12-04-2019, 01:17 PM
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Crowley isn't safe.
Crowley hasn't ever been safe. This is true, and it always has been, but now more than ever. He's been ignoring it again. Still paranoid, still ignoring it. Still doubting people. Still doubting himself. He's ignoring his problems, and that's fine. That's fine. Hell's still coming from him, and they aren't gonna stop just cause he escaped once or twice. He's ignoring his problems, and it's killed him before, but that's fine.
Crowley's experienced some ... highs and lows with his injuries. Sometimes his head hurts so bad he can barely see, sometimes he's dizzy and hurting and his insides are burning. Sometimes, it stings, and his head is pounding, or maybe he's a bit out of it. He goes outside during the highs, and, for the most part, that works out fine. For the most part, he hasn't missed out on anything just cause he's feeling bad.
Today's a bit of a low. He hurts, he can't breathe, and he can't stop thinking. Eyes half-lidded, he leans against a wall, and he thinks, and he thinks. He'd been trying not to. He doesn't want to think, and he wants to continue rolling with it, but one his eyes are gone, and he's burning from the inside out.
He's had to think about it since he'd seen Kaz, at the training session. He'd thought there for a second that it was -- them, with the knife. That wasn't entirely fair, their only similarity was being a cheetah, but it was still -- ... He'd been seeing traces. Seeing things, maybe. Maybe he was just being paranoid again. Maybe he was right.
It wasn't exactly paranoia if it was true. It wasn't exactly paranoia if they really were still after him. A traitor, a liar. One of hell's finest demons, who'd never really done anything at all. He lied and lied and claimed he'd done the worst when all he'd done was glue a coin to a sidewalk.
A glimmer of gold.
A glimmer of gold.
He wonders, where did that knife get left?
He finds it. He can't quite recall what happened to it, not immediately. Was it hidden, did it get taken? Did anyone even piece together what'd happened? Didn't matter. He found it eventually. Looking at it alone burns, and he squeezes his eyes tight. White-hot, burning. Cold-hot from the inside out.
Hold it for too long and he might cease to be. A red-spotted serval, no demon left to be found. A husk, no life -- it was made for him, tailored for him. Wasn't anyone without him. Decisions. He needs it. Discorporation alone means nothing to a demon, not one who can come back so easily.
Were Crowley to die, he'd plummet straight to hell. He'd be executed immediately for his crimes. Crowley wasn't strong, or smart, and he had the unfortunate habit of discorporating on a regular basis. Never had Hell been happy about that, but he'd been a good demon, hadn't he? Spanish Inquisition, wars, some of the worst crimes in history? He'd only actually done a quarter of those things he claimed to have, of course -- M25, little, daily inconveniences.
He wasn't a good demon.
Good, bad, demon had always been a defining trait. It hadn't ever occurred to him that it didn't have to be.
This is the dilemma Crowley faces, staring down at white-hot, glimmering, burning gold.
And, very carefully, Crowley reaches for the knife, cradling it in ill-suited paws. A simple slip has him brushing against uncovered gold, and Crowley hisses through his teeth, white-hot burning, cold-hot. Don't panic. He drops it. Checks the damages.
Nothing. Not one singed fur.
A sweep of the tail. Maybe he hadn't held it long enough? He'll burn out if he's not careful, overdoes it, holds it too long, but ... carefully, gently, he presses a paw against the blade. Grits his teeth against the light, the cold burning ache of it leeching into everything that makes him him. A demon can't wield that which is holy.
And yet, when he looks at it, at his paw, there's nothing. Nothing feels missing. It hurts. It hurts.
But that's it.
He's too woozy to question it. Crowley picks up the knife, gold, glittering, heaven-sent gold, and leaves. The brush of gold feels like bursts of electricity, numbing and painful all the same.
Maybe, if Crowley were more like to run to people with his problems, he might've recruited someone to help him. Aurum, most likely, or maybe Snarl. Maybe this would have been better. Maybe the chances of this going sour would've fallen.
Crowley hasn't yet learned when to ask for help. He falls, and he falls, and he falls, and he pushes away the hands that help him. Was it fair, to ask something like that of Aurum? Hold a knife to rotted skin, ask him to protect him if they came back again.
Crowley doesn't want to be protected. He's tired of being weak, and he's tired of being scared. He's a liar, and stubborn, and .. and he'd abandoned Aziraphale. Aziraphale, who had so much faith in Heaven. Who made excuses again and again. Who liked food, and wine, and books. Who trusted easily, and got hurt because of it.
Crowley doesn't think he deserves to be protected, or liked, if he isn't doing anything in kind. If he isn't providing for someone, what does he deserve? Why does he deserve to be their friend? He's selfish, and tolerates things until he doesn't, and he doesn't talk about things, and he doesn't think about things.
It's just Crowley. Crowley and his knife, and his stupid paranoia. He knows they're there. It's just a matter of finding them before they found him.
Crowley's always been good at sleuthing. He'd rescued Aziraphale again and again and again, and it wasn't just because of miracles. Even stumbling over himself, if he wanted to find something, he'd find it eventually. Find the trail. Rotting, burned. Burning sulfur.
Hell-bound demons have a distinct smell, once you get down to it. It wasn't hard. It wasn't hard at all. Heart pounding, aching. He's scared. He's always scared. Behind the end of a knife, he feels no safer. An act, a barrier.
Despite what one may be lead to believe, Crowley wasn't made to hurt. He fell for questions, wrong place wrong time. He was a tempter, he lead them to doubt and he put a solution right in front of people. They didn't have to take it. He didn't want them to, but, well, if they did, was he at fault? For offering a choice?
Free will was a choice, but not one Crowley had ever had.
"Of course you still have it," He finds them. Of course he does. Curled lips, flattened ears. The stench of rotting in the air. They look at him, wild-eyed. Their corporation is falling apart on them, piece by piece. Strings of flesh from their shoulder, maggots feasting. They've been waiting. They've been looking. This whole time. It's not fair. It's not fair. He didn't ask for this, he never had a choice. Humans, these animals, they'd always had a choice. They chose who they wanted to be, they chose their path. Crowley had never had that. An accident. He tripped again and again and again and any mistake lead to his end.
It's not fair.
"Fuck was I ssh'posshed to do, leave it out on a platter for you?"" Crowley sneers past the handle. He can do this. He will do this. And he'll do it again and again and again if he has to. He's not a pawn. He'll take his destiny within his hands and line his own path with its ashes. The cheetah snorts, but a squeal is drawn from their mouth as Crowley advances, head tilted. Gleaming, burning gold. One wrong move, one wrong slice.
He wants to hurt them. He doesn't want to hurt anyone at all.
He wants to be left alone.
"If you think," Deep breaths, steady voice. Intimidating as anything. Crowley isn't as scary as he thinks he is, but he can play a part. Maybe he never wanted to scare anyone worth scaring to begin with. "I'll give in, get burned alive, dragged to hell," He's scared, he's scared, he's so afraid. He wants to be alone. He wants to be his own. He wants Aziraphale back, and he wants to see Aurum. He doesn't want to be here, and he's sick of pretending. "You're wrong," They're wrong, they're wrong, they're wrong. He'll prove them wrong. Grit his teeth over the knife, advance. Crowley has not ever met a demon who wasn't a coward.
Crowley isn't anyone. He's not anyone important, and he's not anyone that they'll ever remember, should they replace him without a thought. He'll make them listen. He'll make them leave. They'll forget, and Crowley will be just another somebody lost to time.
"Sssho listen here." Heart pounding, head spinning, he's barely here. He's acting on instinct, on impulse. He'll do what it takes. Whatever it takes. He's tired, he's so tired. He's so tired of being bossed around and controlled. He's so tired of being afraid, of making excuses for everything he does. For this single moment, he'll admit it -- he's him. "I'm not going back. You're not going to do anything. None of you," He'll make it happen. He'll make it happen. He will. The demon curls its lips, tries to snarl something derisive.
Crowley doesn't want to hear it. They yelp.
"You're going to forget about thiss." He demands, blunt. Inside, he's screaming, screaming, screaming. He so rarely sticks up for himself. He's so rarely fought back. Maybe he won't again. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But .. this once. "Or," Sharp grin, teeth. The gleam of a knife, hot-cold white. It's pressed against their neck, only just. Singing gold, the sent of burning fur.
Demons are cowards, in the end.
"Fine," He gasps, snarling. Pressing a paw to the sting as Crowley draws away, cold. They narrow their eyes at him. "It's not forever. It's not the end." Until they can find out a way to get to him, he means. They're cowards, they're scared. No miracles, new forms. Crowley doesn't respond. Keeps eye contact. It might be genuine, it might not be.
Crowley will be lost to history as a traitor and a liar.
And then, they're gone. Even still, Crowley can't breathe easy. He's not safe, and he never will be.
He'll take his destiny, and he'll, and he'll ...
Deep breaths. Head pounding, vision spinning. Four legs is worse than none. He doesn't want to be here. He's sick of being something else, and he's so afraid, and he's so open. Crowley stumbles, and he walks, and he trips. Farther away from here. Somewhere sunny, and warm, and secluded. Somewhere alone, or maybe not. He's not sure if he wants to be or not.
And, at last .. he trips. And, when he hits the ground, well -- needless to say, there's no serval there. A black and red snake, curled up on the grass. A knife clatters to the ground. Cold, white-hot light.
He's tired. He's so tired. But he did it, maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe. A shaky breath, and the snake coils into itself, black gleaming scales and block goop dripping from his now-uncovered eye.
Later. Maybe everything will be alright later.
//TL;DR part 3! crowley threatened a demon and may POTENTIALLY be left alone by hell, depending on if i come up w future plots (pensive emoji). he was so worn and exhausted by the experience though that now theres just sorta,,, a snake,,, chillin. with a knife nearby. hes not Immediately placable as crowley if youre not Looking so your char is free to freak out (pensive emoji)
this is TECHNICALLY the final part. again though there is some post-arc stuff.
Crowley hasn't ever been safe. This is true, and it always has been, but now more than ever. He's been ignoring it again. Still paranoid, still ignoring it. Still doubting people. Still doubting himself. He's ignoring his problems, and that's fine. That's fine. Hell's still coming from him, and they aren't gonna stop just cause he escaped once or twice. He's ignoring his problems, and it's killed him before, but that's fine.
Crowley's experienced some ... highs and lows with his injuries. Sometimes his head hurts so bad he can barely see, sometimes he's dizzy and hurting and his insides are burning. Sometimes, it stings, and his head is pounding, or maybe he's a bit out of it. He goes outside during the highs, and, for the most part, that works out fine. For the most part, he hasn't missed out on anything just cause he's feeling bad.
Today's a bit of a low. He hurts, he can't breathe, and he can't stop thinking. Eyes half-lidded, he leans against a wall, and he thinks, and he thinks. He'd been trying not to. He doesn't want to think, and he wants to continue rolling with it, but one his eyes are gone, and he's burning from the inside out.
He's had to think about it since he'd seen Kaz, at the training session. He'd thought there for a second that it was -- them, with the knife. That wasn't entirely fair, their only similarity was being a cheetah, but it was still -- ... He'd been seeing traces. Seeing things, maybe. Maybe he was just being paranoid again. Maybe he was right.
It wasn't exactly paranoia if it was true. It wasn't exactly paranoia if they really were still after him. A traitor, a liar. One of hell's finest demons, who'd never really done anything at all. He lied and lied and claimed he'd done the worst when all he'd done was glue a coin to a sidewalk.
A glimmer of gold.
A glimmer of gold.
He wonders, where did that knife get left?
He finds it. He can't quite recall what happened to it, not immediately. Was it hidden, did it get taken? Did anyone even piece together what'd happened? Didn't matter. He found it eventually. Looking at it alone burns, and he squeezes his eyes tight. White-hot, burning. Cold-hot from the inside out.
Hold it for too long and he might cease to be. A red-spotted serval, no demon left to be found. A husk, no life -- it was made for him, tailored for him. Wasn't anyone without him. Decisions. He needs it. Discorporation alone means nothing to a demon, not one who can come back so easily.
Were Crowley to die, he'd plummet straight to hell. He'd be executed immediately for his crimes. Crowley wasn't strong, or smart, and he had the unfortunate habit of discorporating on a regular basis. Never had Hell been happy about that, but he'd been a good demon, hadn't he? Spanish Inquisition, wars, some of the worst crimes in history? He'd only actually done a quarter of those things he claimed to have, of course -- M25, little, daily inconveniences.
He wasn't a good demon.
Good, bad, demon had always been a defining trait. It hadn't ever occurred to him that it didn't have to be.
This is the dilemma Crowley faces, staring down at white-hot, glimmering, burning gold.
And, very carefully, Crowley reaches for the knife, cradling it in ill-suited paws. A simple slip has him brushing against uncovered gold, and Crowley hisses through his teeth, white-hot burning, cold-hot. Don't panic. He drops it. Checks the damages.
Nothing. Not one singed fur.
A sweep of the tail. Maybe he hadn't held it long enough? He'll burn out if he's not careful, overdoes it, holds it too long, but ... carefully, gently, he presses a paw against the blade. Grits his teeth against the light, the cold burning ache of it leeching into everything that makes him him. A demon can't wield that which is holy.
And yet, when he looks at it, at his paw, there's nothing. Nothing feels missing. It hurts. It hurts.
But that's it.
He's too woozy to question it. Crowley picks up the knife, gold, glittering, heaven-sent gold, and leaves. The brush of gold feels like bursts of electricity, numbing and painful all the same.
Maybe, if Crowley were more like to run to people with his problems, he might've recruited someone to help him. Aurum, most likely, or maybe Snarl. Maybe this would have been better. Maybe the chances of this going sour would've fallen.
Crowley hasn't yet learned when to ask for help. He falls, and he falls, and he falls, and he pushes away the hands that help him. Was it fair, to ask something like that of Aurum? Hold a knife to rotted skin, ask him to protect him if they came back again.
Crowley doesn't want to be protected. He's tired of being weak, and he's tired of being scared. He's a liar, and stubborn, and .. and he'd abandoned Aziraphale. Aziraphale, who had so much faith in Heaven. Who made excuses again and again. Who liked food, and wine, and books. Who trusted easily, and got hurt because of it.
Crowley doesn't think he deserves to be protected, or liked, if he isn't doing anything in kind. If he isn't providing for someone, what does he deserve? Why does he deserve to be their friend? He's selfish, and tolerates things until he doesn't, and he doesn't talk about things, and he doesn't think about things.
It's just Crowley. Crowley and his knife, and his stupid paranoia. He knows they're there. It's just a matter of finding them before they found him.
Crowley's always been good at sleuthing. He'd rescued Aziraphale again and again and again, and it wasn't just because of miracles. Even stumbling over himself, if he wanted to find something, he'd find it eventually. Find the trail. Rotting, burned. Burning sulfur.
Hell-bound demons have a distinct smell, once you get down to it. It wasn't hard. It wasn't hard at all. Heart pounding, aching. He's scared. He's always scared. Behind the end of a knife, he feels no safer. An act, a barrier.
Despite what one may be lead to believe, Crowley wasn't made to hurt. He fell for questions, wrong place wrong time. He was a tempter, he lead them to doubt and he put a solution right in front of people. They didn't have to take it. He didn't want them to, but, well, if they did, was he at fault? For offering a choice?
Free will was a choice, but not one Crowley had ever had.
"Of course you still have it," He finds them. Of course he does. Curled lips, flattened ears. The stench of rotting in the air. They look at him, wild-eyed. Their corporation is falling apart on them, piece by piece. Strings of flesh from their shoulder, maggots feasting. They've been waiting. They've been looking. This whole time. It's not fair. It's not fair. He didn't ask for this, he never had a choice. Humans, these animals, they'd always had a choice. They chose who they wanted to be, they chose their path. Crowley had never had that. An accident. He tripped again and again and again and any mistake lead to his end.
It's not fair.
"Fuck was I ssh'posshed to do, leave it out on a platter for you?"" Crowley sneers past the handle. He can do this. He will do this. And he'll do it again and again and again if he has to. He's not a pawn. He'll take his destiny within his hands and line his own path with its ashes. The cheetah snorts, but a squeal is drawn from their mouth as Crowley advances, head tilted. Gleaming, burning gold. One wrong move, one wrong slice.
He wants to hurt them. He doesn't want to hurt anyone at all.
He wants to be left alone.
"If you think," Deep breaths, steady voice. Intimidating as anything. Crowley isn't as scary as he thinks he is, but he can play a part. Maybe he never wanted to scare anyone worth scaring to begin with. "I'll give in, get burned alive, dragged to hell," He's scared, he's scared, he's so afraid. He wants to be alone. He wants to be his own. He wants Aziraphale back, and he wants to see Aurum. He doesn't want to be here, and he's sick of pretending. "You're wrong," They're wrong, they're wrong, they're wrong. He'll prove them wrong. Grit his teeth over the knife, advance. Crowley has not ever met a demon who wasn't a coward.
Crowley isn't anyone. He's not anyone important, and he's not anyone that they'll ever remember, should they replace him without a thought. He'll make them listen. He'll make them leave. They'll forget, and Crowley will be just another somebody lost to time.
"Sssho listen here." Heart pounding, head spinning, he's barely here. He's acting on instinct, on impulse. He'll do what it takes. Whatever it takes. He's tired, he's so tired. He's so tired of being bossed around and controlled. He's so tired of being afraid, of making excuses for everything he does. For this single moment, he'll admit it -- he's him. "I'm not going back. You're not going to do anything. None of you," He'll make it happen. He'll make it happen. He will. The demon curls its lips, tries to snarl something derisive.
Crowley doesn't want to hear it. They yelp.
"You're going to forget about thiss." He demands, blunt. Inside, he's screaming, screaming, screaming. He so rarely sticks up for himself. He's so rarely fought back. Maybe he won't again. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But .. this once. "Or," Sharp grin, teeth. The gleam of a knife, hot-cold white. It's pressed against their neck, only just. Singing gold, the sent of burning fur.
Demons are cowards, in the end.
"Fine," He gasps, snarling. Pressing a paw to the sting as Crowley draws away, cold. They narrow their eyes at him. "It's not forever. It's not the end." Until they can find out a way to get to him, he means. They're cowards, they're scared. No miracles, new forms. Crowley doesn't respond. Keeps eye contact. It might be genuine, it might not be.
Crowley will be lost to history as a traitor and a liar.
And then, they're gone. Even still, Crowley can't breathe easy. He's not safe, and he never will be.
He'll take his destiny, and he'll, and he'll ...
Deep breaths. Head pounding, vision spinning. Four legs is worse than none. He doesn't want to be here. He's sick of being something else, and he's so afraid, and he's so open. Crowley stumbles, and he walks, and he trips. Farther away from here. Somewhere sunny, and warm, and secluded. Somewhere alone, or maybe not. He's not sure if he wants to be or not.
And, at last .. he trips. And, when he hits the ground, well -- needless to say, there's no serval there. A black and red snake, curled up on the grass. A knife clatters to the ground. Cold, white-hot light.
He's tired. He's so tired. But he did it, maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe. A shaky breath, and the snake coils into itself, black gleaming scales and block goop dripping from his now-uncovered eye.
Later. Maybe everything will be alright later.
//TL;DR part 3! crowley threatened a demon and may POTENTIALLY be left alone by hell, depending on if i come up w future plots (pensive emoji). he was so worn and exhausted by the experience though that now theres just sorta,,, a snake,,, chillin. with a knife nearby. hes not Immediately placable as crowley if youre not Looking so your char is free to freak out (pensive emoji)
this is TECHNICALLY the final part. again though there is some post-arc stuff.
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