IF YOU MUST DIE SWEETHEART / private

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

...die knowing your life was my life's best part.

[member=66]PINCHER[/member]

the next few days passed without her presence, not that she was aware. she had been fighting unconsciousness but eventually could no longer resist it. she had said her goodbye's, though, so maybe she could go without regrets. the thought of death was generally a scary thought to most, but she did not feel afraid when she had thought she was dying. she wasn't really ready, nor happy, to die, but she wasn't afraid. she did not want to leave the people she had grown to care for so much nor did she want them to hurt because of her, but she knew she had a happy life. she only had maybe two regrets.

so, when she opened her eyes to find herself in her bed in the submarine, it would take a few moments to understand. she had prepared herself to wake up in afterlife or to never wake up again. which, perhaps, is not something any child should ever have to prepare for, but she had to, she thought. there was no way she'd survive, she'd thought. she had said her goodbye's and that's what mattered more than anything. she at least helped give others closure. that was her last duty to her family, she had figured. but she had figured wrong.

she touched her paw to her chest lightly, the movement sending her a sudden realization of how much pain she was in. it hurt really bad. she winced and grit her teeth, her body shuffling from the feeling. she let out a quiet groan, "mm...." that was another thing that confused her. feeling. she could feel pain. she had never been burnt before, but she didn't much like it. it was worse than any other injury she'd felt. it stung worse than any of them. she let in a sharp breath from the feeling, causing another sudden realization and confusion. she was breathing. in and out. she blinked quietly to herself. how odd. this is not what she expected afterlife to be.

she squinted, her vision slightly blurry and dizzy. she decided to look around, wondering what else she would find. and there she saw the outline of her papa. he was at his desk, though she wasn't sure what exactly he was doing. she didn't say anything for a few moments, trying to figure out what was going on. she felt at her chest again. in and out. a heartbeat is there. she was wrapped up in bandages. pain shot through her with every movement. she was in her bed, in the submarine, with her papa. she looked down at herself quietly, piecing it together.

she had survived? she's alive? considering this was odd. she really did not believe she would. she breathed quietly. "p...papa?"

[PINCHER]

Losing someone was a feeling that Pincher had become accustomed to. The pain. The grief. How a simple concept that was wired to the body to release chemicals that would lead him into a state of desire to drown it with alcohol or let it drift away with smoke. He had been taught to grieve this way, his father snapping at him that men did not cry and if he wanted to be considered a "strong" figure then he shouldn't allow his emotions to get the best of him. But all the lessons and teachings that his father offered to him had been thrown out the window when he had seen his daughter laying on the wet sandy shore with sparks flying off as if she was a dying star that had crashed onto Earth. His panic and worry had forced him to feel the alien like pricks of burning tears at the corner of his eyes when he spotted her, rushing to her side and trying to comfort her since he lacked the capability of healing.

So after Rosemary had managed to save and patch up the small golden bengal, Pincher quickly swept all attention from his work to solely focus on his daughter with a sudden obsession over her wellbeing. He would at first hardly leave her side, sitting beside her small bed like a sentinel with his bloodshot icy blue eyes locked onto her figure to see if she was still breathing. He felt that he allowed his eyes to drift away that her heart would stop and he would lose her forever like the cursed story of a man that was not to look back onto his lover or he would lose her forever. He remembered the story and it caused his throat to clench as he realized he had always loved telling Goldie stories especially with her recent incapability to sleep due to the traumatizing event of him dying while she had been sleeping alongside him. Pincher had tried to remove all memory of it, scrubbing cleaning every drop of scarlet blood that had stained the floor of their home to at least try but the damage had been done, buried and scarring their view of a home. He shouldn't have been so foolish to let his pride take over him, to have sought aid when he should have. Now he understood the fear that Goldie had felt for it was one he remembered when he had lost his first sons. But not this time. He was not going to lose Goldenluxury to the grip of death.

Time began to trickle away as Goldie rested and Pincher was forced to replace his attention onto work to not let the Typhoon sink into failure due to his absense. But he would simply call members into his submarine to give orders from there, his desk right beside Goldie's bed while he scribbled and placed sticky notes on almost every surface. He was frustrated and there was even a sticky note written with intense black sharp words that read "barracuda" and a red x across it for Pincher was desiring revenge. He knew the coral reefs were dangerous but that wasn't going to stop him from exacting an avengeful action for hurting his daughter. For now he was trapped in his work, biting down on a matchstick while looking over plans when he heard the soft strained groan from his daughter. His sensitive ears pricked and swiveled towards her direction, his electric blue eyes following to lock onto the small resting figure of the bengal as he dropped the stack of papers he had been reading. "Goldie? Goldie, don't move. I'll be right there, sweetie." With that, the broad-shouldered canine hopped off and began towards her with his dazed gaze wide with worry. His fur was slightly disheveled and the smell of alcohol floated off his lips since he had been drinking to relax his paranoia.

"I'm here, love. Lay down, please. Papa's gotcha." He murmured in a gentle tone, his figure arriving to halt beside the bed before slowly crawling up onto the mattress to slowly settle around his daughter in a protective matter, glacier blue eyes checking to see her was not squishing her as he leaned his sable black head to gently press his nose to her forehead in an affectionate way, a small sigh of relief escaping his muzzle as he realized that she was getting better. She wasn't going to die. She would be with him and everything would be okay. His heartless chest ached with the suspense of losing her but he decided to focus on her, his dark fur brushing against hers to allow her to rest on him for some support and warmth.

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© MADI

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

she watched him react quietly, her ears perking upward slightly. she wasn't planning on moving, actually. everything hurt too bad for that, and she was sure she'd immediately fall over if she tried. she was quite dizzy. she did stretch out, though. she doesn't know how long she's been asleep, but it certainly felt like a while. her whole body was stiff and shook with each movement. she sighed silently, trying to relax her muscles and ignore the stinging as her papa moved closer.

as he spoke again, a calm and warm feeling rushed over her. she was so happy to be alive and to be with her papa. a small purr escaped her as he moved up against her. it wasn't a sound she made often, so it was truly genuine and warm as it was released. she tried to gently rest her head against him, feeling relaxed now. it was all okay. she would be okay and she could still do so many things she wanted to do. her papa was right here and he wasn't going anywhere. it was all so good.

"did i miss anything important?" she asked softly, only just noticing how dry her throat was. it almost sounded like she had a cold, though she didn't. she hoped she hadn't missed anything. sleeping was bad. it felt good, but it lead her to miss things. she couldn't do anything useful while she slept. she couldn't help anyone or make sure everyone is okay or prevent her papa's death if she slept. so, the fact that she felt this way lead her to believe she slept for a while, which is concerning. but, she still felt so tired.

"i'm sorry f-for worrying anyone. i didn't mean to." she decided to apologize next, her words slow. it was kind of hard to think right now. it was hard to talk, too, but she wanted to do it anyway. there were a lot of things she had wanted to say before going unconscious. now that she was, in fact, awake and alive, she could say them. "love you, papa," goldie murmured, sort of lazily. her body wanted to sleep again, but she didn't. it was easier to fight back this time.

she had something else she really wanted to ask about, but she wasn't sure if she should. the urge to know was sort of overwhelming her, but she didn't know if he'd like her asking it. it might make him upset. but, she so badly wanted to know. "papa, wh-what's it like...to die?" her voice was quiet as she asked. she wasn't actually so sure she wanted him to talk about death. but, she wanted to know if she really had experienced it out in the ocean. she still felt unsure even after she says the words.

"a-after the barracuda attacked me, i realized i had swam too far away from shore to really...make it back. i was bleeding a lot and was already tired. i tried. i wanted to see you all again. but, i hadn't gotten very far before my body wouldn't move anymore and everything just sort of...went away, if that makes sense. i only felt something again once i was struck by lightning, hours later, and was still underwater." she tried to explain slowly, hoping it wouldn't make him too upset. she tried to use it as context for why she was asking. she wasn't asking for when she'd washed up on the beach, but when she was still out at seas. it was clear she survived now, but she wanted to understand what had happened before.

but, maybe he wouldn't want to really respond to all that. it wasn't fair to expect him to, she decided. and, she was already starting to feel like sleeping again, despite her efforts to fight it. "y-you don't need to answer, if you don't want. sorry." she added, sort of quickly now. her hazy mind was making it hard to think and know what to say. "i've just...been trying really hard. i don't want to let anyone down." her voice revealed a bit of the sadness and stress she had been bottling up, though also carried a bit of exhaustion. she closed her eyes slowly, gently resting against her papa as she waited for him to respond.

[PINCHER]

Pincher had a lot in his life that he was grateful for but the most he was grateful for was his daughter and his son, even if one no longer desired to grow close to him. It was wonderful for him to have a family again, to be able to find security and peace even when he had feared that he would never find it months ago. Despite him and Guru never really able to see eye to eye and had only been together for a brief one night stand, he had to thank her for bringing Goldenluxury into his life even though he had not been there in the beginning. He was to blame for that, for letting his fear block him from connecting with his children and he wasn't angry that he had already lost one to viewing him as nothing but a deadbeat dad. He understood with all of his heart...or well, whatever was left of it within his chest since his real heart was gone, no longer beating inside his chest.

"No, you didn't miss much of anything. Without you around, there's hardly anything interesting to do." Pincher choked, a warm chuckle rolling out of his salmon pink tongue as he reached down to softly draw his tongue over one of her ears before noticing the dryness of her voice. He frowned, aqua blue eyes glinting with worry before the canine reached forward to grab a small bowl of water he had laid to rest beside her bed in case of this ever happening. He gently set it down in front of her, balancing it enough so it would not topple over as he then heard her speak once again, this time apologizing for worrying anyone. His frown deepened, his emotions slowly beginning to bubble as he felt guilt and shame try to grip at his lungs and make it difficult to breathe. Why did she apologize? He swallowed before calmly answering "Don't apologize about making us worry, Goldie. We only worry because we love you so much." He went to rub his cheek against his daughter as he heard her add that she loved him, he wrapped his paw around her to bring her closer but not hard enough to cause any pain as he murmured "And I love you with all my heart, Goldie. You're my greatest treasure." And she was. And so was Blue. They were the ones that motivated him to become better, to not let his demons win over and lead to more destruction. Pincher knew he was no good but he could at least try to be.

Then she asked him the question that caused a sudden shiver to march down his spine, spiked with shock and anxiety. What was it like to die? It was...horrifying. It was an inevitable fear and Pincher had been like a fish out of water, gasping for air while feeling his energy slip away alongside his blood. And the fear began to rise like a growing tide as Goldenluxury begun to speak about her own experience of death, the doberman remaining completely silent, his body stiff and cold like a statue as small patterns of frost began to form on his back at the realization that he would have nearly lost a child once again had it not been electricity that brought her back to life. His throat felt tight as he didn't know how to respond, shock beginning to envelop him as his vision blurred. Death. So much death. Pain. All of it. He was so tired. So, so tired. Of feeling. It was all so much. But he forced himself to return to reality, to be there for his daughter. "Death is...undescriblable. I-I just, theres so many ways to do and I don't believe I could ever explain the perfect feeling of it but for me, I felt...scared. Ashamed. I didn't want to leave you or your brother alone. I felt like I should have been better for you two, to have shown you how much I loved you and that not all the time in the world would be enough for me to show it. But to die, it's a feeling of many emotions, I suppose. Is that what you felt, sweetie?" He hesitated in asking but he had to know. He had to see what she had felt.

Then he heard her say the final words and he allowed a gentle sigh to escape his lips, traced with the bitter vodka he tended to drink when stressed. "I know, love. I know. You work the hardest and I've never been prouder. But it's okay to rest. To settle for a bit after bad things happen. You deserve to relax. I am the proudest father in the world because of you." His voice wavered, shaking at the end as he realized that he was growing emotional, opening himself up to his daughter had caused him to realize how much she meant to him. The burning sensation of tears pricked at his eyes but he forced himself not to cry, to remain strong for his daughter because she needed him and he would make sure he would be there for her when he had not been when she had almost died.

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© MADI

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

his response to her first question would relieve her slightly, but also cause her to chuckle. she didn't really think that was very true. she tried to help keep things busy, but she certainly didn't carry the crew. she just tried to help. but, she would sigh contently still. she would quickly go to drink the water he set in front of her, her drinks neat and careful. it felt nice on her dry throat.

his next response would cause her to look away for a moment. she knew that they loved her. she knew that's why they worried. and she didn't feel like she deserved it. she got so much love, but she didn't do hardly enough in return. instead she just made them worry and as a result feel bad due to the worry. no one should feel bad because of her. she should make others feel good. nothing else. it wasn't fair for her to make others feel bad. but, she wouldn't say anything for now, happily allowing him to bring them closer.

at his next set of words, she felt her body freeze for a moment. they weren't bad, in fact, they made her feel very good. but, she didn't feel she deserved such a title. greatest treasure? she was only his daughter. she tried to be good, but there was no way she was doing that well. she blinked a few times, unsure how to respond. her tired, dizzy mind probably couldn't process all of this properly. he loves her with all his heart. he called her his greatest treasure. her papa's affection was what she wanted more than anything else, and now she was receiving it. a lot of it. she didn't know how to respond to it, but she felt happy. and tired. really tired.

noticing his reaction to her question and explanation, she felt a bit of guilt enter her. perhaps she shouldn't have asked after all. it could bring back bad memories. she didn't know much at all about her papa's life before she was born, but she was sure he had done a lot. she didn't want him to have to think about anything that made him feel bad. she didn't want him to feel bad. but, then, he did respond. she would listen silently, gulping at his words. she felt really guilty now. he shouldn't feel like that. she felt bad he did. but, she was still sort of glad she asked. she did want to talk about it a little.

then, he said those last words, and she felt a choking feeling grab at her. she avoided crying nowadays, ever since caesar had called her weak for it. but, she was here with her papa and no one else. no one else would need to know. he said she deserved rest. he said he's proud of her. she sniffled, tears forming in her eyes. a tiny weeping sound came from her as she tried to come up with a response to...all of that. she turned her head, her face now against his body. what could she say?

"i-i...when i was sinking all i could think about was y-you guys. i...i didn't know what you all would think. i would have gone out for a short swim and then...just...never came back. i wanted to know if you all w-were still okay. i wanted to at least say goodbye...but, i couldn't move. it felt like i was falling asleep, but it was r-really lonely an-and painful. i-i wasn't scared, though. i knew it would all be okay in the end, with or withou-out m-me. i felt really happy to have had my life. ev-everyone is so good..." she tried to explain. it was hard to really remember everything, though. at that point, things were growing foggy before they melted into nothing altogether. she hoped it made sense. she sniffed again, swallowing hard.

the way she was acting, one would think she was sad. but, really, she was overwhelmed with several emotions, one of which including intense happiness. she was truthfully so happy to be alive. she was so happy to be with her family and friends. she was so happy her papa had said the things he did about her. it meant the world and more to her. she really didn't know how to describe it. there was no way to. it made her feel like all her hard work was going towards something, though. and it only inspired her to work harder, even if he did say that she deserved to relax.

"papa, i..." she actually wasn't sure where she was going with this, but she just tried to say something. anything. she needed to say something about all of that. "i...i'm s-so happy. i really am. i dunno what i did to deserve everything i have, but i just...appreciate you all so much. y-you're a good papa, even if you don't think so. you're very busy, but you try your best regardless. i-i just want to give it all back to you and h-help make things as easy for everyone as i can. i-if i could just do that...everything c-could be so good." her breaths seemed to slow down after all of this, and her voice grew quieter the more she spoke. it felt...kind of nice to explain this. it was relaxing. someone could know why she worked so hard. that's why she couldn't relax. she wanted to make everything so good for everyone - they already did that much for her. her weeps and tears slowed and she quietly sat against her papa, seeming to have relaxed a bit more.