GHOSTS / joining

[arcy]

.. You know. It'd taken a long time for Izuku to get over his death. There'd been those months while he was alone, he hadn't had time to think about it. All there was to life was, well -- surviving. Blurs of crackling electricity and blood and teeth. .. He might've killed people, he's not sure. When he left some of them there. It's not something he wants to think about, none of it is anything he's proud of. Izuku isn't sure there's a lot he's proud of, these days. All he has are blinding headaches and the only good he's ever felt like he's done in a long time is pressing herbs into people's wounds. He watches hollowly as classmates and clanmates come and go. None of them really stick around, and Izuku is just left alone with the few that do stay.
.. Would it be unfair if Izuku wished he was alone, though? If none of his classmates showed up and none of them died and it was just Izuku. Izuku with his herbs and his claws and crackling fur. Maybe he could be happier if he could leave his past behind. Forgot about the knife in his guts and blood on his hands. He could just be .. Izuku, Snowbound's Frosthealer, instead of Izuku, hero in training. Hero. Unreachable, now. But maybe he could be a hero in his own right.
.. And sometimes, Izuku worries about how people took his death. What'd happened to him when he'd died. Did people care? Was he forgotten, left in the dust? He wouldn't be surprised, it was nothing more than he deserved. He wasn't .. anyone special. A quirkless, worthless kid. .. And that brings him to All Might. Perhaps that's where Izuku finds himself guilty. That he threw himself into danger without a second thought and of course it lead to his death. And then All Might was left without a successor. And that .. was maybe the most unfair thing. But Izuku .. supposes life wasn't fair in general. But .. Izuku isn't sure how much he regrets. He doesn't think about his past life a lot, likes to focus on the now. He has people to take care of. A clan to support. People who .. maybe might care about him, even a little. It was nice, being appreciated. Being useful. He wasn't that old, of course, just a kitten by many people's standards. Not much of a kitten, though, when in just some few months he'd be an adult, which was .. terrifying. A very young adult, but an adult nonetheless. Seriously, how do you go from 'being an adult in four years' to 'being an adult in a few months' with less than half a year inbetween? Izuku would like to know, 'cause it's kind of scary.
"..Hello?" There's a voice, and Izuku doesn't hesitate to respond. It's kind of his job. Be active, be around. Take care of people. He liked greeting people on the borders, anyways. It was still scary. They could hurt him, he didn't know them, but they were always so .. friendly. So maybe that's why Izuku immediately whirls around to follow the voice, tail swishing nervously. He's tired. He shouldn't be up. He almost died a few days ago, but what was fucking new. Shouldn't be walking when he was still sick, shouldn't be walking on this leg that should've been healed weeks ago but basically wasn't at all. Because he wouldn't stop walking on it. And the instant this was pointed out to people he'd probably be shoved into bedrest or something. Unless they wouldn't, because they hadn't stopped Izuku already. ".. Are .. You okay? Do you -- Do you need something?" A serval. Servals weren't common to see in Snowbound, except that they were because Pierce and Killua stayed here but they weren't here anymore. There is, of course, blood. Izuku was sick of blood, but of course he'd have to deal with it for the rest of his miserable enough because, in a lapse of judgement, he'd signed up to be a Tenderfoot. A grave mistake in hind sight, now that Izuku was the sole healer on the team, hadn't even finished his training before Jacob just up and fucking left. So, of course, the green-furred feline circles around the other with ears nervously flattened. He's not -- quite sure what's wrong, but Izuku should at least get him something for the cold, right? Servals weren't meant for the cold, unlike Izuku with a ridiculously long and thick coat of fur. Shouldn't leave him out here more than necessary.

☀ what was i worth