Making all his nowhere plans for nobody // DIMITRI AUGUST CDC

[Dimitri]

20. distance + how does y/c deal with grief?
Dagon’s first mission when they ran away was to make as much distance from them and their parents as fast as possible. Dimitri… had originally been opposed to the idea. What if they died out there. When it was revealed that Dimitri maybe didn’t care about dying, and the tom retreated. Dimitri and Dagon were roaming the headspace, the sprawling city and would lose eachother. Maybe it was because they were always mad at eachother. Or they were they kids playing a good game of hide and seek.
Sometimes they’d find each other in the sprawling city in the sprawling city and they would fight eachother. Before Dagon had calmed down, they would occasionally find eachother. Dagon would his and call the original, core personality names. “I did the best for us.”
“But if we die out there? What then?” Dimitri would ask him, shoulders rolling and baring teeth. Dimitri showing guts for once in his life. This was of course, before he had taken up strict pacifism. And Delta convincing him Dagon was the one battle she couldn’t fight for him. “I don’t want to starve to death, and I don’t want you killing us!”
Dagon leaping at Dimitri and the two boys biting down on eachother, claws out and biting on their arms with little teeth and scratching with smaller claws. Calling eachother names and Dagon holding him down, calling him “Bitch, Motherfucker,” and the likes.
“I fucking hate you.” And Dagon thought he would for a long time… but perhaps in some way, the alcohol kept him from hating him as much.

[Dimitri]

21. label
The Multiple Personality Disorder. Nervous. Bipolar. Out of touch. Dissociate. Dimitri didn’t like the idea of him being defined by his disorder. Dimitri and the others wanted to think they were more than that. Complex people with real thoughts and feelings. He wondered how the clan saw him. Did they think less of him now? Is that why they have yet to promote us? No, Dagon. It couldn’t be that.
His Alters had very… clear personalities. Dagon was the angry pessimist who dealt with his problems by drinking. Bonus fact: he liked to say fuck a lot. Darby was the gutsy adventurer who was stupidly brave and didn’t mind getting hurt. Donovan was a hopeless romantic and worried who Dimitri’s significant other would really love. Daisy was a little girl, she liked girly things, and painting. Delta was a soldier whose sole purpose was to be a mother and a solier, willing to do anything for Dimitri. Dakota was the elder father figure- he liked to read and most of his duty was to keep the other alters in balance. Divertimento was his social personality. The Alter was the newest one, and he was for Dimitri to deal with social situation, because he got nervous at parties and peaceful gatherings among the fellow street cats.
They all had that same question sometimes. Were they more than their archtypes? How could they all become more than that label? What were they besides their labels? Fragments of someone else’s personalities?

[Dimitri]

22. boundaries
Dimitri could clearly see the lines drawn between his alters in his room. Their room. He traced to lines with his paws and dragged them through the dust, making an invisible boundary between the lot of them. They were sharing space, yes, but there was little bleed over into rooms. Clearly defined sections for every alter, and now with… her around. He had to find more space. He could feel Dagon over his shoulder as the alter attempted to cofront with him. Dimitri liked to think he was walking beside him or behind him.
“What are ya gonna do, fuckface?”
Maybe like a leech laying on his back.
Dimitri looked over Daisy’s corner, eyes picking out her different paintings. Daisy mostly did crude drawings of nature using her paws or paintings of the alters. Using different colors was a good way to tell who was who. Dimitri was either brown or lime green, Divertimento was lime green, Darby was straight green, Dakota was yellow, Dagon was black, Donovan was a dark red or maroon, Delta was orange and Daisy was pink. They were normally just circles and ovals with ears. They were running out of colors too, and made note that Darby should scavenge for paint. What else did they need? Dagon could use new whiskey and Divertimento would want more knick knacks. Dakota would probably want a few books and Dimtiri wondered if anyone else would loan more books to him.
He started tracing the lines again, looking about.
The only space left was his on, or to split up someone else’s space.

[Dimitri]

23. unique + what is the strangest thing y/c has believed in?
Their disorder made them rather unique- at least, that’s what Divertimento thought. He felt it was better that way. The alter was infamous for trying to put a positive spin on things. Dimitri’s disorder didn’t make him weird, it made him unique. The fact that they were alters? Just… very unique people. Did it bother a few of them that they were… fragments of a personality. Of Dimitri. That they were a portion of a person and…. They made them less alive.
Divertimento tried not to think that way, but that thought still lingered. What would happen to them when they died? Would it all be at once or one at a time? How would they die? Battle, old age, Darby’s stunts?
Were they real if they were never born? Were they technically alive? Of course they were, they were just as real as Dimitri, right? Right?! These were things they tried not to think about. These were things that worried all of them to some degree.

There was a time- the the strangest thing that Dagon had believed in as a kit was that someone was going to come save them. A hero would fall from the sky or float down in cape and cowl, would grab him and escape with him. This hero would go back to leap at their parents and punch them, puncture claws into their skin and punish them for what they did.
A hero would never come. A hero never did come. They were on their own and had to do it himself.

[Dimitri]

24. winter
Dagon just wished it wasn’t so fucking snowy here. Well, there was a lot of things he wished for and that was one of them. He also wished Dimitri would show his fucking face again. Maybe Dimitri was the central to part to them and with the tom missing, they were like an analog machine missing parts and a clock trying to tick but the hands couldn’t move. They were alone and one their own, no Dimitri and a new Desdemona.
Dagon fucking hated this new bitch. He wished it wasn’t so fucking- the tom let out a yell, stomping into the snow with anger, as if that would help any, and scratched at the earth beneath the snow. It was always fucking cold and they had to grow their fur out to even attempt to withstand Snowbound’s eternal winter. He feared the idea that, one day, true winter would come to Snowbound. He had imagined it in their head- any existing body of water would be frozen over, the snow would be thick to the chest and they’d fall in it. Was it possible to drown in snow?  Maybe Darby would help them find out. Maybe. Oh, whatever. He imagined they would horde more blankets and they would try to find any source of heat besides their own body heat. Dagon started pacing in the room, looking about their possessions and found a sigh releasing his body.
What would they do if Dimitri never came back? What then?

[Dimitri]

25. hatred + how does y/c respond to pain?
All animals had a natural flight or fight response, and as such, all responded differently. Dimitri had proven himself to be an evasive person. He didn’t like getting into fights and wanted to keep the peace. All he could do in his headspace was try to keep the peace between his alters, and keep them from fighting eachother. When Dagon was, he conflicted with Dimitri greatly. Dagon fought with everyone. It was really his way of dealing with things. He told others to back off by hissing at them and trying to, more or else, assert his dominance.
Dagon, Darby, and Delta were all fighters, of course.
Dagon? Dagon was how Dimitri had dealt with so much pain for all those moons. His alters were his burden to bear and his pain to equal out among them. All the times his father backed him into a corner and threatened to beat him, all the times his father held him down and told him all things he was gonna do to his sweet boy. All the times his mother ignored him and sent him away, too bothered by her own problems and too drunk to look after their son.
Dagon never liked being picked on, he never liked the trauma, but he was the one who was forced out and he had to suffer the consequences of Dimitri’s brain- their brain.
There was only one instance where Dagon chose flight- his father had beaten them, ripped his claws under their stomach and bruised his eye. That was when Dagon, fully in control and dead set on living, chose to escape. Chose to run away and hide. Chose that starving and fighting for their life was better than living with their family.

[Dimitri]

26. what are y/c's opinions on children? how do they interact with them?
Delta wasn’t quite sure why he was in this role- she was pretty sure it was because it was in her programming. She was a protector for a reason. She did a damn good job too. She felt that she was Dimitri’s physical protector and the mother type, on purpose. Dimitri had designed her this way.
So when Daisy entered the fray, it made things confusing for her, but it gave her more to do. They were typically always together and the only soul of the men she trusted with Daisy was Dakota. Divertimento? Maybe. He’d do something fun with the little one, but she was too little to handle a lot of things. Darby could possibly get her killed. Dagon wasn’t fond of children, at all. Dagon, more so, dreaded the day that Dimitri had his own children. Dagon knew he would have to put up with snivelling children and kitten’s asking for Daddys help and all of that bullshit. Dagon was the tough love type. Even more, the no love type. Dagon didn’t quite understand love and didn’t properly feel it.
Delta took the mother duty to heart. She followed Daisy around, keeping Daisy out of trouble and assisting on the kitten’s adventures. Maybe she just prefered life that way. Maybe it gave her something to do or a replacement for Dimtiri, her little boy, growing up.
She feared what Desdemona would do if she was alone with Daisy. As Delta saw it, the new alter acted like Dimitri’s mother, so trouble was bound to happen. Even more trouble would arise when Dimitri would return and hopefully, hopefully take control.
It took a fight to make Dagon submit to Dimitri, and she could forsee it happening all over again.

[Dimitri]

27. what is y/c's driving force to keep going?
Survival. They were driven by the need for survival. Least most of them were, anyways. Darby- the stunt man and the hunter. He scavenged for food when they needed it. Being in snowbound, where he got to hunt for food and they ate more freely- meant to wild alter had been out less. In times of high stress, when they were fighting the other tomcats and single mothers for food, Delta had been free. Sometimes, she had appealed to the mother’s sympathy, playing the ‘I’m just a starving, poor child’ card. Delta believed in honor, but with enough push she would’ve lied again. Dagon believed in keeping them alive and doing whatever it fucking took. That included running away and keeping Dimitri from the memory of how to get back home. It wasn’t like Dimitri had went looking for the memory either, or asked him about it. Dagon might have told him how to go back home. Might have. He probably wouldn’t, Dagon knew it was better that way, to stay out of everyone’s way. Maybe this made him selfish. Maybe this made him some dark, twisted reflection of Dimitri.
Dimitri? He wanted inherently, to roll over and drink himself drunk on the idea that he could be just like everybody else. Maybe trying to adjust to normal life was something he had always aspired for, and that was what drove him. He wanted to be just like everyone else. He wanted to have friends, he wanted to have kids, and he wanted to grow old and die peacefully.

[Dimitri]

28. who does y/c most want to protect?
Dimitri sat in his small room- not the one they shared, the one in his head. Their head? Sometimes he wasn’t sure where the line was but he knew this was his room. His domain and his area. He looked over at the photo frame, lying facedown on the dresser.
The shadows seemed to creep in on him, and her voice bothered him again. “She never loved you. No one ever did.” She was probably right. What good were they to Snowbound? What had they ever done that was worth someone else’s time?
“I think we’re all selfish. When have we ever done something for someone outside of the system, huh?” Her eyes watched him from the shadows, light blue jutting out to stare at him, her black and white body hidden by darkness. Maybe she had just cornered him here.
“What about that time we went after the.. The person that hurt her?”
“Because Delta wouldn’t let it go. She was being selfish too, not honorable. She lies to herself….”
Dimitri stood up on shaky legs, going to the dresser, hopping up, and then flipping Atbash’s picture up. He stared, and a sigh released from his body, Desdemona coming up behind him, breath on his ears.
“She’ll never love you, Dimitri. You know that...”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t care about her, right?”
“It will only hurt you.”

[Dimitri]

29. why is y/c still in snowbound?
Dagon looked about their room, found a sigh releasing him, then stepped outside, his brown fur growing to accomodate for the cold. He stepped out, looking at his paw prints in the snow. He fucking hated the snow. He hated how cold Snowbound was. He hated that there wasn’t enough food and Stryker could suck his dick-
This was was the only other home they’ve ever had. This was home to them, they established a place here, they divided a room for them and they all had their own safe space. Well, except for Desdemona. She hadn’t been out for long enough yet to mark her own territory.
In light of the takeover, Dagon had already considered running. That was what they did last time, right? They ran away, to somewhere safer. Maybe Sunhaven was safe for them. They loved Sunhaven, it was beautiful. It was warm and managed to bring a smile to the moody drunk’s maw. Dagon wondered what kind of consequences there for ditching. A traitor, like Jacob? Something else? A bad reputation? The reputation, he could live with. Dimitri… He looked over at the cabin. Maybe not so much.
They couldn’t run. They had too much here. Leave it all behind. Be free. None of these people matter. Sometimes, he could agree with Desdemona. Maybe he liked her. They were both more pessimist and depressing, but Desdemona got something from the chaos.
Chaos he didn’t want to be a part of. Chaos, he was better off without.