11-15-2018, 02:10 PM
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she’d been trying to get settled. home, that was what this was supposed to be. home was alone, home was billie, billie, and billie. she’d decided long ago that she didn’t need anyone else, when her own blood and flesh abandoned her. if her family didn’t need her, then she didn’t need them. she didn’t need anyone, right?
keep repeating it, her subconscious hissed, maybe you’ll start to believe it.
the truth was, she was hurting. she’d been hurting for a long time. she wanted to grow some roots, she wanted to care about others, she wanted to let people below the surface, but she’d just gotten so damn used to being dropped when the going got tough, she was too scared of it happening again.
she’d been raised to know, without a question or a doubt, that she was a pawn. expendable, insignificant. everything was for her mother, her life, her families lives. her mother was special, so the rest of them were nothing more than chopped liver, or so it seemed.
she’d been abandoned for thinking otherwise. not acting on it, not even speaking of it. her mother infiltrated her mind and probed her deepest thoughts, and suddenly she was on a pyre, ready to be martyred.
she didn’t want to think about it now. not now, and maybe not ever. she didn’t want to think about how everyone she’d protected turned their heads when it was her neck on the line, how her own mother chose greed over her own child.
but the universe put a big, fat reminder right in front of her face in the form of an ironically small and slender golden locket.
it took a minute for her to open it. she used a claw to pop the small button on the side, which revealed a picture of a small, cute little family of rabbits. on the inside of the cover was a small inscription, and though she had to squint to read it, she could make out family is everything. the discovery had billie grinding her teeth for a moment, stewing in anger, before she finally grasped it between her teeth, turning to leave her home.
outside, she moved quickly, heart thumping with anger until she reached a small river. with a twist of her neck, she flung the necklace out, and a few seconds later it hit the water and began to sink.
“screw family.” she said quietly, a wild anger burning in her eyes as she watched the spot it sank, as if expecting it to resurface and haunt her.
she’d been trying to get settled. home, that was what this was supposed to be. home was alone, home was billie, billie, and billie. she’d decided long ago that she didn’t need anyone else, when her own blood and flesh abandoned her. if her family didn’t need her, then she didn’t need them. she didn’t need anyone, right?
keep repeating it, her subconscious hissed, maybe you’ll start to believe it.
the truth was, she was hurting. she’d been hurting for a long time. she wanted to grow some roots, she wanted to care about others, she wanted to let people below the surface, but she’d just gotten so damn used to being dropped when the going got tough, she was too scared of it happening again.
she’d been raised to know, without a question or a doubt, that she was a pawn. expendable, insignificant. everything was for her mother, her life, her families lives. her mother was special, so the rest of them were nothing more than chopped liver, or so it seemed.
she’d been abandoned for thinking otherwise. not acting on it, not even speaking of it. her mother infiltrated her mind and probed her deepest thoughts, and suddenly she was on a pyre, ready to be martyred.
she didn’t want to think about it now. not now, and maybe not ever. she didn’t want to think about how everyone she’d protected turned their heads when it was her neck on the line, how her own mother chose greed over her own child.
but the universe put a big, fat reminder right in front of her face in the form of an ironically small and slender golden locket.
it took a minute for her to open it. she used a claw to pop the small button on the side, which revealed a picture of a small, cute little family of rabbits. on the inside of the cover was a small inscription, and though she had to squint to read it, she could make out family is everything. the discovery had billie grinding her teeth for a moment, stewing in anger, before she finally grasped it between her teeth, turning to leave her home.
outside, she moved quickly, heart thumping with anger until she reached a small river. with a twist of her neck, she flung the necklace out, and a few seconds later it hit the water and began to sink.
“screw family.” she said quietly, a wild anger burning in her eyes as she watched the spot it sank, as if expecting it to resurface and haunt her.