DREAD IN MY HEART / open, suicide attempt

[madster]

malphas was vividly hallucinating as he laid on the ground, twitching. he saw the world melt around him, then reform and blur. the grass swayed to a beat and the moon dripped out of the sky as he slowly felt more and more out of touch with the world, his stomach burning up as his body learned to process dying. it was a pleasant feeling, and malphas' eyelids felt heavy. this was it, he thought. even though he was drugged, malphas was able to realize what he had done. he was going to die, finally.

then, a blurry dog approached him, and malphas struggled as the plant was shoved down his throat, but he swallowed. as he suddenly felt sick, he realized something. still in a hallucinating stupor, he stumbled, but could think somewhat coherently. i don't want to die. morgan, i don't want to die. he pleaded with the deputy, the deputy who had saved his life over and over and over. morgan was his savior.

then, out of nowhere, he got up, tripped on his own paws, and vomited rather violently, spilling out both the milkweed and the nightshade flower, alongside the rest of the contents of his stomach. he was still high as he stumbled backwards, running into morgan and pressing his body into the samoyed, in a rare affectionate gesture from malphas. "i love you," he muttered, speech slurred, somewhat unaware of what he was doing. still, though, he was alive and no longer in danger of dying, but still in a drug-induced stupor and unaware that he had just tried to kill himself.