05-10-2018, 11:25 PM
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]"Do you know it feels to be bonded with the thing you fear most, Suiteheart? Do you know what it's like the feel that side of you?"
Everything came crashing down at all once: sadness and anger standing out amongst the fallen debris. Oh, yes, she knew was it was like. She had a very accurate understanding of those feelings as Margaery had constantly poured her soul (perhaps unwillingly) into their bond when it was active. Every moment of pure hate and terror she felt. She felt so, so much. Suiteheart had always been displeased with herself, but that? That was the fucking icing on the cake. And as much as she wanted to not place blame on Margaery, it was becoming more and more difficult with each passing second.
And then there had been the fact that Margaery called her by her full name. Margaery was known for cutesy pet names, and she hardly ever used 'Suiteheart.' The way she spat Suite's name like poison - like it was some horrible secret - left her bruised. Anger flared in her eyes, but she refused to let in. She couldn't. Not with the notes of desperation and loss hidden underneath Margy's ice-cold guise.
"Believe me, I know. You made sure of that," the bear explained, ear twitching in slight annoyance. God, did she know how Margaery felt. "And for the record, I'm not pissed off that you're trying to do something for yourself. No, I'm fucking angry because you're pretending that this is actually going to be beneficial to yourself." Margaery had never done well when she was by herself... And neither had Suite. They were soul mates. They needed one another... Didn't they?
The next words out of Margaery's lips caused Suiteheart to recoil. Something about them cut worse than anything she had said thus far. "You know, that really fucking sucks, Marg." Her eyes were daggers, and they cut just like knives when she looked at her wife. Always alone? Bullshit. "I'm so fucking glad to know that all I ever did to make you feel welcome and at home didn't work. Thank you. Thank you for saying I wasn't good enough to make you feel like you weren't alone." She rolled those dangerous eyes of hers when Margaery's darkened to thunderclouds. If Margaery was suddenly angry, Suite was more so.
Everything inside her wanted to let go, but something held her back. And she knew it was Margaery. Try as it might, the feral side of her refused to fully surface as long as Margaery was around. The girl across from her was her anchor. She had held her down for so long, but how much longer would the charade last?
"I'm not being selfish! I'm trying to make sure you don't go off the fucking deep end! Again!" Oh, boy, here was the rage. She wasn't quite yelling, but the heat behind the words was enough. Everything inside her was white-hot. She was gunpowder, and Margaery had successfully lit the fuse. It would only be a matter of time now, wouldn't it?
She gave a mighty shake of her head. She was done. She was trying so hard to salvage this, but Margaery didn't care. She only wanted to fade away. She wanted to do her own thing and not worry about their failing relationship or their daughter. It made her sick to her stomach. "No... You know want? Fine. Be selfish, Margaery Mikaelson-Tyrell... But you have to give me one good reason - just one actual reason. Make me understand. Just tell me why you need this so fucking badly, and it's fine. I'll let you break and break and break until there's nothing left." Her anger had burnt out, now replaced by exhaustion. "I'll let you do everything on your own. But the second you need me - for whatever reason - I'll be there. Always." She took a breath to steady herself for the next words. They would hurt Suite more than Margaery, she was sure. "But if you don't want me, then forget about it. All of it. You don't want my help, so I won't give it to you or force it on you. I try and try and try, and you just constantly push me further away. You're right; I can't physically or mentally play this game anymore.
"I love you, but you have broken me so badly."
Her face held no trace of tears. Her dark eyes just mimicked bitterness and grief. Perhaps there were traces of anger too, but that was hard to read. But she was so angry. So deeply angry. But she had become a master of hiding that emotion as of late, masking it for weariness like a few seconds before.
She averted her eyes as something began to burn in her chest before moving to her head. She knew the sensation all too well. It was the telltale sign of their bond. The burning feeling was on account of the deep rage each female portrayed, yet there were other emotions too. Soon enough, the polar bear began to feel everything else. It was muddied at first and then clear as day. Before Suiteheart could take time to sort through Margaery's lapse of a mental wall, the latter was speaking again.
The chocolate point shook. She trembled like a small child who could not sort through feelings of despair and fury. Everything inside of Suiteheart screamed to reach out and comfort her (thank you to the bond for restoring her levelheaded temperament), but she knew this would be a death sentence. Margaery didn't want Suite around, and she certainly did not crave an embrace from her.
"Margaery, don't..." she trailed off as the other began to weep. "I believe in you because I know what you're capable of - I've seen it. You're a good person. Please start believing that, even if only for a few seconds at a time." Margaery was good. A good Clanmate. A good friend. A good mother. A good wife. Why was it so hard for the other to grasp that? Why couldn't she see how much of a shining light she was even when dealing with this hell?
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was trapping you into something. I'm sorry I can't let you go even though you might need me to. I've made so many mistakes, Marg, but choosing to go with you through this shitty time in both of our lives is not one of them. I want to be with you. And I want to help you. And, God, I'm so sorry that I can't be with you and help you at the same time."
If Margaery allowed herself to stay with Suiteheart, she wouldn't be able to recover. If Suiteheart tried to help Margaery recover, she couldn't. The polar bear form was what had them stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Margaery couldn't live like this. And as much as it fucking killed Suiteheart to let her go, she had to. She would rather have Margaery be okay than anything else. Margaery was her number one priority. Always. "I'm not better off hating you, Margy. Believe me, I'm not."
The bear inhaled deeply. She thought over her next words carefully, and she tried to think of every possible outcome for this scenario. Despite the fact that it hurt to even conceive to notion, it needed to be done, and it would work. It had to. It was the only option. She looked again to her wife and said, "I know about Lil. I know how you two met up the other day. She's in the Typhoon. She's healing there. She's a good healer."
An expression of pure pain stitched itself to her ivory features. She closed her eyes momentarily to avoid the onslaught on tears, but there was no way to hold them back. They manifested regardless, and they rolled down her cheeks as she tried to ready herself for her next words. [color=#73B1B7][b]"G-go to the Typhoon. Stay there. You're not he-helping yourself by staying here, and I'm a constant s-source of pain to you. Please... Please, just go there and be with Lil. Take care of her and yourself. Don't stay here. We're just going to keep hurting each other."
Everything came crashing down at all once: sadness and anger standing out amongst the fallen debris. Oh, yes, she knew was it was like. She had a very accurate understanding of those feelings as Margaery had constantly poured her soul (perhaps unwillingly) into their bond when it was active. Every moment of pure hate and terror she felt. She felt so, so much. Suiteheart had always been displeased with herself, but that? That was the fucking icing on the cake. And as much as she wanted to not place blame on Margaery, it was becoming more and more difficult with each passing second.
And then there had been the fact that Margaery called her by her full name. Margaery was known for cutesy pet names, and she hardly ever used 'Suiteheart.' The way she spat Suite's name like poison - like it was some horrible secret - left her bruised. Anger flared in her eyes, but she refused to let in. She couldn't. Not with the notes of desperation and loss hidden underneath Margy's ice-cold guise.
"Believe me, I know. You made sure of that," the bear explained, ear twitching in slight annoyance. God, did she know how Margaery felt. "And for the record, I'm not pissed off that you're trying to do something for yourself. No, I'm fucking angry because you're pretending that this is actually going to be beneficial to yourself." Margaery had never done well when she was by herself... And neither had Suite. They were soul mates. They needed one another... Didn't they?
The next words out of Margaery's lips caused Suiteheart to recoil. Something about them cut worse than anything she had said thus far. "You know, that really fucking sucks, Marg." Her eyes were daggers, and they cut just like knives when she looked at her wife. Always alone? Bullshit. "I'm so fucking glad to know that all I ever did to make you feel welcome and at home didn't work. Thank you. Thank you for saying I wasn't good enough to make you feel like you weren't alone." She rolled those dangerous eyes of hers when Margaery's darkened to thunderclouds. If Margaery was suddenly angry, Suite was more so.
Everything inside her wanted to let go, but something held her back. And she knew it was Margaery. Try as it might, the feral side of her refused to fully surface as long as Margaery was around. The girl across from her was her anchor. She had held her down for so long, but how much longer would the charade last?
"I'm not being selfish! I'm trying to make sure you don't go off the fucking deep end! Again!" Oh, boy, here was the rage. She wasn't quite yelling, but the heat behind the words was enough. Everything inside her was white-hot. She was gunpowder, and Margaery had successfully lit the fuse. It would only be a matter of time now, wouldn't it?
She gave a mighty shake of her head. She was done. She was trying so hard to salvage this, but Margaery didn't care. She only wanted to fade away. She wanted to do her own thing and not worry about their failing relationship or their daughter. It made her sick to her stomach. "No... You know want? Fine. Be selfish, Margaery Mikaelson-Tyrell... But you have to give me one good reason - just one actual reason. Make me understand. Just tell me why you need this so fucking badly, and it's fine. I'll let you break and break and break until there's nothing left." Her anger had burnt out, now replaced by exhaustion. "I'll let you do everything on your own. But the second you need me - for whatever reason - I'll be there. Always." She took a breath to steady herself for the next words. They would hurt Suite more than Margaery, she was sure. "But if you don't want me, then forget about it. All of it. You don't want my help, so I won't give it to you or force it on you. I try and try and try, and you just constantly push me further away. You're right; I can't physically or mentally play this game anymore.
"I love you, but you have broken me so badly."
Her face held no trace of tears. Her dark eyes just mimicked bitterness and grief. Perhaps there were traces of anger too, but that was hard to read. But she was so angry. So deeply angry. But she had become a master of hiding that emotion as of late, masking it for weariness like a few seconds before.
She averted her eyes as something began to burn in her chest before moving to her head. She knew the sensation all too well. It was the telltale sign of their bond. The burning feeling was on account of the deep rage each female portrayed, yet there were other emotions too. Soon enough, the polar bear began to feel everything else. It was muddied at first and then clear as day. Before Suiteheart could take time to sort through Margaery's lapse of a mental wall, the latter was speaking again.
The chocolate point shook. She trembled like a small child who could not sort through feelings of despair and fury. Everything inside of Suiteheart screamed to reach out and comfort her (thank you to the bond for restoring her levelheaded temperament), but she knew this would be a death sentence. Margaery didn't want Suite around, and she certainly did not crave an embrace from her.
"Margaery, don't..." she trailed off as the other began to weep. "I believe in you because I know what you're capable of - I've seen it. You're a good person. Please start believing that, even if only for a few seconds at a time." Margaery was good. A good Clanmate. A good friend. A good mother. A good wife. Why was it so hard for the other to grasp that? Why couldn't she see how much of a shining light she was even when dealing with this hell?
"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was trapping you into something. I'm sorry I can't let you go even though you might need me to. I've made so many mistakes, Marg, but choosing to go with you through this shitty time in both of our lives is not one of them. I want to be with you. And I want to help you. And, God, I'm so sorry that I can't be with you and help you at the same time."
If Margaery allowed herself to stay with Suiteheart, she wouldn't be able to recover. If Suiteheart tried to help Margaery recover, she couldn't. The polar bear form was what had them stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Margaery couldn't live like this. And as much as it fucking killed Suiteheart to let her go, she had to. She would rather have Margaery be okay than anything else. Margaery was her number one priority. Always. "I'm not better off hating you, Margy. Believe me, I'm not."
The bear inhaled deeply. She thought over her next words carefully, and she tried to think of every possible outcome for this scenario. Despite the fact that it hurt to even conceive to notion, it needed to be done, and it would work. It had to. It was the only option. She looked again to her wife and said, "I know about Lil. I know how you two met up the other day. She's in the Typhoon. She's healing there. She's a good healer."
An expression of pure pain stitched itself to her ivory features. She closed her eyes momentarily to avoid the onslaught on tears, but there was no way to hold them back. They manifested regardless, and they rolled down her cheeks as she tried to ready herself for her next words. [color=#73B1B7][b]"G-go to the Typhoon. Stay there. You're not he-helping yourself by staying here, and I'm a constant s-source of pain to you. Please... Please, just go there and be with Lil. Take care of her and yourself. Don't stay here. We're just going to keep hurting each other."
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[glow=black,10,100]GOT MY DEGREE IN THE GUTTER,[/glow]
[glow=black,1,100]MY HEART BROKEN IN THE DORMS OF THE IVY LEAGUE