You know I'd take my heart clean apart // private // if it helps your's beat

[jacob w.c.]

WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE — Jacob didn't know what to do or think about everything that'd happened. Well, he did. But at the same time he didn't. There was a part of him that wanted to scream at Deniz in Italian about how stupid he was and how he could've hurt himself. He got that part of Jersey and his Babbo, he supposed. Then there was the part that wanted to calmly explain why what he'd done was wrong and why he should trust medical professionals over taking random drugs that he found God-only-knows where. On top of that, explain why he shouldn't take cocaine. That was the part fostered by his Ma, the one that'd taught him to be a doctor and to away take care of other people regardless of how he felt about the circumstances of how they'd gotten themselves into such a situation. Then there was the part that just wanted to sob because he hadn't slept for... well, he wasn't sure how long it'd been, and meanwhile he'd taken care of Pincher and made sure he was still breathing. Every once in awhile he'd get so still, Jacob would remember that night when he'd seen his body and he'd desperately check for a heartbeat. Thankfully it'd been there every single time. He was pretty sure that part of him was just him. He wasn't sure what he'd do if Pincher had died from all this. Even the thought of it made him want to sob and he was barely holding himself together at this point. He only held himself together to make sure Pincher was fine and so Lily wouldn't try to take his spot. He knew he was a good enough healer to look after him but he didn't want to leave the doberman's side for event a moment.

What would he do without Deniz? The thought had occurred to him more than once through all of this and he'd thought a lot of different things. He wouldn't have anyone to talk to anymore. Deniz was the only one that knew everything about him. Well, almost everything. About the hallucinations, about the sleepless nights, about the terrible night terrors. It seemed while Jacob was looking for some help, he'd been doing the same but he hadn't been willing to go to Jacob for it. That stung. Maybe more than the injury itself, even. Why hadn't Pincher trusted him to take care of him? He would've done it. He would've dropped everything to come to Typhoon and take care of him even if they weren't already there. He would've done anything to make sure that he was getting proper care and he was healthy before leaving.

When anything went wrong, Jacob's first instinct was always t o go to Pincher. When Harrison had gone missing, when Guru had captured him, when the humans had taken over their territory. All three times he ran to Pincher. It was true that even Jacob had his own secrets, and he wanted to be careful of keeping Pincher knowing anything that'd put him in danger, but this wasn't the same. Jacob didn't completely share himself with anyone here because he was worried much worse people than him would try to take advantage of them. Pincher had kept an injury, a skull fracture, from him and tried to treat it himself with harmful drugs without even thinking about telling him about any of it.

Jacob had plenty of time to think about what he'd do when Pincher really woke up and it was something more than the unconscious murmurings that didn't make a lot of sense. He rolled different conversations in his head, imagining Pinch's responses and what he'd say to make him 'see the light' of his actions. He didn't really know if he needed to do that, though. Deniz was an adult and Jacob wasn't ignorant enough to believe he hadn't dealt with drugs like this before. He knew the consequences and he still did it. Consequences wouldn't scare him away from anything. So then he thought about what he's say emotionally, if he'd just scream at him until he felt bad but he knew Pincher could out-argue him any day. Deniz was always gentle with him but Jacob knew he wasn't that way with others. It was much like the way his Babbo had operated, always having kind words and gestures for Jacob but turning around and doing despicable things to other people. Jacob wasn't sure if Pincher did things exactly the way Vito did but the situations were similar. In the end, he supposed he knew that it'd just end with him crying. He loved Deniz. He hated seeing him like this and he wasn't sure he'd be able to maintain his anger or his professional courtesy for very long once he woke up.

Then the man stirred. Jacob perked his ears and looked towards the doberman, getting to his paws and hurrying forward. He heard a few mumbled words that made sense and watched as his lovely eyes opened for the first time in quite awhile. "Deniz? Don' worry, i's jus' me. Ain't no one else gonna' hear your name. 'Ve been lookin' after ya'." He spoke, already feeling his voice start to break. He wasn't sure if the doberman was fully conscious yet but he kept talking, "Why'd ya' have ta' do this, cuore mio? I woulda' takin' care ah' ya' if ya' jus' asked. Ya' know tha'. What if ya' had died? I already saw tha' once, Pinch, I couldn' take it again." He wanted to be angry. He wanted to scream and yell that the pirate captain was so stupid and idiotic and simultaneously wanted to tell him he loved him more than anything, that he didn't know what he'd do without him. He just felt a terrible lump building in his throat and tears beginning to prick his eyes.

[member=66]PINCHER[/member] —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP

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