but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p

[Suiteheart]

[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Suiteheart could've scoffed at the words. Helping her? Helping her? If anything, all Margaery was doing was hurting her. Lying, running away, isolating herself... Those were not things that benefited Suiteheart. No, those were things that severely hurt her. She had tried time and time again to reach out to her wife, but Margaery kept pushing her further and further away. What Margaery perceived as help, Suite saw as abandonment. It crushed her.

"Margaery... How can you say that?" Her voice was tight, gripped with a range of different emotions (mostly confusion and sadness). "You - you pushing me away isn't helping anyone! Do you know how that feels?" she questioned, voice taking on a bitter note. "Not a week after our bond started again, you killed it. You took every ounce of hope I had and crushed it into the ground... I looked for you for a y-year... Our bond was gone then, and I thought you were dead... And when I - God - when I finally found you again... And then you turn around and shut yourself away because you think isolating yourself helps?

"Tell me, honestly: is you shutting down and walking away good for me or just you?"

Tears had reddened her dark eyes as soon as she began to speak, and now, they spilled over. Her cheeks were dotted with tear stains. She hated herself for crying. She didn't want to appear weak, but after so long of pretending to be strong, she couldn't hold up the facade. Her ending question only made the tears fall faster and harder because she knew what the answer was. Deep down, she knew.

"Margaery, I love you. What you're going through - what you think about me -, it hurts but... But you thinking you're better off alone hurts worse. Can't you see that?" She had momentarily stalled the tears, but the damage was done: her voice hitched slightly as she spoke, and her eyes were red. "When I married you, it was for better or for worse. And just because you've given up on... whatever we are now doesn't mean that I have."

As Margaery began to speak of herself as a monster, Suiteheart shook her head. "No..." she whispered, closing her eyes, continuing to shake her head. Margaery was not a monster. She was broken and lost and unsure of herself. She had done bad things, but so had Suite. She was not a monster. She couldn't be; monsters were incapable of love. Monsters were vicious and cold and calculating. And Margaery was not those things. Margaery had the potential to be them - everyone did -, but she had not given in.

Not yet. And Suite prayed that day would never come.

"Margy, I killed you." She had opened her eyes as she spoke these words, looking again at her wife. This memory terrified her to think on. "And after that, you still loved me. When I died, you still loved me. When I forgot who you were and who I was, you still loved me. And when we were apart all those months, you looked and looked and looked for me because you loved me... Monsters don't do that. They can't." Margaery had to believe her. It was the truth, wasn't it? "And I know how awful everyday is for you. I do; believe me, I felt it through the bond, and I can read it on your face now. But cutting off those that genuinely care about you's only gonna make things worse. I love you. And I want to help you. If this is a distance thing, then I can give it to you, but I can't sit by and watch you throw everything away because you're afraid. Margaery, it's killing you."

'It's killing me. I love you, but you've broken my heart.' But she would not be so selfish to say that aloud.

Tears. This time, from the observer. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. And I never wanted you to be some perfect, little thing. I wanted you to be you, mistakes and all." She shook her head again, slowly, sadly. "I love you. So much... Please, don't do this to yourself."

She inhaled deeply, knowing the only thing she would find in Margaery was anger. She needed a brief moment to prepare herself. She needed to be able to fight back whatever anger Margy would strike in her because she did not want to be full of rage. Being so angry was so exhausting, and if she were to become furious, she wasn't sure she could contain it again.

There was so much more she wanted to say too. There were so many things she wanted to bring up, but she didn't know how. Tension filled the air, and anything she said could make it worse. With that in mind, she bit her tongue, choosing to not bring up the Lil issue at the moment. That would come later.