11-11-2018, 11:39 PM
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]He was exhausted with change.
It seemed that no matter where he went, no matter how the lands started to shift and distort around him, no matter what new clans he stumbled upon then inevitably left... everything only ever seemed to change around him. In the end he was still in the same situation he had been three years ago, alone, tired... hoping for the next best thing to get him out of the hole he feared was dug too deep already. He was tired of change not because he hated to see everything change, but because it didn't seem to change fast enough, and was meaningless. He traveled to different places but the past still hung on to him like a burr, one he'd only be able to get rid of if he chopped his own damn fur off. Death hadn't helped, as he had been shoved back into a body rather unceremoniously as some sort of sick punishment, and all that was left was the continuous struggle to do... something. He hadn't lied to Gabriel when he had said he didn't know why he was here anymore. Everything went by so fast, and yet he still seemed to be stuck going so slowly, to the point that he feared he was going backwards at this point. He hoped not, though. There was still some faint flicker of foolish hope left in his chest that made it possible for him to want to become better. He wasn't sure how long it had left.
But just as much as he was tired of change, he also thrived on it. Des was not someone who stayed in place, fearing the relationships he made lest they crash and burn before his eyes like countless others, following years of bad luck as every place he settled in inevitably kicked him out. He left pieces of himself in every place he settled in, and he hoped that eventually, after leaving enough pieces, there would be nothing else left of him to share. He'd become a cryptid, someone that others thought they knew but didn't really. The change of scenery kept him alive and made it possible to continue hiding underneath the easy mask he always wore. The longer he stayed in one place, the more that mask cracked, and he didn't want to face the reality and wait for someone to figure out that he wasn't as happy as he seemed, and that the easy going smiles were just a facade to hide the broken parts of himself he hated.
And so he left the Typhoon yet again, disappearing before he could make any prominent impact on the people there. He didn't chance returning to the Ascendants, even if Gabriel was there and would probably defend him if need be, and so the lion instead chose to travel to the next best place, an ally of the place he had briefly considered home. It was a subtle shift, something that he perhaps needed more than a drastic turn around. The sea was calming, and moving to such a familiar setting would work out better than if he started to live up on a mountain all of a sudden. It was also, inevitably, an excuse to eventually work his way back to seeing those he had met during his time with the rough group of pirates. Des was tired of change. He was tired of running. Just because he was trained to do so didn't mean he enjoyed it, and a small part of him wished to eventually return, to fix the mistakes he had made in life.
One small step at a time.
For now that step would be at the border of Sunhaven, paws submerged in the waters to lose himself in the waves that lapped at his body as a method of calming himself that didn't involve cigarettes. That was another thing he enjoyed about The Typhoon - he didn't need any of his other vices as much as he did elsewhere when he was near the water. Perhaps it was why he had stayed there for so long before leaving. He was no different than everyone else searching for a place to make them feel good.
It seemed that no matter where he went, no matter how the lands started to shift and distort around him, no matter what new clans he stumbled upon then inevitably left... everything only ever seemed to change around him. In the end he was still in the same situation he had been three years ago, alone, tired... hoping for the next best thing to get him out of the hole he feared was dug too deep already. He was tired of change not because he hated to see everything change, but because it didn't seem to change fast enough, and was meaningless. He traveled to different places but the past still hung on to him like a burr, one he'd only be able to get rid of if he chopped his own damn fur off. Death hadn't helped, as he had been shoved back into a body rather unceremoniously as some sort of sick punishment, and all that was left was the continuous struggle to do... something. He hadn't lied to Gabriel when he had said he didn't know why he was here anymore. Everything went by so fast, and yet he still seemed to be stuck going so slowly, to the point that he feared he was going backwards at this point. He hoped not, though. There was still some faint flicker of foolish hope left in his chest that made it possible for him to want to become better. He wasn't sure how long it had left.
But just as much as he was tired of change, he also thrived on it. Des was not someone who stayed in place, fearing the relationships he made lest they crash and burn before his eyes like countless others, following years of bad luck as every place he settled in inevitably kicked him out. He left pieces of himself in every place he settled in, and he hoped that eventually, after leaving enough pieces, there would be nothing else left of him to share. He'd become a cryptid, someone that others thought they knew but didn't really. The change of scenery kept him alive and made it possible to continue hiding underneath the easy mask he always wore. The longer he stayed in one place, the more that mask cracked, and he didn't want to face the reality and wait for someone to figure out that he wasn't as happy as he seemed, and that the easy going smiles were just a facade to hide the broken parts of himself he hated.
And so he left the Typhoon yet again, disappearing before he could make any prominent impact on the people there. He didn't chance returning to the Ascendants, even if Gabriel was there and would probably defend him if need be, and so the lion instead chose to travel to the next best place, an ally of the place he had briefly considered home. It was a subtle shift, something that he perhaps needed more than a drastic turn around. The sea was calming, and moving to such a familiar setting would work out better than if he started to live up on a mountain all of a sudden. It was also, inevitably, an excuse to eventually work his way back to seeing those he had met during his time with the rough group of pirates. Des was tired of change. He was tired of running. Just because he was trained to do so didn't mean he enjoyed it, and a small part of him wished to eventually return, to fix the mistakes he had made in life.
One small step at a time.
For now that step would be at the border of Sunhaven, paws submerged in the waters to lose himself in the waves that lapped at his body as a method of calming himself that didn't involve cigarettes. That was another thing he enjoyed about The Typhoon - he didn't need any of his other vices as much as he did elsewhere when he was near the water. Perhaps it was why he had stayed there for so long before leaving. He was no different than everyone else searching for a place to make them feel good.
♔ — I want brimstone in my garden