12-16-2020, 12:40 PM
DEAR FRIEND as you know, your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.
The daughter of the sea had never been away from home so long.
If she were to choose any place to stay that wasn't the Typhoon, however, surely it would be amongst her friends, amongst the forest and allies she'd known she could trust for over a year now. Surely it would bring her a similar joy, to know she was safe, to know she'd have her friends at her side. But the nights were the hardest. The sounds of the forest, the ruffling of leaves, no waves to hear or watch, and the deathly loom over her. The last time she'd spent the night, it was with her lover at her side, close and warm, weight of the world shared. And this was when it became truly apparent how alone she was. The weeks spent in the bunker, dying alongside a stranger, the knowledge if she were to die it would not be on her terms, not where she wanted to be, a former slave who'd broken out only to be knocked down once more - that was still felt easier than sitting stagnant, waiting for her body to recover, surrounded by her allies, all working on something grander.
And, usually she is not one to wallow in pity. She hates it, in fact. There was no time for it, no room for it. But now all she had was this. The moon in the sky, the sounds of others sleeping, and her own mind demanding her to do better, be better, to be over this by now. But the grief hadn't gone. The pain felt just as new as the infected wound on her shaking body. She couldn't get up and work, she couldn't spend the hours planning, she could only lay there, useless body fighting against its own weight. Pathetic mind focused on the past, tangled up in its own knotted mess. And she knew Goldenluxury Roux meant more than this, was better than this, but for the first time in a long time she did not feel herself in a way she could not describe. The captain held a doubt she had not before.
You weren't enough.
And that was all.
And she stares at the moon, laying on her stomach. Silently, her eyes fill, droplets slowly sliding down her cheeks, and her own grief left quiet in the night. And she could not help but let the doubt spill over.
If she were to choose any place to stay that wasn't the Typhoon, however, surely it would be amongst her friends, amongst the forest and allies she'd known she could trust for over a year now. Surely it would bring her a similar joy, to know she was safe, to know she'd have her friends at her side. But the nights were the hardest. The sounds of the forest, the ruffling of leaves, no waves to hear or watch, and the deathly loom over her. The last time she'd spent the night, it was with her lover at her side, close and warm, weight of the world shared. And this was when it became truly apparent how alone she was. The weeks spent in the bunker, dying alongside a stranger, the knowledge if she were to die it would not be on her terms, not where she wanted to be, a former slave who'd broken out only to be knocked down once more - that was still felt easier than sitting stagnant, waiting for her body to recover, surrounded by her allies, all working on something grander.
And, usually she is not one to wallow in pity. She hates it, in fact. There was no time for it, no room for it. But now all she had was this. The moon in the sky, the sounds of others sleeping, and her own mind demanding her to do better, be better, to be over this by now. But the grief hadn't gone. The pain felt just as new as the infected wound on her shaking body. She couldn't get up and work, she couldn't spend the hours planning, she could only lay there, useless body fighting against its own weight. Pathetic mind focused on the past, tangled up in its own knotted mess. And she knew Goldenluxury Roux meant more than this, was better than this, but for the first time in a long time she did not feel herself in a way she could not describe. The captain held a doubt she had not before.
You weren't enough.
And that was all.
And she stares at the moon, laying on her stomach. Silently, her eyes fill, droplets slowly sliding down her cheeks, and her own grief left quiet in the night. And she could not help but let the doubt spill over.
NOTHING'S EVER LOST FOREVER, IT'S JUST HIDING IN THE RECESS OF YOUR MIND AND WHEN YOU NEED IT, IT WILL COME TO YOU AT NIGHT. I MISS THE YELLOW. I MISS THE YELLING AND THE SHAKEDOWN. I'M NOT COMPLAINING, NO, I GOT A BETTER SET OF KNIVES NOW. I MISS MY DRUMMER, MY DEAD STEPBROTHER, AND THE PIT CROWD. AND CHUCK AND MATTY - IF THEY COULD SEE ME THEY'D BE SO PROUD.