what a shame we all became such fragile, broken things / private

[Margaery]

[glow=GLOWCOLOR,2,300]▶ MARGAERY FOLIE - tags - THE ASCENDANTS - OBSERVER - SHE/HER- FELINE ◀[/glow]

Margaery had never been a melancholy creature- not by nature anyways. She had suffered through much and emerged relatively unchanged, her upbeat, extroverted self not so easily extinguished by the challenges that life quite literally flung at her. She was resilient and refused to allow herself to succumb to anything. Anything. But she had been distant recently, her mind weighed down by distressing thoughts pertaining especially to her daughter. She had Suiteheart yes, but her wife, as terrible as it sounded, wasn't enough to fix the hole in her heart. She needed the souls more than she ever realized, and she carried with her the nearly impossible desire to repair each and everyone of her broken family members and reunite them. Again, an impossible task.

But within the new sense of despair and lost longing, she had found a glimmer of hope in the form of Lup, a new ascendant member who had shared with her an experience that sounded too much like her daughters to pass up. Though she was offered other bits of information (mainly that her children had resorted to killing), she cared not. Lil, Eli, and Lissa were alive and she'd be damned if she didn't find them.

She was determined to visit each group first, asking around for potential leads until she finally could piece together enough evidence to locate her missing babies and bring them home. The Typhoon was the first stop on her list.

Navigating there had been difficult but she had managed regardless, leaving the Ascendants early that morning before anyone could notice her departure and make an effort to interrogate her until she spilled her motives. Somebody, probably Suite, would have noticed her disappearance by now but she cared not. Nothing mattered save the task on hand.

So engrossed in her thoughts, she did not hear the snap of a twig behind her or an all too familiar scent. She merely kept on her way, gray eyes glazed and faraway as if she wasn't truly there, a passenger to her body which wove her in and out of trees. It wasn't until the smell grew to be revolting that she snapped out of her almost trance-like state and realized what grave danger she was in. Had she been more aware of her surroundings, this all could have been evaded, but she had not and now, standing before her with a feral gleam she knew too well, was a bear. The thing was on the smaller side but she could not move, completely petrified more so by the memories that its appearance brought forth.

A shudder coursed through her lean frame and every, every, one of her instincts screamed at her to move, to get of the situation before her life was claimed again. She couldn't though. She couldn't find it in herself.

The only thing Margaery could seemingly do was shut her eyes and shed a few tears.

This was it.

[lilyspoise]

There are many names in history

but none of them are ours.

lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags

If Margaery was anything today, she was lucky. Lucky that she hadn't gone to the wrong clan, or worse, the Tanglewood. Lucky that she'd wandered onto Haven Island instead of the main territory-- Typhoon Crew Mates didn't take well to trespassers, but her Ascendant affiliation would've definitely played in her favor. Most of all, though, Margaery was lucky that Lilyspoise was here on Haven Island.

The cream tabby had been searching the smaller island for herbs, having initially avoided it after her initiation due to the horrors that she'd seen under the influence of the potion. However, hiding from things that scared her was no way to live, so she'd swallowed her fear and headed out. It worked out pretty well, too! Lil had found herbs that grew more plentifully than they did on the main island, and had even gathered a hefty supply of cobwebs so that she could generously bandage wounds in the case scenario that the Jungle Temple stop being a source of human-made healing goods. She'd stored her supplies in her pouches and bottles, attaching each to the rope necklace she now wore to make transportation of these very goods that much easier. Just as she was about to head out, she stood up, stretched, and tilted her head up to smell the air, making sure she didn't miss any rare her-

The Ascendants? Why did it smell of The Ascendants?
Perhaps someone came to visit and got lost along the way. Lil rationalized to herself, beginning to track the scent. It felt oddly familiar, but then again Lil wasn't a complete stranger to the clan and its members, so it was probably someone that had stopped by the border once or twice before. Lup mentioned heading towards that direction-- maybe she settled down there? She seemed to have an affinity for sp--

The piercing roar of a bear caused Lil to stiffen, eyes darting around to try and see if the source was as close as it sounded to be. A mound of black fur confirmed her suspicions, and before she could begin to silently back away, she saw a chocolate point cornered by it.

Without a moment of hesitation, Lil lunged at the bear. It was small, yes, but still a bear, making this an incredibly dumb idea, but the time this action would grant could give the Ascendant an out. If she'd simply stood by and watched as an ally die -- watched as anyone died -- and did nothing to stop it, she would be sick with herself. Even if she was wounded in the process, Lil knew she had to try.

"Leave her alone!" Lily growled, focusing on staying attached to the bear with the use of her claws; then working to try and climb up to it's throat. It was a small creature for it's species, so the feat wasn't impossible, only incredibly hard. When Lil felt the searing sting of claw marks on her flank she wasn't surprised, but that didn't make it hurt any less. However, Lilyspoise was a skilled killer as much as she wished she wasn't, so her primal instincts returned quick -- quicker than she wished they did -- and one moment she was thinking, and the next her teeth was ripping away flesh. The tearing sound followed by a gurgled cry was all too familiar, and Lil felt absolutely sick as the taste of blood in her mouth was nothing foreign. The bear collapsed on the ground, and it was in that moment that the tabby realized she'd killed the creature.

It needed to be done. Lil rationalized to herself, sighing and wiping the blood from her mouth onto her paw. She tried to clean herself up some before she looked at the feline she'd just saved, lest she give off a terrible first impression.

"Are you oka--" No, absolutely not. This was not happening. Not here or now. This couldn't be Margaery-- this couldn't be real. This had to be someone else, someone who just looked exactly like her mother, with the same fear of bears, and the same warmth in eyes that spoke nothing but cool hues. "Are you..." Lil paused, glancing away. This wasn't real. At best it was some sort of hallucination of the island. "Na-- Name and business, please."

[Margaery]

[glow=BLACK,2,300]▶ MARGAERY FOLIE - tags - THE ASCENDANTS - OBSERVER - SHE/HER- FELINE ◀[/glow]

There was something poetic that could be said about this moment and the tragedy that accompanied what surely would be Margaery's demise. Perhaps it was that she had been in this same situation nearly a year ago, cowering before the powerful figure of her wife as she claimed her life so easily, so effortlessly. She remembered the pain, not so much physical, but emotional as she was shredded to pieces. She remembered how betrayed she felt, though she knew, deep down, that Suiteheart had accidentally released her own monster. That polar bear had haunted her nightmares since. At least in this, she would have closure, a certain sense of finality- you didn't dream when you were dead.

But this story had a different ending and the ravenous ursine was the one to stagger and fall, not she. She had been anticipating the impact of claws and teeth against her fragile flesh for so long that her brain didn't register the sounds of a struggle and finally, a gurgle. There was a voice too, one so familiar that her gray eyes fluttered open.  For a moment, all she could feel was a sudden and overwhelming blood lust. Copper hung in the air and subconsciously, her lips pulled back in a snarl and her claws escaped their padded sheathes. Her breath hitched in her throat and the beast disappeared, retreating back inside her and once again relinquishing control.

Margaery was back...

And she had a lot of thoughts.

More so feelings, if she was being particular, for when her gaze truly fell upon the form of Lilyspoise, she temporarily forgot how to breathe. There was a rush of emotion - pain, guilt, regret, excitement, hope, love - and she was certain that they all flashed across her features in some confusing flurry. This was her daughter, it had to be.

Her words confused her and Margaery couldn't help but feel a sudden sense of doubt. Was this a stranger who just so happened to resemble the one thing she had been searching for most? Had fate once again decided to play a cruel trick on her, no doubt in payment for her countless sins? [color=#b14767]"Margaery Mikaelson-Tyrell-Folie. I've come to.. I've come to..." She had already given up on maintaining her silly facade. Margaret did not exist, at least no here, not now, when this being held the potential in being her daughter.

[color=#b14767]"I've come to find my daughters. I've been searching for them for so long and finally, finally I believe I've found them."

Her voice was still shaking as was her body. She had almost perished, lost forever at the claws of some random bear she hadn't been smart enough to evade. What would her friends think? Her wife? With her immortality stripped away, she truly would have lost her last opportunity at life and everyone, especially the chocolate point, knew that she wasn't quite done fighting yet.

[color=#b14767]"Lil? Eli? Lissa? Is it... I-Is it you? I've heard of the stories, I've heard about what you three have become. I hope you're okay... I never meant for this to happen... I never meant for us to fall apart. Please, come home with me, you all would love the Ascendants, I promise... I promise..." She babbled, her words borderline incoherent. Her emotions had bested her and she was crying now, nearing the point of sobs. She couldn't believe that this was reality.

Unless this really was some sick trick and she was spilling her heart out to some stranger who had just saved her life.

[color=#b14767]"Please..." She begged, more so to a deity that she knew she genuinely didn't believe in, [color=#b14767]"Please l-let it be... let it be t-them."

[lilyspoise]

There are many names in history

but none of them are ours.

lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags

The first name was all Lil needed-- Margaery wasn't a common name, but the additional last names only sealed the deal. Everything felt... weird. The tabby was sad, angry, relieved and yet heartbroken. The rush of emotions was foreign and overwhelming for someone who had settled into a gentle numbness for the past few months. Everything was intense and she was drowning all over again.
She could've sworn she knew how to swim.

"I've come to find my daughters. I've been searching for them for so long and finally, finally I believe I've found them."

Looking up at Margaery with wide eyes, she felt her heart both fill with joy and anger. Margaery and Suiteheart abandoned her, and by the scent that the other carried, it seemed she had settled down into a new home, too.
"You... were looking for..." For your daughters, or for me? Are they even the same person anymore? Lil paused, remaining quiet as Margaery continued on, addressing her by names she hadn't heard in ages. Lil was commonplace enough of a nickname, but Eli and Lissa were born from a name she no longer went by. Elise.

Tears budded in her eyes; thoughts of her twin-souls had remain relatively repressed until now, but the remembrance of those long lost made her lose the composure she'd held around her new crew mates.
"I'm Lilyspoise. Formerly Lilyspaw. Formerly... Elise." There was no point in lying, Margaery already knew that it was her. The cream tabby appearance was popular enough that Lil could've tried to pass off as being a stranger, but she knew that her mangled ears, lilac eyes, and teary reaction would all give her away. "I'm... only Lilyspoise though. The others left, or disappeared, or something. I don't know-- I don't know what happened. They were here one day, and then they were gone."

"Does that sound familiar?" Despite wavering, Lily's voice was now tinted with anger. Her eyes, although crying, were narrowed, and she did her best to muster up anything but an ugly crying face. "You abandoned me. You both abandoned me. You left, and then Eli and Lissa disappeared, and then there was nothing! You left me to pick up the pieces that weren't even there anymore! I was a child!" The more she spoke, the more her voice rose in desperate anger. There had been not one person she'd confided this in-- she'd traveled alone for so long with only the occasional conversation with another traveler, and now despite settling in the Typhoon she had not grown close enough with anyone to reveal her life woes to.

"I can't come with you." Lil murmured quietly, looking off in the direction where she believed the main island would be. "You're not the only one who found a place to be, and the Typhoon needs me right now. They don't have an official healer, and yes, the crew mates have scattered knowledge, but no one else who's dedicated solely to medicine, and has the needed research and experience to back it up." Why was she justifying herself to Margaery? Even if the Typhoon did have a healer, Lil couldn't find herself wanting to be in the Ascendants. Admittedly, they were too peaceful. There was still a rowdy part of Lil that liked the thrill of the fight. She didn't want to kill unnecessarily, but killing out of survival wasn't something she needed to feel guilty about here.

"How is Suiteheart?" Lilyspoise asked, half bitter and half curious. Margaery said she was looking for her daughters, not her daughters and her wife. That meant that Margaery must have found the other first. Must have found the other and settled down in the Ascendants and decided that was home now, Lilyspoise or not.

They didn't even care for her, did they?

"I hope you're both doing well. Enjoying your new home." Now her words were spoken with venom, wrapped in anger. Those two were just like her birth-mother! They only ever cared for each other, and not for their children. Lil didn't care that Margaery said she was looking for her daughters-- if she really had been then Lil would've heard about it in her own travels! If she was looking for Lil then maybe the two shouldn't have abandoned her in the first place! "I think you should head back there, soon."

[Margaery]

[glow=BLACK,2,300]▶ MARGAERY FOLIE - tags - THE ASCENDANTS - OBSERVER - SHE/HER- FELINE ◀[/glow]

For a moment, there was only pure, unfiltered relief. Her journey, her terribly long journey, had finally come to a close. She could fall asleep easy tonight knowing that her daughters were safe, that they had survived this awful tragedy just like she and Suite had somehow. A smile almost tugged upon her lips. But her light feelings lasted for only a second and then, there was the guilt. It had not arrived alone though and, upon being accused of abandoning her, mingled freely now with anger.

She had not abandoned anyone.

Fate had been the thing that had driven them apart.

It was then that the scent of blood caught her attention again and she half-contemplated releasing the monster inside of her just to escape this suddenly awful situation. There would be no words if she gave into her feral side- just a certain mindless brutality that would ultimately worsen everything tenfold. She fought hard to keep the beast shackled with that in mind, biting down hard on her lip to taste her own blood and ground herself. Deep breaths, Her mind cooed softly, Don't succumb to the thing that you hate. It had been so hard recently, especially with things piling up. This didn't help... these blatant lies on Lilyspoise's part were helping no one save the delusion in her daughter's mind that she and Suite were terrible people that didn't care for her.

She couldn't focus on the accusations yet, not after Lil revealed that Lissa and Eli had simply disappeared. How could that... how could that be? They were bound by their souls and she had always presumed that there was no Lil without Lissa, no Eli without Lil, and no Lissa without Eli. They were three entities sharing one being... they couldn't have just left their sister like that! [color=#b14767]"Lil I..." She broke off before she could even finish, grappling for words that would express her sympathy. She doesn't want your sympathy. She hates you, she was reminded. The realization was like a slap to her face.

That marriage of guilt and anger returned after that, and it took every ounce of her sheer willpower to not simply scream out a response. [color=#b14767]"Do not say that I abandoned you when you and I both know that we had no control over the situation. I have done nothing but look for you every day since we've been separated and I can say with the utmost of certainty that there has not been an hour that your name hasn't crossed my mind. How dare you accuse your mother, of all people, of such an atrocity when you know, you know that isn't who I am. But I guess we don't truly know each other anyways- the Lilies, huh? Killing is addicting isn't it?" She inquired, venom coating her own words now. She was a rose yes, but like every one of her kind, she hid thorns beneath those delicate petals. It retrospect, she would realize her last comment was not a wise one to make. But she didn't care, not when the same thing could be asked of herself. Four generations of killers... Her grandmother would be so proud.

But killer or not, angry or not, Lil didn't want to return with her... The Typhoon apparently needed her more...

Her heart sank. She was angry, yes, but this was still her child. After searching for so long and feeling so absolutely hopeless, she didn't know if she possessed the ability to just let her go. She hates you, Margaery. She hates you like you hate Caroline. Her mind was back again, this time providing her memories and feelings that she had experienced in the wake of being abandoned by her own mother. Caroline had had a choice though. When darkness tempted her, she had fallen into its embrace and left all she knew, all she apparently loved, behind. Margaery would never do that. She'd much rather die first.

Before she had the opportunity to even make her case, she was being asked about Suiteheart. So many conflicting emotions bubbled under the surface both before and after the inquiry was made and she was forced to clench her jaw as not to just screech in frustration. [color=#b14767]"She misses you terribly," Began Margaery, knowing that there was no real use in sugarcoating the fact that they had found each other, [color=#b14767]"We've been doing all we can. I've been doing all I can but listen, it's not easy. A year of travel, a year of searching and defending myself and surviving all alone while trying to fight off what every instinct in my body wants me to become has taken a toll on me. I needed time to recuperate, the condition of my lungs is faltering again and it was getting hard to journey such long distances each and every day. I'm sorry that you most likely see that as selfish but I would never be able to find you if I was dead."

She had stopped crying a little while ago. She couldn't find it within herself to cry when her own daughter saw it fit to make such monstrous comments towards her. Once again, her attention was drawn back to the open wound on Lil's flank. The blood coming from it was mesmerizing, to say in the least, but she shooed the thoughts away and took a hesitant step forward. [color=#b14767]"Two things: this conversation is far from over and I won't be leaving until you patch up your side. I know you... I know you hate me, but I don't reciprocate those feelings in even the slightest. If you want to see me gone, you better get moving I suppose."

Numbness had finally settled over Margaery and she, relieved, fell into it with open arms. While the bear had nearly managed to physically kill her, this conversation was certainly trying its hardest to emotionally kill her. She wished that Lil could understand- that she would just step outside of herself and into Margaery's shoes for but a moment to understand the turmoil and struggle she had face in the wake of searching for her daughter. Her asthma had caught up to her and, without the proper treatment, she had almost suffocated on the very thing meant to keep her breathing on one account. How could she have been expected to resume searching if she was physically incapable of doing so?

Lips set into a firm frown, she inclined her ears forward and waited.

Waited to be berated.

Waited to be told that she was right in presuming that the other female hated her.

At least she could see Lilyspoise grown up, a truly striking young adult, for the first and ultimately, the last time.

[lilyspoise]

There are many names in history

but none of them are ours.

lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags

Lil's expression grew flat as Margaery argued back, now appearing more tired than angry.
"Margaery, I know what I know-- I saw what I saw. When I fell asleep you both were by my side, and when I woke up, you both were gone. Lissa and Eli and I went looking for you both, but there was just no sign of anyone. Did my name cross your mind when you left in the night?" Lilyspoise sighed, her will to fight diminishing. She wasn't Eli; verbal spats that she knew would go nowhere served no purpose but to exhaust her. "You're right; I would never accuse my mother of such an act, and we don't know each other anymore, because you're not my mother." While Eli and her could make the same harsh remarks, Lil had a certain way of delivering lines that made them hurt more. Eli specialized in intimidation, but against a foe that was equally as angry, a dismissive and tired delivery somehow tended to hurt more.

As Margaery commented on her serial killer lifestyle, Lil visibly winced. She did what she had to in order to survive, it wasn't like she had any other choice! She didn't have a family to protect her, and soon her souls were stuck in her body once more so it was her against the world with only the voices in her head.
She supposed the best thing to come out of this was that she no longer had to question whether or not her family was a reality or a desperate fabrication made to provide herself with some semblance of support.
"I did what I needed to in order to survive. I don't kill anymore, I have no need to. I never killed anyone who was willing to back down, and I healed anyone and everyone I possibly could." Lil said, shrugging. "And I never once attacked a child." If Margaery wanted to make low blows, then Lil would as well. She flicked her mangled ear as if to emphasize her point-- Margaery was the one who lost control. Lil had it the whole time.

Watching as Margaery went silent, likely as she processed that Lil couldn't come back with her, nor exactly wanted to, Lil hesitated for just a moment before speaking.
"I'm not gone forever. We're in allied clans, remember?" The tabby said softly, attempting to comfort the other some. Sure, she'd been rather harsh just before, but she wasn't out here to make Margaery suffer. She would bite back when bitten, but she wouldn't kick Margaery when she was down. "You're free to visit whenever you want, but if you do, I'd suggest going to the mainland. Follow the railroad tracks next time, not the side path." A part of her wondered why she would tell Margaery where to go and how to find her, but she supposed that there was no harm in doing so. If Margaery loved her as much as she was claiming to, then maybe she'd come and visit every once in a while. Rebuild what they'd lost-- what she previously threw away.

As Margaery explained why she'd settled down, Lil's eyes widened slightly.
"Wait-- hold on. You settled down because your lungs were damaged but then traveled here to try and find me?" Lil asked, only after speaking realizing that it seemed like she was trying to call out some sort of fallacy. "You idiot-- you damaged your lungs further, I know it!" There was coltsfoot on the mainland, but she didn't want to drag Margaery there, mostly because she knew her clanmates would be more than curious as to who the stranger she brought over was. But then again, sending Margaery back to the Ascendants without proper rest (and treatment, because she had a feeling Marg hadn't sought that out quite yet) would hinder her further.

Whatever, she'd figure that out later, she needed to think herbs now.

However, before she could figure that out, Margaery was speaking once again.
Oh, yeah, her side was cut up, wasn't it? Now that she acknowledged the wound, she felt how badly it stung, but Margaery said that if she treated it she'd leave, and as much as she hated to admit it, she didn't want that either. Solely for Margaery's lungs-- of course.

"Marg, I... I don't hate you. But see things how I did; I grew up with my birth mother never truly loving me, only my father. Then, later on in a second life, I find my family again only to have that fall apart-- my only comfort was in two mothers that I wasn't ever sure I could call my own." Eugh, it sucked thinking about that again. She felt her heart ache at the remembrance of how awful things had went with her blood relations. "That family falls apart and then falls back together, and just when I think things are going to work out again, I wake up alone. I search and search and search and find nothing. I encounter dangers I would've never been able to survive by playing pacifist, and suddenly I'm a well known killer. Then my twin-souls disappear and I think I'm going crazy-- I thought I made it all up, Margaery. I had no proof that any of this was real, so I settle down and try and figure everything out. Then all of a sudden you show up, demand I come with you and leave the only stable structure I've had in months and when I say no-- when I explain that from my perspective, I was abandoned by more mothers who care for each other more than for me, suddenly I'm the bad guy!"

Lil didn't know when, but she'd started crying somewhere along the way.

"I'm going to treat my side because it hurts, and this is a hurt I can soothe. Then I'm going to give you herbs for your lungs, because you need medical attention too. In a perfect world I can get you to stay here for a few days and rest, but I doubt you want that. I doubt you'd want to meet my crew mates, too. We're a bit of a rowdy bunch." The smell of blood wasn't unfamiliar in the clan, and Lil knew how much blood and Margaery didn't mix, so she didn't want to make the other uncomfortable. At the same time though, traveling home on damaged lungs would definitely prove... harmful. "It's up to you, though."

// i didnt proofread any of this so excuse any typos lmaoo

[Margaery]

[glow=BLACK,2,300]▶ MARGAERY FOLIE - tags - THE ASCENDANTS - OBSERVER - SHE/HER- FELINE ◀[/glow]

"You're right; I would never accuse my mother of such an act, and we don't know each other anymore, because you're not my mother."

Margaery could not even begin to form an even halfway-coherent response. The tears came quickly and they came harder than ever before, reducing the usually regal, composed girl to nothing save a trembling, broken mess. Feelings of hope and relief were distant memories now, crushed beneath a staggering sense of absolute despair. So she had no children...  Was she really in the position to be surprised? A little part of her knew that this was the outcome most likely waiting for her once she finally located Lil. It didn't lessen the blow though- nothing would.  She was a failure of a mother as much as she was a failure of a child. Caroline and Niklaus had not wanted her and now... now her daughter was essentially saying the same.

[color=#b14767]"I'm..." Her voice was nearly inaudible, [color=#b14767]"I'm n-not g-good.. I'm n-not good e-enough f-for anyone, then.... A-Am I?"

She had given so much of herself into searching for her children, for Suite. She had locked away her emotions just so she could do it without the pressure building; without the pressure growing strong enough to break her. But she had already broken long ago and now, now she realized it. She was not meant to grow close to people, she was not meant to offer all the love and affection she had in her heart so blindly, so trustingly. She was meant to fall in line with the rest of her family... to be cold, calculating, heartless... to care only for those of the same thought. Always and forever. Always and forever. That was her destiny, as much as she hated to accept it, and it had been predetermined long before she even graced this earth.

But she didn't want that. She didn't want to descend into the darkness that had tempted her once before. It had been liberating, to be a beast, but it was not her. It would never, genuinely be her. Rose gardens did not bloom under the abrasive touch of a monster. She'd lose everything if she fell into the waiting embrace of her true nature. Her true self.

Just as she thought that this conversation could not get any worse, Lilyspoise (it hurt too much to refer to her as her daughter right now) made the comment about attacking children. [color=black]Give me control, a deep voice whispered in her ear, [color=black]I'll fix all of this... She refused to delight it, to succumb to her sudden, primal urges. She would not hurt a child ever again. She would not hurt her child ever again.

And so she, still trembling, her breathing irregular and her heart fluttering, stumbled to her paws and turned to leave. She could not do this right now, at least not rationally anyways, and the intoxicating scent of blood mingled with her own spiking emotions came together to form what surely would be a cocktail of regret did she choose to indulge. [color=#b14767]"I'm sorry t-that I'm just a m-monster," She began, her voice more even than the last time she spoke, [color=#b14767]"I thought t-that there was h-hope for us. For our... well, I guess, my f-family."

Lilyspoise had made herself clear when she told Margaery that she was not her mother. She didn't want to fight, not anymore, and more weary and beaten down then ever, had simply chose to accept this fate, this cruel, cruel fate. If it had not been Lil's intention to make her suffer, she certainly hadn't succeeded. This turmoil of emotions had not been familiar to Margaery in over a year... to say she was suffering right now would be a drastic understatement.

"I'm not gone forever."

Somehow, that comment helped her none; there was a sense of finality in the words Lilyspoise had offered her just seconds ago. Regardless, she halted in her departure, blood-shot eyes falling once again on the form of the other girl. [color=#b14767]"Why would y-you want me to visit? You've m-made it c-clear that you don't want me," She murmured quietly, a shaky breath inhaled and exhaled. Presently, she felt as if she was not getting enough oxygen. She disregarded the uncomfortable feeling though, and continued. [color=#b14767]"T-The state of my lungs didn't matter when I knew you were still out there. I didn't know how long it would take for them to be alright again and I didn't want you t-to think that I didn't care. I guess I was too late for that though."

If anything, Margaery was weary now. She didn't want to fight Lil on this, she didn't want to mindlessly go back and forth with her own daughter. She wanted to shut her eyes admittedly, fall asleep in the shade of this forest that caused her so much harm. But as Lil began explaining her side of things she realized with a sudden intensity that that was not an option.

[color=#b14767]"Do you really think I don't know how you feel?" There was that anger again- white hot, it left her room to feel nothing else. [color=#b14767]"I've been cast aside by my own goddamn mother as well. She didn't fucking want me, she didn't want anyone but herself. She was selfish and terrible and even when I broke before her, she didn't care. I have dedicated every ounce of myself to not become her. I have loved you so immensely, so wholly, and I have done everything in my power to fix this. To fix all of this. I have put myself into your shoes more times than I can count but you've never tried to do the same. Not once can I recall you making a conscious effort to understand how I feel. I understand you because I've lived through that feeling of abandonment, of betrayal, but the difference between you and I is that my mother actually didn't care. I do... I care so much. I just want you to kn-" She was cut off abruptly, unable to continue. A searing pain had begun in her lungs, one that she disregarded until it grew to be too intense for her. Now, the corners of her world were fading to black and she could not breathe. 

Lil was saying something about fixing her side and she vaguely detected a slight jab at her in her words about hurt. She was far too dizzy to process such though, and merely slid to the ground, an instinctual panic rising within her. She had been good to not have any true attacks since she had been out on her own, but the combination of travel and high emotion had come together to create the perfect situation for her lungs to simply stop functioning. This was bad, she realized, very bad.

[color=#b14767]"I can't..." Her words were mere wisps, [color=#b14767]"breathe..."

[lilyspoise]

There are many names in history

but none of them are ours.

lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags

Sometimes Lilyspoise felt like more of the adult when dealing with Margaery. When Eli and Marg fought, the cream tabby pinned it on Eli instigated, and she supposed that she was too, to an extend, but Margaery seemed to be very keen on not listening to reason. Her tail flicked in agitation, and she sighed.

"Margaery, you nor Suiteheart never once asked if any of us were comfortable being your daughters. You just took us in, and it was a kind, kind gesture, but my entire life I've never had a stable family. Every family I've been in fell to pieces, so forgive me for wanting to spare you from the bad luck that follows me like a plague." Lil said, clenching her eyes shut to prevent herself from seeing Margaery's reaction. It was something she never opened up about, not in their old residence, not when they traveled together, not ever. Only now. Only now and she didn't even mean to, but Margaery wasn't listening so what else was she supposed to do?

Lil felt her heart beat with pain in it's veins, pain spreading through her body, pain consuming her. Everything was simultaneously for better and for worse when she just didn't know where Margaery or Suite were. At least back then she could believe that she hadn't been the cause for Margaery's degrading health. At least back then she could believe that even if Margaery and Suiteheart had been looking for her, at least they had each other and none of the pain Lil brought with her everywhere she went.

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to get involved in my mess of a life. I never wanted to spread this pain and hurt to you-- to you or to Suiteheart. This was never your burden to bear and I'm sorry that it's been thrust upon you. I'm sorry." Lil coughed a bit, trying to hold back tears by force of will alone. "I never wanted this, and I'm sorry that I'm destroying you, too."

For a moment, she bitterly thought about how she was supposed to be a healer, and yet she seemed to excel at causing pain. She hurt Margaery, she'd killed people as the Lilies, she'd ran away from her old home, and now she had finally found a place where she could be as terrible as she truly was and she would not only be accepted, but welcomed nonetheless.
It was a comfortable place to call home.

As Margaery's fury returned in full force, Lil could've sworn for a moment she'd been consumed by the flames. Lissa used to be advanced in the use of fire and Lilyspoise grew used to the heat, and yet this fire was hotter than anything she'd ever seen. It burned in a way that left marks she couldn't treat; injuries she couldn't soothe.

"She was selfish and terrible and even when I broke before her, she didn't care."

"I am breaking before you now! Do my emotions mean nothing to you in comparison to your own search for love-- your search to be loved and to love someone who cannot be loved! You cannot fix me, Margaery! I want to love, I want to be a part of a family, but all I can do is tear everything apart! Can't you see, Margaery? You're trying so hard for a moot cause! You're trying so hard to save something that is beyond help. I'm a healer, remember? I know when things cannot be saved!" Lil was yelling -- screeching, practically -- and tears flowed freely from her formerly closed eyes, which now shot open in fury and--

"Margaery-- Margaery get up! No, no, no!" Lil said, thinking for just a moment that Margaery was dying before her eyes. But the simple words she was able to convey gave her enough to work from. "Focus on breathing, I'm going to get some herbs. I can fix this-- I can put this back together. I'm a healer, remember?"

Lil bolted off, remembering the locations of herbs she had found on the island. Juniper Berries were scarcer on the mainland, but grew like weeds here. It wasn't hard to find a bush of them, and she was quick to bite off a large branch. She held it firm in her mouth despite the discomfort and moved in the direction she remembered some resting rocks were in. Thyme-- it grew it hot and sunny areas, and an area to sunbathe on an island that went relatively unused made for pretty good breeding grounds.

Juniper berries? Check. Thyme? Check. Ragwort leaves were safely stored in one of her necklace's pouches. Chamomile-- yes, oh thank god she found it just a few days ago. She had planted some in her garden on the mainland due to how hard it could be to find in the wild, but she kept a couple of them on her due to their anxiety soothing properties. Thank god she did. She grabbed a dock leaf, too, just so she didn't place the herbs on the dirt.

Gathering up her supplies, and slipping her necklace back on before grabbing the branch once more (and for a small moment she tasted copper, but couldn't care less about the new cut on the roof of her mouth because Margaery was more important) and running. Lil didn't even know she could run this fast, but tough time called for extreme measures.

"'M hea to 'elp." Lil assured, placing the branch of juniper berries down and spitting out some of the blood that had collected in her mouth. She'd treat that later -- if she even could, but that wasn't her main concern right now -- but right now she had already begun to work. Necklace off and pouches barely not ripped at the speed at which she opened them. She plucked berries from the branches, pulled leaves off of the thyme plant and the ragwort, and placed them all, alongside the chamomile, on the large dock leaf. "Eat these, it'll help."