and yet i'm still so empty - private, morgan

[madster]

malphas was finally getting around to that weekly task morgan assigned for him. clean the junkyard. he had put it off for so long because it honestly felt more like a chore than anything else and additionally, malphas hated doing things for other people. still, morgan was by far his superior and he felt bad about getting angry at the ice dog for blowing up a bottle of beer.

he inspected trash in the junkyard, but his mind was far away from the task at hand. he couldn't stop thinking about morgan. the dog was a mystery to him, honestly. he acted so strange... and had probably the strongest powers in the clan. he scowled at the thought of powers. he was weak, empty, powerless, and he didn't like to think about it. it wasn't like morgan chose to have his abilities, though, and he relaxed his shoulders.

then he started crying. he wasn't sure why. this overwhelming emptiness grew in him like a cancer, starting in his chest and spreading malignantly to the rest of his body. it was hard to breathe now, and he struggled. focus. stop fucking crying, you pussy, and get back to work. he had barely sorted trash from non-trash when he leaned over a discarded tire, letting the tears drip silently down his face. he couldn't even sort trash. he hated himself and had an overwhelming urge to just take some sharp thing and slash his own jugular. his vision blurred as he couldn't find a reason not to die except for one thing. finish the fucking weekly task first, you dumbass.

and so he continued working.

[Morgan]

As if on cue, the yellowish canine appeared behind Malphas. He had not forgotten about the task, so he tailed the feline ever since the week ended without any kind of report. Seeing the young Nurse in distress caused the samoyed to reveal himself, making a quiet purring sound to announce his presence. "Malphas," he whispered, carefully stepping closer. "What's wrong? Is there anything I can do...?" Indeed, being higher-ranked meant that those lower on the ladder were his responsibility.

Examining the random items strewn about, he smiled, glad that the feline was finally doing his work to help Tanglewood shine. "We can work together," he continued, his gaze shifting between trash and non-trash. "I mean, if that's fine with you." He used his powers to subtly guide the cat's tears off of his face, moving the drops into a grassy spot on the ground.

[madster]

by now, malphas had pretty much got over his suicidal ideation. emo malphas was like, ten minutes ago, there was no need for comfort now. however, almost as if it were some kind of sign, as soon as he was about to let the thoughts in his head race again, he could hear somebody approach and he perked his ears up. not bothering to glance back, he could tell by the loud footsteps that it was a dog, and then he smelled morgan. he asked if something was wrong, and he choked. "yeah, no, i just get.. really fuckin' emotional over trash," he said, lying. morgan knew malphas' personality well by now, and could probably tell that wasn't the real reason because that was a stupid fucking sentence.

"work... together?" he muttered, tilting his head. at first, ego pounced. fuck you, do you think i'm not capable of doing this? but then a rational side of him stepped in. let him help you. you need help. admit it, you shitbag.

"yeah, that sounds good," the feline nodded, somewhat monotone. "i'm honestly just... sorting the trash based on usefulness? anything that we could use later-" he motioned to a pile of discarded human objects and materials they could use for building or repairing things, and then continued. "and just junk." there was another pile with just trash of all sorts.

he went back to work, and then asked morgan a question. "hey.. morgan. how did you... get your powers?"

[Morgan]

Though it was clear that Malphas had some other reason for his recent emotions, Morgan chose not to pry yet. "I see," he replied in a soft whisper. "Well, I'm here for you - I'll see to it that things go well for you here."

Smiling at the feline's agreement, he barked, "Alright,then let's get started." It seemed that Malphas had already collected quite an impressive amount of things thus far, so the samoyed decided to just help sort them. Almost immediately, he found something interesting: a small, plain, silver-colored locket. The dog nudged it open; the slot for a picture was empty, instead filled with some dirty old water. Morgan threw the water out to the side, letting it land on a random patch of dirt. He set the locket down as Malphas spoke, causing him to think to himself for a moment.

"I don't know, Malphas. I really don't." He picked the locket back up and stepped over to the Nurse. "My abilities've been with me for as long as I can remember." He shook his head, thinking as far back as he could - all the way back to when he was feral. "I guess... I guess I have always been able to sense things. I only began to 'feel' water once I needed it." He pulled a miniscule amount of water out of one of his bracers, using it to unhook the chain and guide it around the cat's neck. "Here, I found this for you. Maybe you can put something in it." He hooked the chain together at a comfortable length, using his water to try cleaning off the accessory's silvery surface.

Turning back toward the trash, Morgan threw some random bits of wrapping and old broken bottles into the "useless" pile. "Sometimes I can 'feel' other things too, not unlike water." He began to breathe as if to control his water, but instead focused on his breaths themselves. "Fenrisulfr's fire... the ground we walk on... even the air we breathe. I don't really understand it yet, though. Do you feel the same way, Malphas?" He threw some more trash into the "useless" pile before finding a few unbroken tin cans to throw into the "useful" one.

[madster]

as they worked, morgan surely worked harder than malphas, because the latter was focused on a glass shard. if he looked at it just right, it glimmered in the sun, bright enough to where it blinded him momentarily. then he focused when morgan began talking, offering him a locket. he felt his cheeks heat up. "i-i don't need this, what am i supposed to put in it?" he asked, but investigated it anyways. he'd keep it, just in case. he continued listening while fiddling with the locket.

why did he ask morgan on information for the powers? he wasn't sure. sometimes he still held out hope that there was hidden abilities deep down. that happened to people, didn't it? they thought they were powerless all their life until bam, they have wings, or they use fire manipulation to save their family. maybe his power was his durable liver.

morgan described feeling things, and malphas relaxed his shoulders and looked up from the gift. "no, i don't... really feel anything like that. like, i'm usually kind of numb. to everything, i mean. the only thing that makes me feel anything is... hurting other people," he said. "i don't have any powers. do you think that i'm, still, like... capable of doing things?" he asked. morgan could do so much- hell, if they ever had a drought or something like that, morgan would save them all. malphas was utterly useless compared to the others, and it was a part of why he decided he wanted to be a medic. 

[Morgan]

Morgan focused on his work, throwing an old toaster and a pack of pens into the "useful" pile. He hoped that Malphas understood his explanation, as vague as it was. The samoyed felt something warm inside as he noted a subtle change in the feline's presence. His own face reddened, invisible beneath his fluffy yellowish fur. He still could not quite understand the feeling, but he had no issue with enjoying it all the same. "I'm not sure what to put in it, but..." He took a sharp breath in, and continued, "I think you look nice with it on. Cute, even." He quickly looked away, turning back to his work while he listened to his ally speak.

"Numb?" he asked, not expecting a response. Inside of the elements, he could frequently feel some kind of life - some kind of energy. At the mention of hurting others, Morgan stiffened up a bit. "Why do you think so, Malphas? Isn't there anything that gives you joy? Reading, playing, being with friends..." He trailed off as the cat spoke once more. "Malphas, you can definitely do things. Everybody has the potential - especially you. It's how you've gotten to where you are."

The dog picked up some lint and dust with his water and tossed it into the pile of junk. It was then that he noted to himself how easy things felt with his abilities - something that he had taken completely for granted in day-to-day life. "Malphas..." He cleared his throat and turned toward the other Tangler. "You'll find your power someday. It might not be controlling water or spitting fire, but you've got something. I can feel it in your presence."

[madster]

malphas looked at the locket, squinting. he'd surely hold on to it, but he figured he wouldn't have much use for it, but it was a nice memento from morgan. morgan was an enigma- what motivated him? he knew he loved tanglewood like him, but in different ways. morgan was a paragon of a good deputy, and he was glad that it was morgan sitting at the right side of beck.

morgan began talking and he looked up, and he could feel his cheeks warming up. "call me cute again and i'll-" he gritted his teeth, knowing he was not allowed to threaten his superior. "thank you," was all he coughed out. the dog continued, asking him if there was anything that made him happy and then gave him a little pep talk. cute, he thought. no matter how many pep talks he got, he wasn't magically going to have a better outlook on life, but deep down he appreciated the effort.

"haha, bullshit," malphas cussed, on hearing that he may have a power deep within him. "nah. in a month i'll be a year old. if i haven't felt anything before... i doubt i'll feel anything soon." he muttered, eyes darting to the ground, ashamed of his powerless self. "morgan, do you think... i could be a good nurse? everyone thinks i'm a fuck-up and they are absolutely right, but... i just want to prove them wrong. do you have any advice?"

[Morgan]

"I wouldn't say that just yet," Morgan replied. He knew without a doubt that he sensed potential in Malphas, even if he was unsure of what exactly it entailed. "Maybe you just need the right motivation." He got up close to the cat and lied down in front of him to look up into his eyes. "I don't know very much about medicine, but I think you can make it far if you try hard enough."

It took a good moment for the samoyed to come up with his advice. "If you want to prove them wrong, then work - and work hard. You have the potential to become the best we've ever seen, but it'll take effort." He inched closer until his muzzle was almost touching Malphas', then added, "You'll prove everyone wrong if you keep it up."