song of sunlight ;; ophelia

[cavalrychoir]

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[div style="background-color:;border:;width:135px;overflowtretch;font-size:8.5pt;color:darkred;text-align:left;text-transform:uppercase;font-family:tahoma;margin-bottom:-10px;margin-left:7px;float:left;"]RENEGADEANTHEM—

Ren wasn't the exploring type. He didn't walk out of his nest with the intent of going on adventures or for fun. He found no need to and it wasn't something he would find entertaining. Perhaps is was from the traveling and conquering he did previously that left a foul taste in his mouth. He, however, did enjoy going on walks. He could be alone with his thoughts and truly delve into his mind. He could analyze himself without being interrupted by others and he didn't have to be on guard. All he had to think about was himself and the steps he took so he could find his way back home. It was an odd sensation, calling Tanglewood home. It... It wasn't his home. At least, not yet. There was a mental barrier in his mind that prevented him from calling anywhere his home. Was this due to the trauma of his previous home or is this denial? Was he subconsciously denying himself of any happiness? If so, why? Fear? Anger? Rebellion? Who was he scared of? Who was he angry with? Who was he rebelling against? These questions and similar ones had him in a choke-hold and refused to let him go. He didn't know where to begin and he felt hopeless.

His purpose was to oppress, to control. But now that he's left that behind, what is he now?

He didn't know where he was walking or how he ended up here, but the golden sea before him was hard to ignore. Drawing him back out of his mind and into reality, he noticed the sea of wheat and rye before him. He was confused at first, but once he collected himself, he found his paws carrying him into the tall stems. Inhaling slowly, dark red eyes filled with wonder as he slowly picked his way through. Before he knew it, he had come across an old barn that has seen better days. Walking close to it, he placed a paw on the decaying walls before sighing and sitting down. Leaning up against it, he stared out into the golden field in front of him. Home, huh? He thought to himself with a dry chuckle. When has he ever done something, anything to deserve a home? Tanglewood was too good for him and he knew this. He had no qualms about admitting it as well. Then what did he deserve you ask? A cold, empty cave somewhere in the world away from others. He would live for eternity, watching plants grow and wither. Retell tales of when redwoods were mere saplings struggling in the winter. He'd watch as young birds jump out of their nests in attempt to fly for the first time. They were young and inexperienced so he'd wait patiently below to catch those who needed more time to learn. After all, what's the point in possessing such a strong body and not use it to protect? The muscles that have been conditioned to snap necks and dent skulls were still hardened, but had no wielder to put it simply; no purpose. It all went back to purpose. It always did.

He hated this. Being confused about himself to the point of pitying oneself; sulking wasn't his thing. But here he was, leaned up against an old barn trying not to lose his mind as he contemplated many things.



[member=1933]ophelia.[/member] hhhhh it's super late sorry!!