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reasonable doubt [ joining ] - adomania - 11-11-2018
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]He was exhausted with change.
It seemed that no matter where he went, no matter how the lands started to shift and distort around him, no matter what new clans he stumbled upon then inevitably left... everything only ever seemed to change around him. In the end he was still in the same situation he had been three years ago, alone, tired... hoping for the next best thing to get him out of the hole he feared was dug too deep already. He was tired of change not because he hated to see everything change, but because it didn't seem to change fast enough, and was meaningless. He traveled to different places but the past still hung on to him like a burr, one he'd only be able to get rid of if he chopped his own damn fur off. Death hadn't helped, as he had been shoved back into a body rather unceremoniously as some sort of sick punishment, and all that was left was the continuous struggle to do... something. He hadn't lied to Gabriel when he had said he didn't know why he was here anymore. Everything went by so fast, and yet he still seemed to be stuck going so slowly, to the point that he feared he was going backwards at this point. He hoped not, though. There was still some faint flicker of foolish hope left in his chest that made it possible for him to want to become better. He wasn't sure how long it had left.
But just as much as he was tired of change, he also thrived on it. Des was not someone who stayed in place, fearing the relationships he made lest they crash and burn before his eyes like countless others, following years of bad luck as every place he settled in inevitably kicked him out. He left pieces of himself in every place he settled in, and he hoped that eventually, after leaving enough pieces, there would be nothing else left of him to share. He'd become a cryptid, someone that others thought they knew but didn't really. The change of scenery kept him alive and made it possible to continue hiding underneath the easy mask he always wore. The longer he stayed in one place, the more that mask cracked, and he didn't want to face the reality and wait for someone to figure out that he wasn't as happy as he seemed, and that the easy going smiles were just a facade to hide the broken parts of himself he hated.
And so he left the Typhoon yet again, disappearing before he could make any prominent impact on the people there. He didn't chance returning to the Ascendants, even if Gabriel was there and would probably defend him if need be, and so the lion instead chose to travel to the next best place, an ally of the place he had briefly considered home. It was a subtle shift, something that he perhaps needed more than a drastic turn around. The sea was calming, and moving to such a familiar setting would work out better than if he started to live up on a mountain all of a sudden. It was also, inevitably, an excuse to eventually work his way back to seeing those he had met during his time with the rough group of pirates. Des was tired of change. He was tired of running. Just because he was trained to do so didn't mean he enjoyed it, and a small part of him wished to eventually return, to fix the mistakes he had made in life.
One small step at a time.
For now that step would be at the border of Sunhaven, paws submerged in the waters to lose himself in the waves that lapped at his body as a method of calming himself that didn't involve cigarettes. That was another thing he enjoyed about The Typhoon - he didn't need any of his other vices as much as he did elsewhere when he was near the water. Perhaps it was why he had stayed there for so long before leaving. He was no different than everyone else searching for a place to make them feel good.
Re: reasonable doubt [ joining ] - rhosmari - 11-12-2018
At one point the ocean had made her happy, when she had come to terms with her curse and understood that even if she couldn't go back to the life she had once cherished she could just as well be happy being someone else. Someone happier and carefree despite how hideous she appeared. Monroe had been the name she had taken up back then, a creature of shark and feline and she hide in that identity, cloaked and shouted from trying to be anything other than what the blood pearls had made of her. After all it was her own fault for her actions and the reason in which she was cursed for. This taught her a lesson in humility and she learned it the hard way. Still, she often wondered even now that her curse was broken, even now as she stood there allowing the fall breeze to pull the salty scent of the ocean to herself and feel it tug at her fur she didn't yet know who she was. Marina was a new name. Something she had given herself when she could be who she was again. Her real name was lost to her, forgotten in the old ages of when she had been just a regular feline. Yet, she didn't see that as a bad thing, simply....neutral. Maybe one day she would delve into the depths of her past again and try to figure out what it was that was her again.
But for now she just watched idly as the ocean moved, as it shifted and pulled against the earth as a force of nature all on it's own. Though that was for such a short moment and she turned her vivid green hues upon a strange who slowly moved into the waters. Hmm. Without much thought the hellbeast moved, eyes watching carefully as she came up from his side across the sands of the beach. Her claws carved deep into the sand as she approached him though for now she said nothing and instead waited till she was close enough. Settling down upon her haunches she gave a gently breath, one filled with tiredness and yet she was at peace. "It's beautiful ain't it?" Her question was rhetoric but he was free to answer it if he wished to. "Name's Marina by the way. Ya here tae join up with Sunhaven or just tae admire the view?" There was a measure of humor in her voice as she turned her snake like eyes back to the male, inviting him in for conversation.
"SPEECH"
But for now she just watched idly as the ocean moved, as it shifted and pulled against the earth as a force of nature all on it's own. Though that was for such a short moment and she turned her vivid green hues upon a strange who slowly moved into the waters. Hmm. Without much thought the hellbeast moved, eyes watching carefully as she came up from his side across the sands of the beach. Her claws carved deep into the sand as she approached him though for now she said nothing and instead waited till she was close enough. Settling down upon her haunches she gave a gently breath, one filled with tiredness and yet she was at peace. "It's beautiful ain't it?" Her question was rhetoric but he was free to answer it if he wished to. "Name's Marina by the way. Ya here tae join up with Sunhaven or just tae admire the view?" There was a measure of humor in her voice as she turned her snake like eyes back to the male, inviting him in for conversation.
"SPEECH"
♡marina monroe - helion - sunhaven♡
Re: reasonable doubt [ joining ] - adomania - 11-12-2018
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]Des wasn't sure if he would ever be happy with himself. He had no problems with humility, perhaps too full of it to be healthy, actually, but it was dangerous when mixed with a healthy dose of self-depreciation and a bottle of alcohol. No, his name was not his own but for other reasons, ones that put a sour taste in his throat whenever he so much as glanced back at his past. Desperado was an alias, but it was the only name he had these days. Ronan was dead, perhaps he had never existed as his own person in the first place, and the name the gang gave him seemed far more fitting. Desperado. A criminal, desperate for some semblance of sense to assign to his own life. Maybe that's why he was running, to find a new name... though the chances of that seemed to get smaller each time he left.
He didn't have some curse holding him back, no supernatural beings twisting his strings together... it was just him, his past, and the future he wished he could have but was too afraid to search for. Following his bout with the Ascendants, redemption seemed so far away... sometimes it seemed like supernatural causes would be easier to fix than his own predicament.
Those thoughts, although faint, were still prevalent no matter where he was and no matter when. Even there, seemingly calm and lost in the waves that shifted beneath him, his demons held on. They didn't give way even when the steady sound of paws on the sand told of Marina's presence, although it allowed Des to focus on something else and he took it as a welcome reprieve, even as the muscles of his shoulder stiffened, instinctively prepared for battle.
He wasn't sure if the question was meant to be answered, so he gave her an non distinct hum in return, neither confirming nor denying her statement but simply acknowledging it. It was beautiful in a dangerous sort of way, as exemplified by the fact that it was far higher than it should be at this time of year, and the threat of a flood seemed to be constantly looming above the Sunhaven's collective heads. The waters were just as dangerous as fire proved to be, something that Des had learned when his own powers started to amount. A storm out at sea was just as dangerous at a forest fire, even if for different reasons. It was a natural disaster no matter which one it turned out to be.
A silence spanned between them before the feline finally tilted his head up from the golden waves, deep multicolored eyes searching her form for something that he, himself, wasn't quite sure of. A part of him was looking for the usual hint of danger, watching her muscles for any sign that she was ready to attack... another, smaller, part of him seemed to be searching for a sign that she, or those who lived here, would give him what he wanted. What he needed. It was a shame he didn't even know what that was to try and begin to search for it. Was it redemption? A place where he could be forgotten? A home? Or simply a place to rest his head before he went in search of any combination of the few? He was just as lost as he had always been in life, and coming here had yet to offer him any solace.
"Both, I guess. The view's real nice, too nice to let an opportunity slide by. The goal was to join, but 'm not sure if ya'll would want someone like me, to be real honest with you. I tend to leave before anyone knows my name," and that was the truth of it. He seemed to run from wherever he went, and there was a small part of him that expected it from Sunhaven as well. If they didn't wish to deal with that, it was easier to find out earlier on. "Desperado. You can call me Des, though."