I FOUND JESUS, WHAT A LIAR ― open, panic attack

[madster]

it was the dead of night. the moon sat center in the sky, so it was roughly about midnight when it happened.

malphas had been drinking so much his stomach hurt. he wasn't sure why. after ruining all of his relationships, he decided, he would ruin his own body too. he didn't deserve a healthy liver or healthy friends. he was destined to be alone forever due to his toxic personality and ability to be an ass.

suddenly, it felt like his chest on fire, an unmistakable tightness, and scrambling up, he ran. it hurt so badly he started crying, knowing his own death was imminent. with his heartbeat quickening, he leaped toward the town. how pathetic. he was going to die drunk and alone.

he didn't want to die. he didn't want to stop living. he sobbed, confused about why he was going to die. it hurt so badly. in the middle of the town, he finally gathered enough breath to yell out "somebody, please- i'm having a heart attack- god someone help," he didn't care if it was nayru or even that bitch amunet. he just wanted help. he didn't want to die. he laid down, ready to accept his own demise.

[Morgan]

Morgan was on his way back home from his nightly reading lessons when his ears perked up at the sound of yelling. Recognizing the source as Malphas, he sprinted toward the Rogue as quickly as he could. The samoyed stopped just in front of the screaming feline, pulling some water out of one of his bracers.

Unsure of what else to do, he whispered, "I'm here, Malphas, nothing to be afraid of." Smoothing his voice as much as possible, he murmured, "Please, breathe... Just breathe..." He began to take some deep breaths as an example, his water flowing around to match it. "You've got a friend here, Malphas. Breathe with me, please..."

[madster]

Only one person came to his aid, and it was the dog who ruined his little beer party and instantly Malphas became tense. Why couldn't it be Nayru or even... Eight? He cursed at himself for wanting the companionship of people..

But time and time again, Morgan came to his aid. Feeling the comfort of the gentle dog, he relaxed somewhat, although was hyperventilating. How stupid, he thought. He was going to die at the side of Morgan. What a short life he had lived- running away, living as a hermit, getting caught in that trap, learning what friendship was like... it was all for naught.

Malphas closed his eyes, but the end never came. He just persisted, in pain. "Morgan..." He breathed. "I'm sorry."

[Morgan]

"It's alright," the samoyed replied, still whispering. "Keep breathing with me." He stepped closer - though not close enough to touch Malphas - and breathed louder than before to lead him. "You're not alone." On the inside the dog was quite worried, which was not easy to hide since he did not have his mask on. He did his best to wear his usual samoyed smile, his lips curled up.

[VIGENERE CIPHER.]

[Nayru]

[color=#6b7e99]✦ ✦ ✦

[b][color=#6b7e99]”Malphy?”

The concern that laced Nayru’s soft voice was difficult to miss, waves and waves of the emotions rolling off of her tiny figure. She dealt with anxiety as well, a direct result of her father’s terrible treatment and her own crippling, self doubt. She had always managed to calm herself before things got to be too much though, her small paws always instinctively reaching for Chad who provided an immense amount of comfort (especially for an alligator). But Malphas didn’t have a Chad at his disposal... it was up to her, then, to make him feel better, not only as his Sawbone, but as his friend.

[color=#6b7e99]”Malphy,” She began again, [color=#6b7e99]”Come back to my house and I’ll make you some... uh... lavender and chamomile tea... to make you feel better.” Would he even want to do that? She wasn’t sure, but it was worth asking.

[madster]

and then there were more people crowded around him. vigenere and nayru. of course, nayru had to be there. he would die and he hoped she was the last thing he'd see. was she the only person who cared about him? probably. "i'm not having a god damn panic attack, i'm fucking dying here," he said, but then realized it had been about ten minutes since his chest hurt and heart attacks generally happened very quickly.

"fuck you," he said, in a panicked daze towards nayru. "i'm dying- dying, and you're gonna give me tea," he spat out, then took a deep breath. "sorry. i un-fuck you, nayru. i'm just... scared." he admitted for the first time in his miserable life. "i'm gonna die surrounded by you assholes," he grumbled. despite his insistence on death, the return of his vulgar language showed that he was coming back to terms with the world, grounding himself. 

[VIGENERE CIPHER.]

[Nayru]

[color=#6b7e99]✦ ✦ ✦

Admittedly, Nayru was a bit taken aback. Never before had anyone said anything of that caliber to her and she was suddenly painfully aware of her own self-doubt blossoming like some toxic flower in her chest. ”Fuck you, Nayru.” Not even her father had dared to say something as... as hateful to her. She felt sick. [b][color=#6b7e99]”Well, I don’t have to help you,” She extended, trying to sound unbothered but failing. Miserably. She cares about Malphas, that much was a far cry from a secret, why didn’t he want her help? What did she do wrong?

The panic in her chest grew substantially in the few seconds following the remark, only muted when he decided to “unfuck” her. [color=#6b7e99]”You’re not dying,” She said softly, voice hesitant. It was obvious that the tiny Sawbone didn’t wish to anger him any further, being addressed in that manner was not good for her. At all. [color=#6b7e99]”You need to ground yourself. Slow your, uh, breathing. Listen to my voice...” She paused, trailing off. Did he want that? Did he want her help still? All Nayru wanted to do was slink back to her home and continue searching her ancestors for her elusive mother. [color=#6b7e99]”Chamomile and lavender have soothing properties but if you don’t want my help... uh, um... I’ll leave.”

[madster]

malphas bared his teeth towards vigenere, revealing bloodstained teeth from an earlier meal. however, the threatening effect was lost when he was crying and trembling like a baby. he wanted to once again shout vulgarities, but he couldn't. nayru began talking and it was clear she had been insulted by his offhand comments. of course. in that moment, he was back to reality. he was an asshole and not dying.

"no, it's ok. i'm ok." he took a deep, shaky breath and let it out. "i.. it doesn't hurt anymore. i think i'm ok. maybe. who the fuck knows." maybe i'll just go kill myself. that would sure show them. i'll go get a rope and from that tree near the town i'll- then he looked back at nayru.

he couldn't ever do that. not with her looking at him like that. he knew she couldn't read thoughts- could she? but he was concerned anyways. he looked back at morgan, his expression softening. "thank you." it was forced and painful, but he thanked morgan for being the first to help him. "you're not half bad. for a dog, anyways."

"anyways. thank you everyone for your patronage and i am no longer dying which is honestly disappointing." he admitted, shrugging.