working like clockwork [kydobi]

[bai shi]

[align=center]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" do you want to burn in hell with me? "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

caught up in the tender display, finding themselves craving more, more than he could give and more than they could receive. attempting to follow the affection and attention, they took a step forward before two backwards, ears laying flat and eyes filled with a pain that they could no longer filter. feeling the pressure welling in their throat to speak, to ask, to seek.

taking a deeply shaken breath, they listened to him without interruption, "you needn't be alone anymore, kydobi. the past hurts, by the hells does it ever, but you'll be alright, kydobi, for I believe in you. when the courage comes, run and never look back, escape this forsaken place." they answer him quietly, letting him lead the way, their voice creaking as they spoke, telling the truth about them.

emotion wasnt their strongest suit, but it seemed that they didn't need to try to speak of them this time. they had a few things to say and oh gods, they didn't want to broach this topic but they needed to know what he was to them after all this time, especially after that moment of tenderness that he gave to them.

"kydobi, there is at least one thing that I must ask of you. it is ... about who we are to one another. I understand that you were unable to answer my inadequate question the first time, and the response was that we became friends. but, I must ask again, who am I to you? am I a friend? am I just ... an existence that you go to when you need comfort and words of warmth? I need to be clear on where I stand in regards of you so that I may put my aching heart to rest, and that I might move on from this moment of what I felt was romance? please, it is something that i must know, if I'm free to love another, or if I'm to wait until you can figure out how you feel?", their voice creaks and breaks, once proud shoulders drawn together and pinched with pain, head low and in agony. they were having great difficulty speaking these words, needing to have some sort of answer to put their heart to rest after all of their loss, to know if they could try to love another as more than a friend.

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

He didn't want to be alone as in isolation. He didn't really mean alone as in a single cell who desires to be apart of a couple. He had never had those things. While Bai had shown him a softer side to a relationship. A side that made his heart skip and jump.

Naturally the conversation went in the exact direction he didn't want it. But all he could do was sigh. Avoiding something was the greatest way to attract it. But how to start? Kydobi felt cornered, no matter he said he knew that it would change the course of their relationship forever. He hated that.

Why couldn't they just let things be? Did they have to define it?

"I don't know... I...We're friends...", Kydobi flicked his ear. Staring emptily at the ground, he had no desire to look at the jaguar. Their pain would only make him want to back track and do anything to make that look go away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on... I do like you, a lot. But I am not the person to give you what you seek. What you are looking for I do not have.", Kydobi huffed, "But I do not want to lose you. I like the comfort you give me. You're the only person I've ever had contact with like that. I don't want to lose it because we don't see things the same way."

Give it time.

But that wouldn't happen. He wouldn't say too much.

"But if it is easier on your heart to look elsewhere for what you seek then I can't stop you."

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

[align=center]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" do you want to burn in hell with me? "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

letting go of a deep breath, their legs shaking and breath short, hard to breathe, anxious for the first time in forever. they listened hard and well, terrified of his answer. he did like them, but could not give them what they wanted. "thank you. I still really like you as well, kydobi, and I can continue to give you the comfort you seek, but for what you cannot give me, I haven't had need of it in a long, long time. this is strange, admitting these things when the last time I did this was eons ago to one now long dead. but i now lead my family lineage, and I am requested to take another once I have found the ability to love again.", they murmur, sensing his reluctance.

it was a silent offer, a silent question that they didn't dare ask, afraid to ask too much of him when they were both unsure of what they truly were to one another. this was going to kill them, honestly. "I wouldnt expect anything from you, kydobi, but would you like to be the one at least in title who stands at my side? we needn't do anything that a couple would do, I can still support you and all."

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

what did a title have if there was no meaning?

Really, Kydobi had always had a title. His whole life. At first he was Kydobi Adebisi, the Prince. Then he was the Bastard. Now he was nothing. Not a prince or a pauper. He was just Kydobi. It felt like his friend was desperately trying to hang on to everything. Grasp and throw something at Kydobi for him to latch onto.

But the commitment was what scared the jaguar. While Bai offered a relationship minus the requirements expected of a couple, it still didn't appeal to Ky. However he would ponder it, considering everything from both sides.

"Maybe... I just, I've never been in anything of that sort Lynn. If I'm being honest it scares me."

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

[align=center]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" do you want to burn in hell with me? "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a quiet noise, acceptance of his words, their eyes blinking. "its alright. I fear i have too much to say and that does not help this situation.", they murmur faintly, breathing deeply and exhaling, "you have every right to be scared of this, kydobi. I apologize.", they murmur, shutting away any desperate hope.

"just know that I'll still be your friend at the end of the day, no matter what. you deserve at least one person in your corner, even if they don't know the half of what they're doing. I'm no hero, so don't expect much hero work from me.", they laughed faintly, gaze locked ahead of them, taking stepping trusts, embarrassed by their own antics.

sighing, they shook themselves, "as a last note ... you make me feel things, and I don't like it. perhaps that will stop after this. these feelings are not easy to share, nor I doubt they are for you." they murmur, turning their head in order to face him, giving a tired smile before it was quickly gone, their exhaustion visible for mere seconds before it too was hidden behind their regular stony expression.

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

So here they were. Unsure how to go about it anymore.

"It's nice to know I have you in my corner then.", he would ignore the momentary glimpses. Kydobi would hate for someone to point out every time his nonchalant shield broke. He cleared his throat, looking at them.

"So... where do we go from here."


No where? Kydobi, even if he found love within the multi bodied being, would not be happy in the Pitt. However he felt like he would never ever get the chance to leave. Mostly because he'd never take the opportunity.

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

[align=center]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" do you want to burn in hell with me? "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a good question, that one that he asked, "where do we go? we remain the same and I'll pretend I never knew better than to ask you these questions that I have.", they answer him quietly, "we are still friendly, platonic even, but there is no room for emotion, I now know. I will continue to serve here as I have, and we live on." came their murmur.

pulling themself from their moments display of pain, they continued to walk into the jungle, huffing softly, "we can be friendly, no? there's more to discuss, my friend."

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

They were twice rejected and he was twice guilty. Kydobi wished he could feel the same. But he just couldn't, he had affection to give Bai Shi but not commitment. Or a title. Kydobi no longer sought after those things anymore. When they pulled away he almost called out in protest but he didn't.

He knew better.

Sighing he would nod his head in agreement.

"I would still like to touch you every once in a while though. But that's another topic. What do you wish to speak on Lynn?", his tail would ripple in slight frustration. Another thing he somehow possessed the power to change but also lacked at the same time.

Things would be different for sure.

"Actually let's start on Ramona... how is she doing?", there was so much change. He couldn't keep up. So much within that girl, he needed to catch up. So perhaps her own family would know?

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

[align=center]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" do you want to burn in hell with me? "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

a slight hum with their ears laying back, "I have a few concerns of my own to address but ramona ... she changes daily. our mother is sick, injured and refuses to let anyone help with the injury to the leg, and her father has been murdered and she has learnt of it by now. when you disappeared, with you left every trace of a parent that she knew. so of course she is against talking to you, kydobi. I'm doing the best that I can for her, while handling my own issues. she really needs a friend but she is unable to be friendly to the others here, and she seems awkward." they murmur quietly, eyes turning pained for a moment.

"that girl needs to leave here, but the other groups would rather see her slain because she's of the pitt. she's a monster already in their eyes. I ... there is something that must be done. Kydobi, I may leave this group, feel free to follow if you want away, but I must contact Ariside for this to work. I will travel for a short while and find a new home and build from the ground up. I cannot bear witness to the children being treated like monsters."

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

Mmm.. yes. They were right. Kydobi's disappearance certainly was detrimental to his relationship with everyone. It was something he was embarrassed about, but he couldn't help it. When Bai continued it was nothing that Ky hadn't considered before.

But hearing someone else say it only confirmed his fears. It was a great idea for Ramona to leave this toxic environment.

"She needs a friend but the Pitt is the wrong place to go looking for them. The Pitt is the wrong place to even be", he sighed, watching them continue to speak. They spoke of grand plans of escape to a new place, a new home, a new group.

"Well maybe you will do it, I hope you do. Too many people here deserve better.", but in his heart he knew there would be little chance, "If all else fails, get the children out of here."

Kydobi swallowed and sighed, "So what else did you want to talk about?"

[sub][W]isker[/sub]