TAU VOLANTIS | private, Washington

[Cosmic]

I was still getting adjusted to clan life and the way it worked, and their traditions so far were amazing. I was loving that aspect of life. There is one part of my history, however, that most folks don't know about. The fact that I had been reincarnated several times into different universes from several video games I used to play when I was human. Well, fuck man. I'm still human, but you know what I mean. When I still had a human body, life, and name. Now I'm... Playerone here. Playerone Kennedy. Funny, really. It was like Leon Kennedy. Should I throw on the last name Clarke for good measure? To honor Isaac Clarke? Meh. Names were a headache. May as well carry all the names in the world.

It's not like anyone's going to believe my ass. Honestly. It's... a really long story, and it's so... out there? Like the work of a fucking madman. They'd think I was fucking insane and lock me up in an asylum, and to be honest I wouldn't blame 'em. I'm nuts anyway. I don't even know if I trust my human memories or this current time period. Who even knew if this was all real? It's a byproduct of the Writer, isn't it? Even the Writer as a Writer. It's a huge gigantic mess of cosmic proportions. It's just... a disaster. Uh... right... onto other topics, I guess.

The Roy guy at my joining didn't seem too happy about me joining the Ascendants. It's as if he didn't trust me. Or trust anyone, for that matter. Was it just the way he came off, perhaps? Bast and Suite are calm enough, Cooper too. I hold onto the hopes that I'm still remembered, liked, and missed in my past life. It was time to make a new story in this universe, I suppose. I didn't like leaving stories unfinished, nor not leaving my mark on one that was coming to a close. Maybe it's because I bounce between universes so much I don't understand up from down anymore.

If I'm honest... It's really been weighing on my mind heavy. I don't know how much longer i can take all this jumping between universes and being reincarnated thing. I feel like my head could explode sometimes from all the memories... trauma... death... it all feels so surreal if anything. I can't put my finger on it. You would have to experience the things I have to really get somewhat of a tadte and understanding of it. This... It's all so much. I am so confused... lost...

Alone.

Alone.

I feel so fucking alone. I just want my life to be normal for one fucking second so I can actually bond with people. Get to know folks. Perhaps even folks that knew about all these planets and universes I visited before coming to this one as a felox. Would they understand or even care about the hardships I had faced on the Ishimura? Would they know what happened to Raccoon City? All the viral outbreaks? Or even the original circumstances that caused me to pass before all of this had started?

I need people who were once... well, people. And people that actually gave a shit about me. I have so much mental fuckery going on and no one to talk about it with. If I tried to talk to anyone about this...

Well...

It's hopeless.

I had been walking around the Ascendants  territory for a long time. How long you might ask? Well, I have no idea either as I had been venturing for quite some time trying to clear my damn head. I was so sick of this. Would there ever be an end?!

I stopped, wherever I happened to be, crouched to the ground, body trembling with frustration and this... depressing yet panic inducing feeling. Wh-What is this?!

"MAKE IT STOP!"