DEEP IN THE OCEAN // mourning (mini oneshot)

[ATBASH CIPHER.]

ATBASH CIPHER

you laugh and smile at me, but you don't see a thing !

Shaking paws lead Atbash to the grave in front of the statue where Aurum typically made his meetings. It was nighttime and the woman was kept awake by lingering memories and nightmares of things that happened to her: her parents' death, Caesar attacking her not only one but twice during her time in Snowbound, Stryker's takeover, Stryker ripping her eye out... There were more than those, of course, but the whole point of visiting Vigenere's grave to try and stop them. Once she got close enough to Vigenere's grave, Atbash laid down and shuffled so her paws were underneath her body in an attempt to control her shaking body.
"I miss you," Atbash began in an already shaky voice, her words coming in a hushed whisper so she wouldn't wake anybody up. She didn't expect Vigenere to respond, but the silence was still hard to bear; she didn't want to accept the fact that her brother was gone, especially given the fact that they could both easily possess a new body whenever their current one dies. Of course, that took time and energy, but one dark thought in Atbash's head was that he didn't want to return.

And honestly, who could blame him? Vigenere would be with his family at last, at least Atbash hoped so. He would be with their parents, he would be with Athena, both of whom were ripped away from him by Caesar. Not to mention, leading a group was stressful - Atbash knew this firsthand - and maybe he was afraid of coming back and being forced into leadership again. Unlike Atbash, she had a feeling that being a leader had more cons in the tom's mind, given how he had chased Atbash off when they first arrived in the lands of Beyond, claiming that he wanted to be left alone. It was funny how soon after, it seemed he joined Tanglewood. Was it guilt? Was it to hopefully see his sister again? Atbash didn't know.

"I'm so sorry..." Atbash's throat got tighter as she continued on. Had she stayed near Vigenere instead of running off changed things? Would he have still have joined Tanglewood? She definitely wouldn't had been apart of Snowbound, but there was still the issue of Caesar existing so it was possible she could have still been attacked by him. The whole ordeal with Stryker may not have happened, and maybe Snowbound would still be around. If Snowbound was still around, then maybe the Coalition didn't have a reason to exist, and thus, Vigenere wouldn't be dead. "I lead Stryker to you, I'm so sorry, I should have fought back. I should have done something."

Atbash leaned forward, pressing her head against the gravestone and finally allowed herself to start sobbing. She grit her teeth together to stop herself from crying out, wanting to remain as silent as possible. "Please, come back. I need you." She barely knew how to fight and protect herself, she didn't want to be here to deal with Caesar by herself. She couldn't. Considering the fact that Caesar was the reason she had gotten captured by Stryker in the first place, she deserved to have gotten killed instead of Vigenere, even if Aurum and the others argued that he didn't want her thinking like that.

Stryker knew that capturing her would send her back into the time he took over Snowbound and the only reason she had fought back was because she had her Tribe by her side. With Caesar obviously against her, she would have been alone there. She didn't have the strength of her Tribe behind her and both Stryker and Caesar knew this. They targeted her on purpose because they knew she would have given them information. So why should Vigenere be the one to suffer in all of this?

"Vigenere, please." Atbash continued to sob. "I'm so sorry..." You would think that everything she's been through, she would have learned that she was worth more but ironically, it made her feel worse about everything. She felt like she couldn't be here without her older brother, not when Caesar was still out there and still potentially a threat. There was no doubt in her mind that Caesar was aware that Vigenere was gone, even if he didn't know that Atbash had joined Tanglewood. He could easily kill her off right now and Vigenere couldn't stop him.

So why didn't he?

//TL;DR - Atbash is by Vigenere's grave at night and is basically feeling guilty and is crying about wanting him back.
Word Count: 735

female | shaderunner [shp] of tanglewood

© madi

[SirDio]

"Miss...? What's wrong?..." Came the tired voice of Ana, said child walking up behind Atbash. Had she lost someone? Did she want them back? People didn't just rise from the dead here, right? But Ana could say she felt the same. She lost Ares and she was worried that she would never see her older sister again. But she knew Ares was alive. She supposed Atbash couldn't say the same.

"Why are you crying..?"

ANA THERVOS - TANGLEWOOD - PENNED BY ASTRAL

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Ah, Vigenere, Vigenere. She had missed his return, unfortunately, and had risen from the dead just after his untimely demise and Aurum’s rise to power. Maybe rise wasn’t the word, more like mournful shuffling forward to power. She had to learn the hard way what had happened, the way without any closure. It was hard enough being there and present when Vig got torn to pieces, but Arrow didn’t even get the chance to talk to him before he died. For a while, she was sure he’d make it back. He was a demon after all, she was somehow able to come back from the dead after much longer, and she was no demon, angel, or other. Just mortal. But now...was that fair? Even if he could, would she have wanted him to? That sounded mean, cruel even, but...she thought about it on more than one occasion, and wondered if it was better to stay dead after all. Vigenere had run his course, rose to the top and fell back down, 6 feet under kinda down, and other than the teary little loaf by the statue, what was there left?

Sleeping on a normal schedule was still quite difficult since leaving ghost status, it would take some time to get back in the usual cycle of being a mortal sack of flesh and bone. That problem was of course how she ended up crossing paths with the miserable living Cipher. It wasn’t exactly hard to figure out what was causing her distress this time around, considering the location she was found in, and the miserable words leaving her so shakily.

She’d never be able to compare to losing a sibling, at least not with Vigenere. He was more of a...figure of her respect. A familiar face. One of the first to ever greet her, if not the first. It still felt so weird to be here and not have him around to rely on, even if that was selfish. But Atbash was another story, this turned straight into family territory, her misery was understandable. With a small sigh, the king cheetah carefully made her way to the demoness’s side, lightly tapping her yellow shoulder with the end of her tail. ”I’ve already tried that. I think he’s ignorin’ me.” Her voice did break, to Arrow’s disdain, but her expression merely carried a grim smile. She wouldn’t cry. Someone had to not cry. Instead she just avoided looking at the grave, lifting a brow at the tired child, murmuring ”What are you doin’ awake?”

She wouldn’t cry. She already did her crying. That was it.

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[wormwood.]

Guilt. It was a funny feeling, and one that had lingered within Aurum's heart several times in the past. In fact, he had felt guilt since the day that he was very born. He had felt guilty about the fact that he had cursed his parents with his strange and distinct difference to his brother and the rest of his family. Really, a child should've never felt that way, but he couldn't help it. After all, he was told over and over again by his mother that he was nothing more than a curse. A pox on his family, and an other that was just lucky he had been the firstborn. That hadn't really meant anything in the end, though, and he had suspected that it wouldn't from the very beginning. Yet still, he had felt guilt over his mother's words. Guilt over the glares that were constantly leveled in his direction from everyone within his old pride. Slowly, that guilt had festered. It had festered and become sadness, and eventually, hatred. Hatred focused not only towards his mother for her abuse, but hatred towards Poetking, since the other had always been considered the golden child. The perfect one. That had led to his attempt on the other's life - something he regretted greatly now, even years later. Funnily enough, that had only led to a further cycle of guilt, as he wallowed in his pain over what he had done.

Of course, that was far from the last time he had felt guilty over something. However, he wasn't sure anything was comparable to that initial cycle of guilt, brought on by his birth and the subsequent betrayal he had committed. It wasn't quite the same as what Atbash had gone through, but he knew a thing or two about hurting family, and feeling like you were terrible because of it. However, the thing was... Poetking had survived. He had survived the attempt that Aurum had made on his life, mainly because the luminary had stopped himself, in the end. By comparison, Atbash being forced into talking had led to Vigenere's death, and it didn't seem as though he was coming back anytime soon. The angel would've been overjoyed if he did, but... he didn't want to hope for it too much, knowing that there was very little chance of it really happening, in the end. Although death was something that more people returned from in the Beyond, it would've been ridiculous to think that everyone could just escape the cold grip without consequence. It had taken a bit of time for Aurum to accept that himself, but he was ultimately glad that he had. If he had spent the rest of his life full of sorrow and waiting for Vigenere to come back... it wouldn't be a life well lived, and he was sure Vig wouldn't want that.

Similarly, Aurum was sure that Vigenere wouldn't want Atbash spending the entire rest of her life wallowing in guilt, or begging for him to come back. Even though he knew accepting that truth would be difficult for her to finally do, it was something that needed to happen. She couldn't go forward with her life if she was just waiting for her comeuppance to arrive because of what she had done - under a great deal of distress, he felt the need to add. It was because of this need for her to accept things that Aurum found himself drawn over to where she stood, a heavy sigh leaving him. He sat down next to Arrow, his tail resting over his paws as he looked down at Vig's grave. The grave he had dug with his own paws. The grave that he had lowered what remained of Vigenere into, his breathing uneven and tears stinging the edges of his eyes in a way that made him wince. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to shove those memories from his mind for the moment. Him falling apart wouldn't help Atbash cope in any way. So, after a long moment of silence, his muzzle finally cracked open, "He was always looking out for us, you know. The whole of Tanglewood. It was really admirable of him, honestly." It was a casual opening, mainly so that his head would be given a moment to settle.

Once he felt as though the air hadn't been sucked from his lungs, he continued, voice firm, "It's honestly no surprise that he was a brother... he probably learned from looking out for you." He then shook his head, claws digging into the ground as he stated firmly, "He's probably still looking out for you, from somewhere. And he wouldn't want you tearing yourself apart, no matter the circumstances." Aurum had nearly torn himself apart following Vig's disappearance and subsequent death, but he knew that he couldn't. Tanglewood needed him, and Vigenere wouldn't want him abandoning them. Not only that, but Aurum knew that Vig wouldn't want him tearing himself apart because of feelings that had only just been developing.

[ATBASH CIPHER.]

ATBASH CIPHER

you laugh and smile at me, but you don't see a thing !

Poor Ana wouldn't understand anything of what was going on. Not only was she just a youngster, with seemingly no family, but she hadn't been around for when Vigenere was apart of Tanglewood. Hearing someone come over, Atbash's ears twitched and when Ana spoke to her, she raised her head and replied with a mew, "Th-this is what's left of my brother, Vigenere." She explained, feeling a little bit of warmth in her to be telling someone of her brother. "He was the leader before Aurum." Before she could continue on though, Arrow happened to come over as well, placing her tail gently on Atbash's shoulder. Arrow's comment made her chuckle slightly, with the former spirit's smile showing that she at least meant it to be somewhat funny.

Aurum came next and watching him nearly broke Atbash's heart in of itself. He was the one to carry Vigenere's body here and bury him, after what had been done to him at the paws of Stryker. The two of them had seemed close, especially with how Vigenere spoke of Aurum through telepathy and how warm his voice felt in her mind. He definitely seemed to like Aurum as a close and trusted friend, if not more. But unfortunately, neither of them would ever know if anything was ever going to be between them.

The fact that Vigenere was the type to look out for others wasn't something that surprised Atbash, especially given how he had been apart of the King's Guard. He was used to looking out for associates, whether they be close friends or not, and he was the type to, quite literally, carry that with him to his grave. Aurum continued on to clarify that he wasn't surprised that Vigenere was a brother and that he may have learned how to look after others from having to watch over Atbash and Caesar. Although likely unintended, the Luminary's words sparked new memories within Atbash's mind, throwing her back into the time they were younger and before Vigenere had left for the Guard.

The three of them were born into a poor family and their parents were already struggling as is, but their parents still kept a positive light to everything and cared for their children as much as they could. It was a hard life, though Atbash remembered that she and Caesar usually didn't suffer as bad as their parents or Vigenere. Vigenere always made sure his two younger siblings ate first, despite their protests and their parents telling them to share; he didn't want to eat anything until he knew Caesar and Atbash were okay.
Then there was the whole thing with the town. Atbash already knew from their mother that the Seventh Tier in particular was known for treating woman harshly and although she believed this, she didn't really learn it until she visited the town some day. She had been on an errand for her father and went by herself, believing everything would be okay. Surely they would hurt a child, right?

Atbash was unfortunately, incorrect, and many of the creatures in the town pushed and shoved her aside. There were snickering remarks near her, though she never could figure out what any of them were saying. That was probably for the best though. She had gotten what she needed for her father when she was attacked by some ruffians - though they didn't really injure her and were just looking to steal what she had. They were intimating and Atbash vividly remembered how Vigenere had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and snarled at them to back off. At first, they didn't listen and simply laughed, before Vigenere made a bluff charge and scared them off.

Then, of course, there was the whole event when Atbash tried to sacrifice herself to save her parents when their Dimension was about to collapse. He pulled her away from the burning den despite her cries and attempts to wriggle free from him. "He did," Atbash finally responded to Aurum's words after a long silence, her voice coming out in a half-laugh, half-sob. "He took care of Caesar and I both when Ma and Pa couldn't." Could Caesar say the same? Absolutely not.

Aurum was right, though; there was a good chance that Vigenere was out there somewhere, wherever he may be, and still watching over her. And he wouldn't want her to be so distraught over his death. He died the way he probably wanted to - fighting for his family. Both his biological family and his found family, Tanglewood. "It's so hard not to blame myself." Atbash went on, sniffing, trying to control her tears now. "I don't know how or why you guys don't."

female | shaderunner [shp] of tanglewood

© madi