Poe's masquerade -- Nemhain

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]Rain drummed softly on the stone, the steady drops sinking into Rin's frame.

  The echoes of the rain's beat were oddly calming, a low white noise to fill the night. Loneliness was easily the least of Rin's problems, but she had to admit having background noise kept her from thinking about how alone she truly was. Most of that isolation was self-inflicted, sure, but that didn't make it any more pleasant.

  She was almost certain that something bad had happened to her while it was raining, at least once, but her memories remained quiet for the moment. She ought to appreciate that while she could. Any escape she could find from the past, even if temporary, was welcome.

  Every step was accompanied by a splash, the light shower having formed puddles that would remain through the night. The sunrise would evaporate any remnants of the moisture by noon tomorrow, if not sooner, but for now the water was here. Rin wasn't bothered by the splashing; it was better than sitting in one place all night. Apparently it was common for children to romp around in puddles, but she wouldn't really know.

  It occurred to her briefly that perhaps she ought to practice her archery in weather like this, in case a god ever decided to attack in the middle of a rainstorm- the lower visibility might pose an issue, as well as the winds. Actually, while she was thinking about it, she still wasn't sure what sort of power she had gained from the Ferryman, if any. It was possible his death simply hadn't brought about any new abilities, since the Torchbearer's death hadn't either. It was also possible that since she hadn't been the only one responsible for killing him, she wouldn't be the one to receive the "reward".

  Still, she had to wonder... and an idea began to form in her head.

  Focusing on the space ahead of her, she took a deep breath, and reached out with her mind to view the other side of the fog.

  And there were more of them on the other side- figures born of a jet-black mist, venomous eyes set in their skulls, claws gleaming white. Each one solidified into its native shape, twisted facsimiles of those she had once known. Their gazes met hers, words spilling from their maws to form violent threats, promises of revenge, summons for her to come join them.

  Every turn of her head, every blink of her horrified eyes, they loomed over her. The bodies rose up in a wave, crashing down-

  Rin staggered back, slipping on the cobblestone and falling onto her side. Wheezing, she jerked her head, her eyes sweeping her surroundings. The street was empty. She was alone.

  Why had she done that? She knew it was pointless, stupid even, to try and see the other side. What did she think, that the others would celebrate her arrival like some sort of hero? Like she was one of them, instead of a worthless outsider who had done nothing but hurt them?

  With a hiss, Rin clutched at her forehead with both paws. Selfish. "Stop," she murmured, her eyes squeezing shut. She needed a distraction again. Goldenluxury wasn't here with tea. Valerian was probably asleep. Who would be awake?

  So you're going to burden someone else with your pain? Again?

  "Shut up," she growled, forcing herself to get up and stumble back towards her house. Yes, she was going to burden someone else. Pointing it out wasn't going to soften the blow. Stepping into the house, Rin shut the door- more forcefully than she'd intended to- and glanced around. If she had to force someone else to help her, it might as well be the one other person here who had witnessed everything she'd gone through.

  ...or at least, that was the impression Rin got. "Nemhain," Rin said, forcing a straight face. Really, she didn't have to burden the fenghuang. A distraction would be enough. "Can we talk?"

  [member=9480]nemhain.[/member]

[nemhain.]

If there was one person in the entire world who could truly understand what Rin was going through, it was Nemhain. A creature born from Rin's personality and emotions, Nemhain knew everything that Rin knew, and they had a bond that would impress and confuse most others outside of it. Hell, Nem knew well that it still confused Rin, but it wasn't as if there was just a nice and simple handbook that the fenghuang could've offered upon her arrival. Put simply, Nemhain just... was. There were others out there, like Rin, who could summon personas like Nemhain, but Nem had never seen any of them during her long time spent lingering, just waiting until Rin made that one tantalizing breakthrough that would give her true freedom. No, instead, Nemhain had seen a great many interesting things. She had seen most of Rin's life pass before her eyes, and felt every emotion that the feline had, including every bad one. Nem was lucky enough to not have the unpleasant things happening directly to her, but they were still strong, and stark, and the emotions seeped through to her, leading to a great many nights where she sat in the shadows, her large wings wrapped around herself for comfort. In these times, she had wanted to reach out to Rin, and let her know that she had someone on her side, but every time she had tried, it had been like an invisible barrier had reached out, grabbing her by the throat and yanking her back forcefully. It was enough to make her want to scream, and even if Rin might've thought she was being selfish in seeking the comfort of another, Nem would actually be grateful to see the magna come around, and finally be able to offer her own words to try and help.

Perched atop Rin's home as usual, Nemhain had been unbothered by the rain falling from above, her eyes closed as she let the fat droplets fall down over her. An ice persona, Nemhain felt at home in the cold and the rain, and it actually made her feel warm inside to feel her feathers weighed down by wetness. However, this warmth was shortlived. One moment, she had a soft smile upon her beak, the world around her peaceful, and then the next, she suddenly felt claustrophobic, fearful, and cornered. Darkness was enveloping her, and it felt like she couldn't breathe, her breath coming out in rapid pants. The fenghuang's eyes snapped open at this, the feeling fading as quickly as it had come. She knew that the feeling wasn't her own, and her eyes began desperately seeking out Rin, not knowing if one of the gods had gotten to her. In her searching, Nem nearly missed Rin stumbling past below her, slamming the door of her home behind her. Able to feel the negative emotions coming off in waves, Nem found herself leaping down from the roof even before Rin had begun speaking. Pulling her large wings in close, Nemhain pushed her way inside of Rin's house, having to be particularly careful to make sure she didn't knock anything over. Her massive size made it difficult to get comfortable, but thankfully the managed it, settling back on her legs and watching Rin for a long moment. After a pregnant pause, Nemhain spoke softly, "...Of course we can speak, lady Rin. I could... feel that something was upsetting you. Has something happened?" Normally that would mean a fight, but considering Rin wasn't freaking out and heading straight for some kind of threat, Nem imagined something was more psychologically wrong. Either way, it was Nemhain's job to solve it. Well... solve being a rather strong word. For all of Nem's understanding of Rin, that didn't mean that they had the exact same personality or motivations, and while Nemhain could provide the best advice and comfort she could, it was entirely possible that she wouldn't be able to communicate what Rin needed. Still, the fenghuang probably had the largest chance of anyone of actually being able to help somehow, and even if she couldn't do it perfectly, it wasn't as if she wouldn't try. It simply wasn't right for a persona to just ignore a call for help from their user, whether it be combat based or not.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]Repressing her issues, for a time, had seemed to be getting easier.

  Holding the shards of her inner being in place had been an ordeal to begin with, forcing the broken pieces to form the facade of a complete and undamaged soul. A broken vase would never again look like its unbroken self, she knew that as well as anyone, and trying to make it do so just left you with cuts in your pawpads. Yet, what choice did she have? Everyone else had enough problems of their own without Rin foisting hers onto their shoulders.

  Over the years, as she'd bandaged up her paws again and again, the pieces had ground each others' edges away, enough so that they started to look like they fit together. But her grip wasn't everlasting- eventually, something forced her to let go for the briefest of moments, and the pieces spilled back onto the floor. This time around, it so happened that there were witnesses.

  They weren't as bitter that she had burdened them with her problems as she had expected. Many of them were more angered that she'd hidden it in the first place.

  Rin knew they were right, but that made her no more eager to let the broken vase fall apart entirely.

  As Nemhain shuffled into the house, Rin turned to face her, and heaved a sigh- mostly of relief, but tinged with exhaustion. At least she wasn't alone for the moment. She didn't know when she might see... that again, but if Nemhain was there, she could help her snap out of it.

  ...Nemhain could "feel" it? To what extent? Rin briefly glanced down at the floorboards, still stained with the snake's blood. She supposed it made sense that her persona could feel the same things she did, but did she feel it at the same severity? If so, how was she still functional?

  Blinking, Rin answered, "I saw... something I didn't want to." Shaking her head, she glanced up at Nemhain, unable to hide the concern in her eyes. "Did I wake you up?" Hopefully she hadn't woken her up every time she'd had a nightmare, or a bout of insomnia. Rin's sleep schedule had caused enough problems without those problems extending to other Elysites as well. Though in a sense, hadn't they already? After all, she'd been making-

  Touching a paw to her temple, she lowered her head and squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't think straight. "They're- they were waiting for me," she whispered. "The figures, they were... reapers, just darker." Tugging at her scarf, she murmured, "But they looked like..."

  She didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it just made it hurt worse, or rather, it hurt her worse. Maybe she deserved that kind of pain, she couldn't say for sure, but... with a low, wheezing chuckle, she asked, "Trying to repress it just hurts you, doesn't it, Nemhain?"

[nemhain.]

Talons had never really done well for holding together the broken pieces of anything, and deep down, Nemhain knew that she couldn't be the one to hold Rin together permanently. Ultimately, Rin would need to let herself heal, and have those pieces naturally fall into place, before the glue of time served to hold them all together. Still, something being impossible had never served to stop Nemhain before, and the fenghuang would assist in any way that she knew how, even if her talons were faintly shaking as she held the pieces, desperate not to shatter them further. When Rin asked if she had woken the massive bird up, Nem found herself replying with a simple and careful shrug of her shoulders, hyperaware of the enclosed area around her as she spoke, "Somewhat. But it is not as if I need much sleep. I could exist on as little as three hours if I really needed to. Truthfully, I woke up out of choice. It doesn't... it doesn't feel comforting when we know that our users are in pain, or in trouble." That was somewhat due to the natural instinct of self preservation, since if Rin died or otherwise faded, then Nemhain would end up doing so as well. However, it was also as a result of the genuine emotional connection between the two of them. Nem had no desire to see Rin in pain, just as one friend would never want to see their friend suffering for long.

As Rin began to explain what she had seen, Nem found herself nodding along, making the connection between the described events and the sudden, overwhelming wave of unpleasantness she had felt recently. It seemed natural, considering the claustrophobic hostility she had felt when she had been woken from her rest. Shifting a little on her claws, Nem mumbled after a long moment, "I could sense something was wrong. Like something was... encroaching. I was not sure what, but it felt hostile. I worried that you were under attack by another one of the gods... I was somewhat close." Her words lacked humor, although her last statement sort of seemed like a poor attempt at a joke. When she heard Rin's last statement, she found herself blinking in faint surprise. Rin had picked up on it this quickly, had she? Nemhain certainly hadn't been expecting that. Still, it wasn't as if she was going to lie to Rin, so she found herself nodding again, "I'm afraid so. We persona... we are a manifestation of emotions. We exist as a sort of "mask" to help our users get through difficult parts of their lives. Because of this, we thrive best when fighting against the negativity in our user's lives. That is why it has taken me so long to awaken. Even when you were facing hardships, you shoved your emotions down and attempted to solve your problems yourself... I was unable to help. As was everyone else." It was a simple explanation, and one Nem was sure Rin already understood, but it could bear repeating, especially since it seemed as though Rin was still grappling with that part of her that just wanted to deal with everything on her own.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]The persona being able to live on as little as three hours was little comfort- Rin could technically live on that little too, but getting by on minimum rest did no favors for one's sanity. That she had chosen to wake up from her slumber upon sensing Rin's fear... yes, trying to solve it would probably help Nemhain sleep better afterwards, but the thought still hung in the back of Rin's mind. There was something deeply wrong about all this, compounded by being called a "user"- like Nemhain thought herself little more than a tool. If Rin could look at the persona as an extension of herself, maybe it wouldn't disturb her so, but...

  ...well, certainly the figures had seemed hostile. It was possible they had all been figments of her imagination, and she hadn't actually seen the underworld, but that was no better. There was too much at stake for her to be seeing things that weren't there.

  A "manifestation," a "mask," Nemhain called herself. She did best when she could actually fight the negativity- and Rin had never let her do so until now. That could only mean that... she had put Nemhain through everything she had gone through, and unlike her Nemhain genuinely couldn't do anything. At least Rin could fight within her limited means, at least she had a voice- neither of which had been afforded to her persona.

  An existence confined in silence, pain inflicted from all sides, and the one creature who could free you completely unaware of your existence- gods, that was horrifying. It was a wonder Nemhain wasn't utterly broken at this point, and all of that suffering had been brought about by the one she'd sworn to protect.

  Leaning against the wall, Rin stared down at the floor. "I'm sorry," she rasped, her ears flattening back. Nothing she could say was adequate for this situation, but... she couldn't just stay silent. "I... I always thought it was just me suffering, but it's- it's both of us, isn't it?"

  Feeling a shiver run through her bones, she swallowed. "I just- it feels like..." She trailed off, her words briefly failing her, because of course they would. Her grasp of the language had failed her countless times before. Your records won't bring them back. Shrinking back, feeling her muscles tense in discomfort, she shook her head. "It feels like you're your own person. I look at you," she lifted her head to gaze at Nemhain, "and I just see strength. I see you, loyal, confident, kind, brave-" -everything I'm not.

  Biting the inside of her cheek, she lowered her head. No need to get into self-pity now. "I guess I just... see you as someone else, not just some extension of myself. And no one else deserves to go through what I went through." Feeling her claws sink into the floorboards, she insisted, "Least of all you. You didn't ask for this. You weren't given a choice but to be stuck with-"

  Her voice cracked, the rest of the words dying in her throat. She shivered again, feeling- blood?- no, just droplets of water cascading down her frame. Leftover rain, from the mourning of the past. Looking back up at Nemhain, she stared in silence for a few moments. What should she say? What could she say?

  Blinking, she became aware of the familiar burning feeling behind her eyes. Steeling herself and forcing herself to adopt a stoic expression, Rin said lowly, "I don't know why I'm telling you this... maybe it's because you already know, so... I'm not adding to your burdens, or anything, by telling you."

[nemhain.]

Truly, Nemhain had always thought little of her own existence. She had tried especially hard not to think of the emotions that came freely to her, without Rin ever experiencing them beforehand. She tried not to think of the strong thoughts that she occasionally had, opinionated and pointed in a way that Rin's weren't. Her reasoning was that... well, it was unbecoming of a persona. She was meant to be an extension of Rin. A watchful eye, a guardian, nothing more than a mask. She wasn't meant to hage her own motivations, or her own feelings, or her own opinions. The most she could be granted was having her own personality, and even that was originally an extension of Rin, just meant to bring out the best traits that the female had hidden. To say it was a miracle that Nemhain wasn't broken, from the constant watching and waiting, and the constant doubting of the purpose of even her own existence... well, perhaps she wasn't broken, but she was far from pristine either. She had cracks, at the edge of her mind, seams pulling apart thanks to the months and months of waiting, of thinking her own thoughts. She was becoming too real, too aware, too... everything. Just thinking of herself as her own person made her sick, because if she was her own person, then she had broken the cardinal rules she had been created by. If she was her own person... what was her purpose in life? She shoved the thoughts deep, deep down, below waves upon waves of repression, just so that those pulling seams wouldn't finally burst.

However, not for the first time, Rin was pulling at that thread, yanking and twisting her claws against the seams and tearing until the fenghuang's chest felt tight and it was difficult for her to get words out. Just the simple utterance of the phrase "I'm sorry" from the Magna made Nemhain tense, confusion appearing in her beady eyes. Rin was apologizing? To her? Why? Nemhain opened her beak, words unsaid curling upon her tongue, but the feline wasn't done, continuing with her words that made Nemhain's feathers faintly stand up, and that familiar feeling of panic begin to shift beneath the waves. She tried to shove it away, not wanting Rin to feel it as well. After all, Nem was supposed to be helping Rin, not shoving her existential woes upon the female. When Rin finally fell silent, Nemhain croaked out, taking a moment to regain her voice, and her ability to speak confidently, "I... I am flattered to hear that you think of me that way, lady Rin. I have never thought of myself in such a kind way, truly..." Nemhain's eyes focused downwards for a moment, seeming thoughtful before she continued, "I think... I think that, while what you have gone through has been hard... even agonizing at some points... if I had been given the choice, I still would've been your persona. Even though things can hurt me just as they do you... that doesn't mean that you deserve to go through everything alone either. After all, the whole reason I was awakened was to help you ask for help more." She offered a bit of a weak smile, her insides seeming to churn with uncertainty, even at her own words. It was an unpleasant feeling, and one that Nemhain had not experienced often, or perhaps ever.

Noticing the faint gleam that Rin's eyes took on, the large bird wanted to step forward, and reassure Rin that it was alright if she needed the release, but already Rin was steeling herself, as stubborn as Nem had come to know her as. The fenghuang tried not to sigh, before nodding a little at the feline's next comment. She said softly, her voice a soft caring chirp in the quiet of Rin's home, "It's... this is good. You know. You should be opening up. Learning to open up to anyone, even if it's only someone who already knows what you feel. That's a step in the right direction, you know?" She knew that perhaps Rin was still clinging onto the notion that she didn't need help, but she wanted to make it clear to the Magna that help was good, and that this was a good change.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]As Rin fell quiet, she felt an unfamiliar sensation gripping at the back of her mind- faint remnants of tension and confusion, like an afterimage of a once-intense feeling that she had been too caught up in her own issues to notice before. Those feelings hadn't come from her. Perhaps they had come from the other end of the bond, if it worked both ways. The possibility that Rin's musings had caused that uncomfortable tension in her persona's mind... had it been what she said about seeing her as a separate person, or not having a choice, or something else entirely?

  Maybe she ought to tread lightly, even if Nemhain hadn't been the source of the tension. Though they shared many of their experiences, Nemhain's own perspective would naturally remember some things much differently from Rin's, and as a result different things would set them off. Perhaps if Rin reached back into her memory she could figure out when the feeling had set in, but...

  ...Nemhain would still stand by her, even if she'd been given a choice? Why? "Doesn't mean that you deserve to go through everything alone," well, that was easy for Nemhain to say if indeed she manifested from Rin's personality. Self-preservation was a powerful instinct, one that Rin had found herself giving in to time and time again- it was why she was here in the first place. A self-preserving, selfish-

  Gritting her teeth, Rin tugged at her scarf. No, she had to listen to Nemhain for now. This... this was a step in the right direction. She was one step closer towards fixing herself, if that was even possible. If it was even worth it. No one else had gotten the chance to repair themselves, and yet here she was- selfish, spoiled-

  No. She was leaning over the edge again, and if she fell in there would be no going back. No, this wasn't selfish. She had to take care of herself now, to help the other Elysites. The better off she was mentally, the harder it would be for the gods to strike her down, and the better chances Elysium had of getting out of this entire situation with everyone still alive. Everyone's lives were riding on this, and it started with breaking the habits she'd been stuck in since the beginning.

  Yeah, just rationalize it any way you can, Kui. It's what you always do.

  Grimacing, Rin heaved a long sigh, focusing on the grains of the floorboards. The patterns were simple, but letting her eyes trace out the rings served as a reminder that this was reality- not some nightmare. Things did not have to get worse. "At least now," she muttered finally, "it doesn't seem like everyone I care about dies as a result anymore." Other than the unfortunate victim of the Anti incident, she hadn't seen someone actually die in a long time. Occasionally people would show up to one assembly and then be gone by the next, but that wasn't as bad as finding actual corpses.

  Still, everyone had their own problems, and it would be irresponsible to add to their burdens, even if doing so would help all of them in the long run. If they had a therapist or something, that would be different, but Rin herself was the closest thing they had to one. There was the possibility of contacting Idyllfields, but traveling between Elysium and the Typhoon took time, and if the Typhoon didn't have any other medics...

  This would have been a great time for a clear solution to suddenly come to mind, but none appeared. "I don't know," Rin sighed after a few moments, lifting her head and glancing at the far wall. "Who else would I talk to? Sanzu's a child, Finnloch and her granddaughters just moved in, I've hurt both Tena and Lemy, Lavi and Valerian have enough to deal with already..." Playerone and Mistrim might work, but Rin rarely saw Player nowadays, and Mistrim was hard to get a read on.

[nemhain.]

It isn't... it isn't exactly easy, dealing with the weird flood of emotions that rush through Nemhain in a wave when Rin finally begins to open up. It's curiosity, andnfear, and pain, and worry, and so many other things in between, and it kind of makes Nem want to puke, just because it's so much so fast. She had wanted to help so desperately up to this point, so she should've been overjoyed. Hell, the fenghuang should've been standing up, flapping her wings and cheering as her head skimmed the ceiling because Rin was actually allowing herself to feel things. Still, the massive bird wanted to recoil away from it all, as hypocritical as she knew that to be. After all, she had asked for this. Practically begged for it. But now that it was actually here? It was scary, and emotional, and Nem finds herself grasping at straws for a moment as she just looks at Rin, letting the magna's words just really sink in. Rin was bad at first, fighting against herself and berating herself at the slightest signs of the words emotions and sharing coming anywhere close to each other, but somehow it's heartbreaking to hear Rin talking about how she's glad that it at least won't result in anybody else dying anymore. Just a quick scan over old memories was enough to bring up was she was talking about, and Nem had to hold back from wincing as she chirped softly, "That is... true. I know you care very deeply for the people of Elysium. I know you don't want any harm to come to them..." The persona considers, for the briefest of moments, continuing. And telling Rin about how, no matter how hard she tries and clings to every little thing, there is always the possibility that someone will get hurt, by no fault of Rin's. However, the fenghuang bites her tongue, shakes her head a little bit. There would be a better time to bring that up, sometime in the future.

Nemhain listened intently as Rin listed off the multitude of people she could've turned to in the past, but had either hurt or not taken advantage of when they were actually available to help. Curling her talons inward before releasing them, the massive bird found herself wondering what it would be like to have an actual therapist in the group to help with things like this. With a nice little office in the mountains, with tea and reassuring smiles and everything else that came with being a good therapist, like a great pair of listening ears. Nem thought that perhaps she could've made a good therapist to Rin, if they were both inside of the room just chattering idly, with a chance to make tea and not have the situation so tense and desperate. However, that isn't an option anymore, and even if it had been at one time, Nem doubted it would've ever happened. She was around to offer support, but she wasn't around to push where she shouldn't be pushing. She wasn't supposed to be launching Rin so deep outside of her comfort zone that it was sink or fucking swim, and if Rin didn't start swimming, she would definitely drown. No, instead she needed Rin to come to her, to need her, like she did now. So perhaps these were far from the most perfect conditions for this, and Nem wasn't the greatest therapist in the world by far, but she could at least try to help.

Clearing her throat, Nemhain yanked her attention from the hypothetical scenarios in her head, instead choosing to focus on the very real scenario unfolding in front of her. Once Rin was done speaking, the persona spoke deeply, "People... people naturally have a way of gravitating towards each other, especially when they're hurting. I know you think that those you've hurt, and those who are far away now could never offer you support, but that doesn't mean that it's true. I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but... sometimes you just need to reach out to people, and hope they reach back." It was sentimental. Overly sentimental, really, especially for a persona like Nemhain, but... it was all she could think of to say. All that would be comforting.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]She could sense the nausea, the feeling of two desires at odds with one another as Rin's thoughts whirled- a feeling coming from the other end of the bond. Was this distressing Nemhain? Did they need to stop? Maybe they needed to stop, just to let both of them take stock of whatever pieces of themselves had fallen onto the floor. She didn't have to repress these things, but there was only so much introspection the two of them could take before-

  Nemhain's words temporarily disrupted Rin's train of thought, and she turned to look at her persona. The drop in her voice as she trailed off, the words plummeting over the edge of a cliff, like there was supposed to be more... something went unsaid, something that Rin could tell was there but didn't have the strength to acknowledge the nature of.

  As she ended her rambling about each of the Elysites, Rin once again felt a progression of afterimages- some of them idyllic and peaceful, some of them... decidedly not. The feeling of crushing loneliness, of desperation, of not wanting to inflict either of those on another. The feeling of watching someone sink into the water, unable to keep themselves afloat.

  A shiver ran through her.

  As Nemhain continued, Rin felt her gaze drift to the floorboards again. She had to reach out, even to those she'd hurt? ...was that not an insult, to ask those you'd hurt to help you? There were so many debts she had to pay off before she could even think of-

  No, she couldn't... she couldn't subject Nemhain to that cycle of self-destructive thoughts again.

  The exhaustion threatened to melt her away like a lone snowflake under the sun's rays.

  "...maybe I will," Rin muttered finally, closing her eyes. "Maybe... I'll ask Play." Play already knew about what had happened with the Ascendants, anyway. She wouldn't be adding much to Play's burdens by confiding in her about that, at least.

  ...what was her end goal, anyway? What was the point? Holding it together long enough to break the gods' curse was a given, but after that... did she really think she could be fixed? Would there ever be a point where the past wasn't constantly a step behind her, ready to tear into her as soon as it caught her?

  No, don't think about that. It would just hurt both of them to think about the futility of it all.

  If it weren't for the likelihood that she'd have nightmares, especially considering what she'd just seen, sleep would sound wonderful right now. "Probably better that I don't want to sleep," she mumbled. "Someone's gotta... gotta watch the ocean." Next meeting, maybe she could... assign shifts, or something.

  Maybe she'd just sleep during the day.

  Leaning against the wall, she forced her eyes open, shaking her head. It was just going to be this, over and over again, huh? Forget it. "Drench me," she said, turning her head to fix her eyes on Nemhain. If she stared intently, she could pay attention. "Cold water'll keep me up. Gotta stay up."

[nemhain.]

It was not often that Nemhain found herself overwhelmed. Sure, she was a flawed persona, and she knew that fact well, even if she kept it hidden. She was too different, too strange, too opinionated and motivated to be a proper persona, but that didn't mean she was weak. In fact, she liked to think that she was pretty fucking strong, considering how she had handled the months upon months of watching and waiting and suffering silently. She had never once complained, even if her mind had rebelled and her heart had screamed at her to do so. She was strong. Strong enough to deal with so, very many things, but that didn't mean she was strong enough to deal with Rin's internal panicking constantly. It wore a person down, and Nemhain could already feel the beginning of Rin's rambling in her head, even if the words were jumbled together and faintly muffled, like the magna was underwater while she was on shore. Thankfully for her, Rin managed to calm herself down rather quickly, focusing on the conversation at hand and closing her eyes for a moment. It seemed as though the other finally had some sort of plan, and the massive bird felt a burst of happiness and affection spread through her limbs, fitting snugly between her ribs and stretching out to her very feathers. She had actually done something right. Rin was actually making progress. Tangible, positive progress. She couldn't help the way that a smile curled on her beak, and even as Rin began to lose herself in her head again, Nem found herself speaking, "Good. Good, I'm glad to hear that you'll consider it. I'm sure Play will be a good help to you, Lady Rin." Nem certainly didn't want to burden Play with all of the responsibility of helping Rin, but that wasn't what she was doing. She just wanted to make sure that Rin knew that she could reach out. That she could still make positive, deeper, helpful relationships.

The fenghuang began to feel herself relax, her mind settling and her emotions being wrangled back under control, when Rin chose to speak again. Nemhain immediately found herself frowning at the feline's comment, a soft scolding remark on the tio of her tongue. She knew Rin couldn't have been feeling too great, but she also knew that not getting any rest would only exacerbate that further. Her excuse was that she needed to watch the ocean, but Nem knew an excuse well when she heard one. Rin had to know that her persona would gladly watch the tide, watching and waiting to see if anything came over the horizon with the intent to hurt Elysium. A soft tut left the persona's beak as she shook her head from side to side, spreading out broad multicolored wings, "I'm afraid I can't do that, Lady Rin. I know you're hesitant, but what's best for you right now is sleep. I can watch the ocean, so don't you worry about that." To make sure that Rin was fully aware of how serious she was, Nem moved forward a little bit, ushering the magna towards the warm inside of her home again. She didn't intend to drench Rin and have her staying up all night, and there was a bed so tantalizingly close that Nem could picture it well. She knew Rin would probably put up a bit of a fuss, but she opted to ignore that, knowing this was best for her user's health. Nemhain would rarely ever liken Rin to a child, but in this case? Nemhain needed to be firm, like a parent.