if i knew then what i knew now // TGE trip

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — it just sucks to try and explain

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Here he was again, at the edges of a territory he'd called him years ago. And now ... now everything hurt in the worst way, like a rotten wound freshly treated. His body trembled, each paw step it took to bring him here just as agonizing ad it had been to leave the first time. It hurt even worse now that he knew that there weren't familiar faces to welcome him home and ask how his journey had been, no children asking him what he'd brought back for them.

Suddenly, his pelt itched and scratched as different kinds of blossoms and blooms appeared through it without control as his body shook and tears steadily dripped down his face. Thyme, pink camelia, begonia, willow branches and fully blossoming buds burst into existence, the strongest of all being yellow roses that all but sprouted their tendrils of thorns around his throat, a rather fitting representation for the grief and sorrow inside of him.

He'd been meaning to return home for so long, he'd been back once and had discovered the abandonment, his own memories and broken heart chasing him away too quickly to have done any of this. Looking over the land, his chest heaving with sobs the Grim struggled to suppress, legs shaking too fiercely to step forward. His mouth opened and closed, forming words he could never speak, forming the names of the missing denizens. What he wouldn't give to have it all back, even just one of them. He was terribly greedy, he didn't think just one would be enough, after all, he had sethiram once again, but his heart still yearned for the rest of them.

Coughing and coughing as his sobbing messed with his ability to breathe, collapsing into hiccups and seemingly endless tears, his lungs screaming at him as the taste of blood costed his tongue and dizzy pounding claimed the emotionally rattled brain of his. Barely managing to Brace himself at the top of the hill he'd crested, wiping at his mouth as he let the waves of grief crash over him. This was only the border and he was already falling apart at the seams, and God damnit, he wished he was drunk and pushed back in time. What he would have said to Arlo, if given half the chance other than the one night they spent curled up, Arlo comforting his drunken self. Would he return if he was to get that drunk again? Would he ... ever return? He knew that answer already. He knew it to his very bones.

Shaking his head as he came to a sputtering halt after all but sliding down the hill, his fur ruffled and all of the memories coating him and suffocating any chance of reasonable thought. He didn't think it would have affected him this much, he didn't think he would be this badly unprepared for this. Body all but collapsing into a pile of limbs cast askew and head drooping, suddenly all awkward angles and dripping of grief and sorrow, sitting there for the longest time as he tried to gather his composure and his thoughts. He'd come here to gather his belongings and most importantly his forge, and to lay to rest Graves for the missing; he didn't know if they lived or died, for their shadows had not come before him even while traveling this land. This was something he felt that he had to do.

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✯ — MALE. TANGLE. MED DIFF. CAT. GRIM. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psy.

[SETHIRAM]

I TRY TO WRITE YOU POEMS
BUT THE WORDS, THEY DON'T MAKE SENSE!

The first and only time Seth had entered The Golden Eye's territory was under that of fear, under a hallucination. When they were so, so much worse, so much more real. Now, it was haunting how silent it was. Where did everyone even go? Some childish thought inside him wanted to call out to Arlo, Fragglerock. And he thought that if he did, he would simply imagine them. He didn't need that. Aesior was already breaking down, and he had to be there for the fatherly figure.

Trying to lightly press against the other, he watched the lands. Once so vibrant, now desolate. The muscular tom swallowed, breathed in deeply, and let his voice ring out. Strong, for a moment, but it crumbled. "Lo... Lorelei? Anyone..?" He sighed, knowing fully well that she wouldn't appear.

A low buzzing hummed in the boy's mind, and his paws tingled. Every part of him wanted to scream out for the others. But the One he Harbored denied it. You will only hurt yourself. They will not come. And Sethiram sat for a moment, wings flittering gently. How he hated the One, who so easily overpowered the boy. But he could not rid his mind of that thing.

— Reggan

[aesior]

Accepting the touch of his son, breath shaking in his lungs oh so violently, his head pounding with pressure from his tears. What was he doing, crying over the missing? He was a servant of death, he should be the last one to truly be hurt by things like these. He could only hope that their dearly missing were in better places, that they were alive somewhere out there.

A few moments passed as the sobs died away to labored breathing until that too eased, leaving him leaning against Sethiram, finally dragging himself back from the bellt of the grief that had swallowed him. This wasn't what he was supposed to be doing. He needed to be better than this. He couldn't afford to be a crybaby, not anymore, even though Seth was essentially an adult now. For the missing and the remaining, he needed to keep moving and healing from the loss. Damn his heart to hell.

Taking a breath as he pulled himself to his paws, attempting to touch his nose to Sethiram's ear, the smaller tom would pull away as he stood up, looking to him with sad eyes, filled with understanding and the same pain he felt. He missed them too, more than anything, as much as he missed his own blood children. He missed the normal that he had found there.

Blinking slowly at Seth with a paw raised to wipe his own years, sniffling softly. It was best that they moved onwards into the territory. Stepping forward and retaking his position in the front, on guard against any danger that might appear. It had been years since this land had been truly inhabited, any matter of creatures could have made this place their home. Stepping in paths he'd once walked, headed for the old main camp of the golden eye, eyes wandering the joint of the creek and river with a misty look. He could practically imagine each and every body, even Cleo, meandering around the waters edge. Gods this hurt so, so much. Much more than it should.

Lashing his tail and shaking his frame, inhaling and exhaling with a silent grumble, swallowing as he stepped into camp, headed for the cavern they'd all called home. Here, he would stop before his old nest before pawing away the remnants of the old decayed nest of greens. There would be revealed a slender dagger, beautiful in its own right by the hilt alone, blade wrapped in now brittle leaves. Taking off his satchel and flipping it open, he would slide the blade into it carefully, returning to paw through the debris before gently dragging out two golden rings, earrings he had worn in the past. He'd been a fool to take them out so long ago.

Sitting back now, gazing around the hollow he'd called home, debating in the depths of his heart if he should visit the old nests of Arlo and Fragglerock, to collect the nests and bury those at the least. Pain flickered in his chest and he shook his head, putting the rings into his satchel and getting up, walking out of his cavern after collecting the few pencils he had left behind once upon a time.

He feared the danger that the territory presented, the silence of the area a foreboding warning of something bad to come, the air as tense as it was before a storm. Unconsciously, his muscles tightened, his senses utilized to their maximum as he stood stiff-legged, eyes roving the area, fur slowly rising to bristle along his spine and shoulders. Where was this bad feeling coming from? There. His eyes caught a flash of fur moving between greenery, a fox like snout protruding from the bushes not too far away as a creature pushed its way into the clearing.

White hot anger filled him from his toes as his gaze took in the NPC kitsune that had emerged, his heart hammering away inside of his chest as all of the memories overwhelmed him. Tsundoku. That son of a bitch. The one who had done this to him, the one who had taken his voice, a man he had loved stupidly, not knowing he was a demon in disguise. Those memories shouldn't resurface, they shouldn't be infecting his mind like a cancer now. He wasn't even aware of the violent shaking of his body or the trembling of his jaw, the strength with which his claws dug into the ground or the angry tears sliding down his face as he stared at the kitsune. No, he wasn't even aware of when his body began to change, when his fur began to change color, his muscles and bones to swell, a much, much bigger feline beginning to take the domestic tom's place.

Fur of silver and grays, mane of pitch overtook his body, muzzle thickening with the crushing power of a top predator, horns bursting forth in a dark crown upon his skull, rounded ears pointed back as thick lips drew back to reveal an ivory set of sharp teeth in a snarl. Orange lightning crept across the darkest of fur, as if a hope of light in the darkest of nights, a grand and muscled lion standing in the tom's place as a sound as deep and loud as thunder permeated the air, emitted by his lungs and throat. No, Aesior did not know of the changes, even when the sound reached him through the fog, he could only see the man who had done so much to him in the place of the Kitsune before him. He didn't know that he'd released the Monster inside of himself, the beast that he could not control.

// now in his grim body and losing control of his mental stability. Can now produce sound . grim body //
(Phone wouldn't let me use his template lol)

[SETHIRAM]

WHAT'S IN YOUR HEAD, IN YOUR HEAD!

Seth looked to his father figure with a sorrowful gaze, ears flicking as the other stood. Trailing behind the older male, he refused to look at the scenery, scared that his mind would play tricks, show Cleo or Fragglerock among the water's edge. Entering the cavern was a terrifying thing, though Seth meandered to his solitary nest and picked up the scattered papers of drawing, stuffing them into his satchel.

Too entranced in his own memories, he was snapped out of it by the snarling he heard. The only one who could reasonably make that noise was Seth himself, and yet it did not come from him. Turning and rushing toward the entrance, he skidded to a halt as he stared at the massive feline. Not quite seeing the Fox that had caused this meltdown, and he simply stared up at the lion. "Aesior...?" He spoke, barely above a whisper.

You need to get out. Now. The One urged, and Sethiram snarled against the thought. He would not leave his father figure. Something is going to happen. He didn't care.

ZOMBIE, ZOMBIE, ZOMBIE!

teef

[aesior]

A. OPHELES

✯ — SOME DAYS I CAN'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF

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tw// implications of abuse + memories of it & gore //

the snarling that escaped him without end, continued on, frame shaking with rage and fear as he stared at the creature before him, effortlessly innocent. how he wished he could smite the damn monster, the monster that haunted his mind, the monster that had done so many things to him. jaws opening as the snarl turned to a vicious roar, ignorant of sethiram at his side, taking a powerful step forward towards the fox, ears pinned to his skull. this form also bore the scars that his domestic body had, so deep a wound it must surely also be spiritual. there was no thought, only years of built up rage and deep, deep agony of suffering from the paws of that long-ago kitsune. his mind was filled with memories of the children he'd borne that bastard, those poor lives destroyed by their own sire's madness.

fur standing on edge as fear rushed through him as sethiram's scent reached him, gaze turning to the tom who was smaller in this form, the mental image of his children replacing his adopted son, an agonized sound leaving him, "Run. Run before he gets you too. I can't protect you.", he begged of Sethiram, begging the children that he had lost to that monster. He couldn't let them be taken from him again, he had to stand up. he had to protect the children he couldn't in the past.

turning from him with another snarl, watching as the other turned and came towards him with tails raised in challenge, the lion snarling as he stepped in front of sethiram before lunging down towards the fox creature with a roar that cried for war. paw raised to slam down on it's shoulder, tossing the attacker away a distance, before the two were clashing again in a flurry of tooth and claw, of two beasts protecting their own kin. each their own was there to defend and protect, to attack and defeat the other intruding on their respective homes. the only bad thing for the fox creature was that in the mind of the bigger beast, it was his own ex-husband and sire of his firstborns, not that it truly was. he merely hated the creature more than words could say. any kind of canid, especially the same size as the kitsune of his past drew his ire. he could stand the canines of tanglewood but anything past that? that was pushing it.

a snarl of agony ripped through aesior as a heavy paw slammed his head to the ground after he'd snapped at the creature's legs, fur bristling and temper flaring. he would blink as blood overtook an eye, a wound under his mane being the cause for the blood stealing his sight from him. teeth bared as he grabbed the fox by the scruff, gaze darkened by blood and all of his rage, lumbering to his paws and taking the creature with him as he headed in a random direction. the fox struggled in his jaws, claws swinging over his muzzle and scoring gashes across his mouth, making him roar in pain, dropping the fox before it darted away, the lion having little thought other than to catch the damn thing. chasing after the fox, he snarled, headed into the depths of the former territory he'd called home, disappearing from view. the lion would stumble before long, too blind to see proper steps, tripping over a root and tumbling down an incline with a startled roar before silence took the air, the lion panting as he laid on his stomach, groaning in pain as the fox made off. fuck, it hurt so bad, and his head wound was making him dizzy, so much so that he laid his head down with a faint whimper of pain and closed his eyes, aware of the darkness that swallowed him.

out, this will be where he disappears //

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✯ — MALE. ???. MED DIFF. GRIM. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psy.