DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
    but the clouds are clearing up
        and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
                                              like a bastard on the burning sea.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER,
BURIED DEEP UNDER THE WATER.

The daughter of the sea had never been away from home so long.

If she were to choose any place to stay that wasn't the Typhoon, however, surely it would be amongst her friends, amongst the forest and allies she'd known she could trust for over a year now. Surely it would bring her a similar joy, to know she was safe, to know she'd have her friends at her side. But the nights were the hardest. The sounds of the forest, the ruffling of leaves, no waves to hear or watch, and the deathly loom over her. The last time she'd spent the night, it was with her lover at her side, close and warm, weight of the world shared. And this was when it became truly apparent how alone she was. The weeks spent in the bunker, dying alongside a stranger, the knowledge if she were to die it would not be on her terms, not where she wanted to be, a former slave who'd broken out only to be knocked down once more - that was still felt easier than sitting stagnant, waiting for her body to recover, surrounded by her allies, all working on something grander.

And, usually she is not one to wallow in pity. She hates it, in fact. There was no time for it, no room for it. But now all she had was this. The moon in the sky, the sounds of others sleeping, and her own mind demanding her to do better, be better, to be over this by now. But the grief hadn't gone. The pain felt just as new as the infected wound on her shaking body. She couldn't get up and work, she couldn't spend the hours planning, she could only lay there, useless body fighting against its own weight. Pathetic mind focused on the past, tangled up in its own knotted mess. And she knew Goldenluxury Roux meant more than this, was better than this, but for the first time in a long time she did not feel herself in a way she could not describe. The captain held a doubt she had not before.

You weren't enough.
And that was all.

And she stares at the moon, laying on her stomach. Silently, her eyes fill, droplets slowly sliding down her cheeks, and her own grief left quiet in the night. And she could not help but let the doubt spill over.

DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
    but the clouds are clearing up
        and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
                                              like a bastard on the burning sea.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER,
BURIED DEEP UNDER THE WATER.

Her body would turn slightly as Sophiea drew closer, not in an attempt to display a cold shoulder, or bitterness for the female, but simply in an attempt to hide her own pathetic cry. She had not liked others seeing her in such a state since she was a child, and that was no different now, even if she'd come to find out that sometimes it was necessary. Right now, however, did not feel needed. She wasn't breaking down, losing it all, finally coming clean. She was simply...sad, and there was perhaps plenty of explanation as to why, but she still couldn't quite pinpoint what exactly it was. The loneliness, the grief, the pain of it all, but in the end, she didn't know to what exactly. A mixture of things, surely, though many of those things simply could not be helped, could not be changed. There was no room for self pity over such matters. But still she finds herself laying here, trying to hide her face, wipe it quickly, in a fruitless attempt. Still her eyes shone.

And as she sits her own embarrassment, the other's voice reaches out, takes a turn she had not anticipated. She bites her tongue at the first question, not having much of an answer herself. She didn't truly know why exactly, after all. Grow flowers from her pain - she's not so sure she'd describe the growth a flower. Perhaps a flame instead, burning away angrily, proudly, defiantly. But she was no flame tonight. So maybe a flower was true to its analogy. A rose with thorns, ever so wilted. Or maybe something else. Her papa had compared her to a lotus, when he'd stepped down from his position. Still, it did not bloom. Not tonight.

But an intrigue catches her as the female continues, turning it from a brief metaphor in some reassurance to a questioning, to a shameful admission. Anger was not a word she would use to describe how she felt towards the feline - at no point did her anger, defeat, bitterness feel directed towards Sophiea. She'd little to do with this whole thing, from how the female saw it, though to be honest, she'd not gone over the details of that day too closely. It was hard to remember most of the intricacies. There was an awareness that she'd been lied to, but she hadn't necessarily taken it as a betrayal, but perhaps a choice made out of fear, or something to that effect. It wasn't really easy to focus her thoughts on what may have or may have not been the intentions of the female as she'd made the decisions she had, as they were simply too vague for her to know. And from the apology, it became quickly and abundantly clear to the captain what plagued the female's mind. A guilt that she was too familiar with.

And so, she would let the other finish, though she'd already known her response now, before she could begin to say it. Silent she remained, waiting a few moments for the quiet to settle in once the female's words completed. And she turns her head slowly back towards the other, blinking up to her as she turned away from the tigress.

"Please don' go," came her voice, finally, in soft request. She shook her head quietly, tapping the ground next to her with her tail to gesture the other to sit back down. "I'd rather not be alone." She speaks up once more, trying to level herself now, looking back to the moon now. She still didn't want to cry in front of the other, so she would attempt to suck it up. She clears her throat, shakily raising her head, ever so slightly, so it was no longer on the cold dirt. The female takes in a quiet, deep breath, trying to focus. The fuzz in her mind had returned, but she was no stranger to drowning it out. And she'd rather make it clear she did not think less of the other, here and now. She'd done quite similar in a similar situation, years ago. It was a hard thing to grow beyond, to become stronger than.

Her eyes travel towards the ground, preparing her response properly now, instead of jumping into it immediately. "I wasn' ever angry at you," Goldie decided to begin with, words calmer and genuine. "This was bound t' happen. You wouldn' know, but this...conflict between that snake n' I has been waitin' t' conclude for two years. Him hesitatin' t' kill me was a mistake he'll pay for." How icy her voice becomes when speaking of him is a side of the captain Sophiea would not have seen before, a side most friends and allies do not end up seeing, and it would be quite a stark difference to the soft weeps she had only moments before.

Her paws twitch, gently pushing in and out of the dirt as she tries to collect the main points of what she'd state next. The story she intended to tell would be grossly simplified - there was simply too much she could state, too much to explain. But at that point, it would lose its message. The other had not approached to hear the captain's life story. And the female did not intend to share it, though much of it was public information just due to the nature of her position and family. "When I was a child, when m' papa was still the capt'n, 'd been blackmailed m'self. A wolf, claimin' t' visit a friend, tore into me, nearly paralyzed me for good - when I was a cat. He said he was gonna kill one o' m' crewmates, someone who was basically family t' me, n' if I told anyone, he'd kill everyone I loved, string 'em from the trees, n' then he'd get me." The story of the wolf and the girl was a long one, one that still brought her a torn pain in her stomach, a childish chill in her spine. She'd only be reminded that such a thing had become partial reality, with an old friend placing such a display of her corpse along the trees. It still bothered her quite a bit to think about, to be honest.

He'd known the meaning of it, but she still could not understand his intent, why he wanted to hurt her so. Nonetheless, it was separate, and not relevant to what she was trying to say now, so she pushes it from her busy mind. She clears her throat, moving on. "N' I knew I was too weak, too small, t' try n' fight 'im off. So I stayed silent." It was a simple explanation. Her spine had been snapped, body rendered puny and injured beyond full repair. "I was terrified, overrun wit' guilt, n' shame. 'Til finally, I broke. It lead t' a lot, t' Stryker gettin' me, then killin' m' mama, makin' me think he was right, but ultimately I realized...none of it mattered anyway. They were wrong, in what they did. N' they deserved t' burn. I would be stronger than 'em, no matter how scared I was, no matter how weak I felt. I'd be stronger." It took a long time to reach that point, and even when she'd come to such a conclusion, there was hesitance, doubt. She needed to truly know who she was, who Goldenluxury was in order to push forward. But, if her brief explanation could make it any easier for Sophiea, she knew she'd at least learned from it. "Lettin' the fear control you...it will only hurt you more. You must keep tellin' yourself, you're stronger, n' eventually, you will be."

Her eyes turn back to Sophiea, and she lets out a single sigh. "It's hard t' know, how t' beat the fear, n' the guilt. I still feel guilty over m' mama's death, still feel doubtful. N', I felt...lonely, n' for the first time in a long one, weak, I s'pose. So, I cried." Her voice is softer once more, a quick reasoning for her display. "But is' much smaller than everything else right now. I know m' purpose. I know Stryker will die. N' then, maybe things will be easier, for a lil' while."