ROUND WE GO && Private;; Selby

[trojan g.]

[align=center][div style="bgcolor= black; width: 500px; font-family: georgia;font-size:12px;text-align:justify"]The second Moth was able to move freely again and out of her house, she did just that. The leopard was tired of sitting in her small hut of a house, reading when she felt like it - most of the time reading things that would help with her learning so that she would be able to keep up with it. It was something that, although she was interested in the subject, she was very very tired of it, but, at this point in time, she had nothing else to read or do, so she stuck with it, sleeping when she got too bored, and when awake reading about the herbs Selby was teaching her about.

But she was free now, and didn’t have to worry about staying inside and being bored. She could get fresh air by being out in the area where the fresh air was instead of keeping her door open to let it in. It was nice. She knew that it had been only in her best interest, and she held no grudges, but she was more than glad it was over. How she celebrated this freedom was something one would not expect from the female, however.

She had found a short story book, something that wasn’t too complex in the vocabulary, and had carried it over to the garden before sitting down in the sun by the plants and reading it. She had been reading so much about these plants and herbs and knew so much about them, but not what they looked like in person, not what they smelled like, so she sat there, letting the warmth wash over her body as the smell of various plants washed through her nose, making her wish she had done this before she had been injured.

[selby roux !]

[align=center][div style="width: 51%; text-align: justify; font-size: 10pt; letter-spacing: -1px; font-family: georgia;"]The death of Pastel, while a tragic and momentous event in Selby’s life, did very little to effect the general going-ons of Tanglewood. People still got hurt. There were still chores to be done, duties to be performed. The world still spun, no matter how much the sawbone wished it would pause even for just a moment so he could catch up with it.

One particular example of this was the attack on Moth. It had come at a particularly bad time, when Selby had begun to rely on her help. Her dislocated shoulder put her on bed rest, and Selby’s slight fallout with Kiira meant he once again piled work on top of himself. There was still Delilah of course, but the feline didn’t want to ask too much of her. She did enough for him as it was.

Today marked an important step in Moth’s recovery, however. Her shoulder was healed for the most part, meaning she could leave bed rest and do light physical activity. It also meant Selby wouldn’t have to check up on her quite as much, putting a not insignificant amount of time back on his schedule.

Though he didn’t have to see her today, he thought it would be best to check up on her anyway. When he went to see her at her home, however, she was nowhere to be seen. Thinking back to his numerous conversations with her over the past few weeks, he remembered that Moth mentioned wanting to visit the garden once she was better. It didn’t take long to find her, sitting and reading among the herbs.

"Hello, Moth," he greeted pleasantly as he approached, taking a seat a respectful distance away. "I thought I might find you here. How are you? Any pain? Stiffness?"

[trojan g.]

[align=center][div style="bgcolor= black; width: 500px; font-family: georgia;font-size:12px;text-align:justify"]Moth knew that, eventually, Selby would come to visit her. Whether it be an accident or not, he was going to show up. He worried about those that he treated in the group, making sure they were okay, and she was appreciative of it, though she hadn't thought he would visit her so quickly. It seemed as though she had only sat down ( in fact, she had gotten a bit of reading done, her own skills in the matter having improved quite a bit since she had started ) so when a rustle came from the herbs and plants in the garden, she simply flicked an ear, only half listening, engrossed in her book. That was, until he began to speak.

Looking up, she would watch the male, listening as he spoke the words and asked his questions, a small smile growing on her maw in amusement. "I'm doing good!" She'd speak, shaking her head before speaking once again. "No pain, but a little stiffness, like expected." Admittedly, she was hoping that she'd be lucky and there wouldn't be any stiffness, but there usually wasn't luck with injuries around here she guessed. "Nothing I can't handle, the main reason I picked this place specifically to rest and read to be honest. Don't want to overdo it." Especially not on her first day back out, she'd hate to have to stay inside a little longer due to her getting injured once again.

"How're you doing, Selby?" She would ask, head cocking a little to the side as soon as she had done so. She hoped that he was doing fine, or, if he wasn't, she could help him out by talking or just listening, whatever he needed. He had been there for her and so many others, especially recently.

[selby roux !]

[align=center][div style="width: 51%; text-align: justify; font-size: 10pt; letter-spacing: -1px; font-family: georgia;"]Selby nodded along with her words, taking them in and processing them as she spoke. Moth was right, a little stiffness was to be expected, especially after a couple of weeks of rest. Still, he wanted to be sure she would be all right. "If it gets to be too much, come talk to me, alright?" he offered.

How’re you doing, Selby?

Momentarily taken aback (though he shouldn’t have been; this is quite a common question to be asked), Selby studied her carefully. It would be so easy to lie, say he was fine or okay or possibly even good or great. She would probably even accept it as an answer, and they would move on. But studying her expression, the sawbone found that she seemed to genuinely want to know. It was beyond a simple pleasantry. Besides that, what good would lying do? Taking a deep breath and a glance around, he began to answer her.

"Not so good if I’m being honest, Moth," he began, forcing himself to maintain eye contact as he spoke even though it was difficult. "Bad would probably be a better way to put it. I just... there’s so much to do, you know? It never seems to stop, even when I need it to. Especially if I need it to. I want to slow down, take a break, deal with my own stuff, but the job comes first, I suppose." He swallowed hard, allowing his gaze to drop now that he was done speaking. Now uncomfortable with how much he had loaded onto Moth, he sighed deeply. "Sorry. That was probably... too much."

[trojan g.]

[align=center][div style="bgcolor= black; width: 500px; font-family: georgia;font-size:12px;text-align:justify"]If it gets to be too much, come talk to me, alright? Moth listened to his words, nodding her head as soon as he had spoken them. Of course she would speak to him if she was being bothered too much by her shoulder, there was no reason not to, after all. She didn't want to be in pain, and over the couple weeks that Moth had been in bedrest, she had grown accustomed to Selby's visits and their talks, whether it was something like herbs and medicine in his teachings, or simply speaking of a book she had been trying to read, her asking for help in the bigger words that she knew he would know, having likely read the book already.

When he spoke of how he was doing, however, the smile on her face would begin to fade away - him admitting that he wasn't feeling too well wasn't the happiest of things after all - and her brows would furrow in slight concern at his words, though the hope of being able to help with anything he needed still crossed her mind. "No, no, don't apologize." She would speak, reaching her paw out to his slightly in comfort before speaking once again, "I know that the timing for, well, everything has been off, believe me I do," She would comment, shaking her head slightly as she spoke, "Things can slow down now, don't worry. I know enough thanks to you where I can help now, and Kiira and Delilah are there too. I know it's hard, but try not to stress yourself out too much Selby, please? It's okay to ask for help, and I'm here to help if you want it." She was better now, for the most part, able to walk around, and she cared for the male and didn't want him stressing out too much on things. "It'll be ok, and no one will think less of you if you need a break, I know I won't." Admitting it was something admirable in her eyes to be honest.

[selby roux !]

[align=center][div style="width: 51%; text-align: justify; font-size: 10pt; letter-spacing: -1px; font-family: georgia;"]Selby listened to Moth’s assurances with rapture, letting them wash over and comfort him. It had been such a long time since he’d let himself need things from other people. Crow was someone he might have relied upon in other circumstances, but his father was a bigger wreck than he was. He still hadn’t spoken to Leroy since diagnosing him, and despite his respect for the proxy, the two were not close. Beck was even more complicated. They were friends, that much was certain, but Selby wasn’t sure how stable Beck was. His mind flickered temporarily back to Moth’s attack, and he shuddered slightly at the memory of the broken body. But Moth was nearly completely better now, and despite his relationship with her as a sort of mentor figure, she was somebody he came to see as a true friend.

"I... thank you, Moth. That means a lot. More than I can say, actually," he started, trying to swallow down a thick lump of emotion that had begun to form in his throat. "Pastel, she... wasn’t around a whole lot. She liked to travel and explore and go places. But she always came home, even for just a little while. It’s hard. Knowing that she isn’t— she isn’t coming home this time, I mean. Or any other time." He felt tears start to form, hot and sharp at the corners of his eyes. He wanted to apologize again, but he wasn’t sure what for. Moth would want to help him.

[trojan g.]

[align=center][div style="bgcolor= black; width: 500px; font-family: georgia;font-size:12px;text-align:justify"]It was at this point in the conversation that Moth began to stir, moving up and forward until she was in a hunched sitting position, closer to Selby than she had been at first, ears pricked as she listened to the male's words, listening as he began to speak about his sister, and her lax expression grew into a slight frown of concern. "I'm sorry about Pastel." she would speak, thinking about the words that she would speak in an attempt to comfort the other, "I wish she hadn't gone in the way she had, and that I could have met her one day. I don't know how you feel exactly, and I don't want to pretend to know..." She would trail off, ears flicking backwards for a moment as she thought. She hadn't seen the body of her mother, but she had seen her father's body when he had died, and it had been horrible on her, and that had been soon after he died instead of a while after, so he had been buried before he ended up rotting like Pastel had.

"But I do know that even though bad things happened to her, and no one would have wanted to see that, especially you and Crow, but eventually it'll be easier to rest, just knowing that even though her life has come to an end, she made it home in the end where she was loved." She could only hope her words would help Selby out in some way, even if it wasn't now. Reaching over onto the ground next to her, Moth would reach inside her bag that she carried with her, carefully clawing out a handkerchief of some sort and held out a paw towards Selby in case he needed it.

[selby roux !]

[align=center][div style="width: 51%; text-align: justify; font-size: 10pt; letter-spacing: -1px; font-family: georgia;"]Selby gratefully accepted the square of cloth, hastily wiping his face and clenching it in one paw. "I appreciate that, Moth, really. Thank you," he said slowly, voice cracking the slightest bit. And he really did mean it, sincerity creeping into his words even in this time of dire emotional need.

He sighed again, wanting to shut up but feeling unable to. So, he kept going. "I feel... like I didn’t do enough. For her, I mean, but also in general. And I know that’s just survivor’s guilt, but knowing that doesn’t stop it, you know? I just..." He trails off again, wiping his face and turning slightly so Moth couldn’t see his tears.

Selby knew what his next words were going to be. They left an aching pit in his stomach the longer he left them unsaid, but he was unsure if this was the right way to say them. Moth, while someone he had come to consider among his closest friends, was not someone he had known for very long. No time at all, it felt like. Will there ever be a right time? You’re already talking to her. Go ahead, say it. She won’t judge you.

"I guess... sometimes it just feels like I’m not enough. I feel like I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel, Moth."

[trojan g.]

[align=center][div style="bgcolor= black; width: 500px; font-family: georgia;font-size:12px;text-align:justify"]As soon as the handkerchief was taken from the female, she would put her paw down, letting it rest on the ground close to her before she pricked her ears, listening as Selby spoke once more, nodding her head in response to the thanks for the piece of cloth. Ears would pin back slightly as soon as Selby spoke once more, secondary sadness filling herself as he spoke, maw opening for a moment before it closed once more, unsure of what, exactly, she could say at this moment.

Though it seemed as though Selby was moving on from that sentence, her eyes watching him as he began to speak once more, and as soon as it was over she'd shake her head, "You're not, Selby.|" She would speak about the first part of his admittance, "You are more than good enough, it's just sometimes it doesn't feel like that, but you are Selby." Ears would finally pin to the back of her head fully and she'd offer a slight smile to the other in comfort, "You're overworked right now, and you know it, you need rest, and time to fully grieve for Pastel. It might be a while before you feel better, but I know you will eventually, even if you need some help along the way to do it." It all took a little bit of time.

[selby roux !]

[align=center][div style="width: 51%; text-align: justify; font-size: 10pt; letter-spacing: -1px; font-family: georgia;"]Selby nodded along once more to her words, finding comfort in the soothing tone of her voice. Despite the comfort he found in her tone, however, the hot rise of tears continued their onslaught. Something deep inside him compelled him to reach forward and hug Moth, and in his moment of vulnerability he complied. Maybe it was the desire to not let her see him cry. Maybe it was just a craving for physical affection. Maybe something else entirely. But as he clutched onto the soft fur of his larger friend, Selby found that it was difficult to care about the reason he wanted to hug her. He buried his face in her fur, finding solace in the warmth of Moth. It was there that he finally let himself cry, body quivering with the bear silent sobs that racked it.

"Thank you," he wheezed, voice muffled. And though his words were simple ones, they conveyed everything that he felt he had not expressed yet. Gratitude. "I don’t know what I would do without you." And truer words had never left his mouth. Whether he liked it or not, Moth had made herself a staple in his life. His student, his colleague, his friend. She was necessary; but besides that, she was wanted.