BETTER LOCK ME UP && trauma [TW]

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

---

[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"]//TW for mentions of domestic abuse, suicide attempt, and mentions of trafficking.

She hadn't been alright. Even if he haunted her dreams, plaguing her with fake laughs and unmeaningful kisses, she felt like she could be content. If only he showed her attention, if only he seemed like he loved her. As long as he did that, she didn't care what he did to her. She loved him, and he knew that.

But he didn't truly feel the same. And that was the thought that always scared her.
She wanted to forget the bad things about him. The bad things he put her through.

He whispered sweet nothings into her ears, talking about the word love so loosely. She wanted to love him completely, she wanted him to feel the same way, she wanted him to stop being how he was when he had drank too much, or when he had come home late, asking for more from her than she could offer him.

But she loved him. Totally. Completely.

She would go out into the village with bruises, with scars and burn marks upon her skin. She still loved him.

She remembered, faintly, of how he once told her that she wasn't allowed to go outside because of the stares she got, and those stares weren't of disgust. She was admired in their village, adored. And he hated that. He didn't want anyone to look at his flower, as he called her.

His flower. So pretty, so passionate, so eager.

But she was worthless outside of the house, she knew that. He told her that.

...

"Please! Don't take him! Don't take him!" She cried out, her voice cracking as a group of males dragged her lover away by his scruff, holding her still. They had stuffed her into a cage, and electrocuted her until she passed out. She could still remember the look on her lover's face as he was dragged away. He was screaming, kicking. Angry.

For a moment, she wondered if he was angry because they were taking her, or if they were taking him.
She never saw him again.

Even through the light flickers of sun shining through her cage, Delilah vaguely remembered the voices of the men around her. Mocking, laughing, making passes at her. She just wanted it to end.

She wanted them to stop talking in such vulgar tongue, to stop hurting her. She wasn't a trophy. She wanted to go home. Where was home, again? She didn't remember it..

Everything was fading to black..

...

Delilah snapped open her eyes, having been sleeping on a rock outside, tears spilling from her magenta irises as she curled in on herself. Her back left leg, twisted in an awkward position permanently, was her only limb that hung off of the stone.

She wept, sobbed. Her shaking was violent, but her body felt light. Numb. She slipped off of the rock, wandering off into the forest. Marshy swamp sunk over her paws, staining her purple tinted paws with brown guck and moss. She passed through the overgrowth, a trail of cherry blossoms left behind in her wake. It was an eerie type of walk, like one could know something was off about her.

She couldn't think.

Drip, drop.

She didn't know why she was so empty. Something felt wrong. Everything felt wrong.

Drip, drop.

She took a step forward, feeling water grace her muddy paws. She couldn't swim. She knew that. She didn't care. She didn't want to remember him, didn't want to remember that group. She didn't want to live with this. She didn't want to live with herself. Not with the memories, not with the skeletons in her closet.

She felt the cherry blossoms surface on the water, and her head went under. Bubbles rise to the surface, the form of her pink and purple body quickly fading to the bottom of the surface.

//tdlr; she's trying to drown herself, basically. this thread is highly controversial, so please be careful before reading this. only reply if you can take it.

[W]isker

[Morgan]

Morgan stirred in his cave, awakened by a presence not far away. A random Tangler was in the nearby swamp for no apparent reason - and they were alone. That information was enough for the samoyed to jolt awake and sprint out of his home, pulling some water out of his reservoir to form his mask and anklets. He took off into the swamp in the direction of the presence, focusing on the location with all his might. He did not plan to lose any Tanglers if he could help it.

By the time he reached the scene, the dog was ready for action. As he did his best to concentrate, his breathing became just steady enough to part the swamp around the Tangler. Two halves of the watery near-grave came apart, pushed far away to give the feline some air. Various cherry blossom petals floated through the open air, landing at the bottom of the dry area.

Morgan crept down into the dirt path he made, his mask melting away as he got close enough to whisper. "What happened? Can you speak?" He readied a small cushion of water from the wall to his right just in case he'd have to bring the Tangler out of the ditch himself.

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

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[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"]"Let me drown.." Came the hushed, almost whispered voice of Delilah as she stared emptily towards the water which had drifted away from her, her pelt soaked from having been completely immersed in water. Despite being wet, the cherry blossoms merely continued to fall from her pelt like a shedding.

It all felt empty. Numb. Why did she feel so numb? She just didn't want to suffer the memories anymore.

"I don't like having to be.. Alive. Suffering. It would be so much easier if the pain could end." She meowed, magenta eyes devoid of emotion as she spoke such lifeless words. She couldn't stand this.

[W]isker

[Morgan]

"I won't," Morgan whispered back, taking another step closer and lifting the excess water out of the feline's fur. "I'm not letting any of my fellow Tanglers die, no matter what." He was glad to have gotten a response of some kind, even if it was a negative one. He looked at the ground as Delilah spoke, shaking his head before looking back up at her.

The samoyed opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out at first. The word "suffering" bounced around in his head, but he ignored it and started talking again. "That's not the only way for suffering to end. Tanglewood is your family just as much as it's mine... and we want to help ease your pain so you can live happily." He took a moment to think, then added, "We're here for you. I'm here for you." Unable to formulate any more words to describe his feelings, the dog stopped talking.

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

---

[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"]Delilah listened to the canine, shaking out her fur as he lifted the water from her pelt. She felt.. Empty, but maybe he was right. Slowly turning, Delilah moved forward to gently nudge Morgan, before the tears began to fall. She just wanted it to end, she felt terrible. It felt terrible. Everything did.

But she couldn't leave her family behind. She had to make sure Aya didn't eat anyone, and she had to keep talking to Stockings. And.. And Beck, she had to comfort him too, somehow.

She began to back up, shaking her head for a moment. She ignored her conscious, telling her to run into the water and end it all. She would just walk out, and sleep outside.

She said nothing as she moved onto fresh land again, her paws sinking into mud as she laid her head down. Too tired to move.

[W]isker

[arrow]

[glow=#001200,2,300]☆ ARROW - TANGLEWOOD - TAGS ☆[/glow]

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"Delilah..." Deep down, somewhere in her being, she felt she didn't have the right to try and comfort the other. They didn't know each other on a super personal level, for one, and secondly Arrow had never, nor did she think she would ever experience the same level of suffering as the cherry blossom girl had. There was nothing else to be said about it, it was horrible, but that was obvious. To say so to her face would be like telling someone with a shattered bone "hey, that hurts". Like no shit.

But she didn't know, all Arrow had to go off of here was that something dragged Delilah so low mentally that she had tried to drown herself in the swamp, a truly miserable way to go. She was relieved Morgan had gotten her before the gators did ( seriously, Morgan was Tanglewood's life savor at this point ), but if this wasn't handled, would she do it again?

Arrow didn't usually feel...anger. That was an emotion she tended to lack the ability to feel. She could feel protective and defensive, but not angry. And yet, right now, a twinge of rage pricked at her chest. Something happened, right? Whether a person or an event or just life itself, something had kicked her psychological health in the dick and made her feel this way. And that made the girl angry, it made her want to snap her fangs and gnash her teeth. But she wouldn't, that would just make things worse and she only loved doing that when it was funny. This was not funny. "Swamp's not a good resting place for someone so sweet." Arrow said with a small smile, deciding the least she could do was try and keep the mood up, even slightly. "Did something happen, flower girl? You need me to kick someone's ass?" She was only partially joking, she would do it. Seriously.

[madster]

suicide.

malphas hated that word. every time he did something wrong, used the wrong herb, applied the wrong poultice, said the wrong thing... the word came to his head. death was a cheap escape from this world, a permanent solution to a temporarily problem, but he couldn't help but plan out how to do it every time something went wrong. what a medic he was, huh? he was supposed to help people with their trauma, and here he was, suffering himself. still, his views on suicide were largely due to his own feelings. nobody else seemed to express the same desire he did.

except for delilah. malphas had poked fun at her once or twice, but deep down, he didn't really harbor any malice for her. sure, she was a little naive, but who wasn't? he heard arrow and morgan comforting someone and walked over, his deep red eyes furrowed in anticipation. he put all the pieces together- she had tried to drown herself and morgan rescued her. morgan was pretty much this clan's savior, to be honest.

he began speaking to her. "hey, also, fun fact. drowning is like the worst way to go out. do you really want to die struggling? your last moments filled with unbearable pain? i don't even want that, and neither should you," the medic snorted, not being one for niceties unlike his clanmates. still, he felt a debt to this girl, sharing the same thoughts with her and also since he was the medic. "uh... if you're thinking you've got depression- do you feel sad a lot? i can probably score you some antidepressants from my hookups." malphas paused, trying to collect his thoughts.

"it gets better." he told her- short and sweet to the point. it was true, at least for him. a week ago, he was laying in the middle of camp, dying. now, he was a medic, and slowly working through his problems. it got better. 

[DELILAH.]

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DELILAH EVERGARDEN
trans femme ♥ tanglewood ♥ 15 m/o

---

[div style="background-color:#F0B1DB;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"]Her memories had come back, sadly. Her past, rotten and crumbled into a paper bag and smothered underneath a powerful paw, had somehow made it back into her head. Trauma, paranoia, depression. It all seemed to fill up her brain in moments like this, making everything worse for her. She suffered from plenty, but the thing that haunted her was the ghost of her past, in the shape of the very male who promised to take care of her.

Love doesn't exist. It was all a lie. He left you.

Arrow's presence was like the holy ghost, washing her pelt with a calming spirit despite the joking tone of her voice. Arrow always seemed to make jokes, Delilah wished she could be more like her. Cheerful, able to smile even just a little bit in times like these, but Delilah couldn't. She was too weak, too fragile. Her smiles were always fake, soon replaced with the proper facial expression. Horror, fear, worry, sadness, shock.

Delilah leaned forward, pushing her head into her paws as her twisted back leg slid out from under her. She still remembered the day she got trapped in that cage, and she had to be pulled out. Yanked out, saved. She always had to be saved. She couldn't fight her way out of anything.

She was terrible. Disgraceful.

Magenta eyes seemed to stare up at Arrow for a few moments, before laying her head back down, glancing away distantly. Her voice was soft, fragile, broken. "I can sleep out here.. Let the crocodiles come." She had a slight hysterical, sarcastic edge to her voice as a pained smile pulled the side of her lip upwards. It hurt to even show emotions right now, but it was still unusual for her to even be sarcastic. She didn't tell many jokes, she wasn't like Aya, or like Arrow. "Nothing, I just remembered a few things.."

Her gaze was grabbed by another as Malphas made his way over, causing Delilah to narrow her magenta hues in slight irritation. Malphas always seemed to mock her, but wasn't he younger than her? She was practically Malphas' elder, in terms of age. Not like old people elder, but like.. You know what I mean!

"I'm not dumb, Malphas." Came the rough, harsh tone of Delilah as she spoke, shocking even herself with the tone she held. She never spoke like this to anyone. But, what did he expect? For her to want to die without pain? Overdosing was painful, as well. So was hanging, but she didn't seem to care at this point, did she? Killing oneself wasn't painless. Death was never painful when you want it.

Did she feel sad a lot? What was this, a therapy session?

"I don't know, did I just get sad once and want to jump into a swamp to die? Of course I'm constantly sad, Malphas. I'm sad, because I remembered things I shouldn't have. I remembered where I came from, I remembered my ghosts, my cruel night terrors, everything. But that's okay though, right? Because 'everything gets better'. Because it's just so fucking easy to just move on with everything in life." She sputtered out, pupils narrowing as she shakily stood up, turning away from the three whom had come to attempt to comfort her.

'It gets better', bullshit. Nothing ever gets better.

[W]isker

[madster]

malphas wasn't sure what he expected. was he expecting delilah to blindly agree with him? to suddenly perk up and tell him 'alright, i'm much better'? he wasn't sure, but clearly his comforting words backfired. damn it, and i used up all my empathy for the day, he thought, as delilah tearfully and angrily described her depression and the skeletons in her closet. malphas huffed, and decided to take a seat.

"yeah. it doesn't get better automatically." he spoke, folding his ears back, avoiding eye contact with her. "you gotta put effort into it. you have to throw all your alcohol into the swamp and then focus on your career," he said, clearly speaking about himself and not her, although he refocused back onto her. "look. i know i make fun of you a lot, and i'm sorry. i was an asshole. i didn't really mean it. i do mean what i'm going to tell you, though." malphas said. "it sounds like you have depression and post traumatic stress disorder. these can be helped. you don't have to suffer like this. you don't have to suffer alone." now, he looked at her. "i can help you. i know i don't know exactly what you're going through- nobody will know but you. but... i get it. i know how it feels to want to die. i'm just saying..." he paused again.

"if you need someone, i'm here." oh god. sympathy? empathy? gross! he had just displayed a lot of different emotions and he was already exhausted. still, he cared about delilah, and hoped she'd seek help. she deserved it- she was a good person.