DON'T FUCK WITH MY MONEY ☆ crying

[wormwood.]

[glow=#000,1,400]MY MAMA SAID THAT I'M NOT LIVING RIGHT. YOU RAISED A LION, MAMA, I AIN'T LYING, MAMA — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

It was supposed to be just a simple hunting trip. Just something to get Worm's mind off of things, and to help out Tanglewood by adding to their stockpile of food. Things had actually gone pretty well while he was outside of the main camp. He had just been around hunting, and he had caught a couple of rabbits, as well as a large bird that he had managed to get mid-swopping down on a mouse. Throughout the whole trip, Worm had been trying as hard as he could to just focus on his task at hand, trying to pick out scents and move forward carefully and silently without disturbing the creatures he was hunting after. This had worked out for the most part, with his mind being focused only on the creatures that were about to die before his claws and his fangs. However, the coming home had been the part that had been the problem. With the prey he had caught clamped tightly in jaws as he made his way through the trees and mud of the swamp, Worm found his mind dangerously drifting away from just continuing onwards towards Tanglewood's main camp.

His footsteps faltered a bit when the first thought of Poet came to his mind, and his ears pinned down to his head as his stomach tightened with unhappiness. Worry for his brother and where he could possibly be, or whether he was alive, began to corrupt his thoughts and made his chest clench involuntarily. This began a very quick and slippery slope, with paralyzing fear for Beck and Sam and the extent of their injuries seeping in as well. He could still see in his mind the way that they laid tirelessly across Leroy's back before he collapsed, and he could see the pain reflected in their – injured and uneven –eyes. His thoughts then drifted to Red, who still hadn't returned to camp since they had all left for the battle with The Pitt. The worst part was that most of the others didn't seem to have noticed yet, and it felt like he was somehow being irrational in his worry for the other male. But he hadn't seen Red emerge from his bunker at all lately, and when he had gone to visit him and see if he was alright, his gift for the other had still been sitting carefully perched outside. He could still remember the wave of worrying nausea that had come over him upon seeing the jacket painfully untouched, and he felt his jaws in the present involuntarily clench down around the prey he was carrying.

He felt like he was a line pulled taut and ready to snap as he walked into camp, and it seemed like fate had plans for him to finally just go and lose it. His leys were faintly trembling as he walked towards where he knew the food stockpile was, and he felt himself trip over one of the larger sticks that hadn't been cleared out after the last rainstorm. His leg hit the small log, and he went tumbling forward into the ground, dropping all of his prey and feeling pain blossom through his entire front half and muzzle as his legs gave out beneath him. It took a few seconds before he began to blink through the pain, just staring steadily forward at the now dirt covered prey that he had lost. As the rough pain in his chest slowly began to fade into just a dull ache, he felt a burning sensation coming up from the middle of his chest, right over his heart, right up to his eyes. He felt the burning sting get even worse in his gaze, and he buried his muzzle into his paws as the floodgates finally broke open, and he began to cry.

Soft sobs began to rack his body as tears dripped steadily down his cheeks, and he let out wheezing gasps breaths. Later he would probably feel quite embarrassed and aggravated with himself for crying in the middle of camp, but at the moment he couldn't even begin to think about any of that. He just kept on crying, his entire body feeling so hollow and worn out from all of the things he had been doing to force himself to be distracted. He had only been able to do it for so long, given the coping mechanism wasn't exactly the most healthy thing in the world, forcing himself to just keep working and focusing on other people's needs before his own. Now he just needed to let it out, and he was letting it out unfortunately quite publicly. He sobbed and rasped out quietly as he closed his eyes and kept his face buried in his arms and his mane, not noticing if anyone was coming towards him, [glow=#165042,1,400]"Fuck, fuck, this isn't supposed to be happening... please just fucking stop, stop that... you're being just as pathetic as she always said that you were..."[/glow] He wheezed silently to himself, his thoughts full of his mother's scathing words from when he was cub, reprimanding him for crying when they took his brother away from him, or when the other cubs decided to pick on him.

[AMUNET]

— there is something wretched in ament ; and it started when ament was born . he is not solely one like this : memories of his sisters - of his home and his family - show the same lurking under his sister's eyes , outlined in mother by his jagged red scar . Sin , carnal sin is something no one can escape ; it is not instinct but it works in tandem with his own ; it makes him ruthless , restless , unstable in a way that even his sister's are still . It makes him less than savage - it makes him a beast . It is his sin , and he will carry it ; carry it to his grave , wherever he goes , it follows him it dogs him - it eats at him until he is spitting and bloody

( sometimes , wraith is not a motion or lethal action ; sometimes it is the s t i l l n e s s , the inability to move . ament will shift deeper into his den of moss and feathers , pillow stuffings and half rotted corpses ; he will be still , he will be silent ; and he will tremble with it - wraith : is self destructive as much as it is destructive )

as sick as it sounds , it is a connection . It is something ament indulges without them , because it reminds him of them ; his sisters pack , they are savages - but they are more than that - venadi .

( because all he has now , is wraith : this sin without context , without softness - can he even claim the name anymore - the association by name ) A shiver of trepidation , curiosity smothered away by anger ; by wraith.

Ament has no sense between himself ; none like these creatures do . But he feels ; their tensions bleed into him by presence alone ; and aurum's sadness tastes like the bitter bug of his childhood . It is something ament is similar with , when he lets himself feel it ( lets himself linger in anything other than wraith ) wraith is quick to take to it , it is easier to feel ; [i]something he k n o w s compared to something he cannot understand - cannot c o n t r o l .

Ament cannot answer why he was closer towards the camp than usual ; aurum's scent had always lingered closer unless he was hunting maybe the promise of a hunt ; a share of game licks at his attention , but ament is close enough to hear the sobs - the strange chocked cries from his aurum and it has him getting closer.

there is no urgency ; until the taste of salt hits his tongue .

( it is not blood ; ament feels no relief ; [sub]just confusion[/sub] )

concern

fear

h e l p l e s s n e s s

( ' [sub]what is wrong ,[/sub] [sup]little one ?[/sup]' the darkness had crooned )

( void rapid cold night ; a memory of stillness )

ament lets out a wimper in confusion ; clawed feet stop , yards away . watching aurum -

UNABLE TO HELP

UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND

© LEXASPERATED

[toboggan]

Tears. Salty, soppy, surly streams of sadness, soaking someone's stupid cheeks every time they slid down someone's stupid face. Luckily for Leroy, he never found the time to become acquainted with teardrops. Maybe it was just him, but he looked down on the act of crying. It was nothing but a display of weakness. On the pyramid of strength, the criers sat at the very bottom, alongside children and the elderly. Hence, it was a damn shame that the bog was chock-full of criers. Even the individual who perched at the peak of the tribe's hierarchy, Crow, was a lowly serial sobber. From land sharks to dealing with homicidal lions, the elder Roux was always found on the receiving end of crying's plight. Weak. That sort of behavior did not fit an entity in power. Yet, the cur couldn't get on the general's ass about his tendencies to weep, for everybody else that shared his breathing space was just as guilty as the commander-in-chief.

Everybody but him.

Only one instance in which the hound shed a tear could be clearly recalled. At the site of Arrow's demise. Draped over her ill, lifeless husk. He cried.

That occurrence was easily excusable. When a longtime friend passes on, you automatically receive a pass. That is a rule.

Only few a Tangler could be bunched into the same category as he. The tear-less. Red was one of them; that guy probably lacked tear ducts anyways. Same went for Abe, who was more of a fucking fish than anything else.

He happens upon the spectacle purely on accident. If he hadn't made the scene, then perhaps he would have tossed Wormwood into the dry eye club as well.

Cumbersome treads brought the hound forward, his sepulchral glare peering upon the weeping lion from abaft the raptor. Worn across Leroy's ugly mug was a soured expression of both confusion and concern. To cry was to signify frailty, yet he never really thought of Wormwood as fragile. Either the oversized feline was either being perturbed by as burdensome as the emotional weight felt on Arrow's death day, or Wormwood was simply another crybaby. Teeth gently press against his black lips. The mongrel's wish list had a lot of fucked up stuff on it, but worsening the ordeal at hand wasn't anywhere to be found on it. Once more, he starts to move. Drifting past the bipedal reptile, Leroy doesn't stop his prowl until a few paces away from the lion's midsection. "Wha's on yer mind?" he asks softly in his gruff tone, parking his bony rump on the ground behind him. When fellow Tanglers thought of potential therapists, the idea of Leroy likely didn't come to mind. And the proxy understood why. However, perhaps the lamenting male would take extra comfort in communicating with the second-in-command.

[wormwood.]

[glow=#000,1,400]MY MAMA SAID THAT I'M NOT LIVING RIGHT. YOU RAISED A LION, MAMA, I AIN'T LYING, MAMA — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

The heavy sobs that wracked Wormwood's body eased up slightly when he heard approaching footsteps, and he opened his eyes, taking deep breaths to try and ease the startling lack of oxygen that was filling up his chest. His blue gaze fell upon Ament first, taking in the startled and confused expression on the raptor's face, before he slowly tried to push himself up to his paws again. He hated seeing the pain that was painted across Ament's face, and he felt like he had to stop whatever was making Ament look like that, before he realized it was him. it was his Aurum that was causing him this pain. He felt another wave of sadness strike him as he came to this realization, and he slowly stepped towards where Ament was standing, his voice hoarse as he rumbled softly, [glow=#165042,1,400]"Ament... d-don't worry about me. I'm alright, see? Good as new."[/glow] His voice was absolutely wrecked from the crying, but he tried to keep it steady and calm, in order to provide a warm and calm easing feeling to the clearly upset utahraptor. Even as his insides felt like they had been scratched and devastated by the emotions that had hit him so suddenly, he tried to focus on others, hoping that it would make him feel less like he was falling apart for no reason. He hated feeling so utterly helpless, when he was supposed to be the one to help others, and he liked to feel like he was control in his own damn self, and wouldnt just start crying like this at a moment's notice.

In terms of crying, Wormwood had never been the type to never cry when he was under stress or when he was upset, but he preferred to think that he was usually pretty in control of his emotions. That had mostly come from when he had been a cub, and the constant mistreatment had eventually led to him feeling like he was finally just running out of tears to be shed. Since he had arrived to Tanglewood, he had tried his best to not be too terribly emotional. Or, at least, not too negatively emotional. He enjoyed showing his warm and familial emotions to others in the group, since he wanted them to feel like he could protect them, and that they could count on him. That was exactly why he didn't cry, or at least, tried not to. He had managed to be mostly successful in this quest since he had arrived, not even crying when he had first discovered that Poet had killed Judith and run off. He had almost cried when Arrow had died, but he had managed not to for the sake of all of his clanmates that were falling apart because of her passing away, such as Leroy. He had been stunned when he had seen Leroy crying, but he hadn't mentioned it since then, or even at the time, not wanting to embarrass Leroy or make him feel weak. He felt incredibly weak now, and felt a slight warm feeling of embarrassment flood through him when Leroy approached, but it faded a bit when he heard Leroy's gruff question.

Chuckling weakly, Wormwood sat back on his haunches and rumbled softly as he scrubbed at his eyes with a paw, shaking his head from side to side, [glow=#165042,1,400]"I... fuck, I think I just... I'm worried. I'm worried about Sam, and I'm worried about Beck, and I'm fucking pissed off because Poetking is gone, and I'm tired of everyone around here getting hurt, because I care about you all so much and fate keeps fucking us over!"[/glow] He vented, tears still stinging his eyes as a mixture of rage and sadness lumped together in his chest. He then realized what he was doing, and he looked at Leroy for a long moment before he laughed weakly, rumbling as he looked between Leroy and Ament, [glow=#165042,1,400]"Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be venting to you like this. You've got enough on your mind right now, I'm sure. And I don't like making you worry about my problems, and I especially don't like making Ament worry."[/glow] He gestured over at Ament with a worried little smile to try to show that he was okay, despite the drying tear tracks still going down his face and into his fur. He was used to being the one that others came to in order to vent, and he wasn't used to venting to others. After all, he needed to be strong. He needed to be strong enough that he never needed to vent to anybody else, and so that he could protect everybody else and make them feel better. In this state he was just a liability. He was useless, just as Judith had always said.

[HALO]

Halo doesn't understand feelings. She can't even manage to muster up sympathy. She knows that Wormwood is upset. There are more accurate emotions she could put there. Pained.

She loved Jers. She misses her parents. Even knowing that, the pit in her stomach feels just like that: a pit. There's nothing there. All of her feelings fall through.

She has absolutely nothing to offer in this situation. No comfort, no advice, no possible solution. She approaches anyway because perhaps being there is enough.

Halo can tell she is holding her breath. It isn't an entirely conscious decision to do so, but rather a reaction to not knowing what to do. She's waiting to see what happens. Having only clearly caught Wormwood's last statement, she's not even that sure of what's currently going on. No idea of the past, present or future, huh? She really is completely lost. If only she had gotten here sooner. Whether here is here or Tanglewood itself is unknown. All she knows is that she's lingering and Wormwood is pained and she has to say something -

"Fate."

The word falls out of her mouth, a light echo from when he had said it, and the timber wolf looks thoughtful for a few moments. "You believe in fate?" Violet eyes are intent upon the lion as she asks, lightly tilting her head to the side in question. "Because in that case, you must believe that things happen for a reason, right? And that everything works out the way it's supposed to?" There's a pause, and what follows is the most reassuring comment she can possibly offer at the moment. "Everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to." Halo doesn't know if she believes that herself fully, but that's not the point here. She's trying to focus on him, even if her mind is currently trying to wander to problems that she had previously had. Did everything work out for her?

Not the way she wanted it to, but possibly the way it was supposed to.

[AMUNET]

— pain is such a familiar friend . it told him of his folly , of his pride getting the best of him , it was cutting and it stinged - yes . Sometimes enough for ament to yowl in pain , enough for ament to whimper , but pain was  physical , it was above all grounding .

this was not pain ( but it hurt all the same . )

ament knew pain ; was used to it , would inflict it just as much as he got . it was not cruelty , it was not savagery if he did it to something below himself ; because in the end there was only those above or below him ; prey or predators . Aurum was neither - this was cruelty . watching the lion try and mutter in a tongue ament could not sooth , as others stole his attention , tried to take his pain - it wasn't working .

leroy is a mutt - prey from his quick dismissal of a predator and leaving his back open to ament ; ament dismisses him as he passes , watching instead as Aurum turns his attention , words soft but heated - stress swelling under furred pelt before releasing - recoiling deeper into itself . Ament sees it ; sees Aurum withdraw just as quick as he released his hurt , and ament hates it

Halo's attention is focused , too focused ; their folly is their unawareness of their situation . Ament watches the other move closer , to speak : to further withdraw his Aurum and ament feels like a string too close to snapping to let things lie - too close to killing these clanmates if only to make his Aurum release his tension - his worry fear grief pain.

ament lets out a blood curtailing scream

Brown feathers rise slowly from his fur, and the raptor comes to his full height ; he moves to put distance between Aurum and the prey , desgusting , vile . His sister's were right not to get involved with them , they were useless , pathetic : but this one was [/b]his[/b] , his favored one - his

he will not allow this to stand , will not let this pain linger in his Aurum . He wants the others away - he wants them gone .

Ament does not do warning shots, does not have time for mercy between his savagery and his wraith , he does not bother with a warning , the scream is enough ; so ament moves , left leg swinging down in an arc just shy of [member=1538]leroy[/member]'s face . Enough to send a clear message across , halo was next.

© LEXASPERATED

[wormwood.]

[glow=#000,1,400]MY MAMA SAID THAT I'M NOT LIVING RIGHT. YOU RAISED A LION, MAMA, I AIN'T LYING, MAMA — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

The red and gold lion looked up when he heard footsteps approaching, feeling a warmth of embarrassment under his fur at another person being present for him falling apart. His eyes soon found Halo, and his ears pinned to his head for a moment as he opened his muzzle, before Halo already spoke up. He blinked in confusion at the first word that fell from her mouth – fate – before she continued on, and he couldn't help the small and sad smile that came to his muzzle as she spoke. The reassuring words that fell from her lips reminded him so much of what his brother had been like when they had just been young cubs. Poetking had always believed the old legends and the religion that had been taught by their pride, and they had always been taught that there was a grand plan that the universe was forced to comply to, and that's why both good and bad things happened in the world. Honestly, Worm still wasn't sure if wasn't believed those legends, or if he really believed that there was some grand plan that fate dictated, but just hearing something from Halo that sounded like his brother when bad things had happened back in the day, made him feel the slightest bit better.

Still, it did also make him remember that part of the reason that he was upset in the first place was because of the very same brother that had always told him fate always pointed them in the right direction. Taking a deep breath, the lion scrubbed at his face for another moment before turning to face Halo entirely. He then rumbled softly as he brushed away the tears, closing his eyes briefly and sighing heavily, [glow=#165042,1,400]"Fate... fate was what my brother had always told me dictates everything that happens in the world. I never really knew if he was right, since we were just little cubs, and Poet always believed whatever our parents told us, but... I'd like to believe everything that's happening is happening for a reason... but everything that has happened lately has just felt especially cruel, especially since fate apparently decided that I didn't need the brother who had taught me about it in the first place."[/glow] He looked down at the ground for a long moment, a shaking and shivering sigh leaving him that made his legs and entire body tremble slightly. He could already feel tears beginning to slip down his cheeks again, but he quickly shook his head and cursed softly, digging his claws into the ground and feeling anger rise up in roiling waves through his chest. He was so angry at Poet, and if fate really did exist, then he was also angry as fuck at fate too. The anger and sadness in the chest mixed and burned, and he wanted to yell, and scream, and tell Halo that she was wrong, but it wasn't her fault that Poet had left, and it wasn't her fault that she was reminding him so of Poet, and he was way too kind to tell at someone who didn't deserve it.

His trembling breaths were interrupted, however, when Ament screamed. The shriek that left the raptor immediately caused Worm's head to snap up, displacing the tears that had begun staining his fur once again and scattering them against the muddy ground. He stared at the utahraptor in shock for a moment, opening his muzzle to alert the other male that ir was alright, and that his Aurum was okay, but Ament was already lifting himself up to his startling full height, and suddenly there was a bundle of both scales and feathers between him and his other clanmates. He nearly fell over backing up as Ament wished. He thought that Ament was just jealous, or worried, and had wanted to put distance between Wormwood and those that were encroaching upon him, trying to help him, but suddenly Ament's teeth were bared, and his leg was in the air, and Worm let out a shout of shock and something akin to pain, not wanting Ament to act too quickly on instinct and get in trouble because him. He didn't deserve this, he didn't want this, Ament had been doing so good.

Throwing the concern for his own safety aside – because he was Ament's, he was his Aurum, surely Ament wouldn't hurt him – the lion rushed forward to Ament's side, pressing against the raptor and rasping out panic, [glow=#165042,1,400]"Ament, no! Dont hurt anyone, please. Don't hurt anyone for me."[/glow] He knows that Ament can't understand the words that slip from his muzzle, but he moved to wrap his arms around Ament's shoulders, trying to pull him back slightly and away from both Leroy and Halo. If he succeeded, he turned and gave Ament a pleading look, his wings twitching as he moved forward to press his forehead against Ament's chest, desperately trying to communicate that Ament didn't need to hurt anyone, and that hurting Leroy or Halo would not provide the relief from the pain that Worm was so desperately seeking. He rumbled as he stayed pressed into Ament's front, both fear in his form as he said in a pleading voice to the already raging utahraptor, [glow=#165042,1,400]"They're trying to help me, Ament. Please, no hurting them, my friend. Please, Ament.[/glow]