hello my old heart, how have you been? ⚘ taking leave (GE)

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

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he'd woken up against a warm body, pressed in for some chasing of comfort, entangled in the nest of another he did not recognize, not at first. he'd woken early, the pressing of ghosts and spirits all around him, their voices cold within his head, his head pounding though for once not from their presence. slowly, would return memories of the night prior, of screaming his lungs out to the skies in a voice that was wrecked beyond use. a mirror to the pounding of his head, his throat ached and throbbed as if a suitable replacement to the pulse in his heart. muggy his thoughts as looked over at the body he lay entangled with, slow the memories of earlier that returned. what am i doing laying with arlo?, would speak his thoughts, sleep-blurred eyes resting upon dark and light fur, tempted to return to the embrace of his warmth.

in doing so, he settled back into the nest without concern, gray eyes sliding closed as he huffed a low breath to return to the comfortable warmth, the chill of the air an unhappy touch upon his fur. tucking his nose under his paw, turning into the side of the tom he was curled up with, tail shaking as it resettled about his body. peaceful those few moments of empty thought before his eyes flew open, realization slamming into him like a ram. what am i doing laying with arlo!?, came the panicked burst of thoughts within his own head, tangling over his own limbs in a desperate bid to not wake the other up. had he lost his mind? why was he snuggled into the vanguard?!? frantic the beating of his heart, half emerged from the cozy nest, his upper half upon cold stone surrounding the nest. then came the memories, of screaming his heart out in sadness and loneliness in a drunken haze. and then came arlo, awoken by his screams of anguish. oh gods help me now! he cried to himself, pulling the remnant of his body from the soft bedding. ah, he didn't want to leave the warmth, but he couldn't accept that he'd fallen asleep not only in his vanguard's nest, but had had the audacity to curl up into him. though the memory of the embrace, that warmed his face, was fresh in his mind, distressed the quick leave he made.

luckily, or so he hoped, most others were asleep in the confines of their dens, frantic his own passage towards his own. brushing inside the mouth of it, he pressed his body to the chilled wall, sides heaving as he sat down, running paws over his face. ah, he felt so ... strange right now. quivering in his muscles, his chest feeling both tight and light in equal parts, his heart beating in an odd gallop. wait, what was this feeling? pressing a paw to his chest, feeling his heart racing. was this ... butterflies? gasping at the sudden realization, he shook his head violently before diving for his own nest, squirming under the pelt resting within it, pulling it over his head. oh god, oh god, oh god!

peeking out from a small opening, he would try to calm his racing mind and thoughts, shivering at the unhappy realization that he had caught feelings, he liked arlo, he really did, but he didn't think he could ever like-like him, not that he was going to admit to that, ever, not to himself or to the subject of his haphazard feelings. he felt like a child again, when he'd fallen for his reaper, when his feelings had blossomed in his chest. blood orchid would sprout upon his shoulders, their lives cut short in his fear, he was afraid, terrified actually, of his feelings. the past had been cruel to him, and even more so in his relationships. the one that stood out the most, had been the one that cost him his voice, and damn near his life. a shudder wracked him as he pushed back the pelt with a messy plan in mind.

he needed to leave the territory for a while, at least, until his heart stopped trying to betray him. closing his eyes as he stretched, he would stand up from his nest and take up his satchel from where it had rested. slipping it over his shoulder, he would turn his gaze outward to the sky, watching as the sky began to turn light. shivering, he would turn back within his den, gathering amounts of things from the small shelves cut into the cave's walls, before making his way out. within his satchel sat his dagger, his notebook and fresh pencils, a new second notebook, and small scraps of salted and dried meats and berries, within bladder bags of course. stepping out, he would reach up and take down the canteen he had crafted long ago, placing it into the satchel with it's companions. taking a weary breath, he turned to take view of his cave den, his ears flattening against his skull. was this the right choice? was running away from his feelings really the right choice? he had to believe so.

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✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[FRAGGLEROCK.]

Fraggle didn't really truly know about feelings – at least not romantic ones. He had never felt a sense of romantic love or even like towards anyone else just yet, at least not to his knowledge. He was fairly confident he hadn't in general, though, since he doubted he had fallen in love with anyone during his forgotten three months of life. Even if he had though, it wouldn't be the same situation as Aesior and Arlo. In Frag's case, it would've just been a simple bout of puppy love – a childish crush, with him fantasizing about loving someone like his parents loved each other, one day. By comparison, Aesior and Arlo's feelings for each other were far more serious, and complicated. It seemed like all things were made more complicated when you were an adult, much to the young rabbit's chagrin. It almost made him not want to grow up one day, although usually those thoughts were shoved away when he thought about what growing up would mean. Once he was an adult... maybe others wouldn't bother him as often, with their barbed comments. He knew that he would never get that big, but at least he wouldn't be a merely bite-sized morsel once he was fully grown. That was just one of the things that kept pushing him onward as the days passed, wondering what adulthood would be like.

He still had quite a bit of time before he needed to worry about anything like that, though. For the moment, he was content where he was. Every aspect of The Golden Eye wasn't perfect – although the not so great aspects were mainly caused by people like Cleo, rather than the group itself. Regardless, it was still home to him, and it made him feel comforted and happy. Even if he was unsure that he would ever return to a point where he could remember what he had lost, he could at least make new memories within The Golden Eye. He was forming a new life, with people who truly cared about him. Hell, even those like Damion, who had initially frightened him, were beginning to become familiar and comforting faces. There was a certain pair in particular that always made the boy feel safest, though, and that pair was Aesior and Arlo. Both were level-headed and kindhearted, at least in Fraggle's opinion, and he constantly found himself glad for their presences. No matter what was going on, he always found himself feeling more secure when they were around, since he knew that he wasn't in danger of being shoved around, or eaten. Vincent helped with that feeling as well, but... Aesior and Arlo almost felt like fathers to the young rabbit, as silly as that sounded.

Of course, Fraggle would never admit such a thing aloud. Mainly because he didn't want to make either of them uncomfortable, or push either of them away. After all, one couldn't just claim somebody else as a parental figure, and the boy didn't want them to grow apart from him. So instead, he just valued their company and help silently, often voicing his thanks simply and without much fuss. He had definitely taken notice of the tension between the pair in the past, but he wasn't sure what exactly it meant. He knew what love was, but he hadn't registered that the nervousness could be the sign of a crush, or anything more. Instead, he just figured that the both of them were awkward, or maybe they had some kind of unpleasant encounter in the past. Either way, as long as they kept things civil, he was happy. In fact, he probably would've overjoyed to know about the two of them cuddling together, since then he would have a reason for all the tension that lingered in the air between them. Not only that, but it would also give a certain sense of irony to him seeing the both of them as his "two fathers." Still, he had no idea about what had gone on before all this. Instead, he simply ended up stumbling upon Aesior. With all his things. Staring back at his cave.

Even though Fraggle didn't have much life experience yet, it didn't take a lot to put two and two together. Aesior was leaving. And given all the bags and other things he had alongside him, it didn't seem as though it was going to be a very short trip. For a moment, Fragglerock just sort of stood there, staring at the feline from a few feet away with faintly glimmering blue eyes. He didn't understand what was going on, or why Aesior would want to leave. Wasn't he happy? Was it something that Frag had done? Really, if the rabbit's energetic little body hadn't woken him up so early, he would probably be spared a lot of heartache. Instead, he was forced to mutter softly, his feathered ears drooping heavily as he continued to fix Aesior with a pained stare, "Aesior...? Why are you... why do you have all your things? You're not leaving, are you? Because... whatever is going on, you don't need to leave! I promise I'll help make it better! I don't... I don't want you to go." His heart was aching within his chest, and suddenly Frag was faced with a familiar feeling. It was just like when he had first woken up, alone and confused, with no family or anyone else to help him. It was that same mixture of grief, and remorse, as if he had done something wrong. He didn't understand. Was this some kind of karmic punishment? What had he done to make the world so angry with him?

[glow=#4c2c1c,2,300]YOU CAN WRAP MY BRAIN IN PLASTIC[/glow]

[ARLO M.]

[align=center]

ARLO MAXIMUS

[div style="max-width: 600px; height: 24px; background: #b0a089; padding: 5px; line-height: 15px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 12px; color: #943c3d;"][align=center] — [b]DRACONIC FELINE - GOLDEN EYE - VANGUARD - TAGS —

Drowsy. That was the first word that brought him from his slumber, his eyes still closed as sunlight slowly crept in. His wings tugged back closer to himself, the room silent. Silence, it never bothered him, the absence of another. It typically wasn't an issue he had to deal with, but for some reason it was so raw this morning, being lonely. His nest was slowly cooling from a second warmth, his eyes slowly parting. They winced as they saw sunlight, ears lowered and nose twitching.

He groaned gently, his eyes drifting back closed. His wings shuffled, before he inhaled deeply. The scent of another. The scent of another. His eyes slammed back open, his heart thudding in his chest and his breathing quick. He picked up his head up, looking at his den. It was slightly astray from last night's stumbling- his counterpart had been quite drunk- and it was intensely glaring. The scent of Aes was all over his pelt, his wings, his nest. Arlo's eyebrows twitched, slowly looking around for a moment, before realizing the feline was nowhere to be seen.

Slowly, he rose, stretching his limbs. But it wasn't long before he heard Fraggle speaking aloud, panic in his tone. The words that he said.. Arlo paused, as it slowly dawned on him, this was likely his fault. Arlo stepped out of his den, his fur tussled and eyes still sleepy- but panic was deepset in them. He couldn't let him leave, not like this, not this early. Arlo didn't exactly stroll, but he didn't run either. His ears were lowered, coming to a stop beside Fraggle. His voice was like the craggles of the mountain, rising and lowering like the flight over them- scratchy like the surface, and yet so quiet.

It felt like an echo in his head as he spoke. "You.. You aren't leaving.. are you?"

"speech"

[Grimm]

[align=center][div style="font-family: arial; font-size: 7.5pt; max-width: 440px; text-align: justify; line-height:120%"]Too well he knew the complications that arose within the wake of love. Far from the simple pleasantry of fleeting affection, the whim of a child that alighted about gifted promises of affection that time unwound, a game all it was. The chaste affection of understood attraction dressed as something more, the quivering petals of a new love unlikely to grow but pretty for the time it lingered. The sharp, biting taste of a short lived connection, known the edges that pronounced it as doomed and this into it thrown, abandoned caution where it is not needed.

His the apple that dripped with poison, a syrup sweet against the lips, smooth honey coating the throat, yet there it clung until the breath was gone, choked up even as words flooded trembling jaws.

Close held all the same, fragmented scenes poor in their reconstruction painted along the ebony veil of slumbering mind, dreams at once imbued with the lightness of joy and the heavy press of despair. Never prolonged the visitation, her visage split apart by a smile spoiled as the seconds passed, smoke and heat a wavering wave, impenetrable even as desire pushed him into those tongue grown hungry for his flesh. Always his waking coupled with agony, his mind rebelling, apparent made the falsehood. Still he believed even as reality closed in around him, dissipating the dream as though it had become the smoke that filled it.

No different this morning, trembling the paws that roved skin untouched, whole against the destruction that closed over his thoughts with the closure of his eyes, there burnt, an after image he could not shake. The rasp of unsteady breath slow to grow even once more, a pace behind the thunder of his heart. Too slowly they settle in turn, alone left with the tangled snare of his thoughts, want bleeding through rejection, forehead pressed to cool stone, the shock of difference in comparison to his flushed skin soothing. Tongue traced dry lips, found a wish to speak, her name hanging by a thread.

Silent the snap, movement never accompanied by sound, swallowed in the darkness that ebbed and flowed, a constant motion that gave as easily as it revoked. Choked the noise rested atop his tongue, captured between grinding points, the pain a spime shallowly dug into the folds of his mind, between his breath escaping with dwindling remnants of buried sorrow. His composure once more built, teeth releasing a grip that had coaxed blood from minute breaks in the muscle, copper and salt coming together in the back of his throat.

Difficult to determine the exact amount of time that passed as his body answered his commands, dressed his escape as fulfilment of desire, dry throat aching and tantalising the cool water that rested in close proximity. Tremor made sluggish his progress, thus the scene into which he intruded had found a lull, voices dying as the reverberations faded. Tense the silence that occupied the atmosphere about the three, his study bringing knowledge he wished may be rejected, proven false even as his mind continued to loop a single thought.

Aesior was leaving.

Words built atop his tongue only to become ash, throat closing around a lump, there already yet built upon. It was not his place to put forth argument, seek to halt this development when he was nothing to the pale tabby, nor did he bear any grand significance. Liar. The thought a gentle whisper that bore razor wire, cleaves through any excuse he may formulate. Aesior meant something to Vincent, the exact peramiters, even a name for it, lacking though such did not subtract the manner he viewed the other. A silent bystander all he was, too numerous the questions that filled his mind, grew evident in averted eyes, explanation wanted but not sought.

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

Tw: Brief mention of abuse in last sentence in last paragraph! //

The soft voice within its own right to panic brought his gaze about, his stomach lurching. The first to come across him in this state of half-prepared flight had been none other than fragglerock. So wished he the voice that had long left him, gray eyes darkened by a fear and a sorrow. Could he abandon another child that he cared about? Could he push himself to be so cruel once again? Working his mouth wordlessly, his paws working the ground underneath him as shivers began to wrack him. He wanted to drop everything and rush to the child, to embrace him and assure him he was fine. Quick the closure of darkened eyes, his lips trembling as he tried to speak, he tried to force his ruined voice to work with him. The pain was so intense he could barely breathe as he managed a low crooning groan, pitched and jagged. Step, stepping forward before taking a step back, his ears trembling against his skull, tail drooped to the ground in a defeat he felt wholly.

Struggling, struggling so hard with voice broken and shattered beyond any proper use, rough the coughing that followed as he tried again, that desperate crooning groan, shaping his mouth around the word he couldn't speak. The pain it brought forth caused his eyes to water and tears to draw forth against his whims. Ah, he couldn't abandon him. Finally the shake of head, his paw reached towards Fraggle upon the ground, gasping his breath as he stared at him with a sadness there. Shaking his head, eyes flying away as Arlo's voice joined the fray.

Stepping back, his gaze fixed on his paws. He couldn't lie to his face, hells, he couldn't lie to either of them. Raising a paw to rub the tears of pain away, panting as he finally looked back up, looking at Arlo. He wasn't lying, he just needed space, space to figure his stupid heart out. Again, his jaw worked helplessly, even worse these coughs, a distressed expression on his face as his body was wracked. Quick the turn to fish out notebook, messy the broken writing before it was abandoned, unable to write the words he wanted to say. His thoughts were in collision with each other, frantic what he felt as he tasted copper along the back of his mouth and tongue.

Intense pain and fear, is what he felt, his breathing labored. He didn't know what all he was scared of right now but the sight of the bedraggled Arlo only made his heart hurt. He couldn't go back to the way things used to be. Apologetic the worn expression, his messy explanation put further off by his coughing, petals from the orchids grown along his fur falling with the faint blood speckles, panting as he pressed himself to the ground. Hed been screaming hours before and the effort to try to talk was showing its dangerous work, his paw raised to his mouth to try and stop a barrier to the blood.

Next came Vincent, the tired soldier a familiar presence. Another friendly face to leave behind because of his heart. Another face to haunt him unto the end. The averted gaze spoke enough, hurt in the other not shown in physical means, unspoken as most the soldier's expressions and feelings. Anguished the gaze he gave to Vincent, his eyes squeezing shut as he let his heartbeat slow and return to a mostly regular tempo. Keeping his eyes closed and head down, legs shivering from the wracking pain. Grief and resentment aimed at himself, anger curdling through his bones. He was weak, and he knew it. Heavy the breathing as he rested in a fatigued half-collapse, each breath costing him more pain. Quiet came the intrusion attempted, voice faint and quiet, pained as though it was spoken aloud,
trip. going on trip. I don't know how long. Got bad news, need time alone if his telepathic voice did not reach them, he would gaze at his notebook with empty eyes, his sides heaving with each breath. It wasn't quite a lie, a white lie. The bad news was his own, his reaction to feeling these emotions, and perhaps the aggravated state of his throat. It was true that he needed to get away, he needed time to figure himself out and allow himself to heal. There were many bad things in his past, most bad relationships that heavily tainted how he viewed relationships now. Hell, he'd nearly been killed by an ex without warning when things had been fine - his trust for others despite his knowledge of them caused him to fear what would come of allowing his feelings to dictate his heart.

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✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[FRAGGLEROCK.]

Fraggle truly couldn't help the pain that gripped him, in spite of Aesior's frantic actions. It was clear that the other wasn't trying to hurt him, or Arlo, or Vincent, or anybody else. That alone was clear enough to the rabbit just through Aesior's attempts to speak, however futile they were. Unfortunately, knowing that did little to ease the sadness that gripped his chest, squeezing his heart and leaving him slightly breathless. The boy was vaguely aware of the tears that had begun to sting his eyes, as Aesior frantically alternated between shaking his head and facing those that had come to confront him. The entire situation was truly a mess, as Aesior's panic and confusion only served to further exacerbate Fraggle's, the rabbit shrinking back slightly. His feathered ears pressed harder against his skull as he tried to figure out what he was feeling, beyond the overwhelming sadness. Aesior's calm presence had always been a comfort for him, allowing him to gather his thoughts even when he was panicked or angry. In this case, however, he didn't have that vital shoulder to lean on. He felt alone, even with Arlo and Vincent close by.

As Aesior's telepathic words entered his mind, Frag took a brief step back, an expression of surprise and confusion spreading across his face. He had known that Aesior had telepathic abilities, considering the other had called out for him when he had been falling. However, he only ever seemed to use them in rather dire situations. Evidently, this qualified. Truthfully, the young rabbit wasn't sure he believed Aesior's explanation completely, but what was he to do? Accuse the other of lying, and risk pushing away one of the closest things to a father figure he had? Right now it seemed as though the feline intended to come back, but if they all pushed too hard, too much? Perhaps there was a chance he would decide to just call it quits, and not come back at all. That was enough to fill Fragglerock with fear. True fear, and terror. Not the vague uncomfortable feeling he got when Cleo was threatening him, or when a predator looked at him for a moment too long. Instead, his entire body just filled as though it had been filled with ice, chilled down to his very blood. For a moment, he just wanted to break down and cry, not caring about the presence of the others. Still, he didn't want to guilt Aesior into staying. It was obvious he had his reasons for wanting to go.

Even though the pain had not left him, Fraggle knew he couldn't break down. At least, not here. So instead, he just hopped forward a little, reaching out to try and embrace one of Aesior's front limbs. He would hug the other's leg gently, his own blue gaze trained down at the ground, rather than at the feline himself. If he looked directly at the other, there was no chance he'd be able to hold back the tears. He then muttered, taking a few steps back, "Okay... okay, Aesior. If you really need to go... I won't stop you." He winced as he heard his voice warble slightly, his throat suddenly feeling tight, as if he couldn't breathe. He felt even more grief now then when he had originally figured out he couldn't remember his birth family. At least he could actually remember and knew Aesior. He also knew that he couldn't remain for much longer. So, he simply offered the other a small, sad smile before turning and hopping away, his pace quicker than usual. He didn't want anybody to stop him, since that would ruin all his efforts to try and stay calm.

( out! )

[glow=#4c2c1c,2,300]YOU CAN WRAP MY BRAIN IN PLASTIC[/glow]

[aesior]

AESIOR OPHELES

✯ — got spirits in my head and they won't go

space

The pain in their reactions hurt him inside, he had never wanted to make them hurt. He never wanted to be a burden on them, and he'd grown close to these three, close enough to consider them his friends and family. Trembling softly, he could only watch helplessly as Fraggle went through a different range of emotions, his breath catching in his throat. He didn't want to hurt him especially, he'd come to truly care for the boy. Care for him in a way that awoke instincts deep inside of him. Everything inside of him howled and shook with the need to hold and comfort the young rabbit.

He knew that such a thing would make things even harder but the tightening in his throat already let him know he was barely holding back tears of sadness himself. He didn't want the child's smile turn into a dark frown because of him. Swallowing, the tom gasped as Fraggle approached him and embraced his foreleg, quick the attempted return, wanting to hold him close and soothe him. He didn't want to go and leave him, vincent or arlo behind but these feelings were twisted in his breast. Faint the sob that he helplessly watched after Fraggle in his departure, tears welling up and falling down his face. He wasn't abandoning the child - he had to come back for him at the very least because of his guilt and at the very most because of his sudden need to protect him and wipe away any future tears. It was then that he knew, this child had become like his own, and he was leaving his child again. The sobs came in silence, shoulders heaving as he fought with the grief inside of him. He really was a terrible person.

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✯ — MALE. THE GOLDEN EYE. MEDIUM DIFFICULTY. REF. LANGUAGE GUIDE. — ✯

#psychosocial.