THE HARDEST PART OF THIS IS LEAVING YOU | [death]

[Luciferr]

JAIME ROUX

"vengeance is just hope with a history"

He had ignored this for too long, avoided going to Roan for too long with the veritable laundry list of more and more issues he kept having - his bones ached, his limbs hurting to even shuffle now, the scales kept growing in, more and more until they suffocated the fur he had and grew scabby and painful across his body - even his wings were stiff.

The fur on his tail had started falling off in clumps and his own teeth seemed to be falling out, even as he felt newer ones underneath,

His mind, his thoughts feel hazy between the pain and everything that confuses him - everything felt sharper and stranger scents he didn’t know agitated him

In the last days before he shut himself away he’d snapped at anyone and everyone, save for his family - but even then he’d started snapping, temper growing frighteningly short as the pain grew too much to bear,

He’d been lying on his bed for days now, struggling to breathe through it, every inhale a knife, every exhale a dagger through his ribs,

It hurt so much

And he wanted nothing more than his mother right now but he couldn’t, she was busy, she had to help run the place with cousin Goldie so distraught - and cousin Goldie, he didn’t want to burden her after everything - and all his other siblings and cousins were too young (or so they felt like to him, he often wondered if he were one of those old souls people talked about) or too busy, like Roan.

He couldn’t ask more of them, not with so much busywork - and so much recent heartbreak,

So he had this morning, painfully, painfully shuffled out of his home towards the secluded beach on the further side of the island - he wanted the peace and he didn’t want the others to fuss when they had so much else to deal with,

Like sam’s death for one - and Helping Goldie in the aftermath, especially with the newborn cousins.

and now, he thinks, this might be the end - mutation or not, he doesn’t think he’ll survive it,

It hurts, it hurts so much,

Jaime lies his thinned form down on the soft sands, lying on his side taking painfully shallow breaths,

He can feel the tears prick at the corners of his eyes

He doesn’t want to die,

He doesn’t want to die alone,

But, perhaps it’s better they didn’t know, that way his death won’t be a drawn out pain for them, they will simply find him gone, mourn and move forward - he hopes anyway - he didn’t want them to see how far it had gone from simple sparse scales and shaky limbs to this thin husk covered in scabbed scales and patchwork fur, tired and worn eyes with a tail that lacks any fur and willowy limbs that refuse to stop shaking,

He’s hardly what they would have last remembered seeing him as, but he’s glad perhaps they’ll think of what he was before now, he’s awful just to see as he is,

His muddied thoughts blur together as his eyes spill over in tears, the fire tearing his insides apart is getting hotter, it hurts,,

It hurts mom

I’m sorry,

Jaime’s sight goes black.

tags - penned by LUCIFERR

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