02-28-2021, 02:35 AM
Guilt. It was a funny feeling, and one that had lingered within Aurum's heart several times in the past. In fact, he had felt guilt since the day that he was very born. He had felt guilty about the fact that he had cursed his parents with his strange and distinct difference to his brother and the rest of his family. Really, a child should've never felt that way, but he couldn't help it. After all, he was told over and over again by his mother that he was nothing more than a curse. A pox on his family, and an other that was just lucky he had been the firstborn. That hadn't really meant anything in the end, though, and he had suspected that it wouldn't from the very beginning. Yet still, he had felt guilt over his mother's words. Guilt over the glares that were constantly leveled in his direction from everyone within his old pride. Slowly, that guilt had festered. It had festered and become sadness, and eventually, hatred. Hatred focused not only towards his mother for her abuse, but hatred towards Poetking, since the other had always been considered the golden child. The perfect one. That had led to his attempt on the other's life - something he regretted greatly now, even years later. Funnily enough, that had only led to a further cycle of guilt, as he wallowed in his pain over what he had done.
Of course, that was far from the last time he had felt guilty over something. However, he wasn't sure anything was comparable to that initial cycle of guilt, brought on by his birth and the subsequent betrayal he had committed. It wasn't quite the same as what Atbash had gone through, but he knew a thing or two about hurting family, and feeling like you were terrible because of it. However, the thing was... Poetking had survived. He had survived the attempt that Aurum had made on his life, mainly because the luminary had stopped himself, in the end. By comparison, Atbash being forced into talking had led to Vigenere's death, and it didn't seem as though he was coming back anytime soon. The angel would've been overjoyed if he did, but... he didn't want to hope for it too much, knowing that there was very little chance of it really happening, in the end. Although death was something that more people returned from in the Beyond, it would've been ridiculous to think that everyone could just escape the cold grip without consequence. It had taken a bit of time for Aurum to accept that himself, but he was ultimately glad that he had. If he had spent the rest of his life full of sorrow and waiting for Vigenere to come back... it wouldn't be a life well lived, and he was sure Vig wouldn't want that.
Similarly, Aurum was sure that Vigenere wouldn't want Atbash spending the entire rest of her life wallowing in guilt, or begging for him to come back. Even though he knew accepting that truth would be difficult for her to finally do, it was something that needed to happen. She couldn't go forward with her life if she was just waiting for her comeuppance to arrive because of what she had done - under a great deal of distress, he felt the need to add. It was because of this need for her to accept things that Aurum found himself drawn over to where she stood, a heavy sigh leaving him. He sat down next to Arrow, his tail resting over his paws as he looked down at Vig's grave. The grave he had dug with his own paws. The grave that he had lowered what remained of Vigenere into, his breathing uneven and tears stinging the edges of his eyes in a way that made him wince. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to shove those memories from his mind for the moment. Him falling apart wouldn't help Atbash cope in any way. So, after a long moment of silence, his muzzle finally cracked open, "He was always looking out for us, you know. The whole of Tanglewood. It was really admirable of him, honestly." It was a casual opening, mainly so that his head would be given a moment to settle.
Once he felt as though the air hadn't been sucked from his lungs, he continued, voice firm, "It's honestly no surprise that he was a brother... he probably learned from looking out for you." He then shook his head, claws digging into the ground as he stated firmly, "He's probably still looking out for you, from somewhere. And he wouldn't want you tearing yourself apart, no matter the circumstances." Aurum had nearly torn himself apart following Vig's disappearance and subsequent death, but he knew that he couldn't. Tanglewood needed him, and Vigenere wouldn't want him abandoning them. Not only that, but Aurum knew that Vig wouldn't want him tearing himself apart because of feelings that had only just been developing.
Of course, that was far from the last time he had felt guilty over something. However, he wasn't sure anything was comparable to that initial cycle of guilt, brought on by his birth and the subsequent betrayal he had committed. It wasn't quite the same as what Atbash had gone through, but he knew a thing or two about hurting family, and feeling like you were terrible because of it. However, the thing was... Poetking had survived. He had survived the attempt that Aurum had made on his life, mainly because the luminary had stopped himself, in the end. By comparison, Atbash being forced into talking had led to Vigenere's death, and it didn't seem as though he was coming back anytime soon. The angel would've been overjoyed if he did, but... he didn't want to hope for it too much, knowing that there was very little chance of it really happening, in the end. Although death was something that more people returned from in the Beyond, it would've been ridiculous to think that everyone could just escape the cold grip without consequence. It had taken a bit of time for Aurum to accept that himself, but he was ultimately glad that he had. If he had spent the rest of his life full of sorrow and waiting for Vigenere to come back... it wouldn't be a life well lived, and he was sure Vig wouldn't want that.
Similarly, Aurum was sure that Vigenere wouldn't want Atbash spending the entire rest of her life wallowing in guilt, or begging for him to come back. Even though he knew accepting that truth would be difficult for her to finally do, it was something that needed to happen. She couldn't go forward with her life if she was just waiting for her comeuppance to arrive because of what she had done - under a great deal of distress, he felt the need to add. It was because of this need for her to accept things that Aurum found himself drawn over to where she stood, a heavy sigh leaving him. He sat down next to Arrow, his tail resting over his paws as he looked down at Vig's grave. The grave he had dug with his own paws. The grave that he had lowered what remained of Vigenere into, his breathing uneven and tears stinging the edges of his eyes in a way that made him wince. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to shove those memories from his mind for the moment. Him falling apart wouldn't help Atbash cope in any way. So, after a long moment of silence, his muzzle finally cracked open, "He was always looking out for us, you know. The whole of Tanglewood. It was really admirable of him, honestly." It was a casual opening, mainly so that his head would be given a moment to settle.
Once he felt as though the air hadn't been sucked from his lungs, he continued, voice firm, "It's honestly no surprise that he was a brother... he probably learned from looking out for you." He then shook his head, claws digging into the ground as he stated firmly, "He's probably still looking out for you, from somewhere. And he wouldn't want you tearing yourself apart, no matter the circumstances." Aurum had nearly torn himself apart following Vig's disappearance and subsequent death, but he knew that he couldn't. Tanglewood needed him, and Vigenere wouldn't want him abandoning them. Not only that, but Aurum knew that Vig wouldn't want him tearing himself apart because of feelings that had only just been developing.
— Reggan