think you fooled me but i know — weekly prompt

[jacob w.c.]

WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE — Jacob had never really been in any sort of official caregiver or leader position until recently. It'd started when he was promoted to Frosthealer and then there was now, of course, where he was Chief. He had always wanted to be a doctor. Being promoted to Frosthealer was probably one of the most exciting moments of his life. All of his childhood dreams had been granted in that moment and he'd been so content. But then he was promoted to Chief. Honestly, Jacob wasn't sure what to think about that entire situation. He didn't really want the position. In fact, he'd much prefer to still just be Frosthealer. He was good at fixing physical ailments and trying to promote mental wellness but he wasn't really the 'leader' type. At least he didn't think he was. The thought of conflict of any sort made him tremble and made his heart beat faster. He'd put in so much work to personally get better but he never really thought he'd have to look after everyone else in more than just a medical aspect. He had to look out for not only individuals but the whole of the group now and that responsibility overwhelmed him. He tried to take things ones day at a time but it was hard to not feel guilty about every little thing that went wrong.

Then there was his time in the cities. Even if he hadn't had any sort of official position, he'd made it his job to look after Jersey and the rest of his family. In the end, he'd failed on all accounts of that. His Ma and Pa were dead, he couldn't see his Babbo, and he and Jersey had to flee to Snowbound. Well, Jacob had to flee to Snowbound. Jersey need to leave but he sort of seemed to drift wherever the wind took him. In reality, Jacob knew there was nothing he could've done to stop the deaths of his Ma and Pa. It wasn't because of anything he'd done or because he'd failed to do something he should've. It'd been a crime born of hatred for bloodlines and families long before Jacob was even born. If there was anyone to blame, it wouldn't been his Babbo, Vito. He would never say that out loud though. His father had done a lot to protect him and Jacob wouldn't blame him for anything he didn't have specific evidence of. He had a feeling that Vito's crimes went deeper than even Jacob knew but there was no real way to confirm that outside of rumors and speculation.

At night Jacob saw them all. His Ma, his Pa, Jersey... they were all disappointed in him. It'd been worse before he'd done his best to improve his mental health but he still saw their burning figures sometimes. He could still remember the heat of the fire and sometimes he swore he saw flickers of the substance out of the corner of his eye. He almost constantly smelled smoke from a fire that wasn't there or thought he caught a whiff of the earthy scents of his Pa mixed with cigarette smoke and the sting of alcohol. But he was never there and neither was the fire. Jacob was just thankful that his visions hadn't confronted him at all since his arrival in Snowbound. Maybe the change in scenery was helping, along with all the things that kept him busy. He still wasn't able to sleep and he'd had plenty of nightmares but none of the hallucinations, apart from the smoke and the occasional flicker of fire. Of course, there'd been the whole incident with Guru but he couldn't really count that. It'd made things harder for him but he'd get through it.

Jacob was pulled from thoughts of his own life when he noticed Aizawa. The man didn't quite appear to be himself, looking a bit more disheveled than usual. Jacob knew better than to bring up someone's poor appearance directly, that rarely really helped anyone, but he made his way over with a light smile. "Good mornin', Aizawa. Hey, I was wonderin, 'm gonna' be puttin' a li'l dinner party together soon. Would ya' wanna' come, maybe?" he asked. A distraction. Maybe that was what the man needed. Even if it wasn't, at least the gesture would help Jacob show that he cared for the older lion. The dinner itself wasn't as important as trying to build a decent friendship. Jacob knew that Aizawa had made it clear that they weren't really friends when Jacob had first offered to help the lion learn how to build traps but the husky was determined to change that notion. —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP

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