06-25-2018, 12:09 AM
[align=center]![[Image: tiny_pixel_goldie.png]](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/453243520472449024/454027563728109598/tiny_pixel_goldie.png)
goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags
//mobile
she was in indescribable pain. the physical pain of her wounds was clear, but that is not the pain she worried about. her scratches would heal, and her head, while damaged, would get better. the ripped fur and skin would come back and it would soon enough be as if it never happened. this pain, though, would not be so easy to get rid of. she could not forget or ignore this pain. she could not sleep with this pain. she could not even manage with it. it would take much longer to fade, but even then, it wouldn't be gone completely. it would still hurt. the girl didn't want to feel like this anymore. the girl wanted it all to go back.
the thing that bothered her more than anything else about it all is knowing how easy it would have been to avoid. she so easily could have woken up and helped him. he so easily could have woken her up. she knew it all started in the submarine because there were bloodstains there when she woke up. she could still so visibly picture them. she could still so visibly picture him. his lifeless, still body. her desire to hold on and never let go. she still felt it. she still wanted to hold onto him. but, she couldn't. they had to send him out to sea. give him a proper goodbye for everyone. and, while she wasn't usually selfish, she felt so now. she wanted papa all to herself. she wanted to lay by his side forever, even if it was a lie. she didn't want to let him go. she wanted to see him again. so badly. more than anything, she wanted him to come back. she needed him.
goldie was fully aware of how much she relied on adults. she knew that she depended on them all for help. she was getting better, but she still couldn't do it without them. they knew better than her, most of the time. they could help her. losing the adult she depended on most was terrifying and she couldn't bare it. it has only been a few days and she already felt like the world was caving in. everything was crashing down and no one was here to help her hold it up anymore. she felt all alone. she knew she wasn't. she knew she had so many people, including her dear brother now, but it still felt so lonely. she didn't know how to explain it. nobody could really help her. no one could bring papa back. death is final. or so she thought.
the girl quite honestly shouldn't be moving around as much as she is, seeing as the injuries she received haven't even been here for more than a day. her shoulders and head hurt more than anything else, physically. her head especially. the bright sun brought her pain. thinking is hard to do now. normally she could come up with lots of words to say easily, but now it took her a little while. remembering is harder to do, too, unless it is something significant. she couldn't even remember how she got hurt in the first place. what she did know, though, is that it sort of messed up her papa's feather earring. blood had dried on it. this bugged her a lot, actually. it was tainting something that was her papa's. something that was an extreme comfort to her now. something that she definitely did not want anyone to mess up. this earring was near sacred to the girl now. it is an important memory.
she had tried to clean it. she had washed it very, very carefully and hesitantly in the water. she didn't want it to lose papa's scent, so she aimed specifically for the small parts that did have blood on them, making the soft feather crusty. but, she couldn't get it off. it wouldn't come off. she didn't want to push too hard, or else she would potentially damage it and ruin it even more. so, instead, she just silently dealt with it. it made her feel pretty darn bad, though. she almost cried over it. the fact that she had only worn it for a couple days and it already started to lose its original touch because of her own accidents was embarrassing and sad. she didn't want to lose that part of papa so quickly. she needed to hold on. she didn't know what else to do. she should have protected it instinctively when she had been injured, however that did happen. it was one of the most important things she had and she already screwed it up. how disappointing.
she moved around now, though, because she needed something to do. she couldn't handle thinking, she really couldn't. moving was the easiest way of distracting herself. she stared at the ground and her movements were slow and silent, her walk still wobbly and struggled. she drowned out most everything, except for minimal details around her. she mostly focused on smells and touch, as those hurt her head less than seeing or hearing. she try to stay in shadier parts of the beach when she could, though. goldie was doing that now, her eyes half-shut as she peered at the ground in silence. her tail dragged and her head and ears were lowered. her steps were rigid as she tried to keep her balance and ignore the pain that arised from moving too much. her surroundings were hard to focus on right now, and that's why she would start to slowly walk right past the most important person in her life without even realizing it. that is, until she heard him call out. she stopped in her tracks at that, nearly falling over.
she knows that voice.
the girl was several feet from him, but not enough that her eyes had to strain to see him. she didn't move at first, her scratched face simply staring. her expression was unreadable as she seemed to look over him quietly, green eyes moving slowly. she lifted her head and perked her ears just moments before she seemed to come to a sudden realization. "papa!" she screamed his name for all to hear. her voice held no joy in it, though. it held relief. and, almost, maybe, disbelief, too. how was this possible? she had no clue, but so long as it was real, she didn't care. perhaps it had been a bad dream all this time. a cruel, horrible, bad dream. and now she gets to wake up. she leaped towards him, her shoulders screaming in protest, but her emotions driving her forward despite it. she would quickly try to cling onto him, her hold tight, as if he would crumble away if she let go. she wouldn't let go.
she wouldn't say anything for a few moments, and would just hold onto him. she wanted to make sure nothing could take this away from her. she didn't trust it. and, quite honestly, she was at a loss for words. there was so much she could say. so much she wants to say. perhaps she should say the most important things first. yes, that would be a good idea. she closed her eyes slowly, letting her throbbing head focus on this and only this. this was too important. "why didn't you wake me up? i would have helped you." the words held a sort of intention to scold him, but the tone was shaky and absolutely hurt. the sadness and terror and guilt, and everything else she had been feeling spilled out solely in her tone. this has bothered her more than anything else now. she needed him to know that she would help him. she needed him to ask for help when he needed it. this couldn't happen again. she was right next to him. she was right there.
"please don't go again. i love you, papa," this one was more sad than the last and her voice was pleading now. she couldn't bare the thought of him going again. she went quiet again after this, not sure what else to say. she still had so much to tell him. only when she shifted her head did she realize that she should return his earring. "o-oh, i've been wearing this," she said softly, pulling the feather gently off of herself and offering it to her papa. "i-i got some blood on it by accident...i'm really sorry. i didn't mean to. i tried to clean it but it wouldn't come off."
she was in indescribable pain. the physical pain of her wounds was clear, but that is not the pain she worried about. her scratches would heal, and her head, while damaged, would get better. the ripped fur and skin would come back and it would soon enough be as if it never happened. this pain, though, would not be so easy to get rid of. she could not forget or ignore this pain. she could not sleep with this pain. she could not even manage with it. it would take much longer to fade, but even then, it wouldn't be gone completely. it would still hurt. the girl didn't want to feel like this anymore. the girl wanted it all to go back.
the thing that bothered her more than anything else about it all is knowing how easy it would have been to avoid. she so easily could have woken up and helped him. he so easily could have woken her up. she knew it all started in the submarine because there were bloodstains there when she woke up. she could still so visibly picture them. she could still so visibly picture him. his lifeless, still body. her desire to hold on and never let go. she still felt it. she still wanted to hold onto him. but, she couldn't. they had to send him out to sea. give him a proper goodbye for everyone. and, while she wasn't usually selfish, she felt so now. she wanted papa all to herself. she wanted to lay by his side forever, even if it was a lie. she didn't want to let him go. she wanted to see him again. so badly. more than anything, she wanted him to come back. she needed him.
goldie was fully aware of how much she relied on adults. she knew that she depended on them all for help. she was getting better, but she still couldn't do it without them. they knew better than her, most of the time. they could help her. losing the adult she depended on most was terrifying and she couldn't bare it. it has only been a few days and she already felt like the world was caving in. everything was crashing down and no one was here to help her hold it up anymore. she felt all alone. she knew she wasn't. she knew she had so many people, including her dear brother now, but it still felt so lonely. she didn't know how to explain it. nobody could really help her. no one could bring papa back. death is final. or so she thought.
the girl quite honestly shouldn't be moving around as much as she is, seeing as the injuries she received haven't even been here for more than a day. her shoulders and head hurt more than anything else, physically. her head especially. the bright sun brought her pain. thinking is hard to do now. normally she could come up with lots of words to say easily, but now it took her a little while. remembering is harder to do, too, unless it is something significant. she couldn't even remember how she got hurt in the first place. what she did know, though, is that it sort of messed up her papa's feather earring. blood had dried on it. this bugged her a lot, actually. it was tainting something that was her papa's. something that was an extreme comfort to her now. something that she definitely did not want anyone to mess up. this earring was near sacred to the girl now. it is an important memory.
she had tried to clean it. she had washed it very, very carefully and hesitantly in the water. she didn't want it to lose papa's scent, so she aimed specifically for the small parts that did have blood on them, making the soft feather crusty. but, she couldn't get it off. it wouldn't come off. she didn't want to push too hard, or else she would potentially damage it and ruin it even more. so, instead, she just silently dealt with it. it made her feel pretty darn bad, though. she almost cried over it. the fact that she had only worn it for a couple days and it already started to lose its original touch because of her own accidents was embarrassing and sad. she didn't want to lose that part of papa so quickly. she needed to hold on. she didn't know what else to do. she should have protected it instinctively when she had been injured, however that did happen. it was one of the most important things she had and she already screwed it up. how disappointing.
she moved around now, though, because she needed something to do. she couldn't handle thinking, she really couldn't. moving was the easiest way of distracting herself. she stared at the ground and her movements were slow and silent, her walk still wobbly and struggled. she drowned out most everything, except for minimal details around her. she mostly focused on smells and touch, as those hurt her head less than seeing or hearing. she try to stay in shadier parts of the beach when she could, though. goldie was doing that now, her eyes half-shut as she peered at the ground in silence. her tail dragged and her head and ears were lowered. her steps were rigid as she tried to keep her balance and ignore the pain that arised from moving too much. her surroundings were hard to focus on right now, and that's why she would start to slowly walk right past the most important person in her life without even realizing it. that is, until she heard him call out. she stopped in her tracks at that, nearly falling over.
she knows that voice.
the girl was several feet from him, but not enough that her eyes had to strain to see him. she didn't move at first, her scratched face simply staring. her expression was unreadable as she seemed to look over him quietly, green eyes moving slowly. she lifted her head and perked her ears just moments before she seemed to come to a sudden realization. "papa!" she screamed his name for all to hear. her voice held no joy in it, though. it held relief. and, almost, maybe, disbelief, too. how was this possible? she had no clue, but so long as it was real, she didn't care. perhaps it had been a bad dream all this time. a cruel, horrible, bad dream. and now she gets to wake up. she leaped towards him, her shoulders screaming in protest, but her emotions driving her forward despite it. she would quickly try to cling onto him, her hold tight, as if he would crumble away if she let go. she wouldn't let go.
she wouldn't say anything for a few moments, and would just hold onto him. she wanted to make sure nothing could take this away from her. she didn't trust it. and, quite honestly, she was at a loss for words. there was so much she could say. so much she wants to say. perhaps she should say the most important things first. yes, that would be a good idea. she closed her eyes slowly, letting her throbbing head focus on this and only this. this was too important. "why didn't you wake me up? i would have helped you." the words held a sort of intention to scold him, but the tone was shaky and absolutely hurt. the sadness and terror and guilt, and everything else she had been feeling spilled out solely in her tone. this has bothered her more than anything else now. she needed him to know that she would help him. she needed him to ask for help when he needed it. this couldn't happen again. she was right next to him. she was right there.
"please don't go again. i love you, papa," this one was more sad than the last and her voice was pleading now. she couldn't bare the thought of him going again. she went quiet again after this, not sure what else to say. she still had so much to tell him. only when she shifted her head did she realize that she should return his earring. "o-oh, i've been wearing this," she said softly, pulling the feather gently off of herself and offering it to her papa. "i-i got some blood on it by accident...i'm really sorry. i didn't mean to. i tried to clean it but it wouldn't come off."
NOTHING'S EVER LOST FOREVER, IT'S JUST HIDING IN THE RECESS OF YOUR MIND AND WHEN YOU NEED IT, IT WILL COME TO YOU AT NIGHT. I MISS THE YELLOW. I MISS THE YELLING AND THE SHAKEDOWN. I'M NOT COMPLAINING, NO, I GOT A BETTER SET OF KNIVES NOW. I MISS MY DRUMMER, MY DEAD STEPBROTHER, AND THE PIT CROWD. AND CHUCK AND MATTY - IF THEY COULD SEE ME THEY'D BE SO PROUD.