01-13-2020, 04:33 PM
i was born, on the highway, in a train wreck
with a heart, that was beating, out of my chest
Forgetting Beck was not an option for Aurum. Never had been, never would be. Not only because of the ever permanent reminder of the other that took the form of his missing right eye, but because he cared about the kid, too. Although Beck wasn't truly a child, he gave Aurum the same feeling of desperately needing to comfort and protect him, and make sure that the world knew to think twice before raining down chaos upon the boy's head. Unfortunately for Aurum, and even more unfortunately for Beck, it seemed as though the world did not care at all about the threats sent its way, instead perfectly happy to rip and shred and take until there was nothing of Beck yet. Aurum had been there when Beck had been pulled from the battlefield of the Pitt, his breath catching when they returned home and he saw the full extent of what had been done to the ghostly feline. Everyone had been worried then, Aurum included, and it had honestly been a miracle that anything could even be done for Beck, even if perhaps the boy didn't truly think of it as one. The proxy had made his best efforts to try and cheer up or comfort the seemingly grieving founder, but eventually the lion just realized that he couldn't really do anything. He wasn't one of the few that had gotten through Beck's tough outer shell, and so, he was forced to watch from afar, caring but unable to do anything without fucking up. Hell, the blackness that consumed the right side of his vision was enough of a testament to that fact. He had been trying to help then, and it hadn't exactly ended well, even if Beck hadn't been anywhere near in his right mind at that moment.
Aurum often tried to keep tabs. Not only on Beck, but on pretty much everyone throughout the group. It was an exhausting, rotten way to go about when you were anxiety prone like Aurum, but it was really the only option he could accept. He couldn't bear the thought of losing someone without even knowing why, especially after Leroy's passing, even if the canine had returned. He had known that Beck wasn't gone. Not... entirely, at the very least. It still didn't quite feel real though, to just be told that Beck was alive and still lingering when he hadn't seen the feline in weeks, and then weeks turned to months, and months turned to half a year. Supposedly Selby often vanished off to the houseboat that Beck resided in, but that wasn't proof of anything. For all anyone could've known, Selby could've just been going to mourn for a lost friend, leaving flowers at his final resting place. It made Aurum's skin itch, and there were many times where the lion lingered near the houseboat, eyes cast upward before he turned away. No matter how much he tried to rationalize it, he couldn't move inside. It wouldn't end well. Either it would end with Beck, mad at him for intruding upon his space and probably still angry and reeling from his injuries, or it would end with something even worse... confirmation that the boy was gone, lost to them. Just the thought made Aurum's stomach roll unpleasantly, and there wasn't only one night where he found himself in the same bed as Roy, the two of them pressed together for comfort as the lion tried not to think of all of those that had already been lost, and whether or not Beck had joined their ranks. For fuck's sake, Beck practically was Tanglewood. He was the one who had started it all, and without him... well, Aurum wouldn't have the home and family that he had today. He'd still be stuck, listless and unloved and angry at the world, and that was never a state he wanted to return to, or even think about.
Faces. They came and went, and it was a simple fact of life that, while Aurum knew it well, still hurt like a thousand knives digging deep beneath his skin, searching out his heart like a heat seeking missile. For a long while there, it had seemed as though faces were dropping from the collective like flies, with people vanishing or dying before his very eyes. People like Red, or Leroy, or Vathmos, or Crow, with his stints of alcoholism and vanishing away. There were too many names for Aurum to even remember them all, and while he had put on a happy face and pretended he could move on, that didn't mean it didn't hurt. That it didn't hurt whenever he heard a name he hadn't heard in ages, or that it didn't sting and fester whenever he was reminded of them, standing in places they had once stood. He knew that burying his head in the sand and letting himself fall apart wasn't an option, but there were days, and there were nights, were he just sat, and he cried. And let himself mourn for those that he wasn't sure would ever return or become known again. Thankfully, gloriously, it seemed as though things were changing for the better. Leroy was back, and Delilah was back, and Vathmos was back, and Crow was even beginning to emerge from his shell again, albeit slowly. Red... Red was still nowhere to be found, and Mikolaj was gone, apparently having passed away in Indie's arms, but at least some of them were returning to Tanglewood again. Beck was always at the periphery of that list, a silent wish that Aurum, along with many others, were never sure would come true.
If you had asked Aurum whether or not he wanted Beck back in Tanglewood and actually interacting, he would've answered with a wholehearted yes. Even with all the trauma from his eye – which still wasn't entirely Beck's fault – and all of the troubles Aurum had with the other male in the past, he did want the ghost back. However, if you had asked the lion whether he wanted Beck back like this? Well no, of course not, never like... this. Never with flames engulfing what had once been the boy's home. Never with screams of desperation and pain, begging for one of the only things the feline had loved to be okay. Never with Beck, charred and sobbing before finally just collapsing. Aurum probably would've sooner died than come across this scene, but unfortunately, as the proxy was forced to find out time and time again, the world was cruel, and no matter how many times you threatened it, it would still hurt those that didn't deserve it. Those like Beck, who, with all his flaws, didn't deserve this. Never deserved this. When the scent of flames and smoke and soot reached Aurum, and his paws and wings carried him desperately towards the source, he couldn't help the way that his heart sank. Down, down, down it went as he grew closer to Beck's houseboat, the realization of the only place where the flames could be coming from an unpleasant and agonizing one.
Sure enough, when the lion emerged from the trees, his vision was suddenly filled with fire and smoke, the sky stained an unpleasant rusted dark color as billowing clouds moved upward. Staring in shock, Aurum could only watch, stunned by the stark contrast of the flaming house part of the boat, the darkened angry sky, and the ugly green bog below. However, his shock was short lived, as the screaming agonized cries of Beck for Audrey split through the air, the pure desperation in the male's voice enough to make Aurum's head whip around. When he pinpointed the location of the boy, he rushed over beside Abathur, looking the collapsed figure over. His one good blue eye focused on Abathur for a moment before he spoke, his voice strained, "Abathur... I don't know if he can answer you. If he doesn't respond, you have to look him over, okay? I... I'll try to handle the flames." He knew that he couldn't deal with the medical things as well as Abathur or any of the actual medics, so he left that to the massive spider, launching himself up into the air. Flying nearby the houseboat, the proxy carefully balanced himself between the clear sky and the sky blotted out by angry smoke, stretching his paws out in an attempt to use his elementals. He tried to force the billowing flames back, trying to curl them in on themselves and snuff them out, even if the majority of the damage had already been done. His body and head immediately began to ache from the effort, the flames so massive and angry that Aurum was unsure if he could even combat them. For what was probably one of the first times, the male wished he had water elementals instead, so that he could vanquish the flames easily, and save whatever Beck had left.
Aurum often tried to keep tabs. Not only on Beck, but on pretty much everyone throughout the group. It was an exhausting, rotten way to go about when you were anxiety prone like Aurum, but it was really the only option he could accept. He couldn't bear the thought of losing someone without even knowing why, especially after Leroy's passing, even if the canine had returned. He had known that Beck wasn't gone. Not... entirely, at the very least. It still didn't quite feel real though, to just be told that Beck was alive and still lingering when he hadn't seen the feline in weeks, and then weeks turned to months, and months turned to half a year. Supposedly Selby often vanished off to the houseboat that Beck resided in, but that wasn't proof of anything. For all anyone could've known, Selby could've just been going to mourn for a lost friend, leaving flowers at his final resting place. It made Aurum's skin itch, and there were many times where the lion lingered near the houseboat, eyes cast upward before he turned away. No matter how much he tried to rationalize it, he couldn't move inside. It wouldn't end well. Either it would end with Beck, mad at him for intruding upon his space and probably still angry and reeling from his injuries, or it would end with something even worse... confirmation that the boy was gone, lost to them. Just the thought made Aurum's stomach roll unpleasantly, and there wasn't only one night where he found himself in the same bed as Roy, the two of them pressed together for comfort as the lion tried not to think of all of those that had already been lost, and whether or not Beck had joined their ranks. For fuck's sake, Beck practically was Tanglewood. He was the one who had started it all, and without him... well, Aurum wouldn't have the home and family that he had today. He'd still be stuck, listless and unloved and angry at the world, and that was never a state he wanted to return to, or even think about.
Faces. They came and went, and it was a simple fact of life that, while Aurum knew it well, still hurt like a thousand knives digging deep beneath his skin, searching out his heart like a heat seeking missile. For a long while there, it had seemed as though faces were dropping from the collective like flies, with people vanishing or dying before his very eyes. People like Red, or Leroy, or Vathmos, or Crow, with his stints of alcoholism and vanishing away. There were too many names for Aurum to even remember them all, and while he had put on a happy face and pretended he could move on, that didn't mean it didn't hurt. That it didn't hurt whenever he heard a name he hadn't heard in ages, or that it didn't sting and fester whenever he was reminded of them, standing in places they had once stood. He knew that burying his head in the sand and letting himself fall apart wasn't an option, but there were days, and there were nights, were he just sat, and he cried. And let himself mourn for those that he wasn't sure would ever return or become known again. Thankfully, gloriously, it seemed as though things were changing for the better. Leroy was back, and Delilah was back, and Vathmos was back, and Crow was even beginning to emerge from his shell again, albeit slowly. Red... Red was still nowhere to be found, and Mikolaj was gone, apparently having passed away in Indie's arms, but at least some of them were returning to Tanglewood again. Beck was always at the periphery of that list, a silent wish that Aurum, along with many others, were never sure would come true.
If you had asked Aurum whether or not he wanted Beck back in Tanglewood and actually interacting, he would've answered with a wholehearted yes. Even with all the trauma from his eye – which still wasn't entirely Beck's fault – and all of the troubles Aurum had with the other male in the past, he did want the ghost back. However, if you had asked the lion whether he wanted Beck back like this? Well no, of course not, never like... this. Never with flames engulfing what had once been the boy's home. Never with screams of desperation and pain, begging for one of the only things the feline had loved to be okay. Never with Beck, charred and sobbing before finally just collapsing. Aurum probably would've sooner died than come across this scene, but unfortunately, as the proxy was forced to find out time and time again, the world was cruel, and no matter how many times you threatened it, it would still hurt those that didn't deserve it. Those like Beck, who, with all his flaws, didn't deserve this. Never deserved this. When the scent of flames and smoke and soot reached Aurum, and his paws and wings carried him desperately towards the source, he couldn't help the way that his heart sank. Down, down, down it went as he grew closer to Beck's houseboat, the realization of the only place where the flames could be coming from an unpleasant and agonizing one.
Sure enough, when the lion emerged from the trees, his vision was suddenly filled with fire and smoke, the sky stained an unpleasant rusted dark color as billowing clouds moved upward. Staring in shock, Aurum could only watch, stunned by the stark contrast of the flaming house part of the boat, the darkened angry sky, and the ugly green bog below. However, his shock was short lived, as the screaming agonized cries of Beck for Audrey split through the air, the pure desperation in the male's voice enough to make Aurum's head whip around. When he pinpointed the location of the boy, he rushed over beside Abathur, looking the collapsed figure over. His one good blue eye focused on Abathur for a moment before he spoke, his voice strained, "Abathur... I don't know if he can answer you. If he doesn't respond, you have to look him over, okay? I... I'll try to handle the flames." He knew that he couldn't deal with the medical things as well as Abathur or any of the actual medics, so he left that to the massive spider, launching himself up into the air. Flying nearby the houseboat, the proxy carefully balanced himself between the clear sky and the sky blotted out by angry smoke, stretching his paws out in an attempt to use his elementals. He tried to force the billowing flames back, trying to curl them in on themselves and snuff them out, even if the majority of the damage had already been done. His body and head immediately began to ache from the effort, the flames so massive and angry that Aurum was unsure if he could even combat them. For what was probably one of the first times, the male wished he had water elementals instead, so that he could vanquish the flames easily, and save whatever Beck had left.
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— Reggan