These little words // open+cooking lesson // they are changing us

[jacob w.c.]

the subtle grace of gravity

[align=center]

code by spacexual

Jacob had come up with the idea last night, when he was unable to sleep. He'd been more stressed than usual lately. Every time he semeed to take a step forward in his mental health, something terrible happened and sent him back farther than he'd ever been before. He was smelling the smoke constantly now. It never stepped. He would see flickers of fire in the corner of his eyes, his heart rate was elevated and, though it was barely noticeable, his breathing was in a constant faster state than it had been just a few weeks ago. After Caesar took his bandages and forced him to interact with everyone without them, he hadn't been able to sleep. He told himself it'd only been a joke, no one really saw him anyway and no one thought anything of it. But all he could imagine was his flesh bursting into flame, consuming him and everything and everything he adored. It was... painful, and it made his lungs feel as though they were struggling to bring in air. It was like being constantly suffocated by a cloud of ash and smoke.

Today, though, he wanted to get his mind off that. He needed to do something he loved with the people he loved. He planned on making a family dinner later in the week but he needed something else for right now. Something that could immediately distract him from the fire and the smoke and the screams. He needed something that he could control and that was his and that forced him to interact with other people. Usually, he would've fallen back on baking but today he wanted to do something different. For some reason, his thoughts had been drifting to his Ma frequently. He thought maybe it was because of the wedding that would come up and all the wonderful milestones that would come after that. He wished his Ma would be there for it all but she couldn't, and she wouldn't. She would never be there for anything again. he knew that she must be looking from... wherever she was. The dream he'd had of her just months ago reminded him of that constantly. But he was selfish, and he wished she was here with him now. As though to honor her life, he decided to combine the two things she had taught him to help him cope with his anxiety. "If anyone wants ta' learn 'bout cookin' healthy food n' puttin' herbs in different foods n' drinks n' whatnot, come on over 'ere. I'll be teachin' a li'l lesson on it," the man called. He was sure this would be a sufficient distraction from his demons. For now. 

the heavy weight of stone