paranoid in every paragraph -- explanation

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]They had decided it was time for answers, whether she was ready or not.

  She heard them, indistinguishable chatters going on outside the door. With a sigh, she pushed herself to her feet, gritting her teeth at the strain in her muscles. At least she could breathe more easily now. Shaking her head, she trudged over to the door and pushed it open, then walked out into the cold air.

  Rin swept her gaze over the creatures that had gathered, meeting their varied stares- some pointed, some confused, some concerned. It seemed everyone wanted to know. She was willing to tell them everything that they needed to know- they probably wouldn't like some of it, but that was okay.

  "...My old home worshiped gods," she began, her brows furrowed. "That is, the place I lived before the Ascendants." That was... all the details they needed to know, she decided. She wasn't ready to go into that in detail for anyone, really, especially not a large crowd. Feeling a scowl creep onto her face, she continued, "Those gods turned out to... not be worth worshiping. They saw mortals as more of an amusement than anything else."

  Lowering her head slightly, she narrowed her eyes. "We eventually came to blows, and the gods and I... both decided to take it out on each other afterwards. Some of them hunted me down, others hid until I eventually found them." She straightened up- only to wince at a sharp pain in her ribs. "I dueled and killed one of them, the Huntress, many months ago. I joined Elysium a few weeks later, still recovering from the injuries." Tena would probably remember that one, having been present at her initial appearance. Looking around, she continued, "I then dueled the Torchbearer atop the mountain on the summer solstice. He appeared solely to me, and I ensured he was dead before leaving." Killua would've remembered that one... if he were still here.

  With a heavy sigh- and another wince at the twinge of protest in her chest- Rin glanced in the direction of the Typhoon. "I was attacked by the Maiden a few months ago, and almost killed, but I managed to kill her first. The Typhoon provided me medical assistance until I was well enough to return to Elysium." Clearing her throat as gently as she could, she said, "That is why I supported assisting the Typhoon in the war effort against the Pitt so strongly." That, most of them would probably remember.

  "The Warrior attacked me as I was heading to the Halls of Hiraeth," Rin explained, turning her gaze in the direction of the Halls. "Eirny saved my life and killed him, then escorted me home." Tugging at her scarf with one paw, she twitched her ears. "I mentioned the gods only to ensure no one suspected her of attacking me."

  That explained... most of the incidents between them, but there was still the one burning question. "For the most part, they have been interested in me, and not in Elysium," she said. "They've only ever directly attacked me, and only while I was alone. Between that, and believing that I would be deemed a liar, a lunatic, or both, I decided to keep it a secret, but..." She did not want to come out and say this, at all, but they deserved to know the truth. If they deemed her a danger, which was fair, and decided to send her away, then she wouldn't be able to prevent the Ferryman from striking.

  "There was one exception." Rin swallowed, recoiling slightly at the resulting pain in her throat. "One of them... the Ferryman. He made a threat." She looked up towards the sky. "He told me the leadership in this land was cursed, and I still believe it is. Several have died, several have disappeared... very few got to leave peacefully." She felt her claws instinctively slide out, gripping onto bits of dead grass between the cobblestone.

  "He told me if I did not take over, Tena would die. So... I took over."

  The words spilled out like poison, ejected from her system. That was a strange metaphor, but she stood by it. "I should have told Elysium of this threat the moment appeared," she said, narrowing her eyes. "I was stupid. I'll admit it." Lowering her head, she leveled her gaze at the crowd. "If it weren't for this curse, I would leave. The gods and I would officially cease to be your problem. But I can't knowingly let the next Magna become a target."

  So that left them... where did that leave them? "As far as I know, with regards to Elysium, the Ferryman and the other gods only pose a threat to the leader," Rin said. "Since the takeover, the only Elysite that has ended up in any danger, outside of the Pitt raid which was going to happen anyway... is myself." That was probably a gigantic leap in logic, but other than the Pitt raid and Lemy's accident while sledding, she hadn't had to treat anyone else's injuries... that had to count for something.

  "I'm going to kill the rest of the gods," she continued. "Even though the Ferryman was the one who laid the curse, my best chance at ensuring the curse is broken is killing all of them." She nodded. "Once we're sure the curse is broken, I'll step down and leave. Elysium can move on with their lives." Letting out a long sigh, she shook her head. "I probably sound insane- maybe I am- but I swore to protect Elysium. You need to know what we're dealing with."

  Curling her tail around her paws, Rin shut her eyes. "You're free to believe me, or not. I'm sorry I let things get to this point. But I'm not letting them get any further."

  /tl;dr: Rin explains herself, claiming a) that the gods of her old home are trying to kill her, b) that they put a curse on the leaders, and c) that as long as Rin remains leader, they won't hurt any other Elysites; she apologizes for not telling everyone about it yet

[Tena M.]

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Tena Moonspinner —
Honestly? Tena had been avoiding Rin.  She wouldn't deny it.  She had been since word reached her she took over.  Bitter.  Disappointed.  A bit lost.  The former magna still remembered Lavi's confused expression as she just let it all happen.  What else was she supposed to do?  Cause a fight?  No one needed that.  Elysium came before her wounded pride.  If she wasn't the leader they needed, that was fine.  She'd only risen to power because at the time because no one else was stepping up.

Apparently there was more to it than anyone initially thought.

And that's what creates the bubbling rage in her chest.  Bright, blue hues narrowing sharply and claws digging into the ground beneath her feet.  'He told me if I did not take over, Tena would die. So... I took over.' "…"  That did it.

A soft growl built in her throat.  "… You don't get to decide if I can't protect myself from some kriffing god I don't believe in."  She had spent too many moons, waiting and waiting, for the chance to command her own destiny.  To live her life.  To live free.

And she had.  Tena escaped.  She broke those chains.  She wasn't about to let someone change everything she had fought so hard to achieve.  She had the right to fend for herself.  To fight for herself.  Hadn't she proven she wasn't some weak child?  She wasn't running anymore.

"No one makes that call but me," she whispered fiercely.  The wind turned sharp closest to her, the sand that often stuck to her desert fur raising.  "No one.   Especially not you.  You don't know me, Rin." You don't know what I've fought against.

"You should've said something." There lay the true betrayal.  Not a single word.  Nothing.  It took being nearly beaten to death by one of her 'gods' to speak.  Even Tena liked to think she was more open than that.

Her tail lashed behind her.  "… The mother didn't help me escape the kriffing desert so some foreign god can 'curse' me.  If they're a threat, I'll fight them with you, Rin.  Because you are not my protector.  I am."
[align=right]— I tell you this story, save your life, set you free

[candorosa]

[align=center][div style="width:70%; text-align: justify; padding: 1px; font-family: helvetica;"]Lemy stayed quiet throughout Rin's explanation, a polite smile on his face. He remained quiet when Tena began rebuking the Magna, gutted-fish eyes centered on Rin's form. And, really, what was he supposed to say?

Lemy knew what he did want to say: he wanted to spit and curse and ask Rin why she thought it was prudent to leave them all blissfully ignorant of the situation. Gods were something he didn't want to mess with. Visceral rage flooded his body, frustration stewing in his stomach as he resisted the urge to tear his fur out. Gods. Gods. What were they supposed to do against gods? Even though Rin assured them that she had killed them, how was she supposed to know that was true? Lemy was a demon and for the life of him, he couldn't die. He had found that out the hard way.

What am I supposed to do? The line repeated in his head like a mantra and suddenly he was a kitten again, staring up to a creature he had no hopes of winning against. His thoughts looped and looped, and Lemy was left floundering for a way to rid himself of the scenarios that plagued his mind.

[b]"Aren't you being kind of selfish?"[/b] The words are humorless, his tone frigid. Lemy wondered what kind of face he was making; he can't feel his smile anymore. "What makes you so special that only you get to decide what's best for us? Are you seriously that egoistic?" Lemy didn't understand. He didn't understand why she would go through such lengths to protect mere strangers. She had to be hiding something else.

"Let's say Eirny didn't save you and you died. Let's say this curse of yours is true; what then, huh?" He continued, leaning in with his teeth bared. "Guess. What. I'm the one who'd likely succeed you, Rinny. I'd be the next one to get cursed," he didn't like it when things were done behind his back, he didn't like the helpless feeling he got when things slipped out of his control, "and I wouldn't have even known! I'd be dead." Lemy can't help it anymore; years of venomous thoughts are spewing from his lips and that in itself made him even angrier. In the back of his mind, he knew that he was just looking for someone to take the brunt of his frustration.

It wasn't about Rin anymore. That thought made his mouth click shut, sent the words building in his throat back down to his stomach where they lay to stew. He returned to his previous position and tried to lighten up his expression, only succeeding in pulling it back into a blank neutrality.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]/tw for paragraph 6: references to gore

  On some level, Rin had expected Tena to be angry. Tena was a stubborn, strong-willed individual- both of those traits that had served her well as Magna, and both of those providing plenty of cause for Tena not to be fond of Rin keeping secrets from her. Even if she believed everything Rin said... no one would appreciate being lied to and removed from power, especially since keeping the threat a secret had been a terrible idea.

  So when she noticed Tena digging her claws into the dirt in what had to be barely-contained fury, she wasn't surprised. Even when Tena opened her mouth, undoubtedly to rake her over the coals for not telling anyone about the Ferryman before, Rin was ready, watching with solemn but calm eyes. Tena had every right to be angry.

  "You don't get to decide if I can't protect myself from some god I don't believe in."

  Rin blinked, her eyes switching on a dime from calm to taken aback. That was what Tena was angry about? It wasn't lying, or secret-keeping, but trying to protect her that she felt the greatest need to object to?

  "No one. Especially not you."

  She saw it again. A hanging corpse, dripping with blood. Crimson words on the floor. A decapitated head on a pole. Broken bodies buried by stones. A bystander impaled on rebar. Gashes through the throat. She blinked, and Tena still stood before her. She blinked, and Tena's neck was matted with blood, her eyes burning with spite.

  "You are not my protector," she heard her say.

  "Aren't you kind of selfish?" she heard Lemy say, blankly, yet cutting directly into her.

  "I'd be dead."

  "You almost got them all killed!" she heard them screech from down below, loudly enough to make her jump in fright-

  -and she bit back a yelp at the sudden pain in her chest, returning her to reality. No, this couldn't stand. Not bothering to wait until the pain subsided, Rin fixed a pointed gaze on Tena, and shook her head. "You think this is about what you believe?" she hissed through her gritted teeth, the physical discomfort slowly giving way to anger. "Or whether or not you can protect yourself?"

  She hesitated for only a moment. This was her burden to bear alone... she could not force anyone to carry it alongside her. She couldn't tell them. She couldn't.

  But she had to.

  "Those gods destroyed my old home," Rin snarled, feeling her claws gripping the dirt once more, to ground herself. "I knew people just as strong as you who died- gruesomely- because of them." She thought she could smell smoke, feel an uncomfortable heat growing around her wounds. Straightening up as much as she could while favoring one side, she hissed, "Powers? Size? Skill? Whether or not they believed? It didn't matter, they all ended up dead anyway."

  Taking a shaky breath, she narrowed her eyes. "You can't seriously think I was willing to take that chance with you," she said, "not after everything you did, both for myself and for Elysium." With a low, wheezing chuckle, she growled, "Yeah, maybe nothing would've happened, or maybe you would've managed to protect yourself where everyone else failed."

  It took all she had not to bare her teeth, her face contorting in rage, smoke pouring out between her bandages. "But if I'd gambled your life, right on the eve of the Pitt raid, and lost," she spat, "and you'd died, whose fault would that have been?"

  She could feel the familiar burning behind her eyes, the constriction in her throat. Just this once, she didn't waste energy trying to fight it. "I already have two destroyed clans and dozens of dead people on my conscience, because I couldn't protect them," Rin rasped, her voice cracking. "I can't take any more."

  The words rang, the silence afterwards lasting just long enough for her to fully realize what she'd done.

  No one was supposed to know about this. She wasn't supposed to bring it up- why would she? All it would accomplish was, at best, making others pity her. She didn't deserve pity. She didn't deserve to have others look at her like she'd suffered, because she hadn't. Everyone else had suffered; she'd simply observed.

  Rubbing with one paw at the corners of her eyes, quickly enough that she could pass it off as an allergic reaction, she lowered her head. In her peripheral vision, she could see charred scraps of bandages fluttering to the ground, sparks still gleaming from the embers. "You're right to be angry at me for not saying anything," she said, shutting her eyes. "Be angry about that. Be angry about my leaving you all in the dark, or all the other ways that I could've gotten people hurt. Be angry that I was selfish, and still am."

  Letting out a shaky breath through gritted teeth, she continued, "But I swore to protect Elysium. Every member of Elysium, with everything I have. That includes you, Tena."

  The words rang hollow. What good was a promise when she'd almost gotten someone killed? Her oversight could have caused disaster. Every time, she made all the same mistakes, and everyone else suffered for it while she somehow survived.

  Feeling exhaustion creep into her form, Rin shut her mouth. There was nothing more she could say without making everything worse.

  [member=9480]nemhain.[/member]
  /+ hey, new power discovery

[lavi s.]

By the Force.  The young Jedi had seen conflict and betrayal, but it never grew easier.  It certainly felt less simple with Tena involved.  Lavi felt his muscles tense as the air shifted around the fiery sand cat.  This really hurt her.  Worse, he knew more to it than Tena was saying -- more than he expected her to say in the here and now.

"Te," he murmured, wariness in his very bones.  He had learned long ago that if one thing bothered Tena, it was anyone feeling responsible for her wellbeing.  She was too independent, too possessive of the freedom she had barely grasped, to ever accept it without a fierce fight.

With a heavy sigh, Lavi squared his shoulders.  Slowly, he turned his chocolate gaze onto Rin, still uncertain of the new Magna.  "We all made that oath, Rin.  Or did you forget?  And I know you probably don't want to hear this, but how about the end of that oath?  'To never forget yourself and your well-being'?"

"Te's right.  You don't know us.  You don't know what we've seen, what we've been through, what we've fought against before.  But it isn't really about if we're capable of protecting ourselves, Rin.  It's about you deciding we don't even get to know.  It's about you forgetting that Elysium is a community -- we're in this together."

"I know what it's like to lose everything.  Everyone." His friends, his master -- Lavi breathed in deeply.  "I know."  He even knew death.  Lavi would be lying if he said the memory didn't scare him.

"But it does not, and will never mean, I get to decide what's best for someone else's safety without a single word to them because I'm scared of losing them.  That is not my right, and it is not yours either." She reminded him of Lessa, in a way.  So fiercely believing she had to protect everyone like it was somehow her sole responsibility and stars when something bad happened, when she 'failed'...  "It's not fair to yourself, and it's not fair to us."

"We all swore to protect each other.  Let us, for stars sake.  You are not the sole guardian of all of Elysium."

[nemhain.]

Patient. Oh, so agonizingly patient she had been. Silent, invisible, watching, waiting. Waiting for the day that she could finally awaken. For the day where Rin would finally open up. Would finally shout to the stars with all her emotion and all of the power that lingered inside, and Nemhain would finally be free. It had taken so long. So awfully, awfully long. It was hell, being the persona of one who refused to open up. Refused to ask for help, refused to use the mask, refused, refused, refused. For so long she had festered in the shadows, just waiting for this day, and now it was finally here and Nemhain was elated. Even as the chaos erupted around them, the persona felt no hostility, no fear, no remorse. Just sheer joy at finally being allowed to reveal herself. The emotions that were being experienced by Rin ran through Nemhain's bones, and the large fenghuang couldn't help the grin that lingered on her beak as she teleported behind Rin, invisible as always. Always watching. Her voice would echo through Rin's mind, powerful and mysterious as her words boomed, "I am thou, thou art I. From the sea of thy soul, I come. I shall lend you my strength..." The words held the untold power of centuries upon centuries of agony and watching, not only with Rin, but with the world itself. Nemhain was finally here, and she would not be silent. She continued her words within Rin'a mind, her eyes moving over each of the souls present, "Look at them... anger... agony... chaos. All wrought by you. For so long I have waited... and now you must finally open up. You must finally face that you need help." Nemhain's words might have been harsh, but they were also true, and she felt no need to pull punches. After all, they were connected. They were one. Rin would understand.

The fenghuang opened her brilliant blue and silver wings wide as she let her invisibility fall, the mythological bird so massive she stood at nearly ten feet tall, her claws hooked deep beneath the earth. She stood protectively behind Rin, soaking in the emotions of the crowd below them as she looked at each of them. Tena, Lemy, Lavi... she would need to remember them. After all, they were her kin now. She couldn't help the grin that curled on her face as she took in their tiny forms, her voice booming as she finally spoke aloud, "Mortal creatures... such anger in your hearts. I had forgotten how strong you all could be. How determined. Rin has forgotten too, clearly. She feels such pain... such worry over all of you... she forgets that she too is nothing more than a mortal. That she can't protect everyone..." She stepped in front of Rin, looking over Tena and Lavi, her eyes lingering on Lemy before she turned to face Rin, tucking her massive wings in close as she grinned, "Rin... Rin, for so long I have waited to introduce myself to you. My name is Nemhain, and I am your persona. I am the manifestation of everything that makes up your personality, and I have been waiting... watching. And now... now, blissfully, finally you have begun the process. You have finally admitted your inner desires to protect everyone here, and now... now you need their help. You have been so stubborn. Now it is time for you to finally see the truth." Turning back towards the crowd, Nemhain spoke slowly, not wanting to frighten them, "She needs your help. Rin needs all of you, yet she has been too scared to ask for it. She thinks she can do everything on her own... but I have been watching all of you. And I know that she needs you. I... apologize for... intruding. On this conversation. But I have been waiting for so long, and... and I was terrified that if I didn't intrude, she would never admit she needed assistance." Perhaps emerging now had been born out of a selfish desire to not remain in the shadows, but truthfully, Nemhain did want Rin to finally obtain assistance... besides just her, of course.

Stretching her wings out slowly, Nemhain stepped back behind Rin, glancing at Tena, "Tena... she wished so desperately to protect you that she didn't even think of how you would react. She felt backed into a corner..." Her eyes then trailed over to Lemy, "Lemy... you are right. She was being selfish. She thought she was doing the right thing by protecting you all, but she wanted to do that so she wouldn't have to go through losing everyone again..." Het gaze then moved over to Lavi, the persona practically vibrating in excitement over the fact that things were finally changing. She then said, shifting her claws a bit, "You are all so right... I am so glad this is finally happening. Rin... Rin, listen to them." She looked back at Rin, shifting her wings and looking at Warringkingdoms desperately. Rin was still being so desperately stubborn, yet even the manifestation of all of her personality was asking her to change the way that she was viewing her group, as well as how she needed to protect them. Nemhain was overjoyed that she could finally manifest, but if she had been in less of a good mood, she probably would've been similarly furious with Rin.

[Tena M.]

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Tena Moonspinner —
The ground cracked and splintered directly beneath her paws.  Despite the fire in her chest, an ice began to build in her fierce gaze.  "Dukkra ba dukkra," her words are cold.  Stubborn.  Frustrated.  Final.  "Freedom or death."

"My life," she seethed, "is my own." She wasn't going to let anyone, blinded by a past guilt, take that away from her.  Never.  Never again.  "It's not yours to gamble."

The storm unfurling around her steadied, bright blue hues sharply shifting at the gentle sound of her name.  A choked growl threatening to bite in Lavi's direction.  He'd been the first.  The most stubborn.  'I plan on sticking with you, whether or not you like it because I knew you'd need my help.'  But he never gambled her.  He never hid anything from her.  Just stood by her and fought by her.  Like a friend.  Like an Elysite.

She felt her eyes mist before rounding back on Rin.  "You're not the only one who's failed everyone they care about." Her mother.  Her friends.  Everyone.  "You know what happened to them.  I don't get to have that.  I don't get to have the chance to stop it.  Maybe I don't deserve it for leaving them behind, but I'll never know if they're still alive or dead.  I'll never know and every time I go back- to fight for them I-I-" Fail.

"… My life is my own." You don't call the shots.  No one calls my shots.  No one gambles me.  Not anymore. "…" 'You are not the sole guardian of all of Elysium.' "If you think you can do that, that you have some responsibility, to that, then you don't understand Elys-"

By the mother, what the kriff is it now? Tena's ears flattened as a sudden, massive, bird manifested behind Rin.  Grinning no less.  Her muscles tensed.  Always ready for a fight.  But the bird appeared an observer.  How the kriff didn't I notice- Karabast.  A soft, warning growl nearly escaped her throat.

How she wished she were a simple 'mortal' sometimes, often forgetting the Djinn blood coursing through her veins.  The desert in her very blood.  And how she was irked at more immortals barging into their lives, seeing as they were the root of all this mess.  She most definitely didn't trust sudden, massive bird personas.

But at least she agreed with all of them.

Even if her very appearance made Tena's tail continue to lash behind her, the fur on the back of her neck raised.

If Rin remained stubborn, she had quite a few more words in mind, rage and bitterness still burning inside.
[align=right]— I tell you this story, save your life, set you free

[Cosmic]

With the crowd raising their voices, Valerian didn’t feel too keen on walking over to see what the whole fuss was about. He felt something deep inside of himself telling him not to- that he will be hurt immensely by their anger and emotions. But he felt pulled to them, his own feelings beginning to have a war of their own as he slowly walked up to them, silent as a predator stalking its prey. He did not notice this, due to being in a suddenly trance-like state, but it helped him drown out how he was truly feeling for the moment.

His one and only source of comfort and security was being torn apart verbally, emotionally, and he could feel the tension of the crowd as he practically glided his way over to Rin, ignoring anything and everything else. His eyes were ever so slightly glowing, and the smoke he had previously at his joining reappeared, at his paws as usual, but toned down enough it was barely there.

“Rin...” He murmured, looking directly into her eyes, a quiet moment passing before he began to speak again. “I’m here for you, I don’t know what happened... but you potentially saved my life. I’m going to return the favor.”

He then turned to the crowd, almost ignoring the bird behind Rin entirely, but gave an ever so slight nod to it before this, and spoke.

“You all may be angry with her, but please don’t let this escalate into violence. If you really want to, then take it out on me. I can take it. So throw your anger and rage on me, not Rin. I won’t let you touch her either way. I know you’re angry, hurt, sad, and so many other things, but for the love of everything, please don’t let it bite you back.”

He probably shouldn’t have said anything. He really shouldn’t have, and the realization hit him as he took up a defensive position next to Rin, appearing much more calm and ready than he truly felt. He felt backed into a corner, but at the same time coiled to strike. His words, he didn’t know if they even made sense, but he was trying his best to defend what he cared for, desperately.

[Warringkingdoms]

  [font=trebuchet ms]She didn't look up at Lavi's approach, but her ears swiveled to listen to his words. Everyone, or at least everyone she knew here, had taken the oath, that much was true. "Never forget yourself and your well-being," that was the part of the oath that she had completely ignored. Well, she had sworn to not give too much of herself, but in her mind there was no such thing as too much. Tena hadn't even gotten to know. That was also true, and Rin really didn't have an excuse for that. If someone was in danger, why wouldn't she let them know?

  He knew what it was like, he said. To lose a home, or two homes in her case, and then to be scared of losing another. From his tone of voice, Rin decided that was probably true. He knew, and yet he also knew that to take away their agency in an effort to protect them was wrong... not fair to us.

  She was not the sole guardian. In response, Rin could only manage a weak nod. She had nothing to say. Tena had words of her own, though. Not surprising, given that Rin had just unloaded several years' worth of trauma on everyone.

  "It's not yours to gamble" made it sound like Rin considered her a possession... but then, if you looked at it through eyes that weren't tainted by loss, she had been possessive. Without the context of everything she'd lost, most would call a creature who kept the entire clan in the dark- even about matters that involved them directly- a control freak.

  Yes, Rin knew what had happened to most of them, but she still found herself unsheathing her claws. Did Tena think that was good? Had she ever watched the life leave the eyes of a loved one? Had she ever stumbled upon the mutilated corpse of a clanmate, the sabertooth that they'd found on the rebar notwithstanding? Taking a deep breath, though, Rin sheathed her claws once more. Tena had listened to all of her grief-stricken rambling, it was only right that she repay the favor.

  "If you think you can do that, that you have some responsibility to that, then you don't understand-" Responsibility? Of course she felt responsibility to protect the people who had protected her- what part of that was a misunderstanding? Her blood boiled, and she clenched her teeth to avoid snarling a reply-

  "I am thou, thou art I."

  The sudden, loud voice in her head nearly made her jump out of her skin, her eyes snapping open. That voice... it wasn't a former friend, nor was it anyone gathered here. She wasn't sure who it was. They came from the "sea of her soul," to "lend her strength?" Who was this?

  Lifting her head, she blinked with wide eyes. No one else seemed to have heard, nor were they hearing now as the voice described them- their anger, agony, chaos. Yet the voice echoed their words, ordered her to open up.

  Behind her, she heard the fluttering of wings. She turned her head, and finally faced the source of the voice: a really freaking huge bird. Startled, Rin jumped back- landing awkwardly and nearly falling on her side, her ribs immediately releasing bolts of pain in protest at this sudden movement. Was that a fenghuang? She'd heard of the fenghuang before, but she hadn't thought she would ever encounter one... never mind encountering one that was so big.

  Mortals, she called them. Nothing more than a mortal, she called her. That implied that she was immortal. Was this a god? No, that couldn't be- none of the gods would introduce themselves the way that this creature had, especially not when she was around other people.

  "My name is Nemhain, and I am your persona."

  What? Rin only stared as Nemhain continued her explanation- she had manifested from Rin's personality? That couldn't be true. Nemhain was powerful, understanding, (presumably) benevolent... how could any of those have come from her?

  She stood, staring, her mouth agape, even as Nemhain turned to the others. Telling them that Rin needed their help but was too scared, that she would never admit she needed help. Laying the truth out in front of them all, exposing her selfishness, fear, feelings of being backed into a corner. Pleading, then, with her to listen to them and accept their help.

  Rin struggled for what felt like an eternity to find her words. What was she to say? "They weren't supposed to know about this in the first place?" "How dare you?" "I don't deserve help?" "I'm sorry?"

  Before she could find anything to say, Valerian appeared- and immediately tried to turn their anger on him instead of her. They could hurt him, he said, he could take it. Why? Why would he do this? "Don't," Rin uttered finally, shaking her head. No, she couldn't expect him to do this for her. "Don't. They won't... they won't hurt me. Even if they would, you don't need to protect-"

  Realization struck her, as clearly as if she'd been slapped in the face by her own reflection.

  Rin heaved a sigh, lowering her head slightly. "...you're right, Nemhain," she said, her ears swiveling back. "I... I was blind." Yet, even that realization came in a pair with another, less pleasant realization. Looking back up at Nemhain, she continued, "But I can't ask them to risk their lives now, not after I betrayed their trust."

  Her tail curled around her paws. "I can admit I need help all I want, but that doesn't mean I have a right to expect it. I just..." Swallowing- and recoiling from the pain in her bruised ribs- she looked back at the floor.

  "I don't know what to do."

[Hope Arcanium]

Player was used to introductions from gods and even mortals such as the one Nemhain did, even less kinder ones, and therefore was indifferent to the ‘power’ the being had. The respect she had however was from the bird being an extension of Rin’s personality. She was her friend, and as long as that creature came from Rin, she would consider the bird her friend as well.

Addressing the fox-feline hybrid as a mortal nearly made her laugh. Not because of pride, but because Player, even though she herself didn’t know entirely what she was, she did know she was immortal. If all of her experiences didn’t solidify that fact, then what else did? Her energy was powerful, along with her presence, as was told to her by everyone she had been around. Or most, at least. And that had to mean something, right?

She understood all of what was going on, had seen similar things happen before in the past, many times. And one of several possibilities could happen. The one she didn’t like the most was a riot taking place right then and there.

Using that powerful presence, she stood up from the crowd, seeing Rin wincing even the slightest bit in pain made her feel worried for the first time during this meeting of sorts.

And she burned her bandages? That was a new one. With her bag, Player walked through the crowd, all the way up to Halo and Rin, and sat down on the other side of her. “Easy, Rin. You need to let yourself rest. Let me fix your bandages at least before there’s too much exposure to the cold, alright?”

Her words were soft, and she would begin working if allowed to do so.

“Just wanna let ya know, I support you, and I’ll help you slay some puny gods. They’re no match for us unified.” Trying to keep the situation lighter, and give her some reassuring words, and even a smile at some point.

As much as she agreed with everyone around, she wouldn’t add into the drama already building, and would wait to speak with Rin about it alone. Maybe provide some advice, since she needed it, badly. That she could do for her anytime. Anything for a friend, but as a friend she also had to call her out on what she did wrong, and perhaps how to fix it.

For now, she remained to quietly work and be a shoulder to lean on.