the dark red of his iris; an unmistakably eerie appearance though gentle when aimed at the pastel feline. He hadn't noticed he stopped breathing until he felt a pressure in his chest as his lungs cried out for air. Inhaling slowly but deeply, nonexistent brows furrowed in concern when she told him about the antidepressants. He himself have never taken any medication so he doesn't know how it works. With that, he decided to do some research himself. Not for a quote on quote "natural alternative" but in case she would need to alter her diet or avoid certain things. He wanted... He needed to be prepared to support her however he could. "That's good," he rumbled carefully. "Please let me know if I can be of service to you." He added before smiling. "You are the reason why I'm here, after all." He purred, pointed ears angled behind him in a bashful manner.

Cav couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corners of his lips as she responded to his offer. Shaking his head, he spoke. "I'm sure," he began. "And it's fine if you are unable to swim. We won't go far and if we do, you can ride on my back or stomach." Crouching down, the lynx pressed his body close to the ground and tilted the shoulder nearest to her at an angle so she could climb up easier. "I promise you're not heavy." He finished with an inviting flick of his tail.

[DELILAH.]

DELILAH EVERGARDEN

Delilah was pleased that he showed this much worry over her, but at the same time, she was displeased by how much help she actually needed. She put people through a lot of stress over her mental health, and she didn't like that. She didn't like the pitiful glances people gave her, especially since her suicide attempt was her decision. She didn't regret it, it was just.. A part of her history.

Moving forward, Delilah pushed her cheek against Cav's shoulder in thanks, before she slowly hopped onto his back, her small body a mere pebble placed on the male's larger one. It was unusual, this thumping in her chest. His voice was smooth, singing to her ears with angelic intentions. Hah, and she told herself she wouldn't feel this way anymore. Not after Him.

Delilah relaxed against his shoulder blades, a soft, rumbling purr escaping her throat. She was content with just feeling his warmth, his touch. But she couldn't think too much on these things. "You speak as if you're my servant or something, Cavvy." She mewed with amusement lacing her voice, a mischevious grin on her face as she gave him his affectionate nickname. The kneading of her paws soon came to an abrupt stop, as she scented out water. "Watch out for gators, Cavvy. They have no manners."

ASCENDANTS — CHASER — FEMME — TAGS

© MADI

[cavalrychoir]

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Ren could understand the internal struggle of being helped and coming o realize how much help one really needs. It was hard. Coming to terms with flaws wasn't an easy thing to do despite that being the one thing everything in this world has in common. Being perfect was boring and an illusion, a tempting one at that. The wildcat did look at her with pity in his usual cold stare, but empathy. He understood all too well how she felt but he had no idea how to comfort her. She was smiling, that was a start. But it was only a matter of time until her smile will falter and fade, beautiful magenta eyes losing their twinkle. Ren was fearful of that day and he was going to do everything he could to prevent it from happening. Delilah deserved happiness and he was going to do his best to either provide it or find someone who can give that to her. Actually, fuck that. She didn't need a man or anyone to make her feel whole. Just being herself and doing the things that she enjoys is fantastic. He wanted to protect her, but he needed to get out of the "Superhero" mentality. He isn't here to save her. He's here to support her. There's a difference.

It's going to take a while before he's able to fully drop the "Superhero" mentality - he wants to be her Knight in Shining Armour but knows she needs more than that. It was going to be hard, if he was being honest with himself. People just don't change overnight and as much as he wants to deny it, he's never going to change. He may successfully cover it up with who he wants to be, but who he was will always be inside him. His skin would crawl and body would shake at the thought of the traits he tried to cover up resurfacing. As large and arguably intimidating as he was, Ren had a lot of things that scared him. Most of them was himself. He did his best not to regress back into who he was, using his fear and determination as fuel to keep himself going.

A low purr rumbled in his throat a her touch as she jumped up onto his back. Waiting until she secured herself, his large frame would carefully rise before walking off. As he walked, his ears were turned backwards to be able to hear her better. "Oh?" He breathed a reply, thinking about what she said and trying to ignore the warm sensation that came with the nickname. "I... Would not mind that." He started with a flick of his short tail. "Although, 'servant' will not do. 'Butler,' however, has a much nicer ring to it." He meowed, deep voice lined with amusement. "Your 'Guardian' and 'Bodyguard' can also be added to the list." He finished, long whiskers quivering with amusement. He could have also added her personal 'Sword and Shield' but not only was that a bit intense and he was still unsure of her boundaries - they just met after all - it was a bit out there compared to the others. Of course, she didn't have to refer to him as any of these but it was fun to brainstorm them.

"Gators?" He echoed in mild disbelief before exhaling a soft "oh." Taking the environment into consideration, he would be even more surprised if there were no gators. "Well then," he started once more with a huff. "We'll just have to avoid them for now. How about we come back one day and teach them some? I could also brush up on it. We'll have a lovely study session." He finished, holding back a laugh though unable to control a small smile.

[ retro to name change but like,,,, she can continue to call him cavvy bc it's cute and iboth ren and i would die for her so ]