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cavalrychoir · 11-11-2018, 09:21 PM

[align=center][div style="border-width:0px; width: 60%; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 8.5pt; line-height: 140%;word-spacing:-1px;"]"Nobody remembers impurity."

He shouldn't have been comforted by such grim words but he couldn't help the sense of relief that flooded over him. He won't be remembered, that's good. Like meaning behind overused words, he'll fade away to nothingness in due time. All the lives he's taken, the chaos and torment he brought forth into the world, everything will eventually be forgotten. He knew this would happen as time always dulled dire situations. But hearing it from her, an individual he hurt, made a lump form in his throat. He didn't want forgiveness, he didn't need forgiveness. He just wanted those he harmed to forget about him and live their lives peacefully. The thought alone was enough to make him want to cry, but he held it together, scolding himself for having the audacity of thinking something else rather than focusing on the current conversation. He really did only think about himself, didn't he? Selfish- he was selfish. He did things for himself and only for himself. Now that he looked further into it, was he protecting Delilah because he cared about her and her well-being or was he doing it because he wanted to make up for all his wrongdoings? Was he just using her to make himself feel better? Did he actually care about her or was she his scapegoat? He had been lost in his own thoughts, though his subconscious soaked in every word she said to him and every action. When she finished, he checked back into reality to fully acknowledge her paws had make their way up to his face to pick up his previously bowed cranium. As he stared into her eyes, his subconscious flooded his mind with that she said. He didn't think his heart could break anymore than it already had. What a terrible thing to say. Invisible brows furrowed sadly as he rumbled solemnly, "You are not impure and you will not be forgotten. You are very much everything I said, I would never lie to you." His breath caught at his throat for a moment before he exhaled slowly. He would never lie to her? A falsehood. He was keeping his past a secret and apparently lying about caring about her. He desperately wanted to believe he does but he was beginning to doubt himself.

Almost instinctively when she pressed her forehead to his, he lowered himself a bit to make it easier. He thought she was going to hug him, but instead he was bombard with images. Of a familiar pastel feline and her struggle through life up until this moment. Everything was happening so fast he couldn't process anything, but the images in his head were all familiar situations. He wanted to pull away, but he was frozen in place as emotions made their way to him. Was this... Her emotions? Everything hurt... His throat felt dry and coarse like he'd been screaming. His heart raced wildly in his chest as the scent of cherry blossoms gently enveloped him in attempt to provide comfort. It was starting to calm him at first, but the image of her ex-lover flashed in his mind again along with the strong emotions she felt for him. Him? Him? Anger swelled inside of him and he felt his lips part in a snarl. She genuinely cared for him and he... He just threw it all away! All the terrible, monstrous things he did to her and she forgave him! Why did she forgive him? No, even if she forgave him, the demon sure as hell didn't. Sharp claws sunk into the earth as he watched the two and felt her emotions through everything. But surely, he was being a hypocrite getting so mad over someone like her ex-boyfriend. After all, Ren was just like him at some point. And he still hasn't forgotten about the small mental conversation he had with himself about whether he really does care about Delilah or if he was using her to make himself feel better. As much as he willed the image of the two away, it didn't budge until he decided to. Once all the memories she was willing to share flooded into his mind, he was left alone with his thoughts again. This time, tears welled up in his eyes and turned the world around him into a water colour painting. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he forced himself not to blink to prevent the water from sliding down his cheeks. Moments later he realized that his resolve was redundant as more tears accumulated in his eyes, pushing others forward and down his face when his eyes couldn't hold them any longer. How could he not shed a couple tears? It was like he experienced it himself. He would have held it together much better if it weren't for the fact he recognized some of the scenery and faces. He could have saved her. He could have saved everyone. But he didn't.

He didn't.

When she drew back, he lifted his paw to wipe his face. How uncool of him. To be crying at a time like this. He guess it's to be expected and nothing abnormal, but he needed to be strong. Delilah was the only person he'd be so vulnerable in front of. Inhaling slowly to steady himself, he lowered his paw in time to see she had said something though he was unable to pick it up. Brows furrowed with confusion, he opened his mouth to ask her to repeat what she said but stopped when she continued. She was anxious, he could tell from her body language. Ren wanted to calm her down but he was at a loss for words after being shared something so personal as well as his own thoughts. Swallowing hard as she spoke, he nodded his head once in response. "Yes," he started, "please do." Despite all of that, she still wanted to stay close to him? If only... If only she knew of his past. If only she knew of all the terrible things he's done. If only-

Without thinking, he leaned down and touched his forehead to hers just as she had done to him. The memories he shared were vague and jumped from one to the other. One showed the bloodied form of a young Ren, the next was him roughhousing with others his age. Then of laughter and a glimpse of empty shackles before jumping to a bird about to be hunted. While the images were confusing and hard to pinpoint, the emotions brought with it were easy to understand: restlessness, happiness, sadness, remorse, pain, regret, rebelliousness, confusion, relief, and more. The blurred cinematic unfolding of his life continued until there was one image, the last one that seemed more clear than the rest: there were many bodies around him, the patches of blood on him and the ground were hard to ignore. It was quiet but the sound of his heart thumping against his chest sounded like drums in his ears. There was a feeling of comfort before everything came crashing down. Fear, confusion and the feeling of being lost overrode his emotions and left him a sobbing mess as he weakly stumbled away. He didn't want to remember any of it, but it wasn't fair to Delilah if he kept secrets from her. He'll tell her everything one day... But today wasn't that day.

Taking a step back, he sat down again as pointed ears were flat against his skull and dull red eyes looked down at the ground. I am not a good person. He thought, squeezing his eyes shut. He knew because of the fast-paced and unclear way his memories presented themselves - he's actually not sure why that happened. Perhaps it was buried so deep within his subconscious, even he was starting to forget? - she wouldn't be able to piece together the horrid things he's done, but she may have questions about the last scene. Did he kill them? Was he trying to save them? What events could have led to this onslaught? Questions Ren didn't want to answer. As much as he wanted to question how they were able to communicate vis forehead touches, right now didn't seem like an appropriate time.

~~DELILAH.~~ · (This post was last modified: 11-11-2018, 11:11 PM by DELILAH..)

Delilah Evergarden
tanglewood - medic | 19 m/o | femme | blind

It was like a movie, the events of her life playing out for Renegade, and she was idly there watching to the side of the movie theatre. It was emotional, and when the flickers of her ex lover moved past, Delilah felt her paws twitch slightly against the sides of Ren's face, but she kept on. The life of her siblings, the life of Titania, She was their life, she lived how they wanted her to. Her exile, her birthing, the emotions towards drowning herself, when Morgan saved her life. It was all a flicker, and Delilah found herself breathing out a harsh breath as tears brimmed up in her eyes.

When the pastel feline opened her eyes, tears seemed to be filling Ren's own eyes, those pits of fire that she had found herself enamored with, fascination and love. She listened to his voice speak, the way it broke slightly, but she didn't budge from her place in front of him, blinking away hot tears that soon rolled down pink furred cheeks, dampening her fur slightly.

She had no response to how he said she wasn't impure, denial was right on the tip of her tongue. He was wrong, she knew he was. It was an opinion, not a fact. She was impure, she was born without wings- she was destined from birth with an impure future. Her ex- she had forgiven him only because she knew he was dead, and she couldn't hate someone whom was in the grave, claimed by the Earth Mother long ago.

A soft warmth overcame the feline as she felt him press his forehead back against her own, a soft purr rising in her throat at the closeness. When she closed her eyes, the images he sent through her head were so unfamiliar- a small Ren, young and still so strong. Blood was something she was so used to, blood never fazed her, but the feeling of confusion could definitely be shared by Delilah herself- what was he showing her of his life? She couldn't..

She couldn't understand.

Maybe it was because of the way the pictures flew by so fast, but Delilah found herself mentally trying to grasp at them, to tug them back to her- she wanted to see more, she wanted to spend longer gazing at his form, but she knew it was useless. Everything went at his own pace, and soon Delilah had felt him physically separate himself from her, and she could feel the desperate feelings well up inside of her. Don't leave, don't go, don't leave me.

It hurt- she could feel the twinge of anxiety radiating off of him- was that fear? Nervousness?

"You're perfect, Renny- If anyone else feels different, if you feel different, I'm sorry. You're perfect." Delilah meowed, pushing her paws back onto the ground. She didn't need to touch him- it was already established between them; this eternal bond, tied with a black and white knot.

If he was darkness, then she would be his light. His Yang to her Yin. They were both forced to suffer a terrible past, and Delilah could feel that Ren didn't tell her everything- but she could simply feel the self-deprecation radiate off of his body in waves. With a deep breath in, Delilah let herself calm, trying not to be disturbed by the utter negative thoughts that he shared with her.

"Come back over here." Delilah murmured softly, her metal prosthetic creaking as she took a few more steps, before settling herself down at his paws, her much smaller form covered by the shadow of his body. It was comforting- she found the dark comforting, the fire of his eyes burned with sadness, with nervousness, but Delilah showed no fear- Radiating from herself was admiration, adoration.

With a soft breath, she connected the two of them once more, a video-like preview of the moment they had met, but from Delilah's perspective, watching Ren as he jumped out at her, the flustered look on his face when he saw her. Delilah's form seemed to appear behind the younger version of herself, a grin on her face.
"-Miss Evergarden."
"Call me Miss Evergarden again and I'll be angry, call me Delilah!"
Delilah began to snicker again, fanning herself with a paw to rid the tears that began to trickle out of her magenta eyes once more. "You never scared me, you know? Even though you were literally hunting me, all you did was shock me when you jumped out. I could never truly be scared of you, Renny." Delilah meowed in amusement, indirectly pointing out the fact that she would have never blamed him for anything- and if she did, she would have forgiven him.

She would always forgive him. Always him.

Then, the panel flickered to each and every border joining, when she had pushed her side against his own, to when he had moved in with her, to when he had fed her when she had starved herself, to the fight with the ghosts, to every small moment that one wouldn't particularly think of- but Delilah did. She always did. Every small moment he showed her, she remembered it, stored it in her memory. Every reaction he gave her, every smile, every touch, every comforting word.

When the slideshow ended, Delilah stumbled back a little, a tired smile on her pretty face as she gazed back up at him. "No matter what past you have, I'll stick by your side. If you hurt me- Which I know you won't, not on purpose- Then I'll always forgive you." She meowed, lowering her head before she began to move once more, shoving through a bush of raspberries and heading over to a small lake, illuminated slightly and sparkling.

With a push of her paws, Delilah watched as the grass began to grow further, weaving together and making a soft, hand made blanket to sit on, big enough for two. As she walked over to the blanket, little red and blue camelias began to sprout around it, pink roses soon sprouting- an affect of her emotions with her Elemental.

Sitting down, Delilah began to speak once more, her tone gentle, soft. "You will never know just how much I l- care for you, Ren. Now come here, sit down while I go and gather some herbs and bring them back for us to deroot and clean." She meowed, patting the blanket of grass. It was up to him whether or not he came, but the emotion Affection still floated around her.

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cavalrychoir · 11-13-2018, 06:36 PM

[align=center][div style="border-width:0px; width: 60%; text-align: justify; font-family: verdana; font-size: 8.5pt; line-height: 140%;word-spacing:-1px;"]Perhaps it was an opinion of his. Ren would be the first to admit he definitely held a bias towards the pretty femme. No matter what, she always came first. When trouble surfaced, he saw no one but Delilah. When he was in pain, he sought her - not only because she is the medic. When he thinks he can't go on anymore, a single cherry blossom petal gave him countless of reasons to carry on. He wasn't sure what standards they have in the faerie world she grew up in, but he thought she was wonderful the way she was. That was definitely an opinion considering the individuals she grew up with had contrasting views. They were fools if they deemed an individual’s value based off of something so shallow like appearances. It was aggravating to know she was mistreated all her life and she seems to be alright with it, something Ren couldn't wrap his head around. Why wasn't she angry? Didn't she want revenge for the way everyone treated her? She must hold some type of malice deep within her, right? The wildcat definitely still had some anger for his tribe and himself. Let's not forget how she tried to drown herself due to the long time mental, physical and emotional abuse. All she had to do was say the word and Ren could bring back the dead bodies of her tormentors. On second thought, it was okay if Delilah wasn't upset or angry about what she went through because he had enough rage for the both of them. Tearing down jungles, drying up oceans... He'd find a way to do them all if it meant locating those who severely done her and him wrong. The demon rarely forgives and forgets.

Because of that and several other key factors - just to name a few, massacring a large amount of individuals at once and torturing others over a period of time - he wasn't perfect. It was comforting to hear her say so and he embraced the warmth that intertwined her words, but the small voice of doubt that lingered in his mind whispered otherwise. You're a monster, it hissed with a smile. The perfect monster. A natural-born killer. You will live for all eternity, forced to recount everything you did. Ren swallowed hard, shoving back the tiny gremlin of a thought into a box and mentally throwing it into the ocean. A meaningless action as the "death" of one is always replaced with another. He will always have doubts, especially those concerning himself. He was flawed... They were flawed... But despite thinking he himself was the scum of the earth, she was on the opposite end of the spectrum. She was perfect in his eyes. In every which way possible. Delilah was everything he couldn't be and he relied on her to balance him out. He suppose she could say the same for him, hence why she thought he was perfect. It was amusing to know both hate themselves but found no flaw in one another... Coincidentally, it made Ren dislike himself a little less. Shaking his head, he spoke softly. "I am not... But I am glad you think so." Forgiving himself, coming to terms with his flaws and improving on himself isn't something that could happen in a couple days. The same for Delilah. As slow as it was, with her here the road to recovery felt much more bearable.

His breath caught at his throat when she beckoned him, his muscles tightening as he stiffened. Eyes remaining shut, his whiskers twitched when he heard the ginger sound of her approaching. As she sat down before him, he opened one eye to see her reaching up once more. Not before he noticed her gaze. It was hard to ignore the admiration that she had for him and it made his heart sink. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve any of it. One day, she'll find someone more worthy of her time and he will be carefully placed on a shelf. Not out of sight nor out of mind, just unneeded. Will he be alright when that day comes? No, whether he was alright with it or not meant very little to the situation. Delilah was more than capable of making decisions for herself and that includes who to let in and out of her life. As he forehead was brought closer to his own, Ren lowered his head slightly to accommodate for the high difference. What was she going to share with him this time? Is it bad? Frightening? Was he going to get angry again? The latter had a high probability of happening. He was thankful, though, that this is the way their memories were shared. It was a small gesture, but it felt sweet and brimming with affection. He refrained from touching her unless necessary, so this was a pleasant exception.

To say the very least, he wasn't expecting her to show him their first encounter. It... It wasn't his best moments if he was being honest. He was much more lost and frightened than he's ever been and he was going to take it out on her. He could have killed her and he would not have thought twice about it. Why was she showing him this? Was... Was that what he looked like? He looked every bit like the predator he was trained to be. The growl sent a shiver down his spine and the malicious air that hung thick around his broad frame made him sick to his stomach. But as he listened to the exchange, he couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his maw. Yes, he remembers that clearly. Even afterwards he continued to call her "Miss Evergarden" but not without her scolding him not to do so. Even now, he sometimes has to remind himself to call her by her first name and not her last. As happy as he was the encounter didn't end in bloodshed, he was still confused as to why she would show him something like that. But all seemed to clear up when she giggled, doing her best not to shed anymore tears. Ren thought he was done crying himself but the last bit caught him off-guard.

"I could never truly be scared of you, Renny."

Though they didn't fall this time, his eyes grew watery once more. Hearing that broke him and put him together again. It killed him, before bringing him back to life. He never thought he needed to hear something so badly and not know what it is. The lump in his throat swelled and he found it hard to respond. How would be respond anyways? The emotions that festered inside of him were all jumbled together and his thoughts were no different. He couldn't name was it was, but something just snapped into place. The demon, a once great warrior who was feared and revered all his life now grew weak and soft because of a single sentence spoken to him by someone he cared about. This... This friendly affection and kindness was used as a tool for domination in his tribe. Hollow compliments and face-value actions were all tools for oppression. It was meaningless when his tribe did it as they don't value such frivolous things like authentic positive emotions. He still found it hard to understand how she did it so naturally while it takes him a bit longer, just to make sure it was his true feelings and not an unconscious attempt to lure her into a false sense of security before striking. You know... What he was trained to do.

Still at a loss for words, the lynx struggled to hold back wrapping her in his arms and thanking her repeatedly. Nodding his head slowly, he was thankful when she continued to show him her memories. In turn, this gave him something else to focus on in contrast to holding her tight and not letting go. These memories were familiar too. All of them were of the two creatures and the time spent together. All those moments weren't anything particularly special to him because he knew that's what he needed to do. He needed to always be there for her, no matter what. Though, he suppose because of her level of importance to him - it was very high - every moment would be special, he just never took the time to acknowledge it as such. Ever since he joined Tanglewood, that has been his normal. Keeping an eye on her, making sure to offer assistance anywhere he can as for her to not to feel stressed, always making sure she's safe and many more. Her safety and happiness is and will always be his number one priority... Nevertheless, it was nice to know his efforts were not going unnoticed.

When she broke the connection by stumbling back, Ren stretched out to catch her if she fell. He himself felt a bit drained, so he could only imagine how Delilah must feel considering she was the main contributor to their mental exchange. When he saw she was planted firmly on the ground, he drew back as she continued to speak. Even if he hurts her, she'll forgive him? Bullshit! She... She should not forgive him! If he ever hurts her, he does not deserve her forgiveness! What she should- need to do is yell at him. Tell him off! Get mad and hurt him back! Make him feel what it's like and then some for good measure. A sort of warning that if he ever does it again, she won't hesitate to bring him down. He has a track record of being just as ruthless to those who wronged him and yet, she'll forgive him just like that. The lynx bit down hard on his lip and despite his brain screaming at him to refute, his heart told him to accept it. She'll always forgive you, it hummed. Don't do anything that forces her to forgive you, it finished with a warn. She'll never have to forgive him because he'll never do anything to harm her. Blinking away tears, dark red eyes watched as she rose from her position and disappeared behind a raspberry bush. Tilting his head in confusion, Ren followed after her. Getting through proved to be a bit more challenging as his larger build snagged on every twig. However, when he finally emerged through the other side, a shimmering moderately sized lake and blades of grass being woven into a soft blanket greeted him. It was hard not to gaze at the scene in awe as Delilah seated herself on the newly made blanket large enough for the two of them.

Her gentle tone seemed to melt away all his anxieties and nervousness. Most of them anyways. Giving himself a shake to brush off the leaves and twigs that caught on his fur from the bush, he walked over to join her. Carefully seating himself beside her, he hadn't noticed her slip of he tongue and instead paid attention to what she said as a whole. "Yes... Okay." He agreed with a gentle smile reserved only for her followed by a nod of his head. He was a bit weary of her going off alone, but he didn't want to ruin this blissful moment with his worrying.

~~DELILAH.~~ · 11-14-2018, 03:41 AM

Delilah Evergarden
tanglewood - medic | 19 m/o | femme | blind

Every night that she laid in bed, the brightest colors filled her head. A million dreams filled her head overnight, and it often led to her sleepless nights, leading to the sleep marks under her eyes that were extremely visible now. While she was constantly tired, Ren had always managed to bring light into her day, making her smile in the smallest way.

He didn't understand just how big of an impact he had on the medic's life, and one day, Delilah wished she could say such in words. She wished she could explain just how much she loved him, his mere presence was a life changing opportune. She loved him, she loved him.

Pink fur soon shifted as he sat upon the blanket, a gentle smile gracing her pretty features as flowers bloomed with every step she took, evidence of her happiness that she couldn't seem to hide- she couldn't control her earth elementals completely yet, after all. As she pushed her way through the raspberry bush, the girl used telekinesis to pluck the leaves from the bush, grinning at the use of the leaves. Bleeding, good for pregnant queens- or mothers? She didn't know what they called them here, but they called them Queens where she was from, so whatever.

It took a bit longer, but the girl had managed to dig up mint, chervil, goldenrod, catnip, poppy [for the seeds], and a few more herbs before returning, telekinesis lifting up about 15 pounds of herbs in one big bundle, tied with a bandage around it. Huffing, the she-cat stumbled over to the grass blanket once more, a tired smile on her face. Fifteen pounds was pretty heavy, honestly, she didn't really lift that much a lot. Oh well, more practice for her. "You can shake the poppy seeds from the poppies, they're good to help with anxiety and those who can't sleep. And pain." Delilah meowed, busying herself with washing off the bundle of herbs before setting it all down onto the ground, opening the bundle up to reveal the large, organized groups of herbs- still attached to their stalks.

As she returned to the mat, she let her fur brush against the lynx's side, a soft shade of red taking up her cheeks as she stumbled through the catnip with her paws, careful not to let it touch too much of her fur- it would be super embarrassing if she just got trippy with catnip in front of Renny. God, that sounded like a mess.

Shoving a group of chervil plants over to Ren to de-root next after the poppies, she ket making idle glances towards him, a smile making its way onto her face again. He was so mean looking to everyone else, but he was a big teddy bear with her. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he felt the same as she did.

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