stagnation ;; wormwood

[cavalrychoir]

[align=center][div style="border-width:0px; width: 60%; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 8.5pt; line-height: 140%;word-spacing:-1px;"][[ nononononononono it's wonderful!! you gave me many things to work with so it's lovely in my book ( - u - )b ]]

Growing up, Ren was taught to travel in packs, that there was strength in numbers but by no means were they suppose to look after each other. Everyone carried their own weight and there was no hesitation in leaving behind the sick and wounded. Those not strong enough to run, fight and get back up after a hit were deserted. In a group, they were unmatched. By themselves, they were just as fierce and formidable. They didn't depend on each other the way a group or family would and although Ren hates to admit it, doing so urged him to keep up and not back down from challenges. It was either win or die and he had no interest in being killed. After every fight he'd emerge with broken bones and bloodied fur, but victorious. Those around him would praise his strength and ambition to keep going despite the odds and he soaked in every ounce of it. If there was anything he had to be proud of, it was his physical resilience and capabilities. From outward appearances alone, there was no mistaking the power behind his movements. His massive paws and strong jaw were used to crushing the bones of those who dare oppose him. Much like most hardened warriors, he oozed intimidation, battle experience and, could command a crowd if he so desired. But the long-lasting effects of his birthplace transformed him to a self-loathing, anxious and distrusting man. He hated who he was, hates who he is and if this pattern continues, he'll hate who he'll become.

Letting go was more of a challenge than he expected it to be. He's killed without a second thought, threatened others and followed through with it. He's abandoned those who needed help and convinced many to do harm and wreak havoc. He wished he could forget about everything he's done but he wasn't so sure if he deserved to forget. Why should he forget about all the atrocities and crimes he's committed? Why should he, the bad guy in this situation, the villain, be let off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist? Why, when many innocent people have suffered more than he could ever imagine? Why should someone like him ever be at peace? What, because he felt guilty? Because he's reflected on his actions and is deeply apologetic? An apology and owning up to the terrible things he's done isn't going to bring people back from the dead. It isn't going to mend broken bones or heal cuts and bruises. If he truly wanted to make amends for what he's done, he'd find a quiet cave in the middle of nowhere and stay there for the rest of his life. He'd remain there in fear of one day crossing paths with those he's harmed, unsure what to do in that situation. He'd be compelled to hand them a weapon and tell them to only stop when they're satisfied. Ren couldn't think of anything else. Or worst, what if they forgive him? He'd surely cry tears of anger and confusion if his once hostile ways is meet with kindness and compassion. He'd beg them not to show the mercy he didn't show them and instead drive a blade between his eyes. Anything... Anything would be fine... Just... Don't treat him as though he's innocent.

Ren's not a victim. He knows this.

He knew what he was doing was wrong and chose to ignore it. Eventually, it became everything he's ever known and molded himself to fit within it until he was enjoying himself. He was convinced this is how life was meant to be lived; controlling and dominating others. Those not strong enough to oppose him or stand as his equal were destined to be ruled. Trampled and stomped on by more powerful creatures who know exactly how to get what they want when they wanted it. It was eat or be eaten, and Ren was always full.

Of course Wormwood liked Delilah. Ren couldn't think of anyone who's met the fem and didn't like her. She was far from perfect, he knew this well. No one was perfect and she was no exception. But despite this, he adored her. Her magenta eyes were always warm and welcoming despite the hell she went through... The hell he caused her - but that was a story for later. She's always a delight to be around and her nurturing personality made him and others feel as though everything was going to be okay. Ren knew well of the silent strength she harboured inside her and it gave him courage to continue on as well. He wasn't sure where'd he'd be if he hadn't met her and in exchange for bringing light to his life, he vowed to remain by her side. They were inseparable... Which only makes the situation he was in worst.

Ren had no idea he was nearing Tanglewood's territory until Wormwood had stepped before him and told him. The sudden appearance of a larger creature caught the male off guard and in response, he drew back his lips in a snarl before quickly stopping. His mind- he wasn't thinking properly. His head was jumbled with thoughts of Delilah and his enhanced senses made it that much harder to concentrate. Stopping, the lynx lifted a large paw and placed it on his face as a sigh escaped his lips. "I am..." He started, unsure of what his mind and mouth wanted to say. Apologize? Yes, that would be a good start. "Sorry." He finished, lowering his paw to look up at the larger creature. He needed to get a hold of himself before he causes unnecessary conflict between him and his clan. His... Clan... The stranger did say "Tanglewood," right? As in the Tanglewood? The clan he's staying in? Now that he mentioned it, his surroundings did look familiar. How had he not noticed? Ah, right. Delilah. But he should at least be paying attention to where he was going. Straightening up, he remembered the lion saying something else regarding him losing something and the current state he was in. Blinking slowly, Ren shook his head. "N-no... I am quite alright." He spoke, his usual formal way of addressing others made itself evident. He doubted the stranger knew of Delilah and decided not to mention his predicament.

Now that he had a paw back in reality, he noticed the faint smell of Tanglewood on the other's coat. He hasn't been here long, Ren could tell that much. "Are you a member of Tanglewood?" Came his inquiry. Though his voice was deep and had a rumble comparable to soft thunder, it was slightly hoarse from weeks without using it.