07-02-2020, 11:04 PM
Ivan never felt truly comfortable here. It was not because he hated the swamp, or the houses, or the people who lived here. He just was not comfortable here. From his first breath, the schism opened and the war for his heart began. Back then, it had been more playful and it seemed harmless. But nearing his sixth month, Ivan thought he would surely lose his mind. He was a cat, and longed to be human.
He was very quiet after his incident at the lake and his stomach constantly growled though he felt no urge to eat. Ivan shoved his face into the ground and tried to love it, to love the earth, and to love himself. It was becoming quite hopeless, until he had a certain revelation. A revelation in two parts! There was someone who understood him. Someone who understood he didn’t belong here.
There was no body to be found. Every track ended in stumps. It was a little known fact that he had been suffering from a neurological illness, but obscurity clouds all judgment. There was, however, a book. That was a fact. Apparently it had been sitting out for a while. Not a little one, that would be quite the understatement. It was The Brothers Karamazov, his namesake. Ivan had once put his paws over it and shifted through the pages. He had only read bits and pieces.
A curious piece of paper stuck out at an odd angle from the pages. It was a note, carefully crafted. It must have been a final draft of something he had been painstakingly working on for a while. It read:
There are things beyond my mind that I cannot comprehend
I may never find out what they are and I may never know peace
I’m trapped in something that just isn’t capable of holding such a truth
If there is a God, I should like to meet him
I shall sit down and ask why his kingdom is built on the tears of innocents
It’s a mystery I cannot comprehend, but that is just the point
I read that faith the size of a mustard seed can command a mountain to move
As of writing this, I have not decided to try to move the mountain or not
You may know my choice, if you are reading this
Then, small and nearly unreadable …
And goodbye to you, Ivan Fyodorovich
Perhaps I got the better stick in life
Cryptic as it was, as it should be, written by the left paw of a sad young boy. Ivan never wrote a single sentence of prose in his life until now. Writing was difficult. But maybe this short thing would express the amount of confusion and torments his mind went through in his short feline life, and then, maybe some sort of conciliation. He thought he would be recognized as something great. Ivan dreamed of the day when he could break past the surface. It never came. At least, not here. He was not sure why. Was it some shortening due to himself? Was it the society that raised him?
Yes, Ivan had cried a little. When? It did not matter. There were people dear to him. Most of them were gone or dead. A young boy’s heart — no, any sort of heart can only take so much. But there were a few special ones still left.
This world will go on without him. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe it even gives him peace of mind. Ivan didn’t have much left, after all. He’d be strong for Bloodhound. He hopes they know. If he has an immortal soul, he'll remember Asvini, and his family.
Unlike his book character, he loved the figure of a father.
He was very quiet after his incident at the lake and his stomach constantly growled though he felt no urge to eat. Ivan shoved his face into the ground and tried to love it, to love the earth, and to love himself. It was becoming quite hopeless, until he had a certain revelation. A revelation in two parts! There was someone who understood him. Someone who understood he didn’t belong here.
There was no body to be found. Every track ended in stumps. It was a little known fact that he had been suffering from a neurological illness, but obscurity clouds all judgment. There was, however, a book. That was a fact. Apparently it had been sitting out for a while. Not a little one, that would be quite the understatement. It was The Brothers Karamazov, his namesake. Ivan had once put his paws over it and shifted through the pages. He had only read bits and pieces.
A curious piece of paper stuck out at an odd angle from the pages. It was a note, carefully crafted. It must have been a final draft of something he had been painstakingly working on for a while. It read:
There are things beyond my mind that I cannot comprehend
I may never find out what they are and I may never know peace
I’m trapped in something that just isn’t capable of holding such a truth
If there is a God, I should like to meet him
I shall sit down and ask why his kingdom is built on the tears of innocents
It’s a mystery I cannot comprehend, but that is just the point
I read that faith the size of a mustard seed can command a mountain to move
As of writing this, I have not decided to try to move the mountain or not
You may know my choice, if you are reading this
Then, small and nearly unreadable …
And goodbye to you, Ivan Fyodorovich
Perhaps I got the better stick in life
Cryptic as it was, as it should be, written by the left paw of a sad young boy. Ivan never wrote a single sentence of prose in his life until now. Writing was difficult. But maybe this short thing would express the amount of confusion and torments his mind went through in his short feline life, and then, maybe some sort of conciliation. He thought he would be recognized as something great. Ivan dreamed of the day when he could break past the surface. It never came. At least, not here. He was not sure why. Was it some shortening due to himself? Was it the society that raised him?
Yes, Ivan had cried a little. When? It did not matter. There were people dear to him. Most of them were gone or dead. A young boy’s heart — no, any sort of heart can only take so much. But there were a few special ones still left.
This world will go on without him. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe it even gives him peace of mind. Ivan didn’t have much left, after all. He’d be strong for Bloodhound. He hopes they know. If he has an immortal soul, he'll remember Asvini, and his family.
Unlike his book character, he loved the figure of a father.