MY SUNSHINE / private

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" IT'S FINE NOW. WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE! "

/oh wow! it's hell time :- )

Seeing Izuku's body had destroyed him.

He'd known that he'd been loved. He'd known that he'd had the support of nearly every pro hero he could name. And yet, he had thrown it all away. Why? Because his student had been killed in cold blood and it was all his fault. He could remember clearly the feeling upon seeing the pool of blood and the young man it oozed from. His legs had gone numb. He had collapsed to his knees, but the impact with the pavement didn't hurt. He didn't quite feel it at all, really. His chest had squeezed to the point he thought he might pass out, and every single fiber in every single muscle in his body felt weak.

And then he had given up.

He had thrown his support away, thrown away the hopes that might have remained if he had simply tried a little harder, because he knew he had failed. Perhaps, if he had been more strict with Izuku, it wouldn't have happened. Made sure he didn't rush into things unprepared or without thinking first at least. Made sure he knew the weight that some of the villains carried, villains that would ultimately be the death of them all. If only he had just been better, taught harder, been stricter on the child, then... maybe this wouldn't have happened. But he hadn't been stricter, and it had happened, and now... they were here.

The serval hadn't slept in a while. He hardly ate, only eating what he caught himself, which wasn't much. He was terribly unskilled in the world of hunting, but he didn't deserve the food that others caught. Not after what he'd failed to do. Toshinori grew scrawnier beneath his oversized sweater, eyes sinking farther back in his face day by day. But he was fine with it. He couldn't get over the memories of the deaths and the codes that had been forced out of them, things he lived by now with no exceptions. But really, he wasn't the important one right now (if he was honest, he didn't think he'd be of too much importance ever again). He needed to find Midoriya.

There was a lot to explain, if he even wanted to hear it. How... things... had gone, why Aizawa was so mad at the serval, why he was so unmistakably sorry for everything. After all, the blame fell on his shoulders and his alone. If only he had gotten there sooner, tried harder, taught harsher... but, he could dwell on it all later. The serval was busy snooping through cabins and shops, trying to locate the one he'd come to earlier that day. Izuku's tea shop, or something along those lines. If he was honest, he couldn't recall it it actually had a name or not.

"Midoriya-shounen!" Toshinori called into the frosty air. His words became clouds of hot breath in front of him. "Where are you?"
If he was honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure he was ready to have this chat or not. He could hardly look his student (former student?) in the eyes. How did he expect himself to utter a single word about the deaths of his classmates?

Well. He supposed he'd figure it out.

code by spacexual

[arcy]

Izuku swore to god that if he stayed up for five more minutes he was going to pass out in the middle of the territory. Again. People were getting concerned with how often they found him laying face-down somewhere in the territory. Not that Izuku was gonna go to sleep anytime soon. No, as per usual, he was gonna keep going at full sleep, pass out for the bare minimum, and honestly it'd probably keep going like this till he got hurt or something. Not that Izuku wasn't already hurting himself with this. Also, he hadn't eaten in, uh -- .. days. Had Izuku drank anything today? Besides hot chocolate. Izuku wasn't sure. He probably wouldn't know till he really needed the thing. The thing. Whatever .. it was.
Anyways. Izuku hasn't been taking care of himself, as per usual. He probably needs an intervention or whatever but since nobody had intervened, this was just his life now. And  it was honestly the reason Izuku, for a long minute, doesn't respond to the call he hears. It sounds like All Might. But he'd been hearing All Might a lot. Like -- he was actually there, Izuku knows, but a good majority of the time he was, in fact, hallucinating. Lack of sleep could do that to you. And then, after a long few moments, he realizes oh, that could really be him. Was it? He blinks. .. It wouldn't hurt to check. Izuku didn't have anything to lose except an entire leg because it was still burnt to a goddamn crisp and he would not stop walking on it. He had things to do, no need to worry about little things like fourth degree burns.
"All Might?" Izuku chirps as he catches sight as the serval. Was he real? Questionable. Izuku didn't really care, though, and his tail gives a cheery little swish as he lugs himself over to the other. Despite the circumstances, he was .. he was really glad to see him again. So Izuku shakes out his pelt, covered in snow from whatever he was doing and god Izuku has literally no idea what he's been doing for the past ten minutes what the hell. .. I mean. Anyways, something was definitely wrong with All Might. Izukus definitely-ultra-professional-definitely-not-a-kid-abandoned-by-his-mentor(his other mentor) medical skills could pick up that much. Eh. But he wasn't really put together enough to call the other out for now. .. Could. All Might. Eat. Did he ... have a stomach. "I'm here! What do you need?" He looks up at the other with wide eyes as he ruffles his wings. I mean, as nice as casual bonding would be, literally nobody but Atbash really did that these days so it was either some medical shit or they'd talk about the past. Izuku did not want to talk about either of these things. He was content being oblivious. .. Did All Might .. even know he was Frosthealer, actually. Uh. Right.

☀ what was i worth

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" IT'S FINE NOW. WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE! "

It was just like his student to push himself to the point of breaking. It was how Izuku had passed the entrance exams, how he had fought during the Sports Festival, and... well. It had also been, at least in Toshinori's eyes, a sizable cause of death. But now, it seemed as though Izuku was allowing this habit to get worse.

All Might? The serval almost winced- he had to stop himself, though. The kid had called him All Might forever. There was no need to let the name, however painful it felt now, die. He blinked a bit harder than he would've liked and finally cast his gaze to the young man.
He looked like he was starving. Toshinori noted the limp in his step; the giant would on Izuku's leg similar to the ones he'd earned during the entrance exams. But... no. This one was much worse. His brows furrowed as the green-furred child made his way over. Once he was closer, Toshinori could see the various scars littering his body, and his scowl deepened.
"Midoriya... you look terrible."
His statement hung flatly for a moment. That probably wasn't the correct way to greet the young man after everything that had happened, but he was just being frank. He was usually up-front with his students, and though he might have withheld information from time to time, he never lied to them.

He stiffened just a bit with the realization of what he'd said. Though, he wasn't sure he felt particularly bad about it, maybe there was a... reason that the other looked that way? It just looked to him like Midoriya wasn't taking care of himself, though. Then again, perhaps he was being a hypocrite.
Toshinori swallowed. His will to do this was quickly failing him. He'd already started off the reunion of sorts poorly, was there a need to continue on like this? The chipper attitude that Izuku exuded wasn't helping things, either. Did he want to dive into this territory right now? His paws rapped against the cold, hard dirt beneath them.

His eyes wandered back to Izuku. He looked so hungry. "Have you eaten today?"
Toshinori quickly forgot what he'd come to do as a more paternal instinct took over. His own personal guilt faded, though only slightly, to make way for the concern now flooding him. For a moment, he wondered if Midoriya even wanted his help like this, but in the next moment, he didn't care.
"And your arm... what happened? What have you been doing?"

He was almost angry. Not quite, but almost.

code by spacexual

[arcy]

Honestly, Izuku barely noticed how badly he was taking care of himself half the time. He'd been a little better at it -- before. Like, before Jacob left. He'd eaten when he remembered. But then, y'know, Jacob did, in fact, leave, and Izuku was suddenly the only person on the medical team and he wasn't even finished with his training? And then he didn't have time to do anything but furiously read through medical books 'till his head hurt so bad he couldn't do anything. So -- long story short, yeah, Izuku was pretty shit at keeping himself in mind when doing anything. Izuku, if asked, would definitely say that it was the reason that he died. He just. Y'know. Didn't care about his limits.
The feline's tail continues to wag as All Might blinks, not noticing the other's discomfort. Izuku would probably agree to call the other by a different name if asked, but, honestly, yeah, it'd be hard to stop. All Might had, of course, been the only thing he'd referred to the man by for his entire life. Anyways, when the serval starts scowling, Izuku blinks in confusion, head tilting just the slightest. Then starts when he speaks. Terrible? "Wow, thanks," Izuku blurts rather dryly. Just what he wanted to hear from All Might. He seems amused, though. I mean, he did look pretty terrible in general. But then again, so did All Might, but Izuku couldn't call him out on it because did he have a stomach or no???? Izuku doesn't respond otherwise, though, just a passive sort of curiousity as he waits for All Might to elaborate on what he was talking about. He shuffles his paws a little. .. Had he eaten today? ".. Yes?" He tries weakly. No need to worry him, right?? Right?? Oh my god he wasn't convincing enough. I mean .. he'd gorged himself on pastries the other day but then he'd vomited them all over because of the sugar. He .. doesn't know why he did that. His ability to resist impulses was ruined. "Not .. really .." He gives. He couldn't lie to All Might. Anybody else? Fair game, Izuku's lying ability was legendary now and also he'd basically shot all of his morals dead in a back alleyway when he'd been on his own. Conclusion? He's .. not sure. Uh. Uh. Uh. Fuck.
He becomes increasingly more sheepish at All Might's frustrated demands. His paw? It was .. really weird to hear it referred to as an arm, wow. Uh. How did he. Explain that. There was ... backstory and stuff. Electricity. How did he explain that One for All turned into really volatile electricity. He used to have both One for All and it but it disappeared sometime before he joined Snowbound. ".. My power backfired. Think of it like One for All but electricity and reversed," Context? He figured 'hey if the electricity is spread over my body like Full Cowl would it be STRONGER if I concentrated it' despite the fact that regular One for All broke his bones. Uh. At least it wasn't worse. Just. Fourth Degree burns. And it only hurt him this much 'cause he overloaded it when he remembered all the shit he's done with his electricity and panicked. "I have been doing .. a lot. Did you know eye injuries make everything blurry for like .. uh, months, at least? Colors hurt. And it makes reading very hard, and it kind of kills my head but I have to catch up on training. And Frosthealer training is not fun 'cause Jacob just .. left," He frowns. An info dump, perhaps, but that was intentional. Thanks. I mean, that was basically a summary of his month. No need to awkwardly explain it when you could let him connect the dots and end up yelling at you for some reason? Maybe not yelling. What was .. the thing when people .. scolded you .... but weren't .... yelling. He's tired. And his head hurts, but what's fucking new. His head always hurt. Where was his headache tea when he needed it. Oh, context for the eye injury thing? Somebody from the good ol' bad days clawed him and then he was blind for a month. The scars were .. kind of obvious. Uh. At least he wasn't permanently blind? That'd be very bad.

[glow=black,2,300]I WONT BE HERE LONG AT ALL ☀[/glow]

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" IT'S FINE NOW. WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE! "

Izuku's sarcastic retort stunned him for a moment, enough to realize what he was saying, at least. "Er-! ...Sorry," he murmured, paws tapping the ground with a bit of nervous energy. He was a bit too jumpy to pick up on Izuku's humorous mood, and he was too focused on the boy's well-being to really say anything appropriate. As soon as he'd uttered his apology, he'd gone right back into scrutinizing the maine coon, noticing the smaller scars and things that he'd seemed to earn.

The yes was indeed wholly unconvincing, and it showed in his face. Toshinori's brow dropped down close to his eyes in aggressive disbelief. He frowned. His concerned-parent attitude was beginning to solidify itself somewhere in him again.
Not... really.... The serval heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Kind of. It was harder to do with paws than when he'd had fingers, and after a few seconds he felt like it probably just looked stupid, so he dropped it again.
"Midoriya, you have to eat at least once every day," he pleaded. He looked a bit... tired. Of course, he was a hypocrite. He hadn't eaten in a couple days now himself, but that was more due to his lack of skill than it was forgetting.
Oh, yeah. He did have his stomach back.

As the boy explained his electrical incident the serval's eyes closed. He only opened them again towards the end to look back at the bandaged arm- paw, whatever -and then back up to Izuku's face. So One for All had turned into... electricity? He glanced down at his own paws. What would that have been like, if he still had even an ember of his power left? Oh well. If it had hurt Midoriya that much, after all of the training he had done to ensure that his Quirk didn't injure him, Toshinori was a bit wary. He stayed quiet as his student unloaded all of that information on him, and his ears rested back against his skull.

This time, there was less heated disappointment than there was a more gentle, empathetic concern. Did that mean he wasn't a bit angry that Izuku was ignoring his limits? No. But Izuku had always ignored his limits, so... this was nothing new.
"I see," he finally said. A paw had reached up and scratched at the base of his neck. He wasn't quite sure what to say next, though. It sounded like the young man had been leading a busy life.
"Midoriya-shonen, it sounds like you've had to deal with a lot. But just because you have a lot on your plate, doesn't mean... uh, it doesn't mean you have to eat it all in one sitting. You have to remember your limits."
His words came from the heart, but he wasn't sure they'd have much of an effect. He'd told Izuku all of this before, and they were still in this world, so it must not have worked then. The serval's gaze was pleading as he stared down at the green-furred boy.
"And, ah, maybe you should invest in some glasses if your vision is blurry."

code by spacexual

[arcy]

Izuku sure had a lot of scars. He'd used to have more, but they'd faded. Or were just plan not noticeable under all the fur. Izuku would thank his lucky stars for that, honestly. This would probably be even more of a mess, otherwise. Izuku's tail gives a nervous sweep and curls his tail around his paws as he seats himself. Standing is tiring. So is existing. But y'know, whatever.
"I .. forget .. to," Izuku says slowly, his grin sheepish. It's not a matter of starving himself in the least. It's just that it completely escapes his mind until he's suddenly realizing that he hasn't eaten for a day or two and oh, wasn't that concerning? And then he got distracted before he could get himself something to eat and then it was another few days till he remembered again. It was kind of complicated. He feels a little bad, of course. All Might seems so exasperated, Izuku doesn't want to disappoint him. But, like all of the other times, it's too goddamn late, so whatever.
Otherwise, Izuku is quiet. He's .. kind of tired. Wait, no, he's always tired. Sleepy. How absolutely shocking. He shuts his eyes as he waits for whatever All Might is going to say. When he hears the serval's voice again, he refocuses himself with a twitch of the ears. Well. Tired scolding. "I'm the only medic on the medic team. I didn't finish my training," He points out evenly. He .. well, he appreciates the attempts. Izuku, despite how he was arguing, allows All Might a weak smile. There wasn't much time for rest when he made the mistake of signing up to be medic. What was he even thinking? Izuku faintly grimaces. A mistake, but he's been in too deep to back out for a long time now. ".. If I don't catch up fast enough, somebody could die," His ears lay back as he repeats this, emphasizes it. He already said it, but .. He became Tenderfoot because he wanted to be a hero in the only way he knew how. But .. well, he was like the fallback. He wasn't preventing it, because he'd learned that he couldn't, it'd happen regardless. But being the fallback .. well, it took a lot, really. So .. maybe it was less about ignoring his limits and more about specifically bypassing them because he didn't have time for limits.
".. I would, but how would I even find glasses? Of the right prescription, even?" Izuku wonders a little louder, now. Wrong prescriptions were bad for the eyes, right? Like .. there were a lot of shops in Snowbound, but glasses shops weren't one of them. So .. he's .. not sure what to do? He could just live with it forever, even if it was really frustrating sometimes.

[glow=black,2,300]I WONT BE HERE LONG AT ALL ☀[/glow]