I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING THROUGH TO YOU // open, reflection

[ATBASH CIPHER.]

ATBASH CIPHER

you laugh and smile at me, but you don't see a thing !

Despite her easy departure from the meeting, Atbash's mood was quickly declining as her frustration started to fade, with her becoming more and more uneasy as time when on. The whole issue with The Pitt was conflicting in general, but the savannah couldn't put her past with The Pitt aside to please someone else - one of which wasn't even an actual Tangler. Of course Atticus would try to defend his clanmates, it was only natural, but Atbash couldn't agree with him. Hell, he was the enemy in her mind, and she would have outright said that if Aurum had dismissed everyone before she had the chance to. But obviously, that wasn't what had the newly promoted Shaderunner upset. No, it was Atticus's other words.

"You ran... and left them all to burn." No. No, she didn't. Atticus didn't know the whole story and Atbash had to tell herself this over and over; hell, The Pitt could have even twisted the story in their favor. Atbash didn't leave them, she ordered them to run. They couldn't fight back and she knew this - she wanted her people to flee rather than risk their lives in a pointless battle. That was the good thing to do, right? That's what Jacob would have done, right? He wouldn't expect anyone to fight in some meaningless battle. But then again... Atbash did start an unnecessary conflict between The Typhoon and Snowbound when she declared them as neutrals, so maybe she did make a bad decision.

"They trusted you. And you left them to die." These words hit Atbash the most. She already struggled with blaming Snowbound's downfall on herself, but to hear someone else say it to her face was worse. Not to mention, it reminded her of her parents - Atticus had no idea of knowing that her parents perished in a fire as well, nor did she expect him to, but the comment about leaving Snowbound to die pricked at the memory of her being forced to leave her family. Atbash didn't want to leave them, Vigenere had grabbed her by the scruff and forced her to accept the face that their parents were gone. It was the same with Snowbound, she didn't want to leave the tribe burning, but in order to make sure everyone was safe, she had to demand everyone to leave. There was no fighting back, not that she remembered, even if Atticus wanted to push that blame on to her. But in the end... He was kind of right.

Snowbound trusted her to lead them and she failed. Not just specifically when the tribe disbanded, but in general - they expected her to lead them through thick-and-thin and when the pressure got rough, the savannah fled. It wasn't a tyrannical rule as Atticus believed, but more so a decision made in the moment, one that Atbash thought would save them, but one that ended up disbanding Snowbound as a whole. It wasn't something Atbash planned on happening, it was something that happened, but the demoness definitely blamed herself for it. If they stayed and fought back, would Snowbound still be here today, even with the couple of people that lived there at the time?

Aurum had tried to make Atbash feel better by saying he believed her, but by that time, the damage had already been done and Atticus's comment had already stressed out the poor she-cat, even if she was able to push it down at the time. She didn't have a distraction now and was forced to reflect. Atbash sniffed, pulling her arms closer underneath her body as she laid down on her porch, trying to fight herself from trembling from the memories she was being flung into.

//TL;DR - Atbash is reflecting back on Atticus's words and Snowbound's downfall. She's loafing on her porch if anyone wants to say something to her

bio | female | shaderunner [shp] of tanglewood

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