03-17-2021, 09:54 PM
DEAR FRIEND as you know, your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.
Words would hit her senses, a sensation that she was being dragged. The whirl into her head, spiral in with the new information flowing around, bouncing against the damaged and untouched parts of her head. They were right, it did hurt. Though the stinging of the large burn was one she found herself oddly familiar with, though unsure of why. Her body had been practiced for far worse. One of her first real injuries was a minor concussion, and then being struck by lightning, after having bled out in the middle of the sea. To say that Goldie's body memorized the feelings well would be an understatement. It's been through it all before. But her mind was fragile, hurt beyond full repair, and the information overloaded it. The vision of that wolf, the teeth, and blood, and Stryker struck out the most besides that savannah that'd wanted to kill her, and the original pirate captain.
Her eyes open ever so slightly for a moment, taking in the next form to grab ahold of her. What again? What was happening again? Had she done something wrong? She felt the swirling in her head continue, a beat from the headache coming on. The caracal grits her teeth firmer, knowing both from instinct and from her medical training that she was supposed to speak. It was the easiest way to keep her awake, to let others know what was wrong. "Again..?" she repeats in a whisper, unable to come up with coherent thoughts to form a sentence quite yet. She poses it as a question, unaware that it hadn't been said out loud. Things were much different than before though. But still the golden child felt the effects of it, fresh. The fear was still very real. And Roan would predict this, though her anxieties stemmed less so from the threat of Caesar and more so from the feelings of old memories, ones that even he did not know of. Goldenluxury Roux had seldom told stories revolving that part of her life. And if she did, they would certainly not be in depth.
The presence of her cousin did finally start to get her to wake herself up some more. She didn't want to cause any more trouble for them. A sentiment, that Goldie had funnily enough been repeating to herself since she was a kitten. Too bad you didn't always get what you wanted. Her jaw moves, ever so slightly, but the words that would escape her would not release from her maw. Instead, her mind would unintentionally attempt to project the simple message of "Sorry". That, too, would scatter, bounce around. The thoughts seemed to leak out of her head again, though this time she was able to retain new ones, and keep herself conscious. Her head had not been struck, her leg had long since healed over, and the only wounds she'd managed were the stinging she had experienced tenfold before.
The male spoke out, was clearly upset, offered his assurance. But it did not help the aching she felt in her chest like it usually would. He began his work, and she would slowly begin to open her eyes fully. Though her head did not seem to enjoy the sensation of light, she tried to focus her blurring vision onto those around her. Danny, Deldrach, and Roan. Danny, Deldrach, and Roan. He was speaking up again. Opening his mouth, asking someone to do something. Water. For pain killers. She'd part her mouth once more, a shaking paw pulling them closer to take them. An action she'd grown accustomed to for the migraines she'd suffered from before.
But there was a greater pain that they wouldn't fix, and her eyes would stare out in front of her, staring at nothing in particularly now. She focuses on her breathing, keeping it as stable as she could, though her body still shook. Her expression still seemed to be in shock.
"I..." she struggled out quietly, a quiver in her voice. "I want m' papa..." This may come as an odd inquiry, given how the man had been gone for as long as Goldie had been leader, and then some. Disappeared off to the bottom of the sea, though she hadn't totally known it. All she knew was that he was gone, and that it had left something in her she'd ignored for a long time, coped with by talking about him, by remembering the moments they had. But she didn't have those anymore. All she had were the scattered feelings, the meshed together memories that were only half hers. The only ones in the pirate group at the moment that would have even known him were her ma, and Deldrach. Maybe Diya too, but not well, and from the perspective of a former enemy. Technically, Goldie wasn't even supposed to remember her papa, let alone have the capacity to ask for him. But she'd been given what she'd asked for, even if in a disjointed fashion, cut off and interfered.
"Where i-is he?" her question is quiet, cautious, begging that anyone would know where he is. That anyone would be able to bring him to her. Perhaps it was selfish of her to beg for this now. She was fortunate to have the family she did now. It was more than most. But the safety in his presence, the warmth in his hold, she wanted to feel it, desperately. Even if her mind has only just been shown it again, in such a long time. Even if she'd convinced herself, before all of this, that she was okay with him gone. That she was okay, because she knew he'd come back someday. That he would hear of what she did, and that he would be proud. But, the truth was, that was just an excuse. Everything she'd done, she'd done it for him. And she wanted him to know it now. She wanted him to show her it was okay. But, she couldn't. There was an empty hole in her chest. She was connected to him in ways that transcend any words, but even that connection couldn't fill the lost presence he'd left. But she missed him, and she was scared, and she wanted to be with him. She wanted to have the moments again.
Her eyes open ever so slightly for a moment, taking in the next form to grab ahold of her. What again? What was happening again? Had she done something wrong? She felt the swirling in her head continue, a beat from the headache coming on. The caracal grits her teeth firmer, knowing both from instinct and from her medical training that she was supposed to speak. It was the easiest way to keep her awake, to let others know what was wrong. "Again..?" she repeats in a whisper, unable to come up with coherent thoughts to form a sentence quite yet. She poses it as a question, unaware that it hadn't been said out loud. Things were much different than before though. But still the golden child felt the effects of it, fresh. The fear was still very real. And Roan would predict this, though her anxieties stemmed less so from the threat of Caesar and more so from the feelings of old memories, ones that even he did not know of. Goldenluxury Roux had seldom told stories revolving that part of her life. And if she did, they would certainly not be in depth.
The presence of her cousin did finally start to get her to wake herself up some more. She didn't want to cause any more trouble for them. A sentiment, that Goldie had funnily enough been repeating to herself since she was a kitten. Too bad you didn't always get what you wanted. Her jaw moves, ever so slightly, but the words that would escape her would not release from her maw. Instead, her mind would unintentionally attempt to project the simple message of "Sorry". That, too, would scatter, bounce around. The thoughts seemed to leak out of her head again, though this time she was able to retain new ones, and keep herself conscious. Her head had not been struck, her leg had long since healed over, and the only wounds she'd managed were the stinging she had experienced tenfold before.
The male spoke out, was clearly upset, offered his assurance. But it did not help the aching she felt in her chest like it usually would. He began his work, and she would slowly begin to open her eyes fully. Though her head did not seem to enjoy the sensation of light, she tried to focus her blurring vision onto those around her. Danny, Deldrach, and Roan. Danny, Deldrach, and Roan. He was speaking up again. Opening his mouth, asking someone to do something. Water. For pain killers. She'd part her mouth once more, a shaking paw pulling them closer to take them. An action she'd grown accustomed to for the migraines she'd suffered from before.
But there was a greater pain that they wouldn't fix, and her eyes would stare out in front of her, staring at nothing in particularly now. She focuses on her breathing, keeping it as stable as she could, though her body still shook. Her expression still seemed to be in shock.
"I..." she struggled out quietly, a quiver in her voice. "I want m' papa..." This may come as an odd inquiry, given how the man had been gone for as long as Goldie had been leader, and then some. Disappeared off to the bottom of the sea, though she hadn't totally known it. All she knew was that he was gone, and that it had left something in her she'd ignored for a long time, coped with by talking about him, by remembering the moments they had. But she didn't have those anymore. All she had were the scattered feelings, the meshed together memories that were only half hers. The only ones in the pirate group at the moment that would have even known him were her ma, and Deldrach. Maybe Diya too, but not well, and from the perspective of a former enemy. Technically, Goldie wasn't even supposed to remember her papa, let alone have the capacity to ask for him. But she'd been given what she'd asked for, even if in a disjointed fashion, cut off and interfered.
"Where i-is he?" her question is quiet, cautious, begging that anyone would know where he is. That anyone would be able to bring him to her. Perhaps it was selfish of her to beg for this now. She was fortunate to have the family she did now. It was more than most. But the safety in his presence, the warmth in his hold, she wanted to feel it, desperately. Even if her mind has only just been shown it again, in such a long time. Even if she'd convinced herself, before all of this, that she was okay with him gone. That she was okay, because she knew he'd come back someday. That he would hear of what she did, and that he would be proud. But, the truth was, that was just an excuse. Everything she'd done, she'd done it for him. And she wanted him to know it now. She wanted him to show her it was okay. But, she couldn't. There was an empty hole in her chest. She was connected to him in ways that transcend any words, but even that connection couldn't fill the lost presence he'd left. But she missed him, and she was scared, and she wanted to be with him. She wanted to have the moments again.
NOTHING'S EVER LOST FOREVER, IT'S JUST HIDING IN THE RECESS OF YOUR MIND AND WHEN YOU NEED IT, IT WILL COME TO YOU AT NIGHT. I MISS THE YELLOW. I MISS THE YELLING AND THE SHAKEDOWN. I'M NOT COMPLAINING, NO, I GOT A BETTER SET OF KNIVES NOW. I MISS MY DRUMMER, MY DEAD STEPBROTHER, AND THE PIT CROWD. AND CHUCK AND MATTY - IF THEY COULD SEE ME THEY'D BE SO PROUD.