END OF THE WORLD EVERYDAY — JIM

[guts]

[glow=#000,1,400]YOU PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

A breeze blows through the marsh as she's savoring the quiet.

She couldn't be sure how long it had been. Peace, silence, it was all a thing of the past, it seemed. She was too busy running, escaping the clock. At one point she thought she had had all the time in the world, and now, it felt like she only had so long. It wasn't fair. She was a spoiled brat and wanted things she couldn't have, things she didn't deserve, a blind prophet in all her glory. Maybe her father was right.

But, just this once, she tries not to think. She focuses on the silence, on the foggy form of the sun rising above the horizon. It was cloudy out, the sky faintly colored in hues of orange and red. She preferred the night-time, but this was just as beautiful, just as serene.

But what's a god to a non-believer?

The thought penetrates her brain, despite her concentration, the wall she built between herself and the reality of time. She only had so much. Now she knew how 'mortals' felt. But she was always bound to die in the first place.

[member=2875]JIM[/member]

[arcy]

[div style="margin: 0 auto; width: 65%; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 10pt; text-align: justify;"]He's been awake the whole night. He's always struggled to sleep, writhing under the hold of nightmares and fear. .. It's even worse, now. He can't just think spock is in the other room and then be alright, because Spock wouldn't let Jim get hurt if he could help it because Spock took his duties to the captain seriously. Jim spends a few hours every night just staring blankly at a while, eyes heavy with exhaustion. Sometimes he manages to fall asleep, sometimes he doesn't.
Jim misses his crew more than he ever thought he could miss anything. He misses passing them in the halls and bantering on the bridge. He misses chess with Spock and .. well, it really says something if Jim says that he misses physicals with Bones.
He's so tired. He enjoys Tanglewood, he really does, but he doesn't feel at home, not yet.
..
... He starts acting and thinking strange when he's particularly tired and alone. He'll stare at something and then spend time reflecting, and jesus, rest in peace Jim's reputation. (his reputation here is entirely different from that at home, though. He doesn't even know what it is, yet.).
"I've always wondered why people love the sunrise so much," Jim's voice breaks the silence. He'd been wandering when he came upon the massive canine, and Jim regards her easily. He can't resist the urge to not talk to her. There's something comforting in reverting to old habits, even if it was a fucking eight foot dog he's talking to. "I've always found the stars nicer." He heaves a gentle sigh, and seats himself quietly. ".. It's just a shame they couldn't be seen tonight," Jim sighs again, an edge of playful dramatics heard in it. His gaze falls to the other canine then. Jim is silent, then, gaze almost blank, almost contemplative. His head is fuzzy in it's exhaustion, but despite his lack of attention to his behavior, his posture, he looks friendly regardless.

[glow=black,2,300]— ✰ —[/glow]

[guts]

[glow=#000,1,400]YOU PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

She's not startled by the sudden voice, remaining placid as she stares out into the distance, burning holes into the ascending sun. She could sense his presence, her hyper-vigilance both a blessing and a curse. She urged for a sense of relaxation but it never came. She wondered if she would be on edge for the rest of her life, however short it was.

She didn't want to die. "I agree." she offers in a rumbling voice, stronger now than when she first came. When she craned her neck to look at him, plant-mane swishing with the movement, she can only think one thing of him: he was going to die one day. It's the first thing she registers about him--not his face or the exhaustion that hangs behind his life, only the inevitability that his life would end. But it wasn't like she wouldn't anymore.

Then silence settles again, Feverdream's mouth pursed in a thin line. She is comfortable with the silence now. She doesn't see the reason in trying to fill the air, so she doesn't, going back to watching and lingering. She doesn't care much for what he thinks of her.

[arcy]

[div style="margin: 0 auto; width: 65%; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 10pt; text-align: justify;"]Technically, Jim has already died.
It still makes him sick to his stomach remembering -- not that he died, no matter how mind boggling it was. It was the process. His body failing, Spock's horrified face out the glass door. .. And then he woke up. He doesn't regret it, of course.
.. Of course, there's also the incident that landed him here, too. Jim thinks it's fun to consider the idea that he's immortal, because jesus, that's twice. Of course, his crewmates probably think he's dead, but he isn't. Unless this is the afterlife. He figured there'd be more hot women if that were the case.
The silence isn't that uncomfortable. He's withstood worse, longer silences -- instigated a lot of them. He's near invulnerable to them at this point. His gaze is fixated on the sky, a melancholy smile on his maw.
He misses the stars. He misses a lot of things. Some days he still thinks his crew is coming to fetch him.
"The constellations are a lot different than I remember," Jim admits. It'd taken only a few nights for him to memorize the constellation. This didn't even have to do with time -- two centuries wasn't long enough for the positions to change. .. But, well, Jim had more important things to worry about than the position of distant suns from the face of the earth. His memory wasn't perfect, after all. Jim sighs, shakes his head, softly. ".. You haven't been having troubles settling in, have you?" Jim asks suddenly, ears pricking. He wouldn't mind continuing talking about the stars, staring at the undefined form of the sun. But he probably shouldn't. What a shame. He almost sighs, but decides against it.

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[guts]

[glow=#000,1,400]YOU PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

She had been alive long enough to know the constellations quite well. She can pinpoint them in the night sky almost effortlessly, with many evenings of gazing and admiring up her sleeves. She remembers helping humans with their little astronomy projects, things to make them feel smarter in such a large world. But, as beings who lived for such short time and were so simple-minded, they were hardly anything in the grand scheme of things. They would all return to the same rugged dust they came from.

But she didn't voice any of these thoughts, and if she knew Jim's past, she definitely wouldn't have either way. Maybe she would sympathize with him somewhat, knowing he was a victim of human fragility. Still, she didn't know, so she couldn't feel any pity for him. Instead she just saw him as all the others, a speck that would waste away in time. Being alive for so long, she had become painfully aware of the birth of life and the destruction of death. It was tiring sometimes.

The large beast cocks her head at his question, facing him once again with a quizzical look on her face. "No. But I suppose I should thank you for your concern." she speaks in a rumble, the words bouncing around in her chest. "The mud and muck is quite..unseemly, however. Quite the nuisance." he looks friendly enough, and she didn't mind keeping conversation. Maybe she could use the noise.

[arcy]

[div style="margin: 0 auto; width: 65%; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 10pt; text-align: justify;"]Jim doesn't like describing himself as 'fragile'. It's demeaning, and wrong. He'd probably be terribly indignant if he knew Feverdream's thought process -- what was with non-human? He'd kick their ass, just to prove it. And he'd win. He'd beat worse odds, after all.
"The mud is terrible," Jim groans without missing a beat. He might've considered her to be uptight, once upon a time. .. He still kind of does, but he scarcely thinks about it. At least he doesn't have to peel muddy clothes off ever day, but having to wash off the mud a few times a day was exhausting. "I'm almost worried that it'll stain my fur one day!" It sort of is, honestly. No matter how much he washes it. Bones would be smug, he's sure, and rub it in his face. God, he misses Bones. "You're lucky that it's not as obvious on your fur," He decides. It's gross either way, but it's better if you can't see it like piss on fresh snow.
Shit. That's one of the worst simile he's ever made, and that's saying something.

[glow=black,2,300]— ✰ —[/glow]

[guts]

[glow=#000,1,400]YOU PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

It wouldn't be the first time she got a negative reaction after mentioning mortality. She was never sure why it bothered humans so much, not until she recognized it herself, her declining health opening her eyes to what they experienced. She had never been afraid to die, not when she had so long left. Now she wasn't so sure.

It was a slow descent, but just as with anyone else's health, it was unpredictable. In that window of time, she needed to find worshipers. Unfortunately, it wasn't that simple. It was never certain if they would react in astonishment, or react with violence and shouting.

There's a sound in her throat upon hearing his response, similar to a purr but more hearty. Her lips twitch, corners lifting just faintly. She gives a shrug of her shoulders and briefly glances down at herself. Her fur was pretty dark, the perfect shade to hide any splattered mud, though she was somewhat stingy when it came to hygiene. She didn't care about how many times she would have to wash, as long as she was clean.

"Ah, so it is. Convenient, indeed." there's a playful note to her tone, swinging her head slightly to clear her vision of her bangs. She blended in quite well with the marsh, her pelt matching the brown and green colors. "The feeling is still quite unpleasant, though. Especially when it dries. It's a pain to get out" she gives a small huff.

[arcy]

[div style="margin: 0 auto; width: 65%; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 10pt; text-align: justify;"]Unpredictability was just a human trait, as some would say. A defining trait in their species. .. Of course, they aren't human, but they may as well be. For fuck's sake, they're speaking Standard. But as dogs. .. Technically, Standard is called English back here, come to think of it. So .. it was basically just pre-warp society but dogs.
This is entirely besides the point.
Jim's ears prick at Feverdream's returning tone. Aha, progress! Easier to score than Spock. .. Score as in progress, not the other way, he means. "I'm afraid Tanglewood isn't the place for us mud-haters, then," Jim sighs melodramatically. The territory? Just the worst, why the fuck did Jim decide to join. "For some reason, I decided to join while I was deeper in mud than I'd ever been in my life," He tells her. It's a kind of goofy tale -- they'd had to fish him out because he was stuck. .. He's exaggerating, of course, because Jim has definitely wound up sunk deeper in mud, but this was a second, at least. And he didn't even have height to add to that.

[glow=black,2,300]— ✰ —[/glow]

[guts]

[glow=#000,1,400]YOU PUT UP YOUR DEFENSES WHEN YOU LEAVE, YOU LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE CERTAIN — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

When it comes down to it, she wasn't sure why she had joined. She could have gone on wandering, the loneliness never bothering her before. But it had been a long time since then, and during that period, she had been surrounded by others, whether it be her traveling group or her own children. Even the people of her village. If she hadn't come to Tanglewood, would she finally feel the bitterness of being alone? Would it settle like a heavy weight in her chest, or would it never come at all? These were questions she wasn't sure she wanted the answers to.

Her thoughts are short-lived, suddenly pulled away and forced back to reality. She comes back to Jim's face, blinking absentmindedly before she registers what they were doing. She hated it, how often she got lost in her thoughts nowadays. Perhaps this conversation was getting dangerous.

"Perhaps not. But we're here anyways." Feverdream points out, head turning back towards the sunrise, which wasn't much of a sunrise anymore. The sun was way beyond the horizon now. "How long have you been here, Jim? In Tanglewood." she's asking simply to make conversation, not really because she cares or is curious. Just something to create some distance.

[arcy]

[div style="margin: 0 auto; width: 65%; font-family: timesnewroman; font-size: 10pt; text-align: justify;"]If Jim hadn't been sucked into joining ... he'd probably still be wandering, picking fights. Maybe picked a fight with the wrong person. Maybe he'd be dead. Jim isn't too concerned about this. .. He'd be lonelier, but what was new? Different? He was here now, that's all that really mattered.
"Good point," Jim relents. He notes her brief trance, but says nothing. Everybody gets momentarily lost in thought every now and then. Multiple times per converstation. Eh, whatever floats your boat. He sets his gaze steady on the sun for a long few moments before he answers. "Just a month," He says, and wasn't it weird, just how comfortable he was here after that short of a time? Except for the Enterprise, he'd never really felt like ... he could just ... settle somewhere, like he was here. It didn't replace his crew, of course, but it was more of a home than nearly anywhere else. Which was just kind of ... sad. "Not long, but I like it here," He grins still, somewhat more hesitantly this time. Sadly. ... He just ... hopes that he isn't torn from another place again. He's not sure he could take it. (of course, exceptions could be made if it was back home, but!)

[glow=black,2,300]— ✰ —[/glow]