betrayed trust — toshinori

[guts]

He had spent a lot of time wondering and thinking. He thought about what he could have done differently, what could have turned out better if he had just worked harder. His students' safety had been his top priority, and yet they had still died, they were still left in this situation. So the prospect of trying harder was no new thing to him. He had thought over all these what-ifs multiple times before. But it didn't make Toshinori's words hit any less.

Probably because Aizawa knew he was right, or at least believed he was. Hearing it said out loud just strengthened his belief, his doubt in himself. His steps faltered slightly, but he quickly regains his composure, the fur along his spine prickling slightly. He can feel the heat of rage rising in his chest, blood rushing in his ears as his claws extend and dig into the snow as he walks, but he tries to keep himself calm. For once, ever since he came here, he tries to keep himself from bursting out.

He had been good at that, concealing his emotions and making himself look a lot more calm and collected than he felt. But now, ever since those events, he had found it harder to do so. Stress had become a close friend, and hiding his feelings had become a lot harder. He was thankful he didn't physically lash out right then and there. Instead he manages to keep his voice somewhat even, although a bit darker than usual.

"Me, try harder? That may be true, but it's still comical coming from you of all people,"

He considers his next words carefully, still walking in front of the serval, eyes darting along the landscape. "I may not have overcome it, but at least I tried, Toshinori. I tried my damn hardest, and that's more than you can say. You always made it seem so easy," his nose wrinkles, face contorting although the other male can't see it.

The lion wasn't looking for a fight, not necessarily, but he'd be damned if he stepped down if Toshinori made a challenge. At this point, with the tension in the air, he was more than riled up enough for a scuffle.

"SPEECH"

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" IT'S FINE NOW. WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE! "

/ mobile :’- ) sorry this is gonna succ

Seeing Aizawa stumble brought him a sense of satisfaction that he wasn’t sure he wanted to feel. His tired, shadowed eyes watched the lion and Toshinori straightened up his posture, ears twitching. He forgot how cold his paws were as the heat of satisfaction coursed through them.

The serval could see Aizawa struggling, even for a moment, with keeping himself contained. He couldn’t stop a smirk from stealing across his face; an emotional reaction was a rare thing from the other, and this was one of the first times he’d ever really seen one. Toshinori himself had always kept his attitude positive, at least outwardly. He had been a plastic figurine of a hero, always saving people with a smile no matter how he’d felt on the inside. He supposed that made him emotionless in a different way, but things were different outside of work. He allowed himself to express and feel, though he chose whay he revealed carefully. But at least he showed something most of the time. With his death and the others’, though, he had been a bit less selective. That was why he was on this patrol, right? To make him stop wallowing so openly?

“I told you, I’m not listening,” he grunted, but the lion’s words grated on his ears. He was right, but Toshinori didn’t want to admit it now. He had tried, he had kept fighting, just... halfheartedly. Which was hardly trying, but he felt he’d done even a little bit.

“Your hardest wasn’t good enough.”
His voice was a soft hiss. He stared up at Aizawa, wanting him to turn back and do... something other than keep on moving with a cool head. He had been so close to showing emotion just a moment ago. Toshinori wanted to see it, he wanted to be the first (or, the first of those he knew) to make Aizawa really angry.
“And neither was mine. But if you’re going to preach to me, at least have something to show for it!”
He had escalated to the point of near yelling. His scowl had deepened and cast shadows on his face. He felt alive with energy and furious passion, but there was something else, too. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. The serval took a breath, but he couldn’t calm down. He noticed that he’d fallen into a fighting stance without even realizing it, but he didn’t bother moving. He knew he couldn’t win a fight in his current state, but he wouldn’t give up like he had that day. Not this time.

code by spacexual

[guts]

It was true he wasn't one to often put his emotions on display. The only one he would remotely show was anger, which was vibrant in his expression now. His eyes flickered, the faint glow of red beginning to show, bursting out against his dull-colored eyes. The worst part was that Toshinori probably knew he was in the wrong. Hell, Aizawa knew that he did, he just didn't want to accept it. It was what rubbed him wrong the most, the lion stopping in his tracks though he didn't turn to face him for a long moment.

He was trying to swallow his anger, even through the rush of blood in his ears and his rapid heartbeat heavy in his ribcage. He didn't want to hurt him, believe it or not--just rough him up a little, intimidate him into doing what he wanted when he was being stubborn. But the urge to lash out was hard to resist, the ignorance of his words only serving as fuel to the flames. You hardest wasn't good enough. He blinked, kept his eyes closed for a long moment, exhaling through his nose.

When he reopens them, they're glowing, his eyes going from a dark color to bright red. The large feline rounds on the other, wind kicking up the snow at his paws. It ruffled his mane, messing it up more than it already was. Of course, the breeze was his own doing, the closet thing to an embodiment of his rage.

It had been a long time since he fought, but his brain didn't even need to think as his body moved, paws trudging forward towards Toshinori. His claws glinted as they caught the light. Strands of his scarf shooting out to wrap around the serval and drag him closer, he extended a paw, slashing across his cheek. Warm drops splashed across his paw, but he didn't pay any mind, squeezing the male before throwing him off to the side. The snow would hopefully soften his landing.

"Don't you dare," he starts, tone dripping with venom. The breeze continues around them, though it gradually dies down. "You have no right to say my hardest wasn't enough when you didn't even bother. I've seen it, Toshinori, and believe me--that was far from your hardest," at that point he didn't have much of his quirk left, but even so, he could have done so much more. Both of them could have, really.

"SPEECH"

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[dead chars]

" IT'S FINE NOW. WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE! "

Of course he knew he was wrong, but the flurry of emotions that he had been going through just wouldn't let him rest. His pitiful apologetic sorrow had flipped into a hot anger in a matter of seconds, and he... wasn't quite sure why that was. Was he going to stop it? Probably not. He acted on impulse almost all of the time, and old habits were the hardest to break. So, while he knew he was wrong, the snarking felt... good. He wanted to continue, even if deep down he knew it was a bad idea, and meg knew this was all totally ooc.

Toshinori stared, gaze white-hot, as the lion stopped. What was he doing? For a brief moment, he wondered if he should be asking himself the same question. Antagonizing the other wouldn't get them on any better terms, after all. But... he didn't really feel like being on better terms, at least, not in that moment. His scowl stayed consistent as he watched Aizawa turn. The gust of wind blew a flurry into the serval's face and he had to close his eyes, but the next thing he knew his face stung and he had been thrown into the snow. There was no denying the sense of accomplishment that he felt for getting the lion mad, but it went as soon as it had come.

He let out a groan, punctuated by a string of coughs. Maybe he'd taken things a bit too far, then? He opened his eyes again, deeply shadowed by his furrowed brow. Aizawa was right, after all- the last time he'd gone all out, he'd basically lost all of the remains of his Quirk. He could have done so much more to help, to do something, and yet... he hadn't.
The remnants of his anger were still there, but it seemed that he'd gotten a bit more sense knocked back into him. The serval touched a paw to his cheek and pulled it away, staring at the blood for a moment before returning his gaze to the lion.

"... Sorry," he finally muttered. His eyes had dropped to the tiny dots of red in the snow. He stood up to dust himself off, ears twitching backwards and forwards and backwards again. He figured now that, maybe if they just got this patrol overwith fast enough, they would never have to see each other again. Of course, that wasn't realistic. But he could try.
"I- .... Let's get going."
Not happy but not wallowing, the serval glanced warily up at Aizawa as he passed, trying to get this show on the road so they could finally be done with it.

code by spacexual

[guts]

He was surprised by how easily he submit to him, though he supposed it was the least he could do for him now. He was tired of people acting all high and mighty, especially this one who had acted that way for so long. He was wallowing in self-pity and it was hard to watch--though not for any sort of pity-related reasons. In his mind, he just had no right to, not after what he did. There was a lot he had yet to do to make up for it and it wasn't going to get done when he was just sitting around.

Aizawa doesn't say anything as the serval passes by him, continuing on their patrol's route. He's still silent as he follows, eyes downcast towards the snow that coated the ground, crunching under each pawstep. His quiet was enough to show that he had denied the apology, and probably wouldn't accept it for a long time. No matter what he said he was sorry for, he'd refuse to accept it. He hadn't earned forgiveness yet.

So, he keeps his mouth shut the rest of the way, as he didn't have anything else to say. Not anything that was important, anyways. Or nice.

//sorry for the Sucky post alskddgfs

"SPEECH"

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