I CAN'T DECIDE / private, shininglight

[Luca]

Ever since that capture, Luca had been curious about the Ascendants. The Typhoon was the first group that he had checked out, so he hadn't had the opportunity to get a read on the others yet. That's why he was currently snooping around the territory, not quite near the border, but getting closer. Something told him not to trespass, so he would merely watch from afar for now. Luca landed in the midst of a clearing and folded his wings, shaking out his coffee coloured fur and lifting his nose up to check for any nearby animals. He could have sworn that there was a familiar scent on the breeze, although his mind couldn't quite place it. He furrowed his metaphorical brow and tilted his head, staring in the direction of the source. May as well check it out, he decided. Grass cushioned his pawsteps as he headed over, movements slow yet somewhat excited.

[member=1520]Shininglight[/member]

[Shininglight]

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Shining had grown tired of walking. The past few months had been filled with nothing other than the motion of his legs and paws, putting one in front of the other. No set destination in mind, no location to intentionally visit. His body wandered, as did his mind. Neither could stop for rest, to relax and enjoy a moment's peace. Something kept him moving, kept him in motion.

[glow=black,2,300]YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE PAST.[/glow]

Was he trying to distance himself from something? Someone? Shining had almost forgotten why he originally left home. The reason, unfortunately, always resurfaced. It always reminded him of the painful truth on why he was so far from that place. He didn't like thinking about it. It always broke his heart. So Shining tried to push the thought away.

[glow=black,2,300]NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, YOU'LL HURT SOMEONE. THAT IS YOUR CURSE. YOUR FATE. YOUR DOOM.[/glow]

The voice was always there to remind him. Shining once had the ability to suppress its venomous words. Not anymore- his mind and soul had weakened, fallen apart like a disease eating away at him. No barrier, no defense against the voice within him, slowly driving him insane.

[glow=black,2,300]YOU WILL FALTER. YOU WILL FAIL. I HAVE SEEN IT HAPPEN TIME AND TIME AGAIN.[/glow]

But he found ways to distract himself. Maybe that's why he was walking, even now, despite his body growing tired and exhausted. Despite the warnings of the medic telling him to rest, Shining had to focus on walking. Keep moving, don't listen to its words. He was outside the borders of the Ascendants' territory now, not concerned with where he was going or who he'd bump into. That was much less of a priority at the moment.

[Luca]

Whoever Luca was tracking, they were getting closer. The hellhound drew his wings tight to his body and nosed his way through some foliage, rose eyes instantly finding a form on the other side. White fur stood out against the green of the forest, causing his eyes to narrow for a beat before focusing. It took a second for the realisation to hit, but then his eyes widened, heat rising to Luca's cheeks. He recognised that signature pelt, those black hawk wings. The amber eye was new, but this was definitely the same Shininglight that he had fallen in love with all those months ago. A small gasp left his throat, and suddenly he was leaping at the feline, nuzzling him affectionately and licking his cheek. "Shine! Oh, Shine I missed you so much! I was so, so worried when you went missing, I thought you were dead!" Tears wet the fur of Luca's cheeks, his tail whipping excitedly from side to side. He hadn't seen anyone from his past since he joined the Typhoon, except Argus, but he couldn't say he was excited to re-encounter the animal that had ripped out his eyes. Shine was much better, yes, Shine was kind and forgiving and cute, and Luca was utterly delighted to have him back in his sights again.

[Shininglight]

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He failed to notice the curious eyes upon him, peeking from the overgrowth of grass and shrubs. Prior to his disappearance from home, Shining would have sensed someone lurking nearby almost immediately. Everyone had an aura, a life force of sorts surrounding them. A true spiritual nature that, although at times could be hidden or masked, told the truth behind physical and emotional lies. Most creatures couldn't alter it, so it had been easy for the tom to pick up on auras.

Not anymore. Shining's own spirit was weakened. His powers had been stripped of him as his mind descended into its miniature madness. The struggle against the darker parts of his soul was simply too much toil on even him. Fortunately, the same effect was evident in the counterpart. The most his alter-side could accomplish was torment him with toxic speeches and haunt his dreams. But even that was hard to bear, at times.

Shining's mind was so wrapped up in inner thoughts that he didn't immediately react when a hellhound came bounding towards him. They even called his name, brushed up against his fur and licked his cheek. But none of it produced any sort of reaction in the moment. His body simply stopped moving, as his mind tried to catch up and process what was going on. When it did, his head turned towards the stranger, mix-matched eyes blinking with an odd coldness in them.

"Who are you?"

[Luca]

Perhaps he should have noticed that something was off the moment Shine went still, but his mind was too busy rejoicing over their reunion to notice anything out of the ordinary. It was only when he finally pulled back to give Shine some space that he realized how odd this behaviour was for the bi-coloured feline. And then Shininglight spoke, and Luca's smile dropped just as fast as his stomach. He frowned and backed up a pace, suddenly feeling a lot colder due to the wave of hurt that washed over him. "Ah... you don't remember me?" Luca asked, a fresh bout of tears welling in his eyes and spilling over hot cheeks. He bit down on his lip, lowering his head. "Shine, it's me... Luca. I'm in love with you, remember?" He gave his rump a weak, half-hearted shake. Perhaps it was selfish, but Luca really hoped that Shine was suffering from amnesia. If it wasnt amnesia that meant that Shine had just stopped thinking about him enough to forget him entierly, a thought that made Luca feel absolutely sick to his stomach. "We met ages ago, we were super close!" To anyone else that had known Luca back then, those words would seem like a major exagguration. It's true that Luca had strong feelings for Shininglight, but they were very obviously one sided; Shine had never shown any indication at all of feeling the same about Luca. However, the hellhound wasn't known for having a rational and reasonable mind.

[Shininglight]

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If his mind had been in a stronger state, he would have noticed the sudden change in mood, the sickening twist of the stomach, the falling of the smile. He would have reacted much differently under normal circumstances. But he had changed. Shining didn't behave like he used to. His eyes seemed cold, lacking the warm glow they once held within them. He looked distracted at all times, unable to focus for much longer than a minute or two. He looked lost, confused, disconnected from reality. Especially now, in this moment.

Shine tilted his head slightly to the side, watching the hellhound begin to cry and try to explain. His name was Luca. He was in love. They had met many months ago. He blinked, the gears in his mind puzzling over these details. Trying to connect the dots, resurface old, locked memories. They slowly came to light, one at a time. "That's..." Shine began to speak, trailing off at first.

He frowned. "There are several kinds of love. Yours is born of a desire for pleasure. To fill a void that was formed in your heart. Always looking for someone to help fill it. You believe I am the one." Shine's face grew sad. "I cannot help you. My feelings are not the same. I will only let you down. " Those words were far from what Luca wanted to hear. But Shine could only think to tell the truth. Coldly. "Your time is best spent on someone else."