but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p

[Margaery]

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MARGAERY MIKAELSON

Margaery didn't have the energy to be angry. Not anymore. She was tired and she was hungry and she wanted, more than anything, release. Whether that came in a sleep that actually did more than worsen her condition or blood to halfway improve her strength, she did not care. She just knew that she was teetering on the brink of nonexistence and that soon, soon, she'd cease in being if she did not properly take care of herself. Or let me take over, That quiet voice murmured in the back of her head. It had been especially talkative as of late, reminding her at any opportunity that there was always a plan B... a way to fix all  of this. The Monster would feed and it would recover and all would be well again but Margaery... Margaery would be lost. Maybe forever this time. It wasn't an option. Not now at least

A cough rattled her trembling form, dragging her back to a reality that consisted of a burning in her chest and a burning in her eyes. She didn't know why she was suddenly on the verge of tears but, considering she had been fighting so hard recently, refused to bat them away, instead allowing them to slide silently down her cheeks. This was hard. So unbelievably hard and she-

A voice.

Suiteheart's voice.

It caused a blurry, tear-soaked vision to refocus, this time falling upon the form of the bear. She tensed at the sight of it, memories, a million of them, flooding her brain. She could still recall the feeling of the stake entering her chest, missing her heart only by a few centimeters. She had been lucky that day, immensely so. She wondered if she'd see that brute, feral anger, if it still lurked underneath the surface of the ursine her opposite. Everyone had beasts they so desperately tried to hide, Suite included. She supposed the real question was if Suite's was here to play.

"What don't you understand?" She inquired smoothly, unflinchingly. She wondered, vaguely, how long she could maintain this composure. Her control on herself was slipping and with it, came her uncanny ability to manipulate and lie and talk her way out of nearly every situation. They were traits that she hated about herself and yet, she continued to allow them to dominate her- even in this situation.

[color=#b14767]"I'm trying to help you, okay? Trust me," She continued. She knew she hadn't given Suite any room to do so though. She had gone behind her back and visited Lil, she had shut off the bond without so much of a word (save that flimsy 'sorry' which she already regretted)... hell, even now, she was pretending as if there was no issue. As if her plan had been a stunning success and things were only getting better.

They were far from better.

A cough fell from her lips and she looked away, copper eyes closing momentarily. [color=#b14767]"I'm not sorry... for what I did, I mean. I'm a monster, you know that. Let me save you some anguish, okay?" Finally, emotion touched her soft voice, halfway breaking it. Anguish. Turmoil. And of course, that immense sadness... She couldn't escape that sadness. [color=#b14767]"I've always been awful. I've always been beyond redemption and you.. You've always tried so hard to save me, to see the good in me. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how good I was at seeming good. But I'm not and deep down, I know you know that. We both have our own demons to fight and I," She paused, coughing again, [color=#b14767]"I only wanted to lessen that intense burden. You feeling this struggle isn't doing you any favors, I know you know that too. Everyday is a fucking battle for me, okay? And I can't live with myself anymore knowing that I'm dragging you threw that too."

"So you can hate me. You can get angry. I don't care. I don't care anymore. I'm trying my best to be that thing that you want... that perfect little queen who's biggest worry is whether or not there's weeds in her garden but I'm not her, and perhaps, perhaps I've never been her. I don't know... I don't know." The tears had only continued in their assault, escaping half-shut eyes and dampening her cheeks. The truth hurt but she had a feeling that whatever Suiteheart had to say would only hurt more.

She turned back towards the polar bear at that though, face giving away nothing except a sort of tragedy that could not truly be conveyed by words. Was that all she was? A tragedy. She wondered if Suite thought so too.

She wouldn't blame her.

[font=georgia][COLOR=black][size=14px]the ascendants [color=#b14767]| observer | wilting rose | vampire | tags